Reading for children

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 08 Feb 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Ninelives	08 Feb 2004
Just a thought - but I don't read at all for children. This is, of course, a personal choice, & obviously a lot of you would disagree. However, reading for a child seems to me to be on an ethical par with reading for a third or absent party without their permission ( as in "can you tell me what my partner is up to this weekend ?" this being the kind of question that an astrologer or tarot reader might feel a little uncomfortable with). There seem to me to be four points worth making here 1) A child cannot give informed consent to what must be a collaborative engagement (ie the reading) 2) Following from point one, the relationship between a child & an adult cannot be one of equality - the adult has greater power in every sense. This is not a good basis for a reading. 3) Tarot reading is an adult enterprise (rather in the way Jung thought psycoanalysis was something only grown-ups should meddle with). A child simply cannot properly engage with the level of self reflection involved. & 4) It could be very difficult to explain 'dark' cards if they were to show up. Even where a reader likes to interpret such cards in a positive light, the images themselves (Death or the Devil for example) could be very frightening to a small child or even a sensitive teenager. I think the best thing would be to introduce a child to one of the more 'fairytale' type oracle decks, & let them play with them, making up their own stories etc. When they are old enough they can make up their own minds whether they wanted to take the tarot any further, & in what ways they might choose to do this. Am I quite alone in these views, or does anyone else feel uncomfortable with the idea of reading for children ?

Kiama	08 Feb 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Ninelives 3) Tarot reading is an adult enterprise (rather in the way Jung thought psycoanalysis was something only grown-ups should meddle with). A child simply cannot properly engage with the level of self reflection involved. I know there are people on Aeclectic who agree with you and do not read for children, or would not let a child 'get into Tarot' before a certain age. My personal views on this are coloured somewhat because I began studying Tarot at the age of 9. I picked out the quote above because I wanted to comment more specifically on it: I think it all depends on what you use the Tarot for. For instance, if it is just for divination or advice, I see no reason why a child should have a problem with it. I can see your point that a child might not have the needed level of self-reflection needed in order to use the Tarot for anything else, but my first thought was that I think Tarot actually gave me that ability at a very young age. Through using the Tarot as a child, I learned very early on the skills of self-analysis, communication, self-reflection, spiritual awareness, etc... I agree with you though to introduce children to the fairytale type decks first: decks such as the Whimsical Tarot (which is my personal fave when it comes to children and Tarot), or the Hanson Roberts for a slightly older child. (I gave this one to my 12 year old sister for Christmas.) Certainly handing the Thoth deck to a child and saying 'have fun!' isn't the best way to go about it. }) You also mention that the relationship between child and adult is never equal, and the adult has more power all the time. This I agree with, but this is true all the time, and it is present no matter how we give our advice. A child asking an adult for advice about school without the cards is in the same power position as a child asking for advice about school with the cards. (The adult reading the cards I mean. ) Where's the difference? We do not hesitate to give advice without the cards... So where's the difference to doing it with the cards, especially if it allows us to sit down with the child (assuming they are part of our family, for instance) and give them advice, but also allow them to look into the cards and say what they see. Where in the spread do they see themselves? And what card in the deck would they like to be in right now? You picked the 10 of Cups? Okay, now just let Mummy draw one card that will tell you how to get to the 10 of Cups, okay? I think an exercise like that would be very good for a child, if done with a caring family adult, since it's not just some 'oldie' lecturing at them: they are actually helping see what's going on in their own lives, and helping to work out what they need to do. So, I guess it all depends on how you're doing the reading, who's doing the reading with the child, and what ends are aimed at in doing the reading... Just my personal opinion though. I'm not a parent so I obviously can't comment from that perspective, though there is a huge age gap between my sisters and I that has often lead to a feeling of mothering. Blessings, Kiama

Lady Eclipse	08 Feb 2004
Hi Ninelives, It is a personal choice whether or not to read for children. Generally, I don't. I've already introduced my son to tarot. He's watched me do readings for myself and is fascinated so I bought him a 22 card deck over a year ago to start. Now, he's picked out his first deck and is learning to read them (he's only 3 years old). If his little sister expresses interest, I'll do her the same way. :-) Joy to you, Maralee

