negative reactions to tarot from loved ones

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 23 May 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Zoe Kate	23 May 2004
I'm sure this is an experience everyone has had. Me and my boyfriend have been together almost two years, he is wonderful, intelligent, supportive and quite open minded. However, my spiritual side is something I've always kept to myself. I have studied and practiced Wicca for many years, but it's always been highly personal. However since I started getting more into Tarot I've started trying to share it with him, tell him about my readings, or show him pictures of decks I want to buy. Unfortunately (and surprisingly) his reaction to my interest in Tarot has been quite negative. He thinks it's "silly", doesn't understand how I could believe in it, doesn't respect it and seems generally condescending about the whole thing. I think it might just scare him...but I dont' know. His reaction to Tarot has made me even more reluctant than ever to discuss any aspects of my spiritual beliefs with him. This is all really saddening, we have a great relationship and are highly communicative, so the fact that this is even a little problem really surprises me. I've had a similar experience with my step father who is atheist and thinks any form of anything spiritual or "non-scientific" is totally rediculous or stupid. And my father, on the other hand, is very religious and would probably tried to perform an exorcism if he saw me with a deck of Tarot cards. Anyway...I'm not looking for advice, I'm sure it will all sort itself out in time. But I just thought I might see what other people's experiences with this sort of thing have been. How did/do you deal with it? Have people who weren't originally supportive changed their views with time? thanks for any imput. *BB*

contrascarpe	23 May 2004
This is a typical response, don't fret. Not to get into the whole gender thing, but I believe as a whole most men buy into the macho crap thing (bearing in mind I am a male) and automatically dismiss it. I was at a wedding this past weekend and the subject came up. Most of the women were oohing and aahing, while the men did the obligatory eye-roll. I have learned to accept that and don't let it worry me too much. All I know is how tarot and spirituality in general have positively impacted my life, and I apologize to nobody for that. In your case, you need to achieve a comfort level for yourself. I know how hard it is to want to talk about something you enjoy doing but end up holding it in because of non-interest on the other party's part. After all, that is why alot of us are here on AT. But if you find yourself talking about it and he scoffs, remind him that this is something that is important to you and that he has to accept it if he cares for you. I'm sure you take interest in some of his topics which really you are not interested in, but do it out of caring. Dan

Phoenix Rising	23 May 2004
Hi Zoe Kate Yes I think it is fear with alot of them. Mainly because they don't want you to know what they're up to. Basically, we just can't change another persons point of view, it's a waste of time. Because you would like to share your passion with someone else, and because they don't have the same view, sometimes you want them to know, to have some kind of approval. I only share it with people I know, don't judge, or are open minded. Some people just don't need to know and that's ok. But for your boyfriend. He just has to have a little respect, if he's supportive, like he says he is. He might not like you knowing what he's doing I think!

Imagemaker	23 May 2004
I agree with what's been said. My scientist husband and engineer daughter are accepting and non-judgmental of all the decks and books around, but don't ask for info and mostly walk around it all. They don't ridicule, but don't inquire about more details either. Not thinking I have to share every aspect of my interests with my family, I have friends I share my enthusiasm with and come to AT for in-depth chat on these topics. There's a big difference in being low-key and hiding to avoid trouble. Only you can decide which side the situation falls on.

tmgrl2	23 May 2004
In my "starter marriage" that lasted ten years, my husband was very open about what he thought was "silly"...he didn't like pets, thought a piano was a waste of money ( I studied Classical piano as a child for 8 years and we could afford one)...Eventually, it boiled down to ...I could no longer live with someone who didn't at least accept and respect my interests despite a failure to understand them. In my current marriage, I know my husband doesn't have the least interest in Tarot...but he often tells me how happy he is that I have found something else I love so much. Oh, and we have had pets for 27 years of our marriage..we both love dogs. And I bought that piano..even though right now I don't play much. I hope to one day. Hopes and dreams and interests are what make life worth living. When my current husband and I met, we were oil and water (30 years ago) and in many ways still are. But, we both agreed we would always respect the other person's needs and interests....even when we didn't have a clue as to why we enjoyed them so much. It'll sort itself out, as long as you keep reminding a partner that you need acceptance not understanding...and if you don't get that eventually, couples drift... terri

Tarot Sparrow	23 May 2004
It's nice to hear everyone's opinions on this. I was friends with my boyfriend over 5 years ago, and when we first met I had only my Hudes Tarot and didn't read exceedingly often, but he seemed to like my cards. From that point on we became much more serious and I also became much more serious about tarot, but I found that when I tried to talk to him about it he would be indifferent and sometimes even get in a bad mood and say something that hurt my feelings. This always bothered me because we're very close and have been through a very painful long-distance relationship (although I'm happy to say that's now over). Now that I've discovered my Pagan path, I picked up a book on Paganism the other week and I found him reading through some of the first chapter because he wanted to learn, and I think he was a little more understanding even for that. It's a tricky thing, I think the reason a lot of people are like this is because they see psychics on tv and perceive that they are fake, etc, and since they never develop an inherent interest in eclecticism like the rest of us, when they come into contact with it their first instinct is that it's silly, stupid, or wrong. And yet some of them, like my boyfriend, remain slightly interested. He's actually come with me to a bunch of bookstores and looked at decks with me. In fact he seems to be drawn to certain ones and has helped me pick some out. He likes the Ancient Egyptian Tarot even though I don't really care for it, lol. Anyway, I'm rambling! But I think that people are brought up to be skeptics about certain things and don't understand the difference between what's good/bad, real/fake because they've never actually learned about it. I think the best we can do is help them understand it and if they want (as I'd like to) actually let them see it in action. If I think I did readings for people and my boyfriend got to watch he might see it as more of a gift/talent than some stupid set of cards that have no power. See what I'm saying? Well anyway good luck to all of us with that :D

