Has this happened to you?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 27 Aug 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

katie_here	27 Aug 2004
I was reading thru' the thread "obvious questions" and something MeeWah said struck me, about one card being the start of layer and layers of issues. As it ever happened to you, when you are doing a reading, that it soon becomes obvious that a reading was the last thing needed, and instead, a listening ear and a bit of sound advice is called for? I did a reading for someone, and because the cards were'nt showing what the querant wanted to hear, she was getting agitated, As I listenened more and more to her it became obvious that no matter what cards were dealt, they would never have the right answer, the querant would not be willing to take advice from them and in the end I put the deck down and gave some sound advice. She didn't like it, but I thought the truth was best than wishing on the impossible. Have you had a session like this?

Original Destiny	27 Aug 2004
"I did a reading for someone, and because the cards were'nt showing what the querant wanted to hear, she was getting agitated, As I listenened more and more to her it became obvious that no matter what cards were dealt, they would never have the right answer, the querant would not be willing to take advice from them and in the end I put the deck down and gave some sound advice. She didn't like it, but I thought the truth was best than wishing on the impossible. Have you had a session like this?" Hi Katie I find that I only tell them what Ican see, and I feel that its up to the client to do what they want with the information. If they dont like what have to say thats up to them. Sometimes the information given might not be accepted straight away and the client might have to do some serious thinking and self-exploration afterwards. The information I provide might not sit well with them at the time but on reflection and with lots of hindsight things might be clearer for them further down the line As for giving advice, I avoid it at all costs, I want to empower a client to take control, to be respons-able so if anything, I give choice, insight and guidance. They are the Experts on their own lives and only they can choose, I give them what I can see and let them choose their response to my insights. I find that home truths are often hard to swallow and recipients tend to spit them out however well intended. As a counsellor i know that a lesson learned the hard way ie. by personal experience, is far more valuable than being told something.

anubis	27 Aug 2004
totally agree. my classmates knew i have my tarot and keep asking me to reveal their aspects in love.... getting quite sick, especially i m juz new to tarot, and i could not make up anysense sometimes. they will be agitated and comment on my "skills"

katie_here	27 Aug 2004
and I totally agree. this particular person is a family member. but a stranger, that would be a different matter, because you don't know the person well enough to be that personal with them.

Ace	29 Aug 2004
Quite correct Katie. One thing I do (based on advice from an experienced reader) is if it is someone I know, I tell them MY opinion FIRST. then I do cards if we still need to. So the feelings I have, have been aired and the cards opinion (which is NOT mine!) can be put out as needed. Recently, a couple of people called looking for readings, one I gave my opinion (she was an acquaintence) and then didn't need to read cards for her at all. the other was a friend who really wanted a professional (paid) reading. In the end, I refused to do it for two reasons, she wanted it NOW and I make people wait a few days or a week before I will do a reading, to get them past the "I have to get this answer" (which was exactly what she wanted-a particular answer) and I was too close to it, I knew too much. I recommended someone else to read for her.

kerri28	29 Aug 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Ace the other was a friend who really wanted a professional (paid) reading. In the end, I refused to do it for two reasons, she wanted it NOW and I make people wait a few days or a week before I will do a reading, to get them past the "I have to get this answer" (which was exactly what she wanted-a particular answer) and I was too close to it, I knew too much. I recommended someone else to read for her. Ooh, I've done this before. Except I'm not charing for readings yet. But, in the end she came back to me and told me that she was glad that i didn't do a reading for her because it was something that she had to look inside for anyway. My hesitation for not giving her a reading is that I felt as though she was wanting me or the cards to "fix" it all when she indeed had the answer all along. So instead of me giving her my opinon I decided to let her wait it out until she came up with the answer all by herself. Kerrie

