too close?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 06 Nov 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

bonnycat	06 Nov 2003
I have noticed that some of you do readings for your close family ie husband, sons and daughters. I am just curious if any of you have expenced any problems with this. One of my friends did a reading for her then partner and felts as if she was infulenceing the reading and it was more about herself than her partner she felt he was too close to read. I have never read for any close family not even my mum mainly for that reason. what is your take?

Dark_angel	06 Nov 2003
If I'm reading for the person, I can usually help them formulate a question that is about THEM, that I can't influence excessively. It is slightly harder to read for friends, or so I've found, but the major advantage is that you know more about them. This means you can make the reading more applicable to them, by knowing details; like, the girl in the Six of Cups looks just like your ex-girlfriend, instead of the whole looking to the past, a romantic connection. It allows you to pick up details that you might not notice otherwise. I actually do not like reading for myself. There's just far too much bias involved. xxx

Star Spirit	06 Nov 2003
I usually only read for myself now. It can be biased occasionally, but it is a good way to practice. When I start reading for others in person I imagine reading for strangers, but if I were to read for my boyfriend or anyone else I know personally, I'd try to disconnect myself from the person as much as possible in order to put all my energy into the reading.

Nevada	06 Nov 2003
I read mainly for myself and my husband. Yes, this can happen, but you get so you know the feel of it. If I'm too close to something I try to get some distance and come back to it in a more centered and grounded way. Let the emotions cool off, or rephrase the question, or make it not about me somehow. It's very difficult to read for my husband as I would for a stranger. We've been together twenty years, and there are just some areas where it's almost identical to reading for myself. There are crossovers in the ways that we're affected by the outcomes. But I try to do readings that are clearly just for him. I just tried Umbrae's Relationship Reading for us, thinking it was a good thing to do near our 20th, which was earlier this week. I think I was able to be fairly objective, but may start a thread to get feedback on that in Your Readings. Try it--the cards won't bite you if you read for yourself or someone you know. ;) Nevada

Red Emma	06 Nov 2003
Mostly I read for myself, partly because I'm a kind of hobbyist reader, and I don't begin the have the skills that most of the ATF crowd does. But sometimes I read for my grandchildren -- teen agers. Invariably their eyes will widen and they'll say, "Wow, Grandma. How'd you know that?" I guess I'm saying that as close as we are, still the Tarot seeks truth, and uses its own voice. Try it a couple of times and see what happens.

Logiatrix	06 Nov 2003
I can read for family and close friends as long as I am VERY well grounded and heavily medicated--er, I mean, MEDITATED...! :D Most the time, I have to agree, it's likely I'm too close to the person to give an objective reading. I also find that I need something besides tarot to back-up my self-readings. I will do short, 3-card tarot readings for myself, and I keep a journal of them. Then, I will pull a rune or consult my Faeries. Lately, I find that if I do not feel that I can be objective with card readings for others, I will consult the I-Ching instead. A few of my querents actually like it better than tarot, anyway. I think it's a good idea to have at least one other oracle besides tarot to turn to, for a fresh perspective and a nice change. :)

sagitarian	06 Nov 2003
I find it easy to read for family and friends. It's more "empowering" when you do a reading for a complete stranger and at the end they say "wow, that's incredible, everything you said made such perfect sense", but when you do a reading for someone close, it's more personal. You may be influencing it, and I think that's more the uncomfortable aspect is "am I influencing the reading, or reading what I want to into this". I had to accept that if it's what I saw or felt then to go with it, weither it was information I knew or not, or think that's impossible. Reading for people who are close to you is going to be similiar to reading for yourself. Sometimes it is hard b/c you know so much, but if it's what you feel and see, then go with it. The worse that could happen is you may be wrong, and I know from my own past, that friends understand that, and so does family.

PurpleSal	07 Nov 2003
I also find it easier to read for close friends. I always have trouble reading for myself which is silly really - I just don't often have the perspective to read for myself - however since I've been here and read everyone else's experiences I think I will perservere and try and be honest with myself. I don't have a problem reading my own using the faerie oracle but with the Tarot I always end up drifting away and not focusing - maybe I'll switch spreads...sorry I'm rambling... Back to your question. I wish I could read for my husband but he's a scientist and thinks the cards are bunkum. Thinks I am a very talented "cold reader" and that I have good intuition but that's all it is ..... He is lovely really - we are just total opposites! Sal x

Bean Feasa	07 Nov 2003
I'm in the same situation as you PurpleSal, in that my husband thinks its all nonsense. I really wanted to try a reading for him recently as he had a very trying work situation with a lot of unknown quantities involved, and I thought maybe the cards could shed some light. But he said no and I would always respect that. Likewise he's really sweet and would never impinge on my interest or interfere with my pursuit (he does chuckle a bit though). But from his own point of view, he just doesn't want to be involved in any way. I do read for myself and find it quite enlightening. Maybe the cards are triggering insights that are mine anyway but were buried until now - I don't really know but I find it sort of comforting even when I get cards that give me a jolt! I enjoy the experience of just looking at the cards and speculating, and I don't get too hung up on meaning. I've learned to do that from reading poetry over the years, sometimes you have to be patient, just let the images wash over you and meaning can dawn gradually... the advantage of reading for oneself or for close family and friends means you can have the luxury of doing this. (Well, if they're not too impatient a bunch, that is).

bonnycat	09 Nov 2003
thank you all for your replies. I have a lot to mull over. I don't think my partner would allow me to read for him as he is of the opoin that we are too close. In thae same way he won't do a reading for me, which I feel a bit anoyed that I did not ask him at the begining of our relationship to do. I do read for myself and have never had problems doing so. So maybe it is a similar thing (i am just rambleing now)

Majecot	09 Nov 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Tauni I can read for family and close friends as long as I am VERY well grounded and heavily medicated--er, I mean, MEDITATED...! :D Most the time, I have to agree, it's likely I'm too close to the person to give an objective reading. :) Tauni - EXCELLANT!! Medicated- lol... perhaps I should try that when I read for family! I don't often read for anyone other than myself, occasionally for friends and family (never the significant other, that is just too close) My best friend is like a sister to me, and I think that we are TOO close because when we read for each other the readings are mixed.

Red Emma	09 Nov 2003
It occured to me that there's a certain kind of "friend" I can't seem to get an accurate reading on. Over the past few years, I've changed quite a bit and have friends who have not. Their beliefs and attitudes reflect the times in which we grew up, WWII era. We see less and less of each other, and some have faded away all together. Occasionally there's some irritation that my ideas have become so different. (As reflected in my membership in a Tarot group, posting on its spiritual page, etc.) Sometimes I'd like to see an old friend but am unsure of my reception. When I ask the Tarot, the answer is invariably positive, but when I call I nearly always wish I hadn't. I don't think there's a remedy. That's just the way this cookie crumbled.

The too close? thread was originally posted on 06 Nov 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.