tmgrl2	23 May 2004
Good point, Dead Star... I forgot to mention that when my husband and I were first married, I was into a big psychic phase in Florida where we had condo...he went for readings with my then mentor and psychic, Tony Grosso, who was fairly well know. My Tony really felt Tony G. had a gift...he was quite tolerant of my friendship with Tony G. and the work we did. Not too long ago, I told my husband that if he wanted me to, I would do a reading for him, but he would have to take it seriously. He said "yes" he would like that and "yes" he would. He asked about how to "see" better. Now he has been blind for almost 6 years. The cards that came up were amazing and he asked me all kinds of questions during the reading because he couldn't see the cards, so I described them. I know my husband. He took that reading inside and listened to it. It had to do with discovering his feminine side at this point in his life and about how he is giving strength to his large cadre of friends and relatives through how he is handling his declining health and blindness. He seemed very pleased. So, while he may from time to time make a "Tarot joke" he never pokes fun at my love of Tarot...and now that I think of it, his taking the reading was quite an amazing step for him...after all these years. He used to at best, let me go my way with my interests....always accepting, not judging, but he seems to be coming to a different place himself in life. So we never know, over time, how who we are influences our SO's. terri

Darla	24 May 2004
It can be very tiring to be forced to hide your spiritual path or your interest in Tarot. In two weeks I will spend a great deal of the summer in America. I'm visiting friends and I'm really looking forward to see them again. But this family (my former host family) consists of very religious Christians and they have three kids. I also have to attend church while I'm with them and the presence of their belief is everywhere. Although this makes me a bit uncomfortable I totally respect their belief. But I know they could probably not respect mine (I'm pagan). So I have to hide my tarot decks, which is not easy when you have three kids around you. ;) The parents would be also scared because of the kids. This saddens me but they act according to their belief. I have to respect that, especially as guest in their house. So if I feel like it I will have to do a spread in the evening before I go to bed, so no-one can caught me in the act. ;) In some cases it might be better not to tell your loved ones, especially Christians feel threatend about all this. And I don't feel like enduring preachings about the salvation of my soul. My family acted really cool about this. My mother helped me sew a tarot bag and my sister borrows me her credit card if I want to buy new decks. I hesitated a long time before telling them but now I'm glad I did. They are not entirely sure if they believe Tarot works or not but they are interested. I don't talk a lot about it though, I don't want to convert them to Tarot ;) Just my father doesn't know. I'm not sure how he would react but probably with jokes.

CreativeFire	24 May 2004
I have found that time and your own inner strength takes care of things in the long run. When I first started out in tarot I was with my ex-husband and he was very, very negative about my tarot interests (come to think of it, he was negative about most of my interests) LOL. So I put aside the tarot for awhile as there was already quite a few other things that weren't right as well. However I eventually realised that you can only live with that level of negativity for so long before you make better choices. I am lucky as my mother has always been supportive of my interests as she bought me my first tarot deck for me. :) A few years later my (now) husband knew of my interest in tarot when we were still friends at first. He "humoured" my interest but was never really into it or greatly supportive. When we started living together he was concerned about me having my tarot (and wicca) journals, books, things out where visitors / family / friends may see them. I think he was worried about what people would think of me - some sort of weirdo or freak I guess :) LOL. This never really worried me that much as it was more a personal thing for me anyway and not something I intentionally wanted to display to the world. Slowly over time though he began to accept that it was just another side of "me", the person that he loves. Also I reached the stage that I didn't want to have to be scurrying around putting all my things away when friends dropped in and therefore "hiding" that side of myself (especially in my own home). Now, a couple of years later he is actually quite supportive of my tarot studies and knowledge to the point where he enjoyed helping me set up my own "special" room for my tarot and other stuff. He has even commented that he admires that I am not afraid and have the strength of character to just "be me" and pursue my interests and goals irregardless of what others may say or think. I think he now secretly gets a bit of a kick out it when friends come over and seriously ask me to do readings for them. Finding this forum has also been very inspirational for me as well, especially being able to communicate with others interested in tarot and sharing their experiences. Just goes to show how time and people change - even my own self ;) It has been interesting reading others stories here, thanks for the thread Zoe Kate and hope it works out for you with time as well. CreativeFire

