But I don't know how to do a relationship spread!

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 24 May 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

tmgrl2	24 May 2004
I'm going to start doing more live readings...get away from the books and my computer and into the world...I plan to begin with my Tmgrl's Four of Swords Spread.... but...what if I go forward and do more readings and someone asks for a relationship spread...and I don't "know one" by heart...what do you do? Do you stick with spreads you know? Create one on the spot (EEK...Terror!) My reader yesterday at a psychic fair just kept pulling cards and telling me what came to her. That was her thing...so I guess one can do that...but I don't know if I'm comfortable with that. Mimers said something helpful when she said that the reading was probably more of a psychic reading than a Tarot reading. It was and the guidance was good. So, my questions to "live" readers is: Do you have a certain type of spread you use, in general? What do you do when the question posed by the sitter calls for something that one's usual spreads don't cover it? I can do a CC if asked, but feel more comfortable with shorter spreads...I like Umbrae's 7-card Horseshoe...will be practicing with it as well. terri

dadsnook2000	24 May 2004
For general issues I use a version of the three card spread concept -- Juliet Sharman Burke's (Mythic Tarot) TRIANGLE SPREAD. This essentially "doubles" the three-card spread as follows: Cards #1 and #2 form the base of the triangle, left to right. Cards #3 and #4 form the right side, upwards. Cards #5 and #6 form the left side, downwards. Card #7 is placed in the middle of the triangle. You can use 1-2 as the present, 3-4 as near term developments, 5-6 as long term likely, and 7 as an overall influence over the entire spread. The two cards at each side give a richer, combinational meaning than a single card as used in a three card spread. The seventh influence cards mediates and harmonizes the three positions on the triangle. You can use this triangular approach for relationships: Right side = your view (#3) and goals (#4). Left side = other's view (#5) and goals (#6). Bottom = the problem and/or issues to be dealt with (#1, 2) 7th card = tools/approach that might help resolve issues. Dave.

Rhiannon	24 May 2004
Here's the one I use most often for absolutely everything, including relationships. It started out as just a relationship spread, but it's so easy to remember and so easily adaptable to just about anything under the sun (or moon) that I use it all the time. Enjoy! http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?threadid=1521&highlight=rhiannon+love+expandable R :)

tmgrl2	24 May 2004
Thanks, dadsnook and Rhiannon I printed these out...I feel it will be good for me to work with a few and find one that I can handle... Appreciate your input. I have some spreads in some of my books, but I wasn't too thrilled with them...besides I want something I can work with at my early stage of learning Tarot...so will add these to my two other spreads I intend to use...I think relationship spreads are probably an important addition. terri

tmgrl2	24 May 2004
I just did a search in Spreads and found Umbrae's spread bumped forward..so I'll add the link here as well... http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=25141&highlight=Relationship+spreads My real question and why I put it in Talking Tarot instead of Spreads...( and I appreciate the spreads) was more a question of What do you do when a Querent asks for something you aren't sure you know how to do? I just picked relationship spread because I would not know how to do one if I were asked this week, for example..it could apply to anything that is asked. I guess that's where shaping the question with the sitter comes in...Have to reread some of Umbrae's opening articles again... thanks all. terri

Nevada	24 May 2004
tmgrl, While it's nice to have a spread just for relationships, I wouldn't see anything wrong with doing a simple Past Present Future 3-card reading for a relationship. It doesn't have to be complex, just read from the perspective of relationship. So if it comes up before you're "ready" with an appropriate spread, you can just do that. Or how about Person A, The Relationship, Person B. Nevada

