Is witholding information Okay?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 04 Oct 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Beelady13	04 Oct 2004
I have been reading for a long time. Some people can handle the truth and so I tell them everything. Some people NEED to know the truth so I ask " do you want the truth", and of course if they do or not they always say "yes", and so I still tell them everything. Then there's those folks who are so uptight and closed minded that the truth might distroy the fragile web they've woven. For these people I tell them what I think they can handle, but still I sometimes put little bit of solid truth out there. They seem to withdraw from me at this point, because it hits to close for comfort. As a reader I know it is my job to decide what I should or shouldn't say, but sometimes I want to shake these people up, even at the cost of them getting angry with me. Any thoughts?

Eco74	04 Oct 2004
How about 'playing the innocent'? I could imagine saying something like "I could be way off here, I can't really make sense of it but does this mean anything to you?" and then saying atleast some of the geist of what I've seen. That way they are free to deny it and think I'm wrong while I've also covered my bases through saying I'm not really sure I'm seing it straight. And then they can start processing it for themselves unless they choose to deny it to themselves aswell.. I believe there is a reason the cards are saying the things they do and if the querent is not needing or ready to take the message in it won't come up. But there is no rule against breaking it more gently than the cards sometimes do.

floracove	04 Oct 2004
hmmm... usually I'll get a feeling, and I say. 'hmmmm... you may not want to hear this, but this is what I see.' or 'hmmmm... I'm not sure what this means, but this is what I see.' If I don't let them know it just bugs me somehow...

Flavio	04 Oct 2004
I feel uncomfortable keeping information, if Tarot gave me those cards and its message then I'm suppossed to translate it to the querent even if I don't like to tell certain things, when I had kept some interpretation of soften it, later I feel some guilt, fortunately it only has happened with people I can contact later and discuss the reading again. In readings for family and acquantainces, I've faced this situation to tell everything or keep information, ideas by Floracove and Eco74 are great! thank you for sharing them.

ros	04 Oct 2004
For the times I held info back, afterwards I wish I had just told them. The information was either true or came to be and then I couldn't say "I didn't tell you because..." I'm finding it's not what you say it's " how you say what you want to hold back"

mercenary30	04 Oct 2004
It is for exactly this reason I do not like to read for my ex wife......the cards told me things that very much would look like I was trying to force my agenda upon her reading, and I know that is exactly how she would have taken it. At least, after the last reading I gave her, I told her that. So she does not ask me to read for her any more, which is exactly what I would prefer.

floracove	04 Oct 2004
I got to thinking about this... And well, for me, not explaning what I see in the card, kinda stunts the whole reading... Guess that's why i usually tell, or try to figure what else it might be. I don't usually question my querants, I ask them if they understand what it means... Or if they do not, do they have questions. Most times, the times I have come to things like this, just explaining what the card itself represents is enough for them to realize what it means...

magpie9	04 Oct 2004
I'm with floracove on this one...if the cards did not mean for the person to have the information, why is it there? Not for me to play god with. I, too, often use the "I don't understand this, but does it make sense to you?" and "any more questions on that" approach to these difficult areas. I have found that I don't need to actually understand much of anything about the situation to give a solid reading on it...it's none of my business, anyway. I have a friend, a very formal and careful reader, who softly murmers over his candle, "......this card paired with that card conjunct with the other card that..." It workks very well for him.

Beelady13	04 Oct 2004
I have used alot of these options, and in the end I mostly, tell them everything. What I have a hard time with is the people I've told the truth to in the past... It is hard when you see the same cards, telling you the same message 3 mo. after the last reading for the 5 time in a row. It kinda makes my want to say "Hey, remember the last time I told you this, well aparently you don't, kuz here I am again telling you to wake up and still you have done nothing".. By this point I sound rude and the person is crying so, I have resorted to just saying "I've told you this before". Instead of "I've told you this before and you still do not see, and now the cards want me to tell you that they are getting tired of telling you this over and over". Almost, every person I have ever read for has come back at least once, this includes strangers and skeptics, they all say that what I see is much more detailed than what other readers have said. The regulars I have see me at least once a mo and most of them are learning not to argure when I tell them the same thing again. They all seem to say " I guess it makes me angry, because I know it's true", so I know my method is not wrong, but sometimes I just don't know how to get the message the cards are saying accross, without sounding like a jerk... Thanks again it is so nice to have people to talk to about these things...

