Needless worry......

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 16 Aug 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

mercenary30	16 Aug 2004
I was raised a Catholic, but I gave up on organized religion in my early twenties. My parents go to church regularly and are very active in their church. I have kept my tarot interests to myself for the most part. I have a number of friends who know I am into tarot, but not many. But I had not shared that with my parents at all. Recently, with all the changes that are going on in my life, I made it a point to have a talk with my mother about my recent discoveries of Eastern Philosophy and my study and use of tarot. That opportunity came this last weekend, when I took my kids up to hang with their grand parents. I brought three decks with me to share/show with my mother, just in case the opportunity arose. I brought my Visconti to show how closely they resembled playing cards and I brought my RWS. It was also suggested to me that I should bring along my brand new Golden Tarot as well. When I finally broached the subject, and I had spent a few minutes explaining what tarot was about and what I had been doing with it, I asked her if I could show them too her. I was excited that she didn't freak out on me, but that she actually wanted to see and hear about them? Total Shock!!! So I spent the next two hours talking about tarot with my own mother!! I would have never expected that in a million years. I started off like I planned, with the Visconti and then the Golden. We went through the whole Golden deck, and I could tell that my mom was really interested and that she was enthralled with the art and symbolism in the Golden. When we were done looking at those, I put them all back into their box and slid it across the table to my mother. I knew she was going to be spending the next week by herself as my father was headed home to work for the week (They are camping). She was tickled pink that I was going to leave those cards with her to explore at her leisure. It was the perfect deck to bring. Plus the book is right there in the slide top box, so my mom has enough there to work with right in that little box. I also told her that if she finds she is really that interested in the tarot, and if she finds herself connecting with those cards, that I would let her keep them. She was grinning from ear to ear!!! Then I broke out my RWS deck to show her how closely the symbolism of the Golden matched to a tarot standard......and as soon as she saw the first card she said, "Oh, I have seen that deck before, KayKay uses that deck." OMG!!!! I was so totally floored! KayKay is my mom's closest cousin. They grew up together. She has been in and out of my life as I was growing up. I have always had a strong affinity with KayKay that I never really understood. Now I find out she is into Eastern Philosophies and TAROT!!!! How cool is that!????! So here I am worried for the last two years about what my family would think...... So yet again, I have to say......god, I love these cards!!!!! Isn't tarot wonderful?

Alissa	16 Aug 2004
Sounds like you took the risk, and yet were able to use your Spirit to fill the gap between you and your mother. What a beautiful connection you were given. Very Fool-ish and smart move. My best wishes to you as you begin to guide those around you to the answers they need as well....

darwinia	16 Aug 2004
Quote: Originally posted by mercenary30 So here I am worried for the last two years about what my family would think...... So yet again, I have to say......god, I love these cards!!!!! Isn't tarot wonderful? What a great story! A good lesson in how we make erroneous assumptions. I had similar experiences with my family who are agnostic or atheistic and so rational they are frightening. I refer to them as the Sword Family; highly analytical and critical of most things, I was greatly pleased they got a kick out of my tarot stuff. My oldest sister even told me she is interested in the I Ching and has been for some time! She sent me a birthday card with an I Ching symbol on it. Every time I do something creative with tarot cards or oracles I shout to my husband "God, I love these cards!"

contrascarpe	16 Aug 2004
Merc - I can identify with many parts of your story. I grew up mega-Catholic as well, but luckily my Mom was always fairly progressive in her thinking and not only accepted Tarot in our house (I was introduced to it by my brother, nine years my senior) but actually encouraged it. We grew up in an old, old house with paranormal happenings, so she was savvy in these things. She often asks me even now to read her cards and we just gave her her very first deck - the Baroque Bohemian Cats. I still do not advertise my interest in Eastern Religion and Tarot to some people in my life for other reasons, but for the most part it is part of who I am, so I will never deny my interest. However, I also identified with the "needless worry" part of your post. Recently I broke up with someone I was seeing (as you know) and am with Gardener now. I was worried how my friends and family would view this on several levels. I was afraid that they thought I was abandoning someone (who they liked) and therefore would put Gardener at a disadvantage. As it turned out, everyone was very accepting (my friends saw how the old relationship was tearing me apart) and everything went very well. The lesson I learned - when it comes to family, more times often than not they will support you because they love you. Thank you for sharing your story with me - nice to see another Recovering Catholic ;) Dan