Imagemaker	24 May 2004
Quote: he admires that I am not afraid and have the strength of character to just "be me" and pursue my interests and goals irregardless of what others may say or think. There's an (poet) ee cummings quote that says: To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. (1955) At any level, in any situation, the expectations of others lean on us. It took me decades to care less, please less, and choose my own way. It's a constant battle, as cummings said. (He never capitalized his name--which was one way he was himself.) But tarot helps support us to be ourselves, even if we don't tell others about what we're doing. That's part of why I KNOW it's a good thing. It's the people who want to control and mold us who try to steer us away from tarot. Good luck on your visit, Darla. If you substitute the word God for tarot, you could say all the things you might say about using it, like: "I listen to tarot/God for advice about my life. I go to tarot/God to understand myself better." I think the two words are One entity--not to create tarot as a false idol or offend, but to say it is one way that God/Spirit speaks.

eastarot	24 May 2004
I empathise deeply with a lot of the posts here. Over the years, I've been the recipient of some mocking and hurtful comments about my love for Tarot, my cards, how I should dress up in silken robes instead of jeans, how I should this and that. But looking back, I feel that's part of the journey of self discovery isnt it? It made me stronger and even more determined to study further. And what I've learnt, is never to share a reading with anyone, no matter how dear, unless asked. Many people just dont want to know and I have to respect that. just my humble 2 bits eastarot

miss_apples	24 May 2004
My boyfriend is fairly supportive of my beliefs. His older brother on the other hand is the thorn in my side regarding the subject. We all live together and his brother started a fight with me on Easter saying that tarot was evil and fake and didnt want tom listen to me when I tried to tell him the truth of tarot. Then lately he has been going around saying that I am casting black magic spells on him. Mind you this man is 40 years old and I just cant believe he is that immature...lol. Theres an old saying that goes "People are afraid of what they dont understand. I think thats pretty much the case with anyone who ridicules us without looking things up and learning at least a little bit about them first. I have another friend who I talk about my tarot interest to. I keep telling him how I would like to make a career out of tarot and/or metaphysical healing. He said "Maybe you should try going into something a little more constructive" I was sooo angry, but again...he also doesnt understand the subjects and probably wont even try.

Alta	24 May 2004
This is a tough topic, and I think a large percentage of us have to face it... though it is great to read about supportive families. I never did tell my (now ex) husband about my interests. When you consider the stuff that he did sneer at, I would have hated to think what he would have said about tarot. He made me into a secretive person. I would even be reading the most innocuous novel and I always laid it down cover down. I finally wind up hiding most of myself from him. I don't mention it at work, and my birth family and their spouses know but sort of pretend that they don't know. So, mostly I talk about it here. And I now know two AT people irl and hope to know two more fairly soon. That's great, let me say!

Island Dreamer	24 May 2004
.... I'm another one in the 'secretive' camp :mad: My huband is an atheist so I can't even liken Tarot to divine inspiration because he doesn't believe in anything divine. I have to hide all my decks and journals away in a drawer and never open it in his presence. I've hidden my Tarot folder on my computer in a deeply nested location so he won't come across it by accident. I only ever use my decks or read my books if he is out of the house - the experience of having him walk in on me once was so mortifying that I have no intention of repeating it :( It does upset me - I feel as if he's belittling me and accusing me of being 'stupid' to believe in that 'rubbish' (his words). He says I am an intelligent woman and I should know better. Yet after 25 years of marriage to this otherwise wonderful man, I am resigned to being secretive and guilty and uneasy about my paganism and my tarot studies. There doesn't seem to be any other option..... thank the goddess for AT! Dreamer

tmgrl2	24 May 2004
All good posts....it seems the one uniting thread is we must BE who we are, and if we can do it openly and with support, so much the better. I feel blessed. My husband sometimes shakes his head, but at other times I hear him telling someone about things I think he doesn't understand...but I hear some pride in his voice...that's special...After my first 10 years with #1, I decided not to go down that path again...I'm going to be who I am and just acccept it, even if you don't understand it. terri

hedgecub	24 May 2004
I have been very blessed as I am currently with the most caring, loving, rational, and respectful mate I could dream of :) So I have reasonably high standards when it comes to relationships, and your freedom within the relationship to express yourself openly without fear of ridicule. I feel that if you can't be yourself in the relationship, then it's probably not worth it. This requires both partners to respect each other and often requires them to make compromises so that both people feel comfortable in the relationship, and don't feel that they have to wear a mask or hide parts of themselves away. I think it's fine if your partner is skeptical about your beliefs and practices, so long as (s)he respects them. If they tease you about it or outright ridicule you for it, you might want to try explaining to them that your beliefs and practices are a part of who you are, and that they are very personal to you. Point out to them that their words and actions are hurtful to you, and are on the same level as making fun of someone because of their religion. As for family, well. :p Coming from a very Christian family, all I can say is: you unfortunately don't choose your family, and neither do they choose you. Happily, there is the option of moving far, far away from your family if need be, so you can live your life in peace without fear of them descending on you with a crucifix and some holy water and a priest to exorcise you. :eek: Having said that, I do intend to come out of the closet to my family one day. While being honest with my family is nowhere near as important to me as being honest with my mate, I am getting tired of having to choose my words carefully in emails, hide my books when my family visits, and occasionally tell outright lies just to keep the peace. Ahh, one of these days :)

