I hope I handled this well

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 26 Oct 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

shelikes2read	26 Oct 2004
Well, I hope I did the right thing earlier today. I received a reading request a few days ago from someone asking about their job situation. They described the fact that they are in a job search, including some specific details, and wanted to know WHEN they would find a job. Among other things, such as "should they relocate to [another country, where they came from]", "will they be happier in the US or [other country]", and one or two other things. I couldn't possibly have answered the entire collection of questions with one reading. Not to mention, there were some questions in there that, IMO, Tarot is not designed to answer... or if it is, I'm at a loss as to how to USE Tarot to answer them. This is from the first part of how I responded to the original request... [[i also want to make sure, before i do the reading, that you have an idea of what kind of response a reading will provide. unfortunately, one thing i don't think cards are capable of doing is giving enough information for anyone to make a life decision based on the reading results. i'll be glad to do a general reading about your overall job situation, but i would be very uneasy if i tried to answer a question such as "should you relocate" or where you'd be happier living. you are the best person to answer both of those questions, not with a card reading, but with your own firsthand knowledge of the situation. however, if you would like an overall reading on your job situation, i can do that.]] I went into additional detail about what kinds of insight can be gleaned from card readings. I wasn't sure if she'd still WANT a reading after I went through the description, but she decided to have the reading on the job situation anyway. I did send the reading (which, I was glad to see, did offer some upbeat things regarding the immediate future, as if to say that she's on the right track). Her answer thanked me, said that the cards assessing the past and present were on-target, but what she really wanted to know was when things were going to turn around. She added information about what kind of a rough time it is for her right now, thanks to the lack of a job, and asked when the "nightmare" will be over. I felt terrible for her, but I still can't answer that question with regards to *when* things will turn around. But as a person who's been downsized and is in a job search, I can empathize. So I told her, again, that I wished I could provide a timetable for when things will start to change for the better, but I can't. And a bit about my own experiences and things I've learned during my job search, such as: - NEVER equate difficulty finding a job with being a failure. YOU are NOT a failure, period. It's nobody's fault that the economy is slow and jobs are scarce, and lots of us are in the same boat. She'd described being out of contact with family and friends, so I encouraged her to reconnect. I also talked about volunteering with her skills for charitable organizations -- the field she's seeking work in is one that tells me she's got some abilities that charities would DEARLY love to make use of. And maybe she'll meet people while volunteering that can open career-related doors for her. Even if not, there's nothing like knowing that you've used your abilities to do something that will make someone else's life better. It's great for the morale. I offered a few other ideas, and wrapped up with an admonition NOT to give up, no matter what. I hope I did the right thing. I can't possibly give the answers that were asked of me in the followup email. But I know full well what a morale-wrecking thing it is to bust your tail looking for work, KNOW you're qualified for a position you've applied for, feel great about how the interview went, and still be unemployed at the end of the day. And the only thing I could think of to do was to share that. Still, I feel frustrated because I've been asked a question that I have no way of answering. How would you handle this?

April	26 Oct 2004
Sometimes it's hard for us to explain to non-readers what can and cannot be expected from a Tarot reading. A lot of seekers just want a quick answer which isn't always possible. You handled it well. I think "when?" is such a passive question. I've heard of ways to figure out time lines in readings but it seems like you then only have the option to wait. I would prefer to figure out ways to make it happen when I want it to happen. And if I can't then the cards should tell me what are the obstacles in my way. I'm a little demanding of my cards, I know. :) Instead of asking "when" or "how long" how about "what can I do" or "what's in my way"? That gives the power to the seeker to change there own life and not just wait for things to happen. Peace, April

shelikes2read	26 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by April Sometimes it's hard for us to explain to non-readers what can and cannot be expected from a Tarot reading. A lot of seekers just want a quick answer which isn't always possible. You handled it well. I think "when?" is such a passive question. I've heard of ways to figure out time lines in readings but it seems like you then only have the option to wait. I would prefer to figure out ways to make it happen when I want it to happen. And if I can't then the cards should tell me what are the obstacles in my way. I'm a little demanding of my cards, I know. :) Instead of asking "when" or "how long" how about "what can I do" or "what's in my way"? That gives the power to the seeker to change there own life and not just wait for things to happen. Peace, April Good idea, thanks! BTW, the other problem with "When..." is that it's presuming that the thing being asked about WILL happen. Depending on just what the question is, that might be presuming an awful lot. I agree with you about being demanding of the cards, sometimes. I've had to have an occasional word with the deck along the lines of, "I already KNOW I'm dealing with [insert problem here]. What I want to see are cards giving me ideas on how to work it out". That usually helps matters. (With the operative word being, "usually". ;))

