I need help with this

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 20 Dec 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

mzmystic	20 Dec 2003
I just recently started reading for others than myself. I don't charge for it, but I had gotten pretty confident of my ability. Then on Thanksgiving, a friend of my daughter's was a guest and my daughter had told me ahead of time that this girl just couldn't wait to get here to get a reading. Well, after dinner, when the time was right, she had me do a few readings and didn't give me much input. Then she turned to the others there and said, "You know, I had a teacher one time who passed out horoscopes to each student and after they had read them, he asked them if it fit their personality. Then he revealed that everyone had gotten the same horoscope. That's probably how tarot is, right?" I sat there thinking (well, what do you think, that I make this up as I go along and tell everyone the same stuff?) but I didn't say anything. I then thought that she'd probably just drop the readings and be on to the rest of the evening. NOT-----instead, this supposed skeptic would have kept me there reading on stuff all night long if other things hadn't prevented that. She finally reluctantly gave up on it only when it was way obvious that other things needed my attention. What would any of you have thought, said or done? I felt kind of put out with her, to tell you the truth. Now I'm not real confident of doing public readings because maybe there's a lot of this kind of reaction out there. Is there?

miss_apples	20 Dec 2003
I think I would have just told her that she would have to decide that for herself after getting the readings from you. Everyone has to make up their own opinion about if divination really works or not.

Indigo_lady	20 Dec 2003
The universe finds the oddest ways to make messages reach you when it is necessary But that wouldn't have cut it with her... See, it's like questioning the parents of a newborn on whether or not their 4 hour old baby is beautiful or not, I mean, nobody is going to question that to them, right??? I don't think that came through the way I wanted, but I'm just feeling a bit sarcastic an lacking patience today... Out there you're going to find all types of people, and as many songs say, they'll try to break you In cases like this one it's her decision whether she wants to believe or not, you cannot take it for her, you can only show her what you've got for her if she wants to see it again, there's all kind of people out there... I hope the second part of this message was a bit clearer than the first one best wishes

mzmystic	20 Dec 2003
Thanks to both of you for your responses. I don't understand why she'd keep asking for more and more readings on questions if she was that skeptical. I guess in the future I'm going to meet all kinds if I keep doing readings, huh?

jmd	20 Dec 2003
Sometimes, those who have a carapace of scepticism have the softest of flesh... You gave your gift of the reading. She has been blessed by such, whether or not she recognises it, and whatever she now does with it is for her to carry. Maybe suggesting that she investigates it further, through getting a deck and maybe attending a course - or logging on to Aeclectic - may help.

Imagemaker	20 Dec 2003
Skeptics or active anti-intuitives often want to keep testing and collecting information which either supports their skepticism (all the students' horoscopes were the same) or opens a tiny window of wonder. Some skeptics have a deep need to want tarot wisdom to be true, they just can't admit it. Depending on your core strength in this power struggle, you can see their actions as an exploitation and manipulation of your time, or you can see it as a game and you can decide to play along or not. My question is always--is she draining your power? When you lose patience and feel used, it's time to generously let her know you have other things to do and shut the door on her testing.

Cerulean	20 Dec 2003
Kids with siblings, especially when I was growing up, did quick wisecracks and when they could, they'd enjoy giving a 'parental gotcha'. It sounds like her only experience is with silly tarot media glimpses. It's also questioning what is out of her ordinary experience. The teacher's fortune-cookie horoscope isn't your tarot reading, but that is how general media such as television shows it. The bewitchy witches or gypsys have television demons and vamps wearing colored suits and leather and tattoos and if they aren't casting spells, they have talking portraits and/or crystal balls or tarot cards. She could have been fresh from a Harry Potter library book and some other kid repeats what his or her parent says, all the doubtful questioning tones repeated. My nephews are wise-acres, but they still appear at dinner with Auntie Mari when she's over. That's enough for me. I'm sorry that the fascinated girl couldn't express her gratefulness at the attention---but thankfully, that attentiveness shows this was all outside her ordinary experience. I hope I didn't sound harsh at all. You probably are a gifted reader 'coming out' and if she had been used to things like a good reader, she would have taken it differently. Mari

mzmystic	21 Dec 2003
Well, I guess I should have said that these "girls" were about 30 years old. I guess what may have bothered me the most is that I had been doing my first readings for others just prior to that. My cousin and I talk every night on the internet and he was testing the waters too, because he's been thinking of exploring tarot himself. He'd give me a name and ask me to do a reading on that alone. These were people I didn't know at all. I did quite a few all in a row over a two-day period-----first for him and then a couple of his friends joined in. It was an epiphany for me, and he and his friends were in awe of the accuracy of the readings. The epiphany for me was that I could read for others so smoothly and with accuracy when I'd never read for anyone else before. I was very exhausted at the end of each session. Then the experience with this woman in a face-to-face session was such a contrast and it's been bothering me for about a month, ever since it happened. How could those readings based just on a name (since then I've read posts here, I think, that going on nothing but a name or no question at all aren't acceptable for querents expect) be so accurate and then the readings for the lady in person hit such a clinker? It seems like she wouldn't have kept on asking for more readings if I wasn't giving her some kind of accuracy.

miss_apples	21 Dec 2003
you know...I was a skeptic at first...and naturally after my first reading I wanted more readings to confirm the truth for me. I think thats natural when youre new to something, you want to gather more info and study it until you understand it completly. Next thing you know...she'll be the one giving out readings.

