Reading for young people

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 20 Nov 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

lilsher	20 Nov 2003
Do you read for people under 18 years of age? I hadn't thought about this until recently. I normally wouldn't ask for someone's age to do a reading, but that was before I started doing them over the internet. The reason I ask is because I had a difficult reading the other night. The woman was inquiring about her relationship with her boyfriend and what her family situation would be in the near future concerning him. Through the process of the reading, I learned that her family didn't approve of this man, but she wanted to marry him anyway. I pulled a Page of Cups and asked if there were any young people involved. She then told me that she was 17. Okay, fine and dandy, but then she procedes to tell me that her boyfriend is 37. Of course, I was stopped in my tracks here. I didn't want to advice this girl about this situation. It was the first time I felt that I could do some damage with my reading. The reading basically said that things weren't going to turn out as she wanted, but I felt muddied by the information she had given me and started to wonder if I had colored the cards with my own advice on the subject. I haven't been able to get over that reading. It keeps popping into my mind. I don't think I'll be reading for minors anymore. What are your thoughts?

Diana	20 Nov 2003
I will read for minors only with their parents' permission.

Cassiopeia	20 Nov 2003
I have teenage brothers, 13 and 16. I have done readings for them a few times, usually on holiday, so our father and their mother are sitting and listening. I choose spreads that dont focus to heavily on the future, rather on guidance for any problems that are around in the present, and I keep it light hearted. It has been a really good way of helping them to open up about thier worries. It also helps that I know them, and I can relate the cards to situations and people that I am aware of.

Alissa	20 Nov 2003
I havent read for many young people - although the son of a dear friend of mine (he's about 10 now) has asked me several times to read his cards, "When are you coming over to our house so you can read those cards?" or whatever. ("We still need to do that, don't we Zach?") His mother is my close friend, so I'm comfortable (if she is present) reading for a minor. Otherwise, I'd probably not read for anyone under like 15 or so without parental knowledge.

sagitarian	20 Nov 2003
At least where I am at, with where I work, it's against the law to read for minors unless the parent is present or you have a note from the parents giving the child permission. I won't read for any minors (other then my own children) without the parents permission. We all have a reading or two that sticks in our mind that is hard for us to "get over". You did the best you could hon, and I applaud you on how you handled it, as you really did handle it well. Now you know and this is a lesson that we all learn one way or the other. It's ok to make mistakes, as long as we learn from them.

SongDeva	20 Nov 2003
Hi there! Strikes me as the reading was more of a problem than her age, although it obviously played a part in her problem. I worked an event where I ready primarily kids. They were so sweet and sincere, and had real questions about things that were bothering them, or had them curious. I did angel readings for them with the healing with the angels deck, and they were accurate and loving readings. I had three ten year old boys interested in romance come back for more, but I digress. My advice is remember they are kids, and remember they are real people. I had the inner child deck on hand just in case that one felt right too. In many cases their parents were there, and thanked me for treating their kids issues with care (I used intuition and common sense, and endeavored to explain some of the big issues, which the kids really appreciated.) Sometimes the parents were not present. It was a lovely evening, and they taught me alot. Lara

Mystic Zyl	20 Nov 2003
I read for minors with parents permission, they are usually the ones paying for the reading anyway. If I would have encountered a situation like yours, I would have continued the reading. The faith I have in the cards would have shown a visual negative picture to this young girl. I then would have given her the sage advice she needed........wait.

Maan	20 Nov 2003
Depends on the minor. And i did start reading the cards when i was still a minor so i can't really disaprove ;)

lilsher	20 Nov 2003
Mystic Zyl, I did complete the girl's reading. Her pointing out the age difference sent me off in a different view of the cards, though, and that bothered me because I was unsure if I was reading the cards or telling her my opinion. I guess it is the mother in me that made me too concerned in the matter to stay a third party. That is where I became uncomfortable.

lilsher	20 Nov 2003
I started reading when I was still a minor, also, but at that point I hadn't become a mother. I'm already prone to strong opinions about certain things, but when it comes to children I go a little overboard. I screwed up a lot when I was young, and I really just wanted to shout at the girl, "Please listen to your family like I didn't!" Ugh, I guess I'm too emotional. My husband always says, "Quit worrying so much about other people's lives. You stress yourself too much." Alas, I can't help it.

