Moments of megrims of insecurity?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 28 Sep 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

blackroseivy	28 Sep 2004
I'm wondering if anyone else out there just suddenly stops & goes to themselves, "What am I DOING???" & "I don't know what I am doing!!" when it comes to reading the cards. I suffer from depression & anxiety, which certainly colors how I approach the cards. Anyone else out there at least occasionally insecure?? ;)

dadsnook2000	28 Sep 2004
danubhe . . . I don't know quite how to answer you. I had learned in astrology (a very long time ago) that you had to have faith in what you knew, in what you saw, and in what you then understood that the chart was showing you. When I moved over to Tarot, I just picked up my blind faith in the universe and did Tarot. You have two groups of support going for you. FIRST, you have your knowledge of the card's general meanings, your understanding and restatement of the question posed (if there is a question), the spread that is being used and the meanings of each position in that spread, and finally (and most important) you have the "intent" to read the cards that are dealt into that spread relative to the question at hand. SECOND, you have the knowledge that previous readings have accurately reflected the querent's question or need to know. The tarot has worked before, it will work again, it always works -- this is the basis for your faith in it. If there is anything you can count on, it is that the tarot will talk to you. Yes, I know that sometimes there can be a blank moment when looking at the spread. But, you have to think about what is causing that "blankness." Is it a lack of faith in the tarot process or is it something you haven't taken the time to see or consider, or something that you forgot? Remember, I would suggest, that the "process" of tarot reading can guide you quite nicely. Each card has a general meaning, each position in the spread has a general meaning. These are adjusted to fit the question. Going along in a rote fashion will lead you to an initial understanding. Then, the comfort that comes from experience and intuition can move you into deeper portions of the reading. So, just stop, calm yourself, and remember that you do know what you are doing, you are following a process of understanding, helping, sharing. Have faith. Dave.

ros	28 Sep 2004
Thanks Dave I enjoyed your post! When I'm stuck I try to relax and find a feeling of truth or faith within myself and move on. I go where I feel the peace of knowing and trusting myself. Something like this. lol

Island Dreamer	28 Sep 2004
I had to re-read your title for a moment there, danubhe! A megrim is a tasty white flat fish caught in shallow sandy waters around the UK. I wondered how on earth you could have 'Moments of tasty white flat fish of insecurity'! Until yesterday evening I hadn't done any readings for anyone. My husband dislikes my tarot decks so I have to hide them away from him and I haven't plucked up the courage to do an online reading here at Aeclectic. But yesterday an online friend of mine posted a message on my board about a job interview and how her Sacred Path cards hadn't shed any light on her uncertainty about whether it was the right thing to do. On impulse, I grabbed my Osho Zen and laid out three cards - all Rainbows - Page (adventure), Seven (patience) and Three (The Outsider). I posted my thoughts (in our private moderators' forum) and then got seized with doubts. Would she understand my reading? Was I way out? Had I been gentle enough? Would she be offended that I'd read for her without asking? I read her reply this evening, full of trepidation .... she was thrilled and I was totally amazed! She said my reading had crystallised her feelings and she had a much better understanding of the internal conflict that she had been feeling about the job interview. So all that doubt and anxiety on my part was unfounded. I still don't feel hugely confident but this has made me feel so much better about my ability to read the cards. So I avoid readings with lots of cards, stick to three at most and ask for general guidance on the matter in hand rather than a specific question. It worked for me anyway :) Dreamer

Alissa	28 Sep 2004
In a word... yes! Occassionally I get blank spots, lay cards and then blink at them, trying to find something to say... and have yet mastered the art of moving beyond them while in the moment. I just seem to freeze up and as Umbrae describes it, "The little hour glass in my circuitry just kept spinning, and spinning." Searching.... Searching.... Or as Data would say, "Processing.... Processing...." I hate that when that happens, but oh well, sometimes it happens. What can ya do, I say. Turn off the critic and find a dust mote to focus on instead of the cards, I've heard. And, I also have gone through long spells (days weeks months) of not really wanting to read, for myself or others. I might still pull daily cards then, but I will have this general mallaise about the entire idea of picking up a deck and laying out a spread. I also went through a particularly wicked case of "When do I stop shuffling and know it's right?" that I remember. I hate those too. Those are ego moments interfering. Recognizing the need to drop judgment helps a lot, if you can find that within yourself. :)

