a method i just ain't hip to...

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 17 Nov 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

bunnyhop	17 Nov 2003
someone asked (bugged) me for a reading yesterday, and when i asked her what her question was she got extremely offended. she copped an attitude and yelled "i'm not telling you!" i was a little miffed to say the least. thing is, i know there is a way to read for someone without knowing the question, but i'm not quite sure how to do it. i could have read the cards as i saw them, but i don't think i'd be able to give her details. i sort of knew what she was asking about because of the cards that popped up, but she absolutely would not tell me what her question was. i got frustrated and told her to forget it. should i have just told her what i saw(which wasn't much and it might have been only half the story), or was it okay for me to refuse to read any further? if there's a thread that addresses this can someone point me in the right direction? thanks:)

Dark_angel	17 Nov 2003
I think you were perfectly entitled not to read for her; she was rude and disrespectful to you. Personally, I prefer to know the question, because then I can make the reading more directly relevant to it, so it's more useful to the person. I would have done exactly what you did.

tarotbrat	17 Nov 2003
i agree with you also, i believe that you did the right thing. here this person is bugging you for a reading and she has the nerve to yell at you?! good for you that you did not do the reading, i would have done the exact same thing as you.

Rusty Neon	17 Nov 2003
Quote: Originally posted by bunnyhop thing is, i know there is a way to read for someone without knowing the question, but i'm not quite sure how to do it. i could have read the cards as i saw them, but i don't think i'd be able to give her details. i sort of knew what she was asking about because of the cards that popped up, but she absolutely would not tell me what her question was. i got frustrated and told her to forget it. Give it a shot sometime. A good way to practise your Cold Reading abilities. But frankly, I'm with you; it's not my thing, but that's me.

Umbrae	18 Nov 2003
Ya know, over the years I have found that knowing the sitters question has little to do with a reading. Often, I have asked folks, “Why do you read?” I think it’s important. Knowing why you read dictates your approach. Here’s the kicker…if you know why you read… If you have faith in yourself as a reader, the cards, and the ‘whatever it is you do’ (talk to the divine, interpret the art, listen to the voices from the moon, listen to your guides, or even if you’re a scam artist) – you don’t need to know the question…you just read… A rude client is an opportunity. It’s an opportunity to practice your best ‘piss-off’ line, or it can be an opportunity to ‘turn’ them, and make them want to come back and read for them more (and they will never be rude again). Dealing with skeptics, and rude folks is part of our world… So…why do you read?

Star Spirit	18 Nov 2003
I probably would have done the same thing. I wouldn't want to give a useless or bad reading to someone just because they wouldn't tell me their question or problem.

lunalafey	18 Nov 2003
For some, the motive behind keeping the question to themselves is embarassment, and sometimes it's to test the reader. Either way, it does no good to get frustraited, for that effects your reading ability at that moment. You can choose to not read, or take the challenge. If you take the challenge and start slow, you will find the question in the interactions with the one you are reading for. They will not address it specifically, but certain questions to your statements, as well as what the cards say to you, will guide your reading. Your querent will get caught up in the reading and drop thier 'walls'. I don't do well with people who are demanding and have expectations......I may or may not have read in this situation, depends upon my mood at the time. There is nothing wrong with the decision you made, your energy was thrown off by the attitude you had to deal with.

gloria	18 Nov 2003
Do you know Bunnyhop, I've never done a reading with a particular question in mind. I don't know why, just hasn't happened that way I suppose. But when I get to the end of a reading I ask the person then if they have any questions. Maybe doing a second spread with a question in mind would be an idea. I think the first spread should be like a blank canvas for us. A question at this point could 'colour' the way we read it, if you know what I mean. Regards Gloria.

Mystic Zyl	18 Nov 2003
Well, she really put you on the spot. If you felt uncomfortable you should not have read for her. I feel your intuitive side would be blocked by your emotions. It does not bother me if they will not tell me the question. But as you said it certainly helps to put more detail to it. People are strange about tarot readers, they find it interesting, but sometimes fear us for the information we may give them. Just remember this, NEVER let the querent control the situation.