Indigo Rose	21 Dec 2003
Don't lose heart MzMystic. Skeptics will always be there challenging what they can't understand. Just keep on your journey, but be careful who you do readings for. Not everyone can handle the messages of the Tarot. Blessings. Indigo Rose

Emily	21 Dec 2003
Hi MzMystic, I wouldn't let just one skeptic knock your confidence, but it does sound as if she was trying to make you the nights entertainment for after dinner. Something you said to her must have sent her into denial of the facts and that was why she wanted you to keep reading. But I bet the other people you read for there were very happy with the readings they got. You'll probably read for many other skeptics but you know you can read your cards. When someone asks me for a reading I usually ask if they believe in tarot - most times they are honest, even if they are skeptic it doesn't make any difference to the reading. It does irritate though when they seem not to relate to any of the reading lol :)

Dexter	21 Dec 2003
I'm wondering if maybe you were too accurate for her liking. Maybe she felt that if she kept asking questions odds were that you would be completely wrong on something. Skeptics don't like to admit that they are the ones who could be wrong and if they are they sure aren't going to admit it to you. I do readings in our office at work once a year for donations to our fund raiser for the Cancer Society. We ask for a minimum donation of $5.00 a reading. One lady I read for was a self professed skeptic but admitted she would go along since it is for such a worthy cause. During the reading I got very little feedback from her but I'd gone into the reading expecting just that. Now I don't accept the money from people after the reading they give their donation to the head of fundraising in our office. Well guess what! My skeptic gave the largest donation of anyone. But to this day has not said anything to me. So keep on with your readings don't let one person spoil it for you.

sagitarian	21 Dec 2003
You were challenged hon. The universe gave you a challange to see how you'd deal with it. She was skeptic yes, and physical age has no place for mental age, after all, she was refering to a high school experience, 15 yrs ago or so? I don't know. I would've explained to her that tarot is what you want to take it for. Listen to what I say as friendly advice, either take it or leave it. It doesn't matter to me if you believe in tarot, what matters is that I believe in myself, and the gifts I've been given by my higher power. If she was a paying client, then I would've explained to her that there's a big difference between a highly produced newspaper w/ quick interpretations labeled hororscopes (in which the teacher is right on that, most of those do apply to anyone) vs a live, gifted psychic. I would've of looked her in the eye and said "if this was truly not worth it to you, then feel free to leave with no charge". It's different though if you work for a shop. People come in there, already open to the idea of witch craft, psychics, and the world there of. They come to seek answers to questions, and choose to turn to psychics to help them. There's not many skeptics that come in asking for a reading. Although some people are talked into it by a loved one, and they do go ahead with it because they believe in their loved one to not lead them wrongly. In that case, you may still get a skeptic, but believe me, people aren't as willing to sit and challenge you when they know their time is money (we charge a dollar a minute for readings). Most people don't like to pay more then 30 dollars or so for a reading. And a lot of the time, someone will come in really wanting a reading, but they can only afford 20 dollars. I'll go ahead and take them and spend 30-40 mins doing a reading for them for only $20. Now I"m rambling. In any case, reading for the public is fun. When you don't charge, people don't take you seriously, and it serves as a challenge for you. Like I said what they think doesn't matter, all that matters is that you believe in yourself and you have faith in your own higher power! Keep up with the readings Girl!

miss_apples	21 Dec 2003
I hate to be a rotten apple here (no pun intended) but I am witnessing the use of the word "skeptic" as a permanent label givin to someone to make them sound bad. She probably hasnt studied or experienced tarot to the extent as a lot of us probably have, not to mention we are living in a society where a lot of us are told from our parents from the time that we are little that things like this arent real. mystic...I think that you should feel honored because by reading for her, you helped her challenge the doubts in her mind and all the things she has been told. Id consider you a teacher to her and youre helping her in her long journey to find out the truths for herself and not to believe everything she hears. ] Everyone is skeptic about something, and it just seems like Im seeing the word "skeptic" likes its a bad label. Maybe Im just being paranoid.

mzmystic	21 Dec 2003
Thank you so much to all of you! She did say she'd had a reading sometime in the past once. Maybe you others are right who say that maybe this came too close to home for her. I thought it was interesting that she couldn't seem to get enough readings even after saying that skeptical little remark. I wasn't charging her. I haven't had the courage to charge for readings yet, although I'm thinking of doing it. But I think what suprised me was that the cards were SO accurate under very trying circumstances with me, an inexperienced reader, doing the reading for the ones for my cousin, and then here's my first in-person reading and I got this kind of response. I think confusion would describe my initial feeling. I just heard from my daughter and she and this lady may be coming over later. We'll see if she asks me for another reading.