Ruby7	24 May 2004
My parents do not know about my tarot interest. I would love to explain it in detail to them, but I don't think that they would listen or understand and I don't want to have to experience the criticism and ongoing arguments about it. My sister knows, I bought her a deck a few years ago, and is o.k. with it. She would like me to do a reading for her sometime and I have offered many times, but she is a very busy person and we haven't got together on this yet. My co-workers already think that I am "weird" enough, and I take enough good-natured ribbing about many other things. I don't think that they would allow me to explain properly about tarot and so I prefer to keep it to myself. Close friends know my tarot interest, accept it, but are not too interested. They are very busy with raising young families, and I have a feeling in a few years time will be more interested, since years ago we all had tarot decks and talked about them. So I was very happy to meet Marion recently and know that I have someone in Ottawa to share tarot with and hopefully the Ottawa Tarot Club will allow a few more people to meet. Ruby7

miss_apples	25 May 2004
I personally couldnt be with a person who ridiculed a major thing in my life such as tarot and spirituality. Of course I wouldnt expect them to follow my same bath...but the least they could do is show respect. I think of it this way, I am an overweight woman. Would I stay with a man who tossed fat jokes at me and sneered everytime he saw me eat something? Absolutly not, its a type of verbal and emotional abuse to me. The same thing if a man snickers and ridicules something I believe in...again I consider it abuse. That is the last thing I should "put up" with in a significant other. I mean, they are supposed to accept who I am, if they cant...then they are out! Ok im done ranting now :)

punchinella	25 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by hedgecub As for family, well. :p Coming from a very Christian family, all I can say is: you unfortunately don't choose your family, and neither do they choose you. Happily, there is the option of moving far, far away from your family if need be, so you can live your life in peace without fear of them descending on you with a crucifix and some holy water and a priest to exorcise you. :eek: Having said that, I do intend to come out of the closet to my family one day. While being honest with my family is nowhere near as important to me as being honest with my mate, I am getting tired of having to choose my words carefully in emails, hide my books when my family visits, and occasionally tell outright lies just to keep the peace. Ahh, one of these days :) Hedgecub, it sounds like you're in the same boat as me, re: family . . . & you're in the UK too! --& here I thought it was a middle-of-America thing . . . :| I actually have moved 5000 miles across the continent, & into another country (Canada) for pretty much this very reason . . . & now, yiiiiikes, I'm fixing to move back. Come July I'm packing up & moving back into the parental home--which means (for six months or so, until my house here sells & I can erect my own private "Yurt") that not only will I have to hide cards & books, but the forum will be inaccessible as well. My mother is actually okay with tarot now (thanks to my influence :D ) & joined the forum several months ago, but has only posted I think 6 or 7 times, because she can't log on when my dad is awake, which is pretty much all the time . . . he's retired, & agoraphobic (never leaves the house). He's also a very, very angry person, dead-set against anything but his own brand of 'fundamentalist' Christianity, & violent at times . . . If he were to discover tarot cards in his house, I have no doubt that the cards would be destroyed. 'Coming out' is not an option. To get back to the original topic of the thread, though, in many ways I think condescension on the part of an SO, or potential SO, is significantly worse than out-&-out intolerance. Intolerance is not belittling, but condescension is. Like pretty much everyone else here (?) I've tasted my share of it, & the taste was not sweet. Punchinella

Kahlie	25 May 2004
I only started with Tarot like 3 weeks ago. The only persons I told are my ex and a friend. And my sister knows a little. And another person. My ex is the most scientific pragmatic person I know. He believes in "something" Divine sometimes. He was actually very interested. He has been telling me however that he doesn't think the Tarot makes my Readings accurate, but me. Now that spooked me out. He has lived with me for 3 years in the same house, and he told me that I am a very sensitive person. That most of my friends called me Empath for a reason. When I told him that he might think I have been "guessing" things about people, that was a bit hard when I did Readings on strangers. I guess he knew he was beginning to spook me a bit, but then he made his usual off hand jokes of calling me Oracle or Physic ;) One person that is a Jehova's Witness found out that somebody was sending me a Tarot Deck and he immediatly said: "don't spend much time with Tarot". I knew he would have misconceptions and since he's not in the same country with me, I decided not to go into a debate with him about it. So far I haven't had anybody freak out on me because of it. Let's hope I can keep it that way =)

Staramber	25 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Kahlie One person that is a Jehova's Witness found out that somebody was sending me a Tarot Deck and he immediatly said: "don't spend much time with Tarot". I knew he would have misconceptions and since he's not in the same country with me, I decided not to go into a debate with him about it. A Jehova's Witness gave me a magazine about casting out all 'spiritual' items and learning the true name of God in high school. A couple of years later we became quite good friends. My parents are okay about it. I think my Mum is a little scared by it but she doesn’t stop me and my Dad buys me decks (although he may just be doing that to annoy my Mum…). I've given readings to other family members and they have been impressed. Although I'm scared of doing one for my Grandma because I think she's some what psychic and I don't want to get things wrong. But that will just be my low self esteem. I have a friend who thinks it is just a coincidence when things in the cards come true but that never stops her from getting a reading. When it comes to telling people I tend not to mention it unless it comes up but I'm very open, then again teasing doesn’t exactly bother me anymore.