Majecot	20 Nov 2003
I too think that it depends on the minor.. I have done readings for some minors, with parental permission. the minors I read for have a certain maturity level and understanding. I make sure they understand that it is guidence that they are receiving not "fortune telling".

meydi	20 Nov 2003
I don't do reading for absent querents because I feel your energies can play a part in the out come. I don't think age is the issue for the reader, the querent's situations is. When I do a reading where I think the outcome could be damaging, I tell the querent they always have their own free will. "Your outcome will come into being if you continue on this path." If the girl is looking for a way out of the relationship then the reading was positive for both of you. If she was not looking for an out the she can change her path so that the relationship will work. Free will always plays a part and the cards don't tell what you don't deep down already know. So in a nut shell your readings don't have the power to be damaging. only the querent's free will to chose a path does. Again this is just one opinion.

Star Spirit	20 Nov 2003
Quote: Originally posted by lilsher Do you read for people under 18 years of age? I hadn't thought about this until recently. I normally wouldn't ask for someone's age to do a reading, but that was before I started doing them over the internet. The reason I ask is because I had a difficult reading the other night. The woman was inquiring about her relationship with her boyfriend and what her family situation would be in the near future concerning him. Through the process of the reading, I learned that her family didn't approve of this man, but she wanted to marry him anyway. I pulled a Page of Cups and asked if there were any young people involved. She then told me that she was 17. Okay, fine and dandy, but then she procedes to tell me that her boyfriend is 37. Of course, I was stopped in my tracks here. I didn't want to advice this girl about this situation. It was the first time I felt that I could do some damage with my reading. The reading basically said that things weren't going to turn out as she wanted, but I felt muddied by the information she had given me and started to wonder if I had colored the cards with my own advice on the subject. I haven't been able to get over that reading. It keeps popping into my mind. I don't think I'll be reading for minors anymore. What are your thoughts? That sounds like an uncomfortable situation! I am only 18 myself (then again I don't have a boyfriend 3 times my age haha). I've never really thought about this before, but since I am so young I never really imagined doing readings for people much older than me. But, I think I could once I am confident enough to read for other people. I think it takes a certain level of maturity to be a serious tarot reader, and I wouldn't do a reading for anyone whom I felt was too immature to understand, no matter what their age. Other than that, I don't really see age as a problem. I doubt I'd end up doing any readings for very young people anyway, unless of course it was just for fun.

Dark_angel	20 Nov 2003
Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable doing a "serious reading" for a child, but I think that's my own hang-ups rather than anything else; I'd be worried that I'd mess up the reading and give them a bad impression of what was shown. I wouldn't have a problem doing readings for children at parties or fairs; I'd probably stick to a fun, approachable deck, like Tarot of the Spirit or an appropriately themed deck, like the Halloween, and do short readings on lighter subjects. xxx