Ace	29 Aug 2004
My hesitation for not giving her a reading is that I felt as though she was wanting me or the cards to "fix" it all when she indeed had the answer all along. So instead of me giving her my opinon I decided to let her wait it out until she came up with the answer all by herself. Kerrie [/b][/quote] I get that, and I bet most of us do: "what is the answer? I can't do it myself!" I often feel they think I am smart because the cards give such good insight, but I am not the cards (they are smarter!) But there are some I won't read for since they want all the ANSWER THEY WANT handed to them , even when that is NOT a reasonable solution. For example: the friend that wanted a paid reading NOW: she wanted to know if she should go on a trip she had been invited on (I am not telling 99% of the story for obvious reasons) but actually, I told her (based on a card pulled) that she needed to stay home and take care of herself. Her reply? "well, actually I have bronchitis right now.... but should I go?" So she was not going to listen to the truth no matter how much money I charged her, so why waste her money and my time?

katie_here	29 Aug 2004
I don't feel I have any psychic abilities, but I do feel quite empathetic. I have always had the knack of "knowing" what a person is saying, even though their words might say something different, I can usually (but not always) tell what a person needs, even when they are trying to say the opposite. Getting the balance right though has took me through some trials and errors. I find some people expect or demand tarot readers to be psychic and to be able to tell past events and future events with some degree of accuracy, and if they can't they lose credibility. How do you cope if you meet someone like that, if you don't have psychic abilities? I'm a long way off from reading professionally, but I feel a bit trepidatious about what people will expect of my abilities.

Shalott	30 Aug 2004
Howdy, I don't read professionally yet, either, but as far as ppl expecting a psychic reading: it might help to tell them upfront what you and the Tarot are capable of. I'm also not psychic/intuitive, but I find I don't really need to be, the cards tell me what I need to know. And if you dialogue with your Querants, you won't be lacking a dimension. I think most ppl out there don't analyze themselves, don't look inward, don't want to face certain things. They just do, go, be, exist, and don't look at "why" hardly ever. I think this accounts for the phenomenon of ppl not quitting their jobs when they win the lottery - they need someone to give them something to do cuz they can't come up with anything on their own! But it also accounts for ppl not willing to accept what readers/psychics have to say, they just want their problem solved with a band-aid and to move on to the next thing. They don't want to think about it! I can't pretend to understand the source of this, but it seems to be pretty common!

Ace	30 Aug 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Shalott I think most ppl out there don't analyze themselves, don't look inward, don't want to face certain things. They just do, go, be, exist, and don't look at "why" hardly ever. [it] accounts for ppl not willing to accept what readers/psychics have to say, they just want their problem solved with a band-aid and to move on to the next thing. They don't want to think about it! I can't pretend to understand the source of this, but it seems to be pretty common! Very true! Now in answer the the question asked: I DO believe all people are psychic. The cards are a tool to help us access the universe and the information out there. I tell people UP FRONT I can't read the future. We are reading the present including information out there but not available through normal means to the querent. If they don't want that, they don't have to get a reading from me. I don't do many private readings (read: SERIOUS in-deph readings) for that reason. I don't promise what I can't deliver (the answer they want, just the truth that is there) and I make them wait. This allows them to digest and get off the need for a simple answer right now that tells them that they are right or what they want to know. I get occaisional late night calls from tearful strangers asking if her-always a woman-boyfriend (who has left her for another woman, who cheated on her, who broke her heart) will come back. "Do you re-unite loved ones? one psychic I talked to said she would for $2500." I told her no, I don't do that, I don't cost that much, and (usually) why do they want a cheating louse back anyway? (the last is only after listening to them tell their story, which they blurt out before I can stop them. I still think one should get YOUR opinion out of the way first, then the cards will give them--if they want a reading.) I tell the to set up a date with me and send me a check (I get paid in advance) if they still want a reading, but by then they usually don't need it. I have been told that that WAS giving them a reading, but I am not sure. I just don't want to leave someone stuck in a terrible mental hole. BUt a reading requires preparation on the querents part, and that means waiting, IMHO.

Kit	30 Aug 2004
Had this happen recently too. Deep down, people often know their problem, their vices and the right path to take. But they deny everything!!! Sometimes it is just too hard to accept the situation at hand. I don't read professionally but when some people find out I read tarot and approach me for a reading they often have a set idea of their "happily ever after" reading. After all, why pay for counselling or therapy when you can have your tarot read?! Often, the reading only supports what they already know (or pretend not to know) or presents factor or options which they are not willing to acknowledge because they are still looking for an easy solution. If they are someone you know, talk them through their problems. If they aren't and they are dissatisfied with the reading, perhaps next time they will try to solve their problems first before turning to you to read for them. :) Raeven

Shalott	30 Aug 2004
Yeha, I agree that deep down they probably do know - if the really didn't they probably wouldn't deny it so vehemently!!!