tmgrl2	25 May 2004
[quote]Originally posted by Staramber [i have a friend who thinks it is just a coincidence when things in the cards come true but that never stops her from getting a reading. [/quote] I love this! My favorite thing is when people hear about my reading Tarot I get all kinds of fears and beliefs thrown at me and then they want a reading! terri

jmd	25 May 2004
Zoe Kate, I'm pleased to mention that not everyone is the situation you mention in your opening post ('I'm sure this is an experience everyone has had'). I grew up in a family in which Tarot was 'normal' - and so was atheism, Christianity, and Judaism. And then my parents were probably more buddhist in many of their outlooks than anything else (for a while anyway!). And acupuncture was fine too (my father studied it for a while), and so was yoga (I first did it with my grandfather when a young child in France, and my mother has taught it for many years). I am always astounded that an item which is so much embedded in western thought should be so despised by some in western countries. Knowing myself, If I were in punchinella's situation I would probably buy a cheap second-hand deck and make sure that my father actually saw it amongst my items... probably leaving it on the kitchen table, with the World card out, with a Bible next to it opened-out at Ezekiel. Or the Waite Colman Smith version of Death, the Bible open at Revelation. Or Judgement out... Even where I work, I did not hesitate to talk about Tarot when asked about my other interests during the interviewing process many years ago...

crystal cove	25 May 2004
What really annoys the hell out of me about people that don't respect other's interests, is that the ones I know would NEVER put up with a partner or spouse who doesn't respect THEIR interests! They don't think twice about putting their lives around sports, cars, or other "toys", and boy, you'd better be supportive! Fortunately, my husband is supportive of anything I do, regardless of whether he believes in it or not. Of course, he collects things I have no interest in as well. We just let each other alone. He will look through my decks for the artwork though, and comment on the ones he likes; and I'll check out his latest collectible or toy; and it works for us.

Darla	25 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by twenty~one What really annoys the hell out of me about people that don't respect other's interests, is that the ones I know would NEVER put up with a partner or spouse who doesn't respect THEIR interests! They don't think twice about putting their lives around sports, cars, or other "toys", and boy, you'd better be supportive! Soo true! twenty~one, I totally agree. You can't choose your family but I would never stay with a partner who laughs at my interests or even condemns them.

Darla	25 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Imagemaker Good luck on your visit, Darla. If you substitute the word God for tarot, you could say all the things you might say about using it, like: "I listen to tarot/God for advice about my life. I go to tarot/God to understand myself better." I think the two words are One entity--not to create tarot as a false idol or offend, but to say it is one way that God/Spirit speaks. Thanks for the good wishes! :) I like what you said but I can imagine the reaction of my christian friends when I would say that to them. LOL I wouldn't have a problem discussing these things if it would be my own family, my friends or my partner, if they would be so christian, but since I'm guest in their house I don't want to offend them. It wouldn't make any sense anyway.

Imagemaker	25 May 2004
I totally agree, Darla, that it wouldn't be a good idea to say "tarot" in your visit. Just that if YOU think the word tarot when they make God statements, it might be interesting to see if, in your mind, their statements are less irritating. The range of reaction and stress that AT readers live with is amazing. Jmd, you have experienced incredible freedom compared to most of us--I wonder how much of that is Australian openness in general. Are there not many fundamentalists in Australia?

jmd	25 May 2004
There certainly are some... but they also have to put up with us :D !

hedgecub	25 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by punchinella Hedgecub, it sounds like you're in the same boat as me, re: family . . . & you're in the UK too! --& here I thought it was a middle-of-America thing . . . :| It's definitely not just a Bible Belt thing. My family are from China, and as far as I can tell, they've been Christian for generations on both sides. As far as I can tell, my family seem to have combined the conservative bits of Christianity and the conservative bits of Chinese culture to create an uber-conservative worldview. Of course, there's some interesting loopholes in the worldview, due to my family trying to combine a Christian belief system with a very unChristian culture. For example, several members of my mother's side of the family are quite interested in Feng Shui, even though they would look down on other magical/occult systems as 'satanic'. My grandmother keeps a small shrine to her mother, in the tradition of honouring ones ancestors, and nobody thinks it's out of the ordinary to perform traditional rites at family graves each year. So hopefully when I come out of the closet, I can point out all these discontinuities in my family's otherwise conservative Christian views, and maybe wrangle them into concluding that tarot really isn't so bad after all...