Ace	05 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Beelady13 there's those folks who are so uptight and closed minded that the truth might distroy the fragile web they've woven. For these people I tell them what I think they can handle, but still I sometimes put little bit of solid truth out there. They seem to withdraw from me at this point, because it hits to close for comfort. As a reader I know it is my job to decide what I should or shouldn't say, but sometimes I want to shake these people up, even at the cost of them getting angry with me. Any thoughts? The truth is a sword that cuts as well as points, I have heard that said. BUt to withhold the truth? all that does is make you a lesser reader. IF they ask, tell them (gently but say it!) if they don't want to hear it, they shouldn't have asked. It may make you have less customers, but the customers you have will be better quality. If you have clients so fragile, that their sanity is at stake if you point out the truth, you shouldn't be reading for them.

Nevada	05 Oct 2004
I assume that anyone who comes to me for a reading wants the truth. I'm not an entertainer who only focuses on what others want to hear. (I'm also not a professional, I don't read that much for others.) Of course, there are tactful and untactful ways to express ourselves. In any dealing with others, reading Tarot or not, we can give our words a soft landing--or let our message crash out of control. I was gently reminded recently, when we read Tarot we're not there to give advice or make judgements, only to interpret what the cards say. Quote: Originally posted by Flavio ideas by Floracove and Eco74 are great! thank you for sharing them. I agree, great advice! Nevada

DarkElectric	05 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Beelady13 What I have a hard time with is the people I've told the truth to in the past... It is hard when you see the same cards, telling you the same message 3 mo. after the last reading for the 5 time in a row. It kinda makes my want to say "Hey, remember the last time I told you this, well aparently you don't, kuz here I am again telling you to wake up and still you have done nothing".. By this point I sound rude and the person is crying, so I have resorted to just saying "I've told you this before". Instead of "I've told you this before and you still do not see, and now the cards want me to tell you that they are getting tired of telling you this over and over". Oh, Beelady, I so relate to what you're saying here! I've had this happen before. It makes me just want to grab the client, and shake em, all the while yelling "GET A FREAKIN' CLUE!". This of course would be rude, and would also probably cause one to instantly develop a connexion to the local police and be arrested, with more concommitant bad press about tarot readers. I tell my clients the truth. I agree with magpie9 and Floracove on this one. If the Gods/ guides/angels/whomever, didn't want the information to be revealed, the cards, or whatever divination system was in use wouldn't reveal it. However, there are some people who really aren't too good at handling the raw, unexpurgated truth. (I always wonder why these sorts of folks are having their cards read anyway, if they're so nervous about what may come out.) So, when something comes up in a reading,and it is a potentially less than savoury situation, I always ask them to; "Take a look at how you may feel about issues such as 'BLA' (infidelity, betrayal, potential unemployment, addiction,anger,hostility, divorce, illness, death, or any other jolly topic)". When they ask me what I mean by this, I simply advise them to examine their feelings on whatever matter it is I see looming in the reading, and let them take it from there. This way they are aware, at least, of how they may actually feel about something that looks as if it's possibly making a guest appearance in their life. It's also been the case that what I'm seeing in their reading could actually be the result of unresolved feelings about 'BLA'. I don't feel like a coward by doing this, and usually how one feels about such matters is the determining factor in the way they resolve them if they end up experiencing them personally. I've had new clients come to me for readings who will sit down, and promptly say to me "I want a reading, but I don't want to see any scary cards, or hear about anything that's bad" This is when I get out the Connolly deck.

Paradox	05 Oct 2004
No. Ok, the reason is a little complicated. Two months ago, I was to go on a big extended family trip up to lake michigan (it was freezing btw lol). I ended up going, but my cousin refused to go BECAUSE of a tarot reading I did. It was a Yes/No spread (my favorite type, with the aces). One way spelled 'danger'. The other was 'contentedness'. My cousin is alot younger than me, and he decided to be a baby and use my reading to escape going on the trip. I was really mad. Because in the spread, he didn't tell me what his question was beforehand; so there was no way I could know if he was Lying or if he was being sincere (But I do fully believe he was lying). Regardless, his mom, my aunt, told me to tell him I did a second reading which was different. I defiantly told her no. Refusing to do as she commanded, explaining to her that her son who she is overprotective of is a savage liar. This is only one case, but to lie to a reader (lying can be completely alterring the truth or withholding it) is to degrade oneself. And you should NEVER degrade yourself in order to make someone else feel better. It may sound selfish, but it is not in ANY way. Just think about it.