lunakasha	16 Aug 2004
Yet another "recovering Catholic" here.....LOL Dan!!! :D I can relate to your story too, merc..... My parents are also active in the Catholic church....my mother is open-minded in many ways, but is also very much a logical, left-brained type of person. I think I was more worried that she would see tarot as "silly" than that she would reject it based on her religious beliefs..... After keeping quiet about tarot for several months (even though she did know I was spending most of my free time on Aeclectic Tarot) she came up to me out of the blue and said: "So tell me about tarot....what do you use them for???" Just like that!!! It caught me a little off guard....trying to explain in a few sentences something that can never be fully explained. The funny thing is, earlier that day I had read a post somewhere by Thirteen that was actually a very nice "summary" of what tarot is and is not....so I came online, printed it off and handed it to my mother. She seemed even more interested....and then when I showed her my Gilded cards she said: "When are you going to give me a reading???" :eek: I could not believe it!!! I had a similar experience with some friends that I meet with for coffee every Wednesday morning...they were with me when I found the Greenwood, and I was surprised and pleased that they wanted to know more about tarot, and asked me to read for them. One of these women also happens to be a devout Catholic...so it is true that we should be careful about making assumptions where that is concerned. In two days, I will be reading for these four women...I am nervously excited and I just know it is going to be great...I am going to bring three or four decks for them to choose from....probably the Golden, Hanson-Roberts, maybe the Gendron and....one of my oracle decks, in case someone prefers a non-tarot reading. Merc, that is so cool that your mom is getting excited about tarot, and that you can share your enthusiasm of tarot with her.... Nice to hear such positive stories about how tarot impacts our lives on so many different levels.....it is beyond amazing!!! :) Luna

firemaiden	16 Aug 2004
That's funny Merc. Your experience reminds me, I had a fun time with my Mom's reaction too. Catholicism and religiosity are one thing, and then....on the other hand, there are people like my parents who are so ardently aetheistic, that things that smack of "superstition" or "mysticism" or "spirituality" in any way (let alone religion) are seriously tabou. That's why it surprised me, that when I showed her the cards, instead of balking, she began asking questions, and participated and wanted me to read, and even began telling me what she could see in the cards. (She even explained to others who said "I don't do religion" upon seeing the cards -- "its not about religion, its like a Roschach".) Recently, she asked me whether she should put on a fifth concert in her concert series (usually reserved only four concerts). I pulled the Nine of Swords from the Victoria Regina -- nine guns stuck in the back of a prone warrior. She started to laugh, and said-- " guess I better not do a fifth concert!!"

Gardener	16 Aug 2004
I'm so glad to hear your mother's unexpectedly sweet reaction, Merc. Don't you find, when you are entering a big emotional unheaval in life, you wonder about spending more time with your parents? It would be nice if they could "get" you, be interested in your interests. So you try, and if you're lucky, they come through. I think the Golden was an inspired choice for a Catholic, I'm so happy to hear that she connected to the images. I know many people who are quite logical, and decide to relate to the tarot as a tool for psychology (like firemaiden's mum), but isn't it even more interesting when a religious person finds something to connect to in the cards? I love that. I'm happy that you found out she can be a friend to you in a new way, in crazy times.

Moonbow*	16 Aug 2004
A great story Merc I am not a Catholic and I don't come from a religious family so my close family all know I do tarot and take little notice of it. It's very much a couldn't-care-less attitude with them, which is great but at the same time I feel they are not likely ever to be interested enough to want to look at my decks. Several times I have mentioned to my mum about the cards and she really isn't interested, she will even change the subject, which can be a disappointing, especially when it is such a big part of my life now. But, I know she is a very grounded person and in some ways lives in her own little world too. For your mum to takes this much interest when you were expecting the worse must be such a buzz for you. You must feel like you can finally be yourself around them, what a great feeling! Nice one! :)

SongDeva	17 Aug 2004
What a fantastic experience, getting to express some of your authentic self to people who you think might hold an older idea of who you are....and to share a part of your life that is quite important to you, and have it so well-received. It seems like your mom was more impressed with the Golden Deck than with the fact that you use tarot. Ha! Not what you expected at all. Good stuff! My love to KayKay.