Rhiannon	24 May 2004
Ah, I see! It's all clear now! :) Well, unless a querent comes to you requesting a past life reading or something elaborate like that, then a simple 3 or 5 card spread will do. Almost everyone can relate to a general card, obstacle card and goals or advice card. Those are really easy to remember and easily adapatable to just about any question, IMHO. I know it isn't easy, especially with people who are uncooperative, but ask questions to find out exactly what they want to know. A general relationship spread is all well and good, but if what they REALLY want to know is "Is my boyfriend cheating on me with so and so?", then you would maybe set things up differently. For example, I would add a card for "so and so" in that case. Just try to dig as deep as you can and go with your instincts. You'll do fine! R :)

tmgrl2	24 May 2004
Yes, that is what I was more concerned about...eventually, I will learn more or longer spreads, but right now...I like the idea of making even a three-card spread work...I have that little list I got from jmd's post...has a whole range of three=card spreads...I'll pull that out, too and think on these.... I feel better now...always can go with current situation, obstacles and advice or outcome...my own spread for inner and outer battles might even work as well...and ... here again, I need to GET IN THERE and see what comes my way and trust my inner guide to help me... thanks...tomorrow may be my first readings outside my own home ...I did one by phone for a friend... I have to give up about wanting to be "right." One of my favorite sayings is "Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?" HAPPY! terri ty all

mooncat2	24 May 2004
This is my favorite 5 card spread and I've used for many different types of questions. ..............3.............. .....1...............4...... .....2...............5...... 1. Situation, issue. 2. Problem 3. Solution 4. Whats not known, what querent isnt seeing 4. Summary , overview, overall advice ( not an outcome) Blessings

lunalafey	25 May 2004
when all else fails- go to your elements :D easy! easy! to remember fire-earth-air-water- & then spirit. you know the basis of the elements- just as they relate to the suits. The elements become your positions- fire is the passions & burnings of the relationship, earth is the material aspects of the relationship- work home money. Air deals with communications, interactions, water is emotions and spirit relates to the soul. Depending on how you relate to the "fire" swords or wands- would change things a bit in your way of reading- as well as where the conflicts of the relationship might be found. this can be done with 5 cards or just build from the five placements- say 3 cards each & one for the spirit.... or- start with fire, one card, if it feels that there is more to tell- flip another fire card. Each element might have more or less cards that the other piles- just go with it.

jmd	25 May 2004
From my perspective, a 'relationship spread' is any spread in which the focus of the reading is on a relationship... for this, I do not see why any spread you already feel comfortable with could not do. For example, take your own wonderful Four Swords spread... I'll just rename it, by simple movement of an 's', the Spread's Four Words - or indeed, by language of the birds, the reading may be said to be 'Spreads forwards' :): .................................... 4. Vera .............................. 2. Valiant ....................5. Shield of Love ................... 3. Slice ....... ................................ 1. Keshet .............................. With only slight modifications to your own words, your relationship spread unveils: 1. Keshet : 'What is at the root of the relationship. What lies beneath that may at this time be brought to the surface?' 2. Valiant: 'Which practical issues interfere and are best left aside?' 3. Slice: 'What emotional layers may be peeled away to embrace balance and love?' 4. Vera: 'What qualities need to currently be nourished in this relationship? 5. Shield of Love: 'What kind of loving protection can best be given at this time?' Of course, allowing the cards to emerge, without pre-defined position, or number, or specified meaning, is quite legitimate in still reading the cards as Tarot... To allow the 'being of Tarot' to speak, we need, however, to listen... and, importantly, trust!

tmgrl2	25 May 2004
ty, mooncat and luna printing out again...now I have a little back...the five-card works nicely, mooncat...and luna..the four elements are already part of my inner memory, so that I can do easily. jmd...how kind of you to remind me that my own spread has many purposes...I have it with me in my heart already since it came from there....so "trust" is what I need and we only get that by "jumping in"...I just need to think on each swords purpose and it will apply...and every question has inner and outer battles...ty... Diana, another "mentor" here (in spirit, I hope) for whom I have great respect, recently suggested that I carry one card a day with me and simply reflect on it at the end of the day. I pulled Hadar's Neuf de Coupe (9Cups) On my way home in the car...I saw the central cup out of which the flower arises surrounding the "birthed cups" that arouse from the two cups of each "one." A whole group of "birthings" in three areas of my life...work, spirit, emotions....all moving me on toward my new stage : "retirement" ...leaving one stage and entering another, culminating before completion. I loved how it came to me as I drove along ..NO BOOK ty all terri