Kiama	21 Nov 2003
Since I have only recently become a non-Minor (I'm 19 years old now) and since I have been reading Tarot since the age of 9, I have quite strong views on this. (So bear with me!) Nearly everybody I read for until I came to Uni was a Minor. My youngest querent was 8 years old. This 8 year old, despite what many people presume, actually asked very intelligent questions about school and education, and so I did what Cassiopeia does and focussed mostly on advice and problem-solving than the future. Young people have concerns about their lives, even if to us they seem silly, naive, or innocent. "Does Luke fancy me?" "I'm feeling depressed in school." "My friends have turned against me." "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up." At this age, young people are going through a very difficuly, confusing, and often traumatic time, and they need all the advice, help, and insight they can get, especially when it comes from somebody who isn't their parents. (For some strange reason, young people prefer not to go to their parents with these concerns, maybe because the parents know the young people and are so emotionally attached that the young person feels the parent is letting their emotions get in the way of objectivity. I'm not having a go at parents, because alot of the time parents have good advice and know what is best for their children. But I know many parents who, if asked a question by their worried daughter about how she wasn't sure she wanted to be what they wanted her to be when she grew up, for instance, would control the daughter's choice instead of acting objectively.) Being very young still, I often have young people come to me for readings: I'm not 'old' so I'm not 'a fogey' who's going to patronise them. I'm still young enough to understand where they're coming from. They listen to the reading because of this. If I wasn't so scared of sue-happy parents, I wouldn't set an age limit for my readings, but because of the society we live in ("you breathed on me and gave me flu, I'm suing you!") I will not read for anybody under 13 unless the parents want me to and they are present throughout the entire reading. I will also get them to sign a document stating that they allowed the reading and were present throughout. Over 13 up to 16, I still want parental permission though the parent doesn't have to be present. (Probably best, since the questions 13-16 year olds have are usually ones they don't want to talk about in front of Mum!) Above 16, anything goes. In the UK, people can have sex at 16, and I see a Tarot reading as far less 'dangerous' (possibly) than sex. (Nothing against sex at all, but it can have some difficult consequences if approached irresponsibly and without correct education about it, which, in my opinion, the UK doesn't provide.) The readings I do for young people up to the age of 16 are a bit different to adult readings though: I keep them shorter, make them livelier, and often I drop into the same 'language' teenagers use: the same slang and informal words. I also keep a list of useful contacts solely aimed at teenagers (such as contacts for teenage pregnancy support groups, study groups, people who can help with teenage health issues, sex questions, etc.) Having said all that, if I know the young person personally, as a friend, I toss all the above rules out the window and do a reading if they want one no matter what their age. Because here I am acting on a friend level, not a professional level. As I said, these young people are at a stage in life when the more advice, insight, and help they can get, the better! I still remember very vividly what it was like to have my first crush, be bullied at school, have worries about GCSE coursework, get my first part-time job... And I wish I had been able to go to a Tarot reader who could have given me some insight into my very confused world. Kiama *This is all just personal opinion*

Diana	21 Nov 2003
Kiama: you know, I think children can benefit greatly from Tarot. The only reason I would not do it without their parents' permission would be so as not to be taken to court by them for abusing their children's mind. It's a matter of self-protection. Also, I would be very careful which Tarot deck I would use for little children. I would not use the Tarot of Marseilles, for example. I would use my friend Joëlle Balle's wonderful Tarot d'Or that you can see on Tarot Garden (just 22 majors).

elevation	24 Nov 2003
Well, I am a person under 18. I do readings for everyone, and don't charge because I don't think I'm good enough to make people pay.

Chronata	24 Nov 2003
There seem to be two different questions in this thread...so I will try and give my two cents about both. First off, I think reading for minors is O.K. Even if you only know them over the internet, and usually even if you don't have parental permission. I say this because, I generally believe that when I do a reading for someone, I am trying to help them in some way. If I see a warning in the future events, I will tell them about it. But it is not often that I see anything in the future that doesn't come out of what is already happening in the present. And I do not feel any remorse coloring a reading with my own beliefs...if I believed that a 17 year old should not be dating a 35 year old, I will make it known that it is my opinion, that there may be problems comming up for them, based on my experience...but if the cards also show that there is a happy ending here...I will also tell them this. In other words, I want people to know that the cards may say one thing, but if they came to me, than they also get my personal feelings and warnings along with what I see. If the querant does not like what I tell them, they can...and they usually will...seek a second opinion...and I absolutely encourage this! I have never had anyone try and sue me for what I have said to them...and usually if I see really destructive or illegal behavior in a querant, I will absolutely tell them how I feel about it! As for the subject of maturity level in a minor or child.. I was very young when I started reading Tarot, but what fascinated me at the age of 10 was the art, and the history and the idea of symbolism. It was not until I was about 12 or 13 that I was really interested in it as an oracle. I have over the years, read for a surprising age range...from very young (under 10 years) to querants who were in thier 90s. What I have discovered is that age is almost always NOT a determination to whether or not the person is mature enough to handle the reading! Lately, I have found that in my public readings,(as opposed to querants who seek me out...) I can use another oracle as a test before I do anything with the tarot. Often it is a form of lithomancy, where I ask the person to choose a couple of stones that appeal to them, and by this I can determine if they are really receptive to me, to my style of reading and to oracles in general. Often, with children under the age of 10, the lithomancy "reading " is enough, or I can switch to another oracle that I invented callled the Crow Stones to do a little "future fortune telling"for them. Sometimes the concepts and imagry in the tarot are a little too much for people...especially young ones...but it can also be too much for teens, and women in thier 40s too...I have found that it really does depend on the individual.

The Reading for young people thread was originally posted on 20 Nov 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.