dadsnook2000	26 Oct 2004
A few thoughts on dealing with "when" questions. There are some scientists and theorists that claim that time is not linear, although we can measure the passing of time from one point to another in seconds, minutes, hours, days, etc. Events are built up of preceding events -- a marriage is preceeded by planning, an engagement, a dating period, a meeting, an invitation to that meeting, etc. All of this to make this point. "When" questions can be dealt with by asking what are the steps that I have to face or deal with in order to support the "when event." What the cards suggest are what is used to build up to the "event". When the querent has dealt with those issues and steps then the event is likely to unfold in some manner. So, do you pick three cards or four cards with the first card being the first step and the last card being the event. Perhaps not. Like the marriage example noted earlier, you may have to put together a spread that recognizes (with a card position) various factors that go into an event. For a job promotion: 1) what competitive pressures exist and how do you deal with them (2 cards), 2) what flagship project can you manage and/or accomplish and how can you work with it (2 cards or 1 card), 3) what relationship issues do you have with your supervisor (1 card), 4) how will you need to present yourself as a successful candidate (1 card). Perhaps other questions or issues would also be considered. The querent can best judge the likely time frame when each of this issues may come to fruition and the querent can also keep track of his/her progress through the steps in order to obtain the answer to "when." Dave.

Kath	27 Oct 2004
Perhaps you can use a modified churchyard spread. http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7869 The cards can point to things that must happen before you reach the goal, or things that you must do to reach it. It’s probably more accurate than putting a time/date on it. That’s presuming that the event is supposed to happen (like a wedding or something, that may be called off).

HOLMES	27 Oct 2004
you handle it as best as you could :) take comfort in that. you didn't comprise your intregity by offering to do more then you thought ethically you could. 1. for me when i do free readings and i get a whole brunch of questions asked , i say , look at the overall theme in all those questions and let us start there shall we ? 2. also it seems to me she was giving you too much power , instead of asking for advice in the sense of what she needs to look at,, she was looking at should she move to the other country. for me i would be looking at if she was giving me too much power anyhow, 3. when i go professional i will have a request that even though you are paying for the reading,, i ask that you narrow your choices down in your request or i will use the reader perrogotive and answer the most important question.. (and if you are paying for two readings i will pick the question that isn't related in theme as the second reading ) 4. i like that you did your best to leave her empowered to me that is our job to empower our clients to take on their own lives when they are down.

MeeWah	27 Oct 2004
SheLikes: Based on what I can see, the reading request was handled in a responsible & sensitive manner, including encouragement & reassurance. In addition, the request itself was not fair, composed as it was of several questions of which at least some represent individual queries of themselves. Querent was demanding more information than can be reasonably nor fairly expected at any one time. Moreover, expecting instant answers, quick "fix-its" for the complex/multi-faceted nature of the concerns instead of taking responsibility.

SeraphSarah	27 Oct 2004
I deal with that a lot at my work where I give readings- I just warn them it may be a bit genral and that it will only give insight into a situatio-not make a decision for the,- However, I am always surprised at how much info I'm able to give to the querant and not even realize it-So now I never worry about what They ask, I just asnwer it teh best I can and then if they want me to expand on the issue they ask another question. I don't do spreads though really-Just lay down three cards each question. And it's enough info for me.

WalesWoman	27 Oct 2004
I think you handled this situation very well and were honest and upfront about it. You also were very supportive and empathetic, which made this person feel much better about her situation and gave her control over it. I think that was the best thing you could have done, otherwise she would USE tarot as a crutch in a sense, instead of using her own free will and good judgment. I think many rely on Tarot or other forms of divination to skip the decision making progress, letting the cards do it rather than seeing them as a guide to base decisions upon. Don't second guess your decision or the reasons you came to it. what you did was the best thing you could have done for this person to realize her own goals. I am really impressed by the way you expressed this as well.

The I hope I handled this well thread was originally posted on 26 Oct 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.