Reading for my wife-I can't do it!!

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 03 Jan 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

lawguy51	03 Jan 2004
My wife fully supports my avid interest in Tarot and has made many wonderful purchases on my behalf. She rarely asks for a reading but last night, I think she was feeling sorry for me that I hadn't read for anyone in a while so she said she wanted a reading. I started with a spread I had done for myself earlier in the day, a 12 card new year spread. I started sweating immediately, not for what I saw, but for what I was incapable of seeing. I saw no story, no thread. I basically gave her a LWB reading. So, I switched decks and did a mini Celtic Cross 6 card spread. I think for the first time ever I just folded up the cards without reading the spread. So, undetered, I pulled another deck and did Umbrae's 14 card horseshoe spread. Sweat trickling down my back as I struggled to get through the reading. A glutton for punishment, I pulled one more deck and said, well, let me at least do a three card spread for tomorrow. I swear, if I had pulled that 3 card combination for myself, I wouldn't have known what it meant. Bottom line, I can't seem to read for my wife. I told her, I know too much about you. I told her that if I didn't know her, I could interpret the cards fairly easily, but they seemed to make no sense in relation to her. Has anyone else experienced this? I seem to much prefer knowing nothing about a person than knowing everything about the querent. It really shook my confidence. But then I got the 10 of Swords in the Mind position this morning which told me to get over it! Lawguy51

Simone	03 Jan 2004
For me, to know some things about the querent sometimes helps, but if I know too much, me too I am incapable of doing a proper reading... (getting the feeling that I cannot tell anything new, that everything I say is just because I know it already and not because it's in the cards, etc) But about what you described: "sweat trickling down my back" etc, - I read a lot of anxiety between the lines: did you put a lot of expectations onto yourself to "be good"? like "If I can't do it, what will she think of me? - This just has to be a success!" - a fear of judgement from her, perhaps? :D Light and Love Simone

allibee	03 Jan 2004
Hi Lawguy Don't worry, you're not alone! I feel exactly the same, and funnily enough reading for someone you know inside out is exactly the same as reading for yourself IMHO .... and boy, do I hate reading for me .... in fact I never do for the simple reason that knowing the intricacies of someones life sooooooo well, it is far too easy to read 'anything' into a spread, there are so many options. But with a relative stranger who has only told you their name and their question, it is much easier to focus on that and zone in on it. IMHO ;) allibee

MeeWah	03 Jan 2004
((((((Lawguy)))))) Know how ye feel, as I have experienced trepidation on reading for hubby & anyone close to me including friends. Have to consciously 'forget' all I know about them, disengage the emotions & treat them as strangers--far easier said than done. Not having their physical presence helps.

firemaiden	03 Jan 2004
Lawguy, hee hee, that was a cute story. Listen, one of the wonderful things about reading for people, is that in the process, you dare to try to understand them. You dare to try to get into their skin, and guess blindly, and what's in their soul. At the same times, they lay themselves bare. Even if you couldn't see anything, the very act of trying to do so, of allowing the sweat to pour down your back, as you attempted to see, is an act of love that may be magical. I read only once for my ex. It was extraordinary. I didn't really need to "read" or tell him what the cards meant, I just let him see them, and he told me what he thought, but the fact of laying out the cards, and looking at eachother in an attempt to understand, gave a rare moment of opening, between our two souls.

VGimlet	03 Jan 2004
Lawguy, I do know what you mean. Maybe it's because our lives are so closely connected with our spouses, it's a little like trying to read for ourselves, except even more difficult. What happens to them affects us also, and when you also have a deep bond, as well as the whole love thing, I think it makes it even harder to read clearly. I have read for other members of my family, but I also have a difficult time reading for my husband. Maybe because I can't see so clearly when it's about him. What I see gets caught up in other emotions, joy, worry, jealousy, etc. The last time I read for him (over a year ago) HE actually made more sense of the cards than I did. I was stuck on the woman he'd be seeing a lot more of in the coming year... quick witted, bitter, etc. etc. but really cared for him....(who WAS this woman, and she better keep away) ...oh. My sister, he said. :D And yes, we did see her much more often this year than we have in the past, and she is all those things, and he cares for her and my neice almost as much as I do. She's no threat to me, ever, but I got stuck seeing it from his point of view, AND mine. And while I struggled, and gasped out a few key words, HE made sense it. Now that I've had more practice, I may try reading for him again sometime. Or Not. :rolleyes:

LadyMedusa	03 Jan 2004
I also can not read for s/o. When trying to read for him I even have problems with how the "book" suggestions might relate.(at least when he is present). I will sometimes try later when he is otherwise occupied... ie out in the garage, watching a race, or at work. I seem to do a little bit better. I think it's just being unable to properly distance myself. LadyMedusa PS. LawGuy gets a Gold Star:OL for tenacity.