Zoe Kate	25 May 2004
Thankfully, my boyfriend seems to be slowly opening up to the idea of tarot. He sat down very patiently, and actually seemed interested as I told him about a reading I had just done the other day. I know that he would never intentionally say anything hurtful, or intentionally mock my beliefs...but I think that it is hard for him to understand, and maybe he didn't realise that his immediate reactions were hurtful. It saddens me in a small way that because he is not in the least bit spiritual, we will never be able to relate over this very important part of my life...but I guess that's the way things are sometimes. I would also like to take this opportunity to say that I have a very supportive mother, who's infulence (whether intentional or not) drew me to wicca in the first place. I was raised in the country, and taught to love nature, and my mother raised us with homeopathy and naturopathy and taught us the importance of herbs in healing. We have never had a real discussion about tarot or any of my beliefs, but the household I live in is far from oppressive, and I don't hide my decks or books...regardless of how much my step dad rolls his eyes. Thank you everyone so much, for sharing your stories. It's good to know I'm not alone. :)

Darla	25 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Imagemaker I totally agree, Darla, that it wouldn't be a good idea to say "tarot" in your visit. Just that if YOU think the word tarot when they make God statements, it might be interesting to see if, in your mind, their statements are less irritating. Ah, now I understand what you meant! Good advice, if it should get too overwhelming I will try it.

seneris	25 May 2004
My sister knows I'm studying the tarot, and she's quite curious. She asks questions and is quite supportive. My best friend totally supports me. My boyfriend is a bit of an atheist, but fortunately he doesn't make stupid comments about the tarot. He's happy to see that working with the tarot pleases me much, he supports my interests and vice versa. The only thing I don't like is that I can't practise any readings on him :(

punchinella	25 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by jmd Knowing myself, If I were in punchinella's situation I would probably buy a cheap second-hand deck and make sure that my father actually saw it amongst my items... probably leaving it on the kitchen table, with the World card out, with a Bible next to it opened-out at Ezekiel. Or the Waite Colman Smith version of Death, the Bible open at Revelation. Or Judgement out... JEEPERS, the only good part of this suggestion is the part about it being a second-hand deck! & the Bible would make it infinitely worse, since the man is obsessed with eschatology . . . Maybe that would be the point, in which case a nine-iron nearby might also be a good idea, or at the very least a stock-pot lid for warding off hurtled plates . . .

Tarot Sparrow	25 May 2004
Quote: Thankfully, my boyfriend seems to be slowly opening up to the idea of tarot. He sat down very patiently, and actually seemed interested as I told him about a reading I had just done the other day. I know that he would never intentionally say anything hurtful, or intentionally mock my beliefs...but I think that it is hard for him to understand, and maybe he didn't realise that his immediate reactions were hurtful. It saddens me in a small way that because he is not in the least bit spiritual, we will never be able to relate over this very important part of my life...but I guess that's the way things are sometimes. Zoe Kate, I totally understand how you feel. This also saddens me somewhat when I think about it, but I try not to let it get to me. After all my boyfriend is interested in things that I am not. And Seneris, I feel for you as well. Fortunately my boyfriend still holds a slight interest in my cards and lets me do readings for him sometimes. I still doubt he's convinced, but it's fun to do anyway :) He said I was good. And you never know what could happen. People change, and can be quite understanding. Maybe someday our SOs will connect with us more. I mean, stranger things have happened.

tmgrl2	25 May 2004
I agree with jmd about even telling people I work with that I read Tarot...I would never have done that when I was younger. Now I really don't care what they think. It's a major part of my life. Actually, when I told a group of four after a meeting yesterday, the psychologist came and asked for a reading which I did "live" today...big step for me...and it was a "relationship" spread. In the past, I would never have done it within the school building, but I clarified for her, that it was between us, it was during our lunch time...so she was fine with it...more people at work are curious and thinking of asking for a reading... I didn't have all the openness jmd had in his childhood. I had very fanatically religious Catholic parents. Tarot would have meant "hell and damnation." But then, that was then and now, if someone doesn't like it, too bad. My spouse, fortunately is so wonderful. And we can't always "escape" from a life situation so quickly..we need to work with it until we resolve things and, maybe move on, maybe not. Very personal decision. terri

punchinella	25 May 2004
Terri (tmgrl), doing readings at work sounds marvelous! Can you imagine a utopian work environment in which everyone just happened to be an aeclectic member . . . how fun would that be! (I guess we'd go out of business pretty quickly, since we'd never actually get any work done . . . )

_N_	25 May 2004
Unfortunately, your experience is more the norm than the opposite - I once even had a lady who cuts the material in Walmart (normally a friendly and talkative woman) look at me with total terror/disgust when the conversation turned to what my material was for and I said "to make bags for my tarot decks". The conversation ended abruptly, she finished cutting the material in silence and handed it to me with a very mechanical "thank you, have a nice day". I at least am blessed with a husband who tolerates, believes in half and is curious about the other half of my tarot and Pagan practices. Without trying to sound like I'm giving advice (while at the same time doing it :D ) I would have to say that if your boyfriend is so against it now that is not likely to change. Take it from someone who has seen it fail in her friends lives many times - you can't change someone or make them want to change, they have to want to do the changing themselves and change is never easy. N

tmgrl2	25 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by punchinella Terri (tmgrl), doing readings at work sounds marvelous! Can you imagine a utopian work environment in which everyone just happened to be an aeclectic member . . . how fun would that be! (I guess we'd go out of business pretty quickly, since we'd never actually get any work done . . . ) LOL....I rarely take my lunch break because there is so much paperwork...and testing...we all run around like lemmings...but this psychologist, who, like me works in several settings, sought me out at Noon today (I told her my lunch-time shop would be open) and we didn't find time together until 2, but she really wanted it...I think since it's a school, I probably will have to take my decks outside eventually...have to be so careful...but the children know nothing of it...and it was our lunch breaks! Part of carrying the message of Tarot, I believe is telling who we are and that is part of it...so I'm forging ahead. Ty for starting this thread, Zoe Kate...I think we all learned from it...gratitude and also how it can be difficult to have Tarot in some people's lives...I give you credit! terri