Imagemaker	17 Aug 2004
Quote: The lesson I learned - when it comes to family, more times often than not they will support you because they love you. This is true in some (supportive) families, but then there's those families that feel because they love you, they have to save you, stop you from bad decisions, etc. What I've found is that because so many of us keep tarot use a secret, people are doing it and don't connect when they could. Like Merc30's mother and KayKay, but not sharing that with Merc. To me it's all about hearing someone out without judging. And so many rigid people (whether religious or not) are so busy judging, they keep less forceful people silent. Just came back from my daughter's (successful) wedding and wow, what an example of what I'm saying in the various families. The supportive, open, communicators and the rigid, judgmental, sour ones! Fortunately, the communicators reigned supreme!

lunalafey	17 Aug 2004
the anticipated reactions of parents are sometimes far from what really happens- but it is always mind blowing.... what a wonderful time you had with mom! Funny though. My mom is far from religious, spiritual yes, and was this attutude and upbringing that left me open to exploration. But to tell her of tarot, she'd laugh at me I think. Her response to my study of the stars was "can't be any worse than christianity" *sigh* at least I know she won't disown me.

Little Baron	17 Aug 2004
Moonbow, your experiences sound pretty much the same as mine. My parents are well aware of what I do but are not really that interested. The decks are often laying around in their boxes and at the moment, next to the armchair in the sitting room, where my dad sits most, is a book on 'reversals'. Not that he picks it up and looks through it. I have read for them once. I read for my father with the Cosmic Tribe (hahaha) and left the three lovers versions in. He came out with the woman/woman and man/man ones in his reading. I suppose that living with me, my parents have grown to become quite open-minded, lol. As much as they are not particularly interested, my mum has been really good and always let me use her credit card to buy new tarot stuff with. When they have been for days out, if I was looking for a particular deck and they passed a shop they thought it might be in, they would go in and ask for me. I have lost count of the times that I have been in search of a deck or book and they have driven me all over the Kent countryside to look for it. My dad bought me the Thoth and Pagan 2000 as a treat once. Even though they don't understand the cards, they understand that they are important to me; my dad has hobbies and can relate to the fact that even though they are different, I am pasionate about mine. On the whole, I have very supportive parents - on all levels. Yaboot Edited to add: My friend stayed with me at the weekend, and while I was getting ready to go out upstairs, she chatted with my parents downstairs. Later on, when we were in the pub, she said 'your parents were telling me how pleased they were about your progression with the tarot; that they were glad that you had something you were really interested in'. They have never said anything to me directly, but it was nice to hear. My mum did look at the Phantasmagoric once, after she had had a few glasses of wine. She looked at me and said 'I don't like these pictures. It doesn't feel right. Look at their heads. They look like pigs'. Hahahahaha

Moonbow*	17 Aug 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Yaboot001 Moonbow, your experiences sound pretty much the same as mine. Edited to add: My friend stayed with me at the weekend, and while I was getting ready to go out upstairs, she chatted with my parents downstairs. Later on, when we were in the pub, she said 'your parents were telling me how pleased they were about your progression with the tarot; that they were glad that you had something you were really interested in'. They have never said anything to me directly, but it was nice to hear. This is much like my parents. They would never say to me that they were proud of something I did. But then I would hear from someone else that they were. Maybe its an English thing! Stiff upper lip an' all that!

Little Baron	17 Aug 2004
I think you could be right. Unless there is an extreme situation, my parents don't always say what they feel. It's like my fashion work; my dad barely makes any remarks about it, but my mum said to me recently that he talks to friends about it when they are out together. She said, he might not show you he is proud, but he certainly tells others. That was nice. Yab

The 78th Fool	25 Aug 2004
I think it's quite a common experience that parents say little of what they are thinking - They are often just too close to be objective. Mine have no great interest in the Tarot but are incredibly supportive in a bemused sort of way. Conversely, I have no passion for their hobbies but take interest because ultimately I see these things bringing them pleasure and fulfilment. Chris. xx

Tarot Sparrow	27 Aug 2004
Congrats, mercenary. So glad it worked out for you :)

The Needless worry...... thread was originally posted on 16 Aug 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.