Ace	28 Sep 2004
Quote: Originally posted by danubhe I'm wondering if anyone else out there just suddenly stops & goes to themselves, "What am I DOING???" & "I don't know what I am doing!!" when it comes to reading the cards. I suffer from depression & anxiety, which certainly colors how I approach the cards. Anyone else out there at least occasionally insecure?? ;) actually, that might be a break through moment. When I started reading, I suddenly found I would have moments of disorientation, just before the cards got really clear and I read great! I was told it was a moment of connecting to the Universe. Don't fight it, just read and see what happens. But ground afterward!

blackroseivy	28 Sep 2004
"the Megrims" is an expression over here in the states, it's just like having sudden qualms, shivers, what-have-you. Thank you, Dave, SOOOOOO much for the positive reassurances, & everyone else, too!! I sometimes just think to myself when I'm not even reading, "I don't know what I'm doing - I can't do this!" Which is rediculous when you read all of my positive feedback. I'll be looking out for those inspirational moments, Ace!! & don't you *hate* getting "shuffler's block"?? I know it well! Well, meanwhile, back in the decks...

Myrrha	02 Oct 2004
"Megrims"! Great word, a Victoria Regina kind of word :) . I still feel insecure sometimes reading cards and still feel very surprised when it "works" and think "Hey, this really works!" --Myrrha

Vilyariel	02 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Island Dreamer Until yesterday evening I hadn't done any readings for anyone. I haven't plucked up the courage to do an online reading here at Aeclectic. But yesterday an online friend of mine posted a message on my board about a job interview and how her Sacred Path cards hadn't shed any light on her uncertainty about whether it was the right thing to do. On impulse, I grabbed my Osho Zen and laid out three cards - all Rainbows - Page (adventure), Seven (patience) and Three (The Outsider). I posted my thoughts (in our private moderators' forum) and then got seized with doubts. Would she understand my reading? Was I way out? Had I been gentle enough? Would she be offended that I'd read for her without asking? I read her reply this evening, full of trepidation .... she was thrilled and I was totally amazed! She said my reading had crystallised her feelings and she had a much better understanding of the internal conflict that she had been feeling about the job interview. So all that doubt and anxiety on my part was unfounded. I still don't feel hugely confident but this has made me feel so much better about my ability to read the cards. That sounds alot like me. I have only ever done 7 other readings for other people, and each time, i have thought, 'okay the last xxxxx were good. BUT WHAT IF THIS IS THE ONE THAT I SCREW UP??' As for the anxiety... sheesh, i get anxious over everything. i get anxious if mum buys a certain brand of cheese. i get anxious about ringing for pizza [as it happens, today i contemplated the likelihood of someone i know working at the pizza place today for like... 30mins....finallly plucked up the courage to ring the locally owned place and they were closed! so i settled for making a pizza myself because i figured i wasnt _supoosed_ to buy pizza today....some would call it strange logic...]. i also feel more comfortable with things that are associated with 3, 6 or 9, just irrational things i guess. But anyway, back to the point of the post... I think everyone has moments of self doubt; it's only natural...you'd have to be a complete egotist to have never doubted your ability atleast once.

Red Emma	02 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by danubhe I don't know what I am doing!!" ... when it comes to reading the cards ... I suffer from depression?? ;) Depression lays an especially thick layer of doubt over everything. One of its worst traits -- some even call it a symptom of depression -- is giving a home to a little critter who shouts in your ear, "Hey Stupid, if you were any good you'd be rich," and other destructive phrases. The miserable little beast is hard to deal with at any time, and with something as ethereal as tarot --- it can be down right vicious. In this case about all one can do is take a deep breath, say 'begone evil spirit' and keep going. Also, good feedback from from friends, especially ATF-ers is guaranteed to send the beast back to the shadows.

The Moments of megrims of insecurity? thread was originally posted on 28 Sep 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.