Nevada	21 Dec 2003
Quote: Originally posted by miss_apples you know...I was a skeptic at first...and naturally after my first reading I wanted more readings to confirm the truth for me. I think thats natural when youre new to something, you want to gather more info and study it until you understand it completly. Next thing you know...she'll be the one giving out readings. This is the same thing I wondered. Perhaps a part of her wants to disbelieve. Then, your readings were so accurate that she felt (internally) put on the spot? Hmm, it's puzzling, and I certainly can't excuse her behavior, which IMO was rude, but people do funny things out of fear, and one's first encounter with the possibility of Tarot being an accurate divination tool can be scary for them. Is she a good friend of your daughter's? What does your daughter think about what happened? Nevada

Cerulean	21 Dec 2003
Since she's in her 30's and you are probably her first exposure to a good reader, I'd suggest... "I really noticed that you seemed fascinated and asked a lot of questions. You probably could learn to do your own readings, as you are curious. If you have net access, go ahead and look at www.learntarot.com and the author has posted free lessons. She even does a free barnes and noble (www.bn.com) course. It's easier to learn when you can see it for yourself." You were very kind to read for her earlier, but it's not necessary for you to be stressed and tired or drained. The fact she is thirsty for information, you can address with suggestions for free learning and perhaps, if you ever feel inclined, a suggestion of a shop or a website for her to explore such things. Whatever happens, good luck and good readings to you. Mari H.

MoreMagic	22 Dec 2003
It's not the skepticism that troubles me here - it's the rudeness, whether unintended or not. Since YOU clearly take tarot seriously and are spending time with her sharing your skill and interest, it's just plain bad manners for her to mention her high school teacher's little lesson in a way that implies you, too, are a fake. I think in your shoes, I would have been offended, and said so calmly. I'd then let her either be explicit with her skepticism (so I could address it directly, or decline to work with her further) or let her apologize and explain that she was only bringing up the horoscope because this reading was so different by comparison. If it still bothers you, perhaps you could talk about it with her next time she comes to your house.

DeLani	22 Dec 2003
Quote: Originally posted by MoreMagic It's not the skepticism that troubles me here - it's the rudeness, whether unintended or not. Since YOU clearly take tarot seriously and are spending time with her sharing your skill and interest, it's just plain bad manners for her to mention her high school teacher's little lesson in a way that implies you, too, are a fake. I think in your shoes, I would have been offended, and said so calmly. I'd then let her either be explicit with her skepticism (so I could address it directly, or decline to work with her further) or let her apologize and explain that she was only bringing up the horoscope because this reading was so different by comparison. If it still bothers you, perhaps you could talk about it with her next time she comes to your house. Here, here, More Magic! She was being rude, and then to ask for more readings!?!? The gall. I would have told her that if she indeed thinks it's all a bunch of hokum, you don't want to spend any more time and energy on it. I'd do exactly what MoreMagic said. Be Strength! D.

mzmystic	01 Jan 2004
Well, here's an update. She did come back and did ask for another reading, but it turns out she's my daughter's significant other now and I had given my daughter a book and a deck for Christmas. She's extremely interested now, and wants to learn it for herself. Soooo, I guess it worked out really well in the long run. But that's not a way to meet your significant other's mother for the first time, huh? LOL I really was offended and a little hurt that first time. Now I'm feeling fine about it. Since that time, I've also found that another person I read for who had a similar attitude has now started paying me for readings. Maybe those skeptics aren't really all bad.

Star Spirit	04 Jan 2004
Sounds like this girl didn't want a reading so much as she wanted to prove a point. I don't think you should worry mzmystic, if there ever is this reaction, it's from people who don't believe in the first place or from people who just don't understand, or refuse to. You shouldn't let it affect your confidence.

Majecot	04 Jan 2004
Quote: Originally posted by mzmystic Well, here's an update. She did come back and did ask for another reading, but it turns out she's my daughter's significant other now and I had given my daughter a book and a deck for Christmas. She's extremely interested now, and wants to learn it for herself. Soooo, I guess it worked out really well in the long run. But that's not a way to meet your significant other's mother for the first time, huh? LOL I really was offended and a little hurt that first time. Now I'm feeling fine about it. Since that time, I've also found that another person I read for who had a similar attitude has now started paying me for readings. Maybe those skeptics aren't really all bad. mzmystic, I sure hope that her earlier behavior is not an indication of future incidents.. I felt she was very disrespectful... this kinda puts the shoe on the other foot now. I certainly would let her know it the next time.

The I need help with this thread was originally posted on 20 Dec 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.