Ace	05 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Beelady13 I have used alot of these options, and in the end I mostly, tell them everything. What I have a hard time with is the people I've told the truth to in the past... It is hard when you see the same cards, telling you the same message 3 mo. after the last reading for the 5 time in a row. It kinda makes my want to say "Hey, remember the last time I told you this, well aparently you don't, kuz here I am again telling you to wake up and still you have done nothing You are a GOOD reader Beelady13! You see it and you tell it. They don't want to face the truth, they don't want to change. You might try asking the cards for changes they can start with, but many many people go to psychics to hear what they want to hear-not what is true. Since the cards must tell the truth, it is hard to ignore. If they are STILL Coming back, after the second time, well, you must be giving them some comfort. But never NEVER stop telling the truth!

Beelady13	05 Oct 2004
This thread has been very helpful to me. It is nice to know that you all see it my way:) I tell the truth in my own life no matter what, this too sometimes makes others (or even myself cry), but I would rather be known as an honest person, than have a lie come back and haunt me. You all have helped me feel much better with my approch, I will look fear in the face from now on. If they can't handle it, then that is their problem not mine. I mean I wasn't the one who whated to know their future or problems in the first place. I am only the one who can help them deal with it, by showing it to them in the first place. Thanks again..

Satori	05 Oct 2004
I had just arrived for my shift at the bookstore and the woman who works the register is standing at the counter talking to another woman. I say "hi" and start upstairs to unpack and set up to read. Turns out the woman sitting there is a reader, one of the more popular readers the store had, but she doesn't work there as much anymore. She channels too. I ask her for a few minutes, for a read and she follows me upstairs. She tells me the Guide tuning into her says that I don't tell the people everything. That I hold back on some of the info. Hmmm... Well, you know what, I won't say certain things. But I have been saying more. I don't know what the answer is.

magpie9	06 Oct 2004
There are times when I wish I didn't have to tell the truth. I hate employment readings. Unemployment readings are even worse....anymore, people are being unemployed for so long, while really workin hard at getting a job. They want to know what they can change, or what they're doing wrong, or how they could present themselves better, and all the while, thier desperation is getting stronger and stronger. You can almost smell it. I've gotton to the point where I won't do those readings for certain people anymore, because : 1 We've had this same reading 6 times now. 2 Any advice I give you that might change your situation (per your request) is immediatly rejected. 3 You are yelling at me, blaming me, and making your situation my fault. I DON'T THINK SO. You wanna shoot the messinger, find a different messinger!! :mad:

floracove	06 Oct 2004
You know, thinking on this... I do believe that this is the reason, I don't say to them, 'What is your question?' I say to them, 'concentrate on what you want the cards to tell you', or 'consentrate on what you want to know'. (maybe that's why I usually come up with lots of majors & trumps in a reading) With the trumps in a reading, I can usually tell them who. I know, one girl, everytime I'd read for her, the Queen of Wands would always jump from the deck first. Her mother. (very dominating woman, though she does love her children, and does the best she knows to do) Every once in awhile, they may speak their question. But by not knowing what's going on with them in their life, or their question, I just explain what I see, or what the card refers to, then ask if they understand. Most times they do understand and we move on... (and I really don't like getting tied up in people's personal life & problems) They know I don't know anything of their life or problems, and that seems to make it easier for both of us involved. I've never had anyone get upset with me. And I have no idea if they do what they need to or not. Yes, being honest is worth more than any reading!