Royal Cat	18 Nov 2003
Quote: Originally posted by lunalafey For some, the motive behind keeping the question to themselves is embarassment, and sometimes it's to test the reader. I am currently only doing readings for myself, but when I was doing readings for others I found this sort of thing happening quite a lot. Last halloween I had a lady that obviously was doing it to "test" me... she sat rigid the entire time with no facial expressions, no head nodding or comments. She was obviously trying to make sure she didn't "lead" or encourage me with any body language. The cards seemed to point to a specific situation and so I went into detail about what I thought related to her and glossed over what I couldn't understand. At the end of the reading I was tired and frustrated. I asked if she was satisfied with what I had shown and explained... it turns out that she was thrilled! At that point she finally opened up and told me I had 'hit the nail on the head' and she was very pleased with the reading. However, that experience of "being tested" frustrated me and I've been less willing to read for strangers since then. I think you were right to refuse the reading. Like others have said: if the frustration of it blocks your energy then you will be unable to give that person the best reading you can. Cat

firestorm	18 Nov 2003
To be honest, I don't even ask a specific question when I read for ME, I just trust that the cards will tell me what I need to know; so not having a question or topic for someone else wouldn't bother me. However, her attitude WOULD! I don't waste my time with those types of people as I don't have the time or inclination to "convince" anyone of the Tarot's ligitimacy. I can see where some would welcome the "challenge", but I don't have the desire.

DeLani	18 Nov 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Royal Cat I am currently only doing readings for myself, but when I was doing readings for others I found this sort of thing happening quite a lot. Last halloween I had a lady that obviously was doing it to "test" me... she sat rigid the entire time with no facial expressions, no head nodding or comments. She was obviously trying to make sure she didn't "lead" or encourage me with any body language. The cards seemed to point to a specific situation and so I went into detail about what I thought related to her and glossed over what I couldn't understand. At the end of the reading I was tired and frustrated. I asked if she was satisfied with what I had shown and explained... it turns out that she was thrilled! At that point she finally opened up and told me I had 'hit the nail on the head' and she was very pleased with the reading. However, that experience of "being tested" frustrated me and I've been less willing to read for strangers since then. Cat Cat, I've had the same experiences! Some people feel like they need to "get their money's worth" out of a reading and so "test" the reader. Actually, I don't mind it that much. I always "pass" because I have complete faith in my intuition. Up until recently, I didn't even ask the querent's question - just laid it out and read it. And usually, during the course of the reading, they give me input *on their own, in their own time*, that makes it clearer for me and for them. Although now, I give them the option: "You can tell me your question if you're comfortable with that, or if not, you don't have to." Usually they do. I know it's flustering when you feel that the querent is being somewhat antagonistic, but just relax, center, and trust your intuition. They are paying you no matter what, anyway! :)

Emily	18 Nov 2003
I think its an exciting challenge to read without a question - all you can do is go with the flow and read the cards as you see them. Most of the time you see the focus of the spread, and the person you are reading for will give comments on what you are saying and you adjust your reading to take their comments on board. Saying that I wouldn't have read for someone who was bugging me, had a question in their mind but wouldn't tell me. It would be a waste of my time, I like to enjoy my readings and I hope that the ones I read for enjoy or at least are interested by the experience.