Dark_angel	08 Feb 2004
I completely agree with what Kiama said; I wish I had had the same experience with tarot as a child. If I were to read for a child that was not my own (and I don't have kids, so that would be every kid), I would ideally like some parental consent, but this wouldn't be essential, so long as the querent was mature enough to approach things seriously, and would be able to handle the information obtained by the reading. I'd use a 'fun' deck, like the Halloween or the Mermaids, or the good old Rider Waite, but experience has taught me not to let people's first time be with a 'dark' deck, and I think this would apply in most cases, whether child or adult. I used my Vargo last Halloween, and managed to terrify a couple of people with it, although they were the ones who got the positive cards, lol!

MeeWah	08 Feb 2004
Ninelives: I can see the concern about reading for children or minors as most tend to not have the life experience &/or the discernment with which to receive a level of information that may require either quality or both. Since I have found this to be true of older clients, it may be a matter of handling according to the individual querent as well as determining what is comfortable for the self as a reader. Also since I started reading as a pre-teen with playing cards & later with a non-Tarot deck, my perspective is influenced by those experiences. I read for friends & their friends. It was not until high school that I was asked to read for adults--the parents of school friends & the adult acquaintances. As an adult I read for a younger audience which began with the friends of my boys from their early teens onward. It never occurred to me to refuse. After all, I had spent most of my life involved with reading cards. A few of those young people spent much of their leisure time at my house so they saw people come for readings. Guidance, reassurance of their own personage, relationship dynamics, advanced education or a job are not much different from the adult concerns. Most of the time, they just wanted someone impartial to listen & to confide in. Since I prefer to preface readings with a look at the Personal Cards & the Year Cards, oft the bulk of the reading focus is in those areas rather than an actual throw per se. The former offer a good introduction to Tarot; provide pertinent information that can be offered for thought. Depending on the individual, I have used the Chinese Tarot, Robin Wood, RWS or Hanson Roberts. The last is very suitable for a younger audience. The youngest querent has been a grand-daughter by marriage. It was her father's second visit here but her first & the first time we met each other. At the time, she was 9 & knew that her father was getting a reading from me. She was fascinated by the idea & waited impatiently in another room for her turn. Before I agreed to do the reading, I explained to her that this is mainly an adult venue & that her father needed to give his approval. I was aware of his concerns regarding the blended family dynamics (with which I was familiar due to my own situation with same). The idea was that perhaps a mini-reading would help open communications & encourage her to see things differently. He asked that the reading be limited to one card, but I felt it would be of benefit to her to see more than one card in isolation. I chose to do a 3-card Past, Present, Future to encompass the changes in her life. Subsequently, I did a view of the same cards but as Body, Mind, Spirit. I related what I saw to her daily life of family including sharing her father with a step-mother & two stepsisters; her responsibilities as the eldest of four children & school; her aspirations to be a singer (she has a lovely, husky singing voice that belies her youth). The cards not only voiced her fears & concerns but also helped her to see herself in a different light. She has been visiting every Summer & looks forward to a reading from Nana. The last two visits she has brought her best friend.

TemperanceAngel	08 Feb 2004
I think the youngest I have read for is 8, her Mum was present and had her reading first with her daughter present. They were amazing and, in fact, I think the first child I read for. In the same day I read for a woman in her 90's, what a beautiful day. I, too, have hesitations in reading for children, but when I am not working from home I am not booking my clients, so what to do?? I have found the children I have read for so open and enlightened and understanding what I was saying. I also look at the card before I put it down, to make a decision about it. On saying that, all the kids I have read for who have got Death (which are usually 12 year old girls) understand what I mean when I talk about the female transition they are going through. Others have responded to my interpretation of the Devil really well. Children have issues in their life as well.... XTAX

miss_apples	09 Feb 2004
For me it depends on the age of the child. Like I definatly dont see a problem with reading for high school aged children...theyre just like younger adults in a way. There are also many teenagers who do some form of divination including tarot reading. I know that there are a few here on AT maybe even as young as freshman year in high school. I started doing cartomancy and reading runes, i-ching, and dice when I was a sophmore. Any younger than that...I dont see a problem if their parents dont have a problem with it and you think youre able to stick to their level. I did a reading for my brother when he was 10 and I think it went really well. It was mostly about school and his relationship with my parents. Yet again...this is just another personal choice that every reader must make for themselves.