Mystic Zyl	03 Jan 2004
What! Did you use your Hermetic decks that your wife so generously purchased for you? Maybe you are not suppose to know her business as you are both with the same energy. To know what she is doing perhaps means you have a glimpse of the future that you are not to know. It is like looking up the answers in the back of the book to the questions without first doing your homework. I gave one of my Hermetic decks to my astrology teacher; so just down to one deck now.

lawguy51	03 Jan 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Mystic Zyl What! Did you use your Hermetic decks that your wife so generously purchased for you? No, I didn't although I offered to give her another reading and let her be the first person I use the Hermetic with! She has so far declined. The decks I used were Universal Waite, Prague and Thoth. Thanks for your comments. Meewah, I think your advice is the only way to read for loved ones. And Firemaiden, that was a very sweet take on my sweating back :) Lawguy51

Cerulean	03 Jan 2004
There's a couple of things to try... If there's a deck in your collection that hasn't been used in awhile but has evocative images--Victoria Regina, for example----ask her if it is alright to do it with this deck. If she says, "Whatever you want," just say, "I was hoping that you could help me practise by using pictures that would appeal to you. Would it be okay to have a conversation about the pictures, then it would help me read? " If she is fine with that, then shuffle, have her cut the cards, then ask her to pick two. Have her place the two cards face up and see what happens. You and she should look at them at the same time. Ask her if the first or second picture shows her something. It actually doesn't matter if they don't at that moment--if she is willing to look at them both, they may be forming an impression in her head. Likely you and she are on similar wavelengths and at that point, you can tell her standard meanings...and see if anything flows from there. ------------------------------- But if it becomes nada again, then probably when you are talking to her, the nuances of her expression will show you that are that you are mostly trying to read her, not the cards. And I'm with you there, that's my lack as well! If that is the case, you can grin like I do, realize that you might be able to read for her over the telephone or from a distance...but what matters most is being able to be present with the people you love most. Sometimes when my husband and I are in silly moods or I'm really in tune with a deck, I can pull insights that highlight aspects of him. But mostly I read and talk to him without cards, which is quite fine by me.

lawguy51	03 Jan 2004
This sounds like good advice, Mari, and I do have the Victoria Regina deck which I haven't used in an age. Thanks! LG51

Ruby Red Slippers	04 Jan 2004
LawGuy: I noticed that you said your “wife supports” your interest in Tarot, but you didn’t say if you “share” a new deck with her. “Reading” for someone is one thing, but sharing a set of wonderful pictures is another. Forget the reading part for a spouse, God knows I’ve tried it…..But I find that when I get a new deck and place them all out on a table, or just look at the cards, while we are having coffee at the table, my husband offers wonderful insight into the “pictures”. He “sees” things I don’t and he is willing to share the “feeling” the card evokes for him. I may ask him, “look at this card and tell me the first thing you are drawn to.” This has been most helpful to me. He comes from a “male” perspective, which always expands my insight. I agree with Mari and Firemaiden, just talking about the cards can be best, and shared interests benefit both parties. We play a game with the cards at my tarot group where we shuffle and deal the cards like a card game. Your hand is laid face down in front of you. You are allowed to look at the cards and pull 3 out and set aside. These are cards, which will not be part of the story. The cards are then placed in font of you again, face down. Each player turns over the top card. The story begins with the first card in the middle. Each player then continues the story by taking the top card from the face down pile and using it and the images/meanings to continue the story and so on. This is a creative game that is fun for everyone. Perhaps you could even get your kids involved. The Tarot of Prague is filled with wonderful images that children will see differently from adults. Just a thought……& Good Luck, No Sweat! RRS

The Reading for my wife-I can't do it!! thread was originally posted on 03 Jan 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.