tmgrl2	25 May 2004
TaDa! I did a live reading for a colleague during lunch today...I felt safe with my RW...and Thank you again, jmd....she did ask for guidance in relationships ( she is a young, bright psychologist I work with) and I went with my own tmgrl's Four of Swords spread....I felt VERY good about it...I somehow was filled with energy and what I thought would be 10 minutes was 30 minutes.. I asked her if she wanted to take notes...I had her interact at one point...just wanted to know what she saw when see saw the Moon the the #5 position (Shield of Love)...She mostly listened, gave me some excellent feedback. She said I was right on and could she come back at another time for another reading.. She loved the Sun in the Vera (nourishing elements for perseverance)...what could be bad about the Sun! It was wonderful feeling what happened and came to me...no BOOKS! ty all....going to offer live readings whenever I get the chance...and follow Diana's pull a card for the day, not every day, and then at end of day meditate on how it related to my day...no BOOKS...using my TdM (Hadar). The support from everyone here is so amazing. I thank all of you. I feel like a kid with the Tarot in my life...I don't remember the last time I was so enthusiastic about something I consider a thing I do for myself (and for others, hopefully, since spiritual guidance is where I feel I am going)...I did get a Page of Pents in the Root position and the first instinct was that this was someone in her life or that she would meet soon, and that she was concerned about his being able to "provide" security... terri

dadsnook2000	25 May 2004
I'm glad you have had such a "high" energy experience. There is nothing more exhilerating than doing a tarot or astrology reading, just going with the flow, and hit everything. Then to get solid feedback and interaction, and have made a helpful connection to another -- it's something to be experienced and a little hard to describe. Now, you have some precious gifts; confidence, the knowledge that you can do it, and the ability to help others while you grow within your self. Congrats. Dave.

tmgrl2	26 May 2004
Thanks, Dave Tarot is a gift....the whole process....buiding confidence will take time...but that's ok...I have started so many new endeavors so many times in my life, as long as I keep the beginner's mind, but call upon any wisdom I have learned through the years...I do believe we "construct" ourselves as we go through life by the choices and risks we take to learn. terri

Imagemaker	26 May 2004
What a wonderful experience, Tmgrl! And for your colleague, a good sample of what tarot is and can do. I once read that all querents' questions fall into 3 categories: relationships, jobs, health. When you can use your spread can handle all those, you're set!

Chronata	26 May 2004
Congratulations Tmgrl! I have ben following this thread with some interest...but everyone here already said what I was going to say! It sounds like you had the perfect experience in reading...the one you needed and the one you were ready for. and I will echo Imagemaker's thought as well...with one addition. in my experience... querants ask about jobs, relationships, and health (for themselves or other people!)...and one more... a lot of querants (especially lately) seem to want to focus on their spiritual development. (Or maybe they just all come to me?! :) )

dadsnook2000	26 May 2004
Good point, Chronata. Spiritaulity, past lives, the bigger reasons behind life -- those are indicative of many querent's concerns. It is almost like they (and us) sense that they (we) are ready to start addressing primary issues that go beyond day-to-day trivia. Now, while we can best live in this moment and can best serve ourselves by being the best "us" that we can be, I do think its is helpful and right to start moving towards a pan-life view. The perspective that may be gained can only help us better manage our time here. Dave.

Nevada	26 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by tmgrl2 It was wonderful feeling what happened and came to me...no BOOKS! Terri, Congratulations on your first live reading. I know relationship readings are common, but it's still interesting to me that the first one was about a relationship, when that's what you were concerned about in this thread. A bit of synchronicity perhaps, and maybe a sign that it was TIME. (And thank goodness for JMD's wise advice to use your very own spread.) Best wishes with all your readings. Hugs, Nevada

tmgrl2	26 May 2004
Thanks all! You are right, Nevada...I thought it was synchronicity as well....since I read jmd's post as I was dashing off to work. And usually, we all get so busy no one follows through with the lunch/fun things we plan...but she really wanted the reading...so I was so grateful for the input... terri

