Friends who just come to see you for a reading

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 08 Apr 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Phoenix Rising	08 Apr 2004
I have a friend who everytime she comes around just wants to have a reading. She gets my cards and says "can we just ask the cards a question"(while shuffling them) I say "just quickly" just pull 3 cards. She does this, and then says "I felt I had to pull these ones as well(Like 4 more) The questions she asks are ridiculous, you don't need to ask the cards, for the question she asks. Do you have this same problem too? People also thinks the more cards you pull the better the answer is going to be.

mysticalowl	08 Apr 2004
If she is becoming to dependent on both you and the cards for answers....you need to stop reading for her. I would hide the deck when she is around. If she can not deal maybe it is time to find new friends. Just my thoughts.

ros	08 Apr 2004
If you say no to her for your own reasons, you will then find out what kind of friendship you really have. Will she be back or not? She also can learn to read instead of depending on you!

mercenary30	08 Apr 2004
like it is time for your friend to get their own cards. Did I read this right? Your friend takes your cards, shuffles them and draws themselves, looking to you for interpretation? If so, than maybe it is time for them to consider taking up tarot for themselves.......maybe you could help by getting them their first deck, and a good book!

Orion	08 Apr 2004
I have never been in this kind of a situation! I agree with mercenary30. Maybe even go Tarot Deck shopping with your friend! But, in the meantime... hide your cards when she comes around!

sagitarian	08 Apr 2004
I've had this in the past...this is what I"ve done... Tell her that you can't right now, that you feel drained due to doing some readings earlier, or have a headache, or cough, anything to make it aware to her that you CAN'T right now. Then, yes, ask her, "have you thought about doing readings, getting your own personal deck?" and then see where it goes from there. show her aeclectic, the selection of tarot cards here. take care honey.

miss_apples	08 Apr 2004
When Im not in the mood to give a tarot reading I just tell people that Im not in the "zone", and that if I read while Im not in the "zone" then the reading wont make sense. I have one online friend who only talks to me if he wants a reading or if he wants to whine about his love life. Ive only givin him 2 readings. After the first one I swore I would never give him another reading because after the reading he called it "evil voodoo" because I knew too much info from the cards that there was no way I couldve known about the situation otherwise. He also completly misinturpreted parts of the reading turning positive things into negative things. Well he begged and begged me to give him another reading a few days later and promised he'd me more "mature" about it. Well the second one wasnt AS bad but he completly was not listening to the advice the cards were giving him and kept inturupting me. And then he still keeps asking for readings saying "I want to get the death card" So I absolutly refuse to give him anymore readings.

Pagan X	08 Apr 2004
Steer them both to web sites with computer readings. I have found both these sites to be honestly *free*, have a nice selection of decks, and have LWB text with good advice. tarotadvice.com facade.com

WalesWoman	09 Apr 2004
Would you be willing to teach her? It sounds like it's high time she learned how to read and got her own deck. I think it will save your friendship and might be a whole lot of fun as well.

miss_apples	09 Apr 2004
I think getting your friend her own deck is a good idea...or at least suggesting that she get a deck for herself. That way you can also exchange readings, where youd not only read for her but youd get a reading in return also.

Ivy Rhiannon	09 Apr 2004
Yes Phoenix Rising I have just recently had this problem. I have known this girl since I was 11, (I'm 20 now), and after I started doing tarot readings I wanted to get as much practice as possible. So anytime anyone was around I'd ask if they'd like one. Well when the readings were so accurate, everytime she'd come over she'd want one. Often everyday, and she'd ask the same question. Of course she'd recieve the same results. I started to not like reading for her, because of it. I finnally told her one day that I couldn't and stoped reading for her for a while. I told her to try to get her own deck, but she'd had a bad experience with them, and ignored my advice. I hope everything works out for you, you can tell her that you are going to start charging cause you need the extra money, and be honest if nothing else works.

Kiama	09 Apr 2004
I had a friend like this. Very rarely came round unless she wanted a reading, and she'd be very demanding at that. :( In the end I sat her down, and spoke to her about the reasons for having a reading. You mentioned that the questions your friend asks can be answered without the cards: if this is the case, simply tell her this, gently, advising her on how she can get the answers elsewhere. You could also chat to her about getting too dependent on the cards, and explain to her that you feel you are being used in some way (this is how I read your post, forgive me if it's incorrect) because she only comes to see you when she wants a reading. Basically, be honest. And then suggest she get her own deck, and maybe, if you feel up to it, help her learn to use it so she can get her own answers. :D I love teaching Tarot to others, especially on a one-to-one basis, as I found that you can learn so much through doing it. :D Blessings, Kiama

SongDeva	09 Apr 2004
I sounds like you don't like her that much yourself. Is that so? Remind yourself that a friend who only shows up when in need is *not* a true friend, and by perhaps even letting her go, you create space for a new, real friend to fill.

Phoenix Rising	10 Apr 2004
Thanks for the feedback everybody. My friend is a very dramatic person, and uses the victimisation to her best advantage(she's been a victim since 1542 apparently!)She does have a "Heart of gold", however, and will help her friends when she can. She's making me some "pure Thai silk" bags for my cards, and a spread cloth. But yes I will put my cards away.

diane drizzy	11 Apr 2004
Hi Phoenix Rising! Just now found this thread. I too know someone like this- looks like we all do. I find it sort of disrespectful when she does this, since she treats it like "fortune telling". When she does this I usually say I don't have my cards with me. I guess everyone sort of covered all bases for you. Since it's Easter maybe Big Bunny could leave this for her instead of a basket!

Phoenix Rising	22 Apr 2004
Well that same friend came over, and went straight for my cards. My beautiful new Robin Wood. But this time I made her read them for herself, I didn't interpret them at all. She actually did a terrific job , as she had no preconceived ideas on what they meant. She just took it for the images. I actually enjoyed it because I was just interested in how she saw them. She saw things in them that I didn't think about.

Lady Eclipse	22 Apr 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Phoenix Rising I have a friend who everytime she comes around just wants to have a reading. She gets my cards and says "can we just ask the cards a question"(while shuffling them) I say "just quickly" just pull 3 cards. She does this, and then says "I felt I had to pull these ones as well(Like 4 more) The questions she asks are ridiculous, you don't need to ask the cards, for the question she asks. Do you have this same problem too? People also thinks the more cards you pull the better the answer is going to be. Hi, I used to have this problem when I first started reading for others. There were those who tried to take advantage of our friendship and I ended up putting a stop to it by saying I needed to charge them for the readings like I did everyone else. Some started paying, while others quit asking for freebies, and a few actually dropped out of my life. As for pulling more cards, this isn't true IMO. I've found that once the cards are done, they are done and no amount of extra card pulling is going to change that. Joy to you, Maralee

Bean Feasa	22 Apr 2004
Hi Phoenix Rising, I've seen one or two other threads on a similar theme to this, and up until now have resisted posting for fear of being intrusive. But when people mention something about a friend irritating them in some way in relation to Tarot, I get a very strong feeling that there's probably a lot of other stuff underneath, and that the Tarot thing is just a symptom of a deeper malaise. I would say take a long hard look at this friendship and don't be afraid to face what you see. I often think it's strange nowadays how we're pretty quick to recognise when romantic relationships are no longer beneficial to either party, and to bail out, while we often stick with friendships long after they're a withered husk. Just a thought, apologies if I'm off topic, or sounding a bit melodramatic. blessings, Kate

The Friends who just come to see you for a reading thread was originally posted on 08 Apr 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.