Reader's background and responsibility

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 03 Jun 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Flavio	03 Jun 2004
I am aware that during readings, querent's wounds might be open in the form of childhood trauma, sudden realisation of something, disclosed shameful situation etc, I fear beign unable to help giving explanation to those wounds, the meaning of that pain, how to advise for healing and further close of those wounds. I try to be a more responsible reader so I would like to know what kind of extra studies can be helpful to solve the situation described in previous paragraph. I do not want to hide information to querent but I do want to provide effective help handling such information. Thank you very much for your comments.

cartarum	03 Jun 2004
there were times when i could not help the seeker for the reason that if i told them, it could too easily blow up in my face. it is not adviseable to even give an honest reading to some people, because they are so impressionable, its like taking candy from a baby; they will just listen to whatever you say. in the normal social world, it is not right to lie. but in the occult world, lies are the way things are. in fact, you are expected to lie. so dont sweat it. ~A~

Nevada	03 Jun 2004
Sometimes all you can do is identify the problem, not fix it. Know the limits of your abilities, and refer the querent to the proper expert when needed. The reader doesn't have the means to do everything. Don't expect that of yourself. Nevada

hedgecub	03 Jun 2004
I also do not support hiding information from the querent; honesty is part of my personal tarot ethics, and I feel that lying by omission constitutes a breach of honesty. However, I think it's important to know where my qualifications begin and end, and hence essential to always make a referral to a competent specialist if there is any indication that the querent may require professional help. I definitely wouldn't give diagnoses or prescribe treatment. If a reading indicated, say, pregnancy, I would tell the querent they may well be pregnant and encourage them to be tested, or see a doctor. When it comes to serious or sensitive matters, it never hurts to have a professional opinion. I find it helps to be careful how I phrase things; being open and honest doesn't exclude me from also being tactful ;) Not only does this help ease the querent through difficult or embarrassing revelations, it also keeps them from being unduly worried in case I'm wrong. For example, saying "you are pregnant" might put the querent into a panic, but saying "you may be pregnant, perhaps you should have a test" would alert the querent to the possibility, but not put them through undue stress if I turn out to be wrong. And while it's not necessary, I've heard that it helps for a reader to have some training in counselling, since that can turn out to be a big part of readings.

Jeanette	03 Jun 2004
Flavio, it sounds to me like you're already half way to where you want to be ~ being a sensitive reader, someone who relates to the clients and is sympathetic and empathetic. Just realizing this concern and acknowledging the importance of the way you handle a difficult reading; this will help you remain aware of the power of your words and how they are delivered.

Astra	04 Jun 2004
Flavio, you can in fact limit the breadth of the answers you will get in a specific reading by how you set up to do the reading. If you want to make sure that the kinds of trauma/backlash you're worried about don't happen, simply specify to yourself beforehand that you want to do a reading whose results you can handle. In most cases, this will still give a solid, thorough reading for the querent, and/or make sure that the information they're given is in a form that THEY can handle. Don't think that you'll be giving the querent less than your best by doing this, either. Every reader has areas they tend to avoid, areas they tend to focus more fully on - the difference will simply be that you consciously know the choice you're making in this area.

Staramber	04 Jun 2004
In high school I was a peer mentor. Kids are supposed to come to us with their problems. If it was something simple like homework we could do that ourselves but it was something serious we'd have to tell the learning mentors so they could get the proper help. That's what I try to do in a reading. You could try keeping a list of numbers of support organisations or have a list of local doctors, psychiatrists, ect to repfer people to.

cleung	04 Jun 2004
Hi Flavio, Since you are asking if there's any training you can take. I found myself better in making encouraging comments in a not-so-positive readings after I took some spiritual councelling courses in one of the interfaith related church. My course covered basic psychotheorpy, neurotic study, shaminism and huna theory, some metaphysics as well. My instructor already retired though. You can search for any interfaith community near you, they locate everywhere around the world. I don't recommend hiding or telling lies, I would rather tell them the truth and positive perspectives on the problems, and different options so the querent will not feel so "stuck" or overburden. Understand other religions also help. Something using their religion's scripture to open their eyes in a not-so-good situation also help in a positive way. Believe it or not, most querent who is interested in my tarots reading tends to lean on a particular religion. Hope this help.. :)

lunalafey	04 Jun 2004
Quote: Originally posted by cartarum its like taking candy from a baby; they will just listen to whatever you say. in the normal social world, it is not right to lie. but in the occult world, lies are the way things are. in fact, you are expected to lie. I agree that it can be like candy and a baby- one must be cautious of fragile personalities- but to lie? that is just wrong in any situation. If you do a reading and you see something that is deep and sensitive, proceed carefully. You may want to test the waters to see if your sitter is aware of what you see. Questions can be asked in a round about way that you can keep what you see to yourself. If they are aware, then take each step lightly. I would let them do most of the exploration of the situation. If they are not aware, then being very general is an easy but honest way to respond. This will give them something to think about, when they are ready. There will be those readings where your responsibility is to show someone a door, tarot opens it, and the sitter is the one who must walk through. You cannot lead them through. It's a tough line to walk. Sometimes I feel a bit of guilt, because I feel that I withheld info, but during the reading- I get that feeling, that says 'they can't handle hearing that'...what to do? the best you can, which includes honesty.

Flavio	09 Jun 2004
Thank you all for sharing your comments on this matter, I have realised which of my own expectations are realistic and what other options are available to help the querent.

tmgrl2	09 Jun 2004
Good question, Flavio...and some fine suggestions. I'm with Luna about testing the waters...I have taken direction from Umbrae's articles at the beginning of AT Forum..I printed them and reread from time to time..Now that I am doing live readings, I turn something difficult or puzzling into a question/answer exchange with the querent...and sometimes, even a question of what they believe, spiritually ..and we can always steer them toward help as part of the reading, if they share something difficult or painful that falls outside my realm. I do it at work with my children and clients...I am beginning to see the same patter when I read....I tend also to give what I feel comfortable giving, but the way I say it may be more broad... such as...children...I'm seeing children or a child? Do you have a child? this can often lead them to give you the opening you need for something you feel you already see...that gives the Q ownership, as well.... terri

The Reader's background and responsibility thread was originally posted on 03 Jun 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.