yve	25 May 2004
I can't help thinking that much of the reactions are due to our North American culture and what defines maleness/femaleness, or it can simply be differences in personalities...but my fiance comes from a former communist country, has a double degree (Masters in Petroleum and Bachelors in Computer Science) and has very much assimilated to this country, but he really admires my skill with the tarot and very interested in the cards and the meanings....Having said this, he also comes from one of the countries gypsies originated from...so perhaps this is the reason for his acceptance and curiosity....My son has been exposed to my tarot cards since I started, so he finds nothing strange about them...and my mother, well, she gave me a set of Ukiyoe cards although i've never read for her (but then again her father came directly from one of those block countries too and he grew up exposed to gypsies!)...cultural?

jmd	25 May 2004
Fascinating how different areas have different views of the Tarot. My maternal grandfather was also a very strong Catholic who happened to invest on behalf of a major bank in France - and was the weekly 'reader' at his local Catholic church for many years. This did not prevent him to have a Tarot deck, have books on Tarot (and other subjects), and have a (catholic) friend - Carton - write a section on the Tarot in his Occult Science and Occult Sciences (mentioned in Meditations in the Tarot). I suppose there are not only variations in the views of individuals and social settings, but also differences in age will result in differing views as to what the person may be doing and why they may be doing it. It seems to me that even those who have negative views of Tarot generally are quite caring - but ignorance can and unfortunately does get in the way. Hence also the need for those of us who are perhaps a little older and more 'establilshed' to openly and with naturalness be able to talk or be open about Tarot. As tmgrl2 shows, there are an incredible number of people who would like to be able to discuss and participate and read or have a reading - or at least begin to understand what the fascination is for so many. To be open - except when circumstances dictates that edging on the side of caution and discreteness may be best at the time - helps not only others understand us, but also assists to make Tarot acceptable for others who may have similar interests...

Sillanza	26 May 2004
The general reactions in my family have been good. I have never shared with everyone that I read tarot, only those that either ask or that I think might be interested. I had a couple of cousins say, "you know how to do that?" and immediately sat down for a reading. My best friend is married to a minister, but is also a literate, open thinker and I don't think completely accepts the tarot. I think she worries that it's a slipperly slope from advice to abdication of free will. Needless to say, I've never read for her. My husband is an engineer, and very much a skeptic, but I think he considers tarot harmless, and something that I just like for whatever reason. When the CA employment market was eating high-tech jobs alive last year, he came home and said, "Break out those cards and tell me about my job. But don't use the scary deck [rhorig]." Over the ensuing weeks, we did many readings that enable to make informed choices that have kept him employed (and valued) to date. I guess even skeptics figure, "hey, every little bit helps."

DewDrop	26 May 2004
I said to my husband/man, he was not happy with me spending my time with "nonsens" (things that doesent make sence and are just taking valuble time), and i said to him with a laugh; well, stop looking "nonsens"-football all the time and i will stop with my thing. As he is a realy grate football-lover, he took the hint and now im reading/learning and using my cards in the sofa next to him looking football :) We are still TWO persons after all!

Kahlie	26 May 2004
Quote: well, stop looking "nonsens"-football all the time and i will stop with my thing. As he is a realy great football-lover, he took the hint and now im reading/learning and using my cards in the sofa next to him looking football I really had to laugh on that one DewDrop! What a clever thing to say to make him see that! Must remember this when somebody else calls it nonsense.

jmd	26 May 2004
...errrr... excuse me for differing here, football is not nonsense. I once saw a game (one was sufficient), and the skill, energy and devotion shown to an inflated pig-skin ellipsoid in its being kicked, caught, thrown and bounced was astounding! They even have rules about how it can be kicked, towards whom, and for what purpose. Surely if so much can be made of a mere elliptical inflation of animal skin, how much greater Tarot :D:D:D

Sechat	26 May 2004
Another twist on the tension of how your nearest and dearest approve/support/disapprove/hate your interest in tarot/individual approach to the spiritual is this: My family is from the Caribbean where syncretism is rampant. Just like hedgecub's family, it is very common to practise a brand of christianity/islam/animism/hinduism that borrows freely from african/latino/south asian/east asian cultural elements as well as the other main religions! The twist here is while belief in all kinds of paranormal abilities and events from ghosts/angels/telekinesis/card-tea-rice reading/etc is quite acceptable, try convincing your family that you have a gift?! Unless you come from a family that has already accepted some members as having a gift, you can be subjected to anything from pungent scorn, to an exorcism. peace, sechat

gareth.	26 May 2004
You hav had such good advice to a very fundamentle question for those intrested in the tarot.Just be yourself. Dont worry if your partner has a difficulty with it.Tell him its llike collecting stamps.Keep the real significanse to yourself.