jmd	09 Feb 2004
There are 'children', and there are 'children'. Personally, and possibly because much of my professional life deals with adolescents, I would prefer not to read for under-18s (though I have back in the seventies when I was myself much younger than now). Personally, I do not have a problem with a parent (or another person who has the care of a child), for example, doing a reading about the child in their care - it may help to understand what the child may be facing and how best to assist. I also agree so much with Ninelives's comment to 'introduce a child to one of the more 'fairytale' type oracle decks, & let them play with them, making up their own stories etc.'. For this, a deck such as the Whimsical, or the absolutely beautiful (far better in real life than on screen) Inner Child decks are so wonderful. Regarding story-telling for children, it is also so very important as it provides for the development of a rich inner life - one from which they may draw from as they encounter worldly experiences. Here my comment is therefore the reverse of some made: by the rich inner life, one's engagement in the world of community may be strengthened and develop with stability. The appropriate introduction of story-telling and creation with the usage of Tarot may very well be used. Introducing older children to the art of Tarot, through drawing and re-creating such a wonderful and structured deck, may also be not only engaging for them, but provide for wonderful richness in iconography and history - again, providing for a richness which s/he may later draw from as they encounter certain experiences in their life. What would the Empress have done, or the Pope, or the Hanged Man ? Another thread of interest, by the way, may be Tarot & Children, or even a post I previously made on the value of stories and stories of value... not quite what this thread is about. To read of the views and experiences of others enriches one so much...

Flavio	14 Jun 2004
I have only made a reading for a child, it was my niece, she just got 5 years old, my mother and her mother feel she will become a surgeon as an adult, so I shuffled and made a fan with a Hanson-Roberts deck and asked her to pick up 1 card, she picked up the Page of Swords! I took that card as a "Yes" based only in the sword(cutting device) in the hand of a young person like her. That was a lovely experience but was more like a game and not a reading by itself.

hedgecub	14 Jun 2004
A reading, to me, is a way of giving someone advice or guidance. Hence I feel I have the same responsibilities as a counsellor: to be open and honest, to be sensitive to the client's needs, and to make sure the client knows my limitations. This last responsibility is, I feel, particularly important when dealing with children. While there are many children who are independent, critical thinkers, there are also many children who are accustomed to being told 'the truth' by the adults around them. Children are also generally susceptible to suggestion, and I think extra care needs to be taken when giving them readings. Also, I would never give a child a reading without parental consent, just as I would not, say, teach a child about human sexuality without parental consent. Ultimately I respect a parent's right to control what their child learns from other adults, and while I may disagree with many parents on what is and isn't appropriate, it's still their choice.

cheekyminx	14 Jun 2004
My sister brought her daughter the Whimsical deck. Cecilia is only 3 years old & when she is older & starts to show an interest my sister will teach her. For now my sister lets Cecilia play with a major acarna deck that came with a womans magazine she brought last year. So when Maria (sis) & I do cards for each other Cecilia has her own deck she can play with so she doesn't feel left out.

Ivy Rhiannon	01 Jul 2004
ty for the good replies! I was having trouble with this as well. See my mother, and grandmother read, and I have always been intrested. But was never allowed to be around, or read for. Until I was about 15. If my mother had it her way I would have been alot older. She gave me my first reading, which was acually a version of the gong hee fot choy. I am the first in my family to read the tarot. Anyways, my sister is 11 going on 30 (lol), and she wants me to read for her. I have found her sneaking around with my cards! My mom has done said no, but it got me wondering, how young is too young? Even though children dont have much going on in there lives, they do have issues to deal with. I think it is more maturity than acual age. But I would never give a reading without the parents permission!

The Reading for children thread was originally posted on 08 Feb 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.