EmmaChat214	18 Nov 2003
hi bunnyhop! this may help you out: before i read for someone new i take a minute or three and explain a few tarot basics: major and minor arcana, a bit about whatever spread i'm going to use, etc. when i'm handing the cards over to be shuffled i suggest thinking about one or two issues that they'd be interested in learning more about...and here's the kicker...i also always add that while i don't need them to tell me what they thought about, sometimes the cards want to talk about something _entirely_ different. this always helps set the tone i think. you're saying that you'll do your best to look for what they've asked about but if the reading goes in a different direction it doesn't mean that you're a cruddy reader. really, you're just doing a good job interpreting what the cards are telling you. This of course doesn't apply to the occasional jerk who just wants to test you...with them there's not much you can do but get through it. Keep up the good work and don't get discouraged! cheers, emma

MoreMagic	18 Nov 2003
The man who taught me tarot made a point of not knowing what the querent was asking - he preferred to let the cards determine the topic of the reading. I tell querents that I don't need to know the specifics of their issue or question, but I do like to know generally if it relates to family, work, relationship, etc. just so I can choose metaphors they can understand. And sometimes, the cards darn well do determine the topic!

Jen	18 Nov 2003
Quote: Originally posted by DeLani Cat, I've had the same experiences! Some people feel like they need to "get their money's worth" out of a reading and so "test" the reader. Actually, I don't mind it that much. I always "pass" because I have complete faith in my intuition. Up until recently, I didn't even ask the querent's question - just laid it out and read it. And usually, during the course of the reading, they give me input *on their own, in their own time*, that makes it clearer for me and for them. Although now, I give them the option: "You can tell me your question if you're comfortable with that, or if not, you don't have to." Usually they do. I know it's flustering when you feel that the querent is being somewhat antagonistic, but just relax, center, and trust your intuition. They are paying you no matter what, anyway! :) Hi Delani, What made you decide to start asking for their questions? Have you found your readings are better or easier when they give you their question? Just curious......I ask for the question, but I love the idea of not saying anything and just laying out the cards and reading whatever I see.

Majecot	18 Nov 2003
I very rarely ask a question or have the Querant ask one. I think the answer in the cards regardless if the question was voiced aloud. However, I am sure I would have refused as well because of her attitude. I she respected you enough to ask you for a reading then she should speak to you in a like manner as well.

silvie	18 Nov 2003
i understand your feelings. Sometimes people can be rude and think they are afraid what one can read. Right now i'm not reading for strangers, but to friends or relations i don't meet very often. i prefer start with a first approach of seven cards and no questions. ......................1................... 2 Past .......................7 Future 3 Past .......................6Future 4 Past....................... 5 Future Card 1 is actual querent situation. If this isn't clear enough -and very often it is, i pick up some cards, no exact number to clarify. i can tell you than when you finish your general reading, the main issue is quite clear. And by the interaction with the querent, you feel you are in the right track. Querents feel relaxed when you start talking without questions. i guess because you pass the examination. Hope this could help. Silvie

anjocoxo	19 Nov 2003
Now that you mention it, I rarely ask for questions. What I usually prefer is that they tell me what it is related to (love, work, family). And from there on, I just put the cards on the table and I read what I see. Sometimes they look at me and say they want a "general reading", and in that case I just read it generally speaking... although most of the times I know what I'm talking about (you know, the cards always find a way of showing us the core of the question). As it has been said before, I would also not have read for that friend, but because of her attitude. Even if she had a question, the moment they start yelling... forget it. I don't have too much patient for people with attitude problems, especially in this particular case where it all depends on me. For instance, I love to read for people who don't believe, but are willing to try. But for those who don't believe and don't care, I just back away (usually this kind of situation happens when there's a boyfriend/girlfriend/friends in the background saying "come on, give it a try, it works, bla bla bla"). Anjo

catti	19 Nov 2003
you can read for people without a question by having them choose a subject love, work , luck, money........choose a sig. and go from there. i prefer to at least have that. it gives you a starting point and from there the cards fill out the skeleton of the spread you choose, based on your subject matter....then again when it is just a cold reading...why bother with positions....just lay out the cards....

bunnyhop	19 Nov 2003
thanks for all your great responses! the way i see it now, this girl was too embarassed to give me a question. i wasn't going to embarass her more by giving her an answer she didn't want to hear from me. i knew she was having some problems in her love life (by what the cards were telling me), and i told her that. she's asking me questions now just not about her love life.

The a method i just ain't hip to... thread was originally posted on 17 Nov 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.