tmgrl2	02 Jun 2004
Just had to post a follow-up on the reading I did for the psychologist I work with. When she left last week, she thanked me and said I gave her lots to think about. She told me some things I said she knew were right on. Today, she came into a meeting and there were about 20 people around the table...she mouthed to me with wide eyes...I loved your reading! When one meeting broke up and she was leaving, she told me she was more and more amazed as she has thought about the reading all week. She said "You are so right . You said things I wouldn't have thought of about me, but they are so true." It really felt good to get some positive feedback. I decided before I started telling people at work that I read, that if asked I would, and I wouldn't expect a particular outcome...just do it, do my best and move forward. I also did a general life reading for a teacher I barely know, since I pop in twice weekly to work with one child for 30 minutes each time...For the first time, we chatted during lunch since I came earlier than usual...She speaks Hebrew and the school is a Hebrew Day Academy. So I asked about Kaballah and the alphabet and told her about the Tarot. She asked a bunch of questions and then asked for a reading. I had my new Gilded Tarot with me and read for her. She said at the end, that you never expect certain things of some people ...that she was quite surprised that I am doing this...Her Shield of Love Card (in my own spread ) was The Hanging Man. After I did the reading, she said, "I really like being alone, you know.." So we elaborated on the card in relation to the others. I love the process and even if they don't give me immediate feedback ...as long as they don't get angry...(which may happen yet, LOL) I feel I am doing my best to give guidance... So....I'm going to continue with live readings whenever I get a chance...It is a whole different experience from having the security of the online, to check with the books....even if I do the intuitive first... terri

Imagemaker	02 Jun 2004
Quote: a lot of querants (especially lately) seem to want to focus on their spiritual development. Could that fall under Health: spiritual . . . or Relationship: with something/one beyond Self -- in the most general terms (Just trying to fit it into one of the 3 categories :)) Super reading experience, Tmgrl! Yay!

tmgrl2	02 Jun 2004
ty, Imagemaker...we can all use a few like that...especially starting out....It's probably true about the main categories...it's like story plots...there a few basic themes... terri

Imagemaker	02 Jun 2004
From writing books, the best statement I ever heard was: "There's only one plot. Things are not as they seem." That seems to be true of fiction AND of real life.

tmgrl2	02 Jun 2004
love it!

Alissa	03 Jun 2004
~terri~! :D You've got the bug, admit it~! You're having FUN reading for folks... aren't you??? Come on... this is AT here... you can confess to us. You *liked* it, didncha? It's ADDICTING when it's good, isn't it? ;) (Like sooooo many things...) I'm grinning :D from ear to ear :D reading of your successes. Way to go girl!

tmgrl2	03 Jun 2004
YYYESSSS!!!! I loved it! And I can't wait for my next v....er, customer...heh,heh... I am definitely bitten, Alissa...and this summer I'm going to try the local metaphysical shop...haven't done a flyer...not there yet...right now, doing free readings... terri

DesertHowler	10 Jun 2004
This is a link to a simple spread that I got from the Osho Zen book. It looks complex but it is really 4 simple 3 card spreads. Here is the link... http://www.geocities.com/ejviolet/_mirrorinternet.html

tmgrl2	10 Jun 2004
Quote: Originally posted by DesertHowler This is a link to a simple spread that I got from the Osho Zen book. It looks complex but it is really 4 simple 3 card spreads. Here is the link... http://www.geocities.com/ejviolet/_mirrorinternet.html Thank you, DesertHowler...I printed and saved...it is easy to remember....will give it a go...terri

Sillanza	14 Jun 2004
tmgrl2, here's a quick-and-dirty spread from Power Tarot that I've found useful: "The Mirror:" ****5 *3*****4 *1*****2 1= How You See The other Person 2 = How They See Themselves 3 = What The Other Person Is To You 4 = What You are to Them 5 = What's Really There (strength/weakness) Good luck!

tmgrl2	14 Jun 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Sillanza tmgrl2, here's a quick-and-dirty spread from Power Tarot that I've found useful: "The Mirror:" ****5 *3*****4 *1*****2 1= How You See The other Person 2 = How They See Themselves 3 = What The Other Person Is To You 4 = What You are to Them 5 = What's Really There (strength/weakness) Good luck! Thank you Sillanza! Printed and saved...I really like this spread because it is short (five cards) and because I like the questions. terri

The But I don't know how to do a relationship spread! thread was originally posted on 24 May 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.