Tears after readings?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 19 Dec 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Kiama	19 Dec 2003
Hi all, Last night I did a reading for somebody who was going through a pretty rough time in her life. She was very emotional, cried alot, and we took a while to explore everything. The reading went really well, it was accurate and she went home feeling alot better about everything: she knew what she was going to do and she knew what she wanted. She also had reassurance that things were going to turn out better than she thought. As soon as she left though, I couldn't help myself and just burst into tears... I am usually quite detached from a querent's problems when I read, and have learned not to take on their emotional baggage during the reading. But this time it wouldn't go away: I felt drained physically and emotionally, and just couldn't stop crying. Does anybody know why this happened, and how can I prevent it in the future? Kiama

Alissa	19 Dec 2003
((((Kiama))))) This happens to me every now and then for readings where I go "in deep." To me, it feels as if I have thoroughly mixed up my own emotional insides in my querent's, a state of deep empathy I suppose. I've had those kind of unbidden tears come up from *outside* emotional sources since I was a teenager and started tapping into my histrionic (but dear) friends. When this happens to me, I facilitate the releasing process by "blowing it out," or "giving it back to the Universe." When the tears come, surrender to them completely - this is something I've learned in Tantric meditation actually. Instead of resisting the emotional state you find yourself in ("I should stop this crying, this is ridiculuous, what's wrong with me, I shouldn't be acting like this") give in to it. Breathe deeply while you cry, and surrender your willpower (or in my case, your logic) to the emotion, don't fight it. That's scary for some, and may be difficult for you, but don't give up. I usually take a moment to identify (to myself) that these emotions I'm feeling aren't mine, even if I feel them strongly. That helps keep my brain in perspective with the surrendering process. As you cry, breathe deep and imagine all the emotions flowing out from you and back into the Universe - the Universe judges nothing as good or bad, and can use the emotional energy you release in ways that are most beneficial. You'll find that by giving in, the tears stop quick (I encourage anyone to try this actually because it's given me such good results). The grief, or pain, when no longer denied or suppressed ... is released. I'm sure a bunch of people are going to tell you to "ground and shield" - but I'm not much for blocking myself off with shielding. Especially when I'm reading. I want to be open and experience everything I can. And I'm a natural empath, so this is partially how I "receive". To me, this ability is a gift. Instead of blocking myself from feeling it, from fear or whatever, I open myself to the process and find it more rewarding.

Imagemaker	19 Dec 2003
When the emotion of another coming in is unexpected, letting it in and flow through seems to be the best way to pass through the onslaught--giving it back to the Universe is a wonderful way of saying it. However, when I encounter a person from whom I've been previously picked up too much of their energy, then I do some amount of shielding, just to protect my circuits from burnout (to use the electrical analogy). I have several highstrung close friends and my system can't bear their normal frenzy on a regular basis without some barriers. When it's a client or stranger, I can let the occasional overload flow through without fear. There was a thread about sensitivity here. I think there's a huge difference between sensitivity and fragility--great to be sensitive, but don't let the needs/intents of others make you fragile and easily broken.

lunalafey	19 Dec 2003
could there have been something in the reading that touched you in your life?......something you may have overlooked? and you sub-con is reacting? how about a reading for yourself in regards to this occurance?

Umbrae	19 Dec 2003
hey - it happens. I always carry tissues or a cotton hankie (sans excess expelled nasal mucoid material).

Dark_angel	19 Dec 2003
I do this all the time - there's something about the depth of connection involved in a reading that makes me feel the emotions involved and sometimes I end up crying my eyes out. It can be quite bizarre for my friends if they come in and see me in tears over a pack of cards!