Imagemaker	30 Aug 2004
Quote: the reading only supports what they already know (or pretend not to know) or presents factor or options which they are not willing to acknowledge because they are still looking for an easy solution. Or they're afraid of the change that will happen if they acknowledge the problem. Today on Oprah (talk show), a therapist said that most people who come say, yes, they knew there was a problem 2 or 4 or 6 years ago. When he asks why they didn't DO something, they say, "I thought it would go away." Passivity in the face of life sometimes works, but usually not in the way you wanted.

Kit	31 Aug 2004
Go Oprah! Quote: Originally posted by Imagemaker When he asks why they didn't DO something, they say, "I thought it would go away." They probably didn't think it would go away, they just WISHED it would. Raeven

Imagemaker	31 Aug 2004
Good point, Raeven. And lack of response can make the difference between victim and victor.

katie_here	31 Aug 2004
that when people are unwilling to face a problem, they usually think if they don't deal with it, it doesn't exist, and usually the problem will just smack you smartly in the face, just to remind you its still there and it wants your attention. whats that expression? there's none so blind as those that refuse to see. (or something like that!)

Trogon	31 Aug 2004
Oy! You all are soooo right. I had a rather unpleasant experience several weeks ago. But, I've got to give you a tiny bit of background about myself; Over the past year or so, I've been getting more in contact with my spirit guides. Along with this has come a few very powerful "readings" which didn't really have a lot to do with the Tarot. These have been very specific messages from a spirit or guide that was meant for the other person. For the most part these have been well received. Most of these have been for people over the internet. Then, a few weeks ago, my guides started encouraging me to give a message to an on-line acquaintance (I'll just call her "C"). This had to do with a couple of things, her relationship with her husband (he abuses her) and the fact that she is carrying a lot of guilt over her mother dying in hospital after a lingering illness, but she ("C") couldn't be there with her. "C" got extremely angry fairly early in the "reading" she did confirm all the specifics which I was being told to tell her (such as the abuse - she'd never mentioned that before - and the guilt over the death of her mother - I knew the guilt was there and that it was her mother, but not why there was guilt). I probably bungled it... didn't approach the whole subject as well as I should... but, I'm not sure it would've mattered much anyway. I had to deliver the message (my guides can get awfully insistent if I ignore them). She blew up though... called me several rather unpleasant names... said I was "evil"... . She is talking to me again now, and mostly being pretty civil to me. But, she definitely did not want to hear those messages. It was a very unpleasant business, but maybe, just maybe she will be thinking about things. Maybe she'll be able to seek help somewhere else now that it's been brought out to her a little bit. And maybe, just maybe, I'll learn some things from all of that too. :| Uh... did that answer the question?

Ace	31 Aug 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Trogon I probably bungled it... didn't approach the whole subject as well as I should... but, I'm not sure it would've mattered much anyway. I had to deliver the message (my guides can get awfully insistent if I ignore them). She blew up though... called me several rather unpleasant names... said I was "evil"... . Don't feel bad: tell the truth and shame the devil! as the saying goes. She was in heavy denial because the truth was just too painful. I wonder about one thing: did she want a reading? if not, I think you shouldn't do it unless she says that is what she wants. You can poke into someone's head without their permission even when they are right there, and I think that is STILL unethical. IF she gave you permission to read her (whether you volunteered or she asked) then I think you did right. and one more thing: I believe I AM NOT A COUNSELOR NOR CAN I BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR ONE. If someone needs counseling (and I get them sometimes!) I refuse to read for them and suggest counseling instead. That is one reason I decided not to go for ATA cerification, but I am still considering Canadian Tarot Assoc. certification, they don't have a tarot counselor component on the way to Mastery.

The Has this happened to you? thread was originally posted on 27 Aug 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.