tmgrl2	26 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by jmd ...errrr... excuse me for differing here, football is not nonsense. I once saw a game (one was sufficient), and the skill, energy and devotion shown to an inflated pig-skin ellipsoid in its being kicked, caught, thrown and bounced was astounding! They even have rules about how it can be kicked, towards whom, and for what purpose. Surely if so much can be made of a mere elliptical inflation of animal skin, how much greater Tarot :D:D:D LOL, jmd about football...that is the second "god" in our house..maybe first...politics used to rule..and think of all those horrid affairs I had to attend for my husband's sake. But football...he's blind and he still listens to his Giants and Jets. His first wife used to nag him "Are you watching football again?!" When we got married, we just each did our thing we enjoyed that we didn't share....I play tennis, work out, go for walks, shop...read volumes...My husband was polititics and football. We shared a love of movies and now we share books. He listens to books--on-tape and I read...but we are together. When he used to be running for office, I played a lot of tennis to compensate for all the fund-raising, door-knocking, hand-shaking, flyer-sending, interviewing, appearance...yuck! I just wanted to be by the beach and read.. We have come to a great middle ground...even the telephone was a MAJOR problem...a counselor we saw, said I should get my own phone number and answer when I wanted. It took a whole year for my husband to stop saying..."Your phone is ringing...aren't you going to answer it?" "No, that's why I have voice mail, so I can eat dinner in peace." He still answers it always...but I respect that...he worries about the kids...I don't get it, but I respect and accept it. terri (Wow, jmd, just think of all the Tarot Time I'll get when football season starts again in Fall!)...

hedgecub	26 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Sechat The twist here is while belief in all kinds of paranormal abilities and events from ghosts/angels/telekinesis/card-tea-rice reading/etc is quite acceptable, try convincing your family that you have a gift?! Unless you come from a family that has already accepted some members as having a gift, you can be subjected to anything from pungent scorn, to an exorcism. So it would be quite alright for you or your family members to go to a psychic and have their cards/tea/rice read, but it wouldn't be okay for you to be a psychic and be able to read cards/tea/rice? It seems somewhat hypocritical to me at first, but perhaps it's due to a certain fear of the paranormal. Something of an "it's okay so long as it's someone I don't know" attitude, I guess?

Free	28 May 2004
My partner knows i use crystals (I even cured his headache with amythyst, but he wouldnt believe it)...but that is it. Once i confided to him that i actually owned some tarot cards *shock horror* and all he did was pat me on the head and go "there there"...and then change the subject. Funnily enough I haven't broached the subject with him since! It's annoying though as it is such a big part of my life now, I'd love to share it with him but I know he would not understand...argh! At least its not just me who has this problem and others understand the predicament! Free x

yve	28 May 2004
Quote: It seems somewhat hypocritical to me at first, but perhaps it's due to a certain fear of the paranormal. Something of an "it's okay so long as it's someone I don't know" attitude, I guess? I quite agree...i think most people's disdain if from fear, and lack of knowledge...people fear what they don't understand.

_N_	28 May 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Free I even cured his headache with amythyst Isn't it just wonderful for that? I have a large chunk from a massive geode that is dish shaped, about 6x8 inches and it works wonders if I just pick it up and hold it against my third eye when I've got a bad headache. N

ferrous	12 Aug 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Ruby7 I don't think that they would allow me to explain properly about tarot and so I prefer to keep it to myself. omg. You've hit the nail on the head with that comment, Ruby! That's exactly how it is why I don't share my interest in Tarot with my family. They, like the families of a few around here, are very Christian, so they have certain ideas in their heads about Tarot which they hold to dearly. Those ideas would not allow them to listen without any bias if I was to try to explain it to them. One day .. maybe one day.

Luminessence	12 Aug 2004
Thankfully, my parents and boyfriend are very supportive of my interest in tarot. My dad used to do a lot with tarot, and when I got interested in psychic stuff he gave me his old deck. My boyfriend used to study tarot, as well. My mom frequently gets readings from me. Those are pretty much the only people who know about my tarot interest, though. I can just imagine what would happen if I told, say, my dad's parents. They're very very Christian. They have ten or twenty Bibles displayed prominently on a shelf in their dining room, and little cross-stitches about Jesus... that sort of thing. And they're not the open-minded type of Christian, either. Far from it. (My dad is a Christian, but he's a very open-minded one - he doesn't have any problem with tarot or my mom's Buddhism, although fundamentalist Christians get on his nerves.)

falling water	12 Aug 2004
i must say...being new to this forum...i am very impressed with the degree of compassion, knowledge and creativity shared by all of you. i have studied tarot for many years and have been subjected to the usual ignorance and fear. the tarot is a spritual tool for me, not only divinatory. im old enough and wise enough now to not share my findings with my boyfriend. he doesn't ask either. but i don't judge the films and rock shows he loves to go to, i just don't go. we are free to enjoy what we like and we don't have to like the same things. loyalty, honesty, communication, love and trust are our foundations. it took me a long time to find someone like him and the thing i love most is the freedom to be ourselves without fear of losing the other.(we're not perfect at this one yet!)

The negative reactions to tarot from loved ones thread was originally posted on 23 May 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.