Nevada	19 Dec 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Kiama Does anybody know why this happened, and how can I prevent it in the future? Are you sure you want to prevent it? Yes, tears can happen at awkward times, and it's good that yours waited until after the reading to overwhelm you, but they have a purpose. They're cleansing. They're a way of releasing something that needs to come out. Nevada

ros	19 Dec 2003
This happens sometimes to me with the cards but also when I hear some of those sappy songs on the radio. I think sometimes it is a chemical release of the body.( You absorb so much stuff & then the extras like, coffee, tobacco even certain foods, our body has to get rid of them.) We can only handle so much & something got to give, & if we are having a sensitive day, sometimes emotions get in front of the line. You could probably do the same reading for the same person on a different day & have a different reaction after. ( I just use the extra coffee etc. as examples) We all want to help everyone & sometimes we need to make time for ourselves. We give when we do readings & everyday things & we need to learn to receive & give to ourselves.Mabee that is also one thing we give to ourselves in these situations is the gift of release? Just some ideas.

Kiama	20 Dec 2003
Thankyou for all your advice and suggestions: they have been most helpful. After considering all the advice, I realise Alissa and Nevada are right: I don't really want to prevent this in th efuture, because the tears serve a purpose - to cleanse and release. I have been thinking about this alot, and I think I know why this kind of thing happens to Tarot readers, especially when the querent is going through a difficult time in their life. When we give somebody a Tarot reading, in order to get to the roots of it all we first need to step inside that person's life for half and hour, maybe an hour. We need to walk around in their shoes, and try and understand what on earth is going on in their head and in their life. It's exhausting to say the least, but it's well worth it. The problem comes when we need to step out of their life again: I'm usually able to do it, just get rid of their emotions and problems from myself, without the need for tears. But I guess sometimes it is the tears themselves that released that person's life from mine. Once again, thankyou all for your advice and insight, Kiama

Alissa	20 Dec 2003
Yes, Kiama I think you're right on it.... What you're saying reminds me of being in a dramatic scene when acting. More and more, I think actors are energy workers, I really do - some more so than others. In a role, you have to submerge yourself very deeply in order to be believable. There are a lot of acting terms that feel like Tarot reading to me -- finding the "authentic place" and using what instincts take you from there, not just a planned response, in how you proceed. When auditioning recently, I did a 2 minute monologue where I had to work myself from fright, to anger, to tears. In order to get there, I had to go deep (just like readers do ... in order to get the truth). And when I finished the scene, I finished on a moment of tears and fright, and had to "take a moment" before proceeding into the next 1 minute monologue that was coquette and light. "Take your time, transition..." said one of my experienced auditioners. She understood. I breathed, paced and shook it off. I think we do that after a reading as well. It takes a little while to get out of that space once you invest yourself in it so deeply.

Diana	20 Dec 2003
One of the women I trust most when it comes to Tarot (she is about eighty years old, and has been reading since she was about 25 or 30), when I visited her for some advice on "How to Read Well", told me something like this (translated from my notes): "When the client comes through the door, you must forget yourself completely. You need to shut the door on your own life for the hour or so you spend with them. Your own life no longer exists. As soon as the reading is over and they have walked out the door, you forget about the reading. And you switch back to your life. If you take their problems on your shoulders, then you run the equal risk of putting your problems on theirs. You run the risk of interpreting the cards according to your own life and beliefs and experiences, if you have not switched off your life for that short time. That is wrong and unfair to the client. You need to put yourself out of the reading completely. Just read the cards. It's as simple as that." If I end up crying after a reading (which I may very well one day, although it hasn't happened up to now), then I think it would make me realise that I have put my own ego into the reading. And I would not want that. (But I accept that we are all human and fallible.)

isthmus nekoi	23 Dec 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Alissa More and more, I think actors are energy workers, I really do - some more so than others. I agree, for drama falls under the realm of Dionysos, god of ecstasy, a word derived from exstasis - you exist outside of yourself. When dealing w/such energy as a reader, I'm w/Diana in that you must separate yourself in some way - not block it though (how could you read?).... If you are separate, it becomes a dialogue w/the energy, and not a possession. However, if you can hit the point of exstasis and still be responsible about it, then.... well my hats off; you are a very remarkable person!!!!

The Tears after readings? thread was originally posted on 19 Dec 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.