Kit	06 Oct 2004
If you aren't telling them the truth what are you telling them? Sometimes telling someone what they want to hear is going to do alot more harm than good. :( I'm no professional but when I read something less than wonderful I'll tone it down but still tell them what I think. After all, there's no point in them drawing the 10 of swords reversed in a spread and you telling them it traditionally represents a death. However, if someone has say, the tower, I'll lighten up the "drastic change" usually intimated by this card with a bit of hope. Is not telling the truth lying? Raeven :)

Satori	06 Oct 2004
I was having my hair cut at our local salon. I was talking about my new tarot hours at the bookstore and about a reading I recently did where I suspected a woman's husband may be cheating on her. I didn't feel comfortable telling her "Your husband is cheating on you" so I phrased it, "Pay attention to your relationship" or find more time for your partner type sentence. Another hairstylist charged out of the back room demanding to know if I told the woman her husband was cheating on her. I said no, and told her what I said. She, this stylist, went on to tell me how a tarot reader told her that her husband was cheating on her. She went home and confronted him with it and he denied it. She said that for the next year their relationship was on the rocks. The heartache and turmoil caused by the reading was almost unbearable, and she swore she would never have a tarot reading again. So I ask you, should the reader have put it that way? The stylist was convinced her husband was not cheating on her (first year of marriage btw.) Now can you tell me that you are sure he was cheating? Obviously maybe he lied and was trying to save his marriage. I for one have a hard time saying "Your husband is cheating on you." I have said "I see two men around you, perhaps both romantically involved...". Or "looks like there may be two women in your life...." Witholding information is not lying if you are not 100% certain that the impression you are getting is spot on. If someone says, "Yes, I have two men in my life. I'm having an affair...." then we can have a different conversation. But without a confirmation I for one am not willing to be the one to light a fire when perhaps a gentle nudge would suffice. So perhaps we are telling the truth, just not telling it with a canon blast. It does not matter what we as readers "think". What matters is the information coming thru and what the cards say. This is splitting hairs, but until I feel like my readings are 100% accurate all the time, I'm going to be careful about how the information comes out of my mouth. Because and this is a big issue for me, because of my ethics I want the sitter to get the best information possible, and I also want to make sure I'm not shoveling bad karma all over myself. So if I'm unsure I'm gonna go with a little lighter approach. If that is withholding information, and this is what I meant in my previous post, then so be it.

shelikes2read	06 Oct 2004
Recently I've encountered a couple of CC readings where the "opinion of family and friends" appeared to be a pretty clear sense of concern that the sitter was going in the wrong direction or in the process of making a self-destructive choice. Both times, instead of saying "Your family and friends think you're going about this all wrong", I found a more diplomatic way to phrase it. I wrote something along the lines of, "When you are working toward [the goal that was the topic of the reading]", make sure and consider what your family and friends have to say on the matter. Listen to them carefully and seriously consider their feedback before you make a final decision. Chances are, you will find their input to be very valuable". I toned the message WAY down from what the cards seemed to be saying, inasmuch as I never came out and SAID "your family and friends think you're headed the wrong way on this issue". But I figured that if I told the sitter to listen carefully to their advice, the FAMILY and FRIENDS would be more than willing to volunteer that opinion if they were given half a chance to do so. And I could only hope that by saying, "Consider what they have to say carefully before making a decision", it might help the sitter not to tune their family/friends' advice out the moment it started to diverge from the path that the sitter wanted to follow. One of my other favorite "diplomatic turns of phrase" cropped up recently, also. There was a situatation where I suspected that the sitter was deliberately ignoring some negative aspects of a situation that they didn't want to see. It was a reading about a romantic situation, and the impression I was getting was that the sitter was idealizing the object of their affection, and going out of their way to ignore the person's flaws. The appearance of this particular reversed court card in the spread left me with the impression that the Object of Affection was self-centered at best, unsavory at worst -- and in neither case did they appear ready or willing to reciprocate affection for any reason beyond their own personal gain. Well, what to do? Obviously there's no justification for me to blurt out comments like, "This person you're doting on is either a dunce or a jerk, but either way, RUN!" There's not a person in history that ever listened to advice that was couched in THOSE terms, particularly not when the advice was regarding someone they have romantic feelings for. If you ever want to see a person tune out everything you have to say on the spot, launch a full-fledged character attack on a person they're infatuated with. They'll rush to the defense of the person they're attracted to so fast, it'll make your head spin. Even if you're RIGHT, that's how they'll respond. So it was pretty obvious that unmitigated bluntness on my part would get the sitter AND me absolutely nowhere. Instead, I defined said reversed court card's personality traits in detail, and said, "Consider carefully whether anyone in your life fits this description. It's very important that you be honest with yourself. And if someone does match the description on this card, seriously consider whether they are in a space where they'll be able to take part in a solid relationship right now. Because if they're in an emotional place where they're behaving like [reversed court card], then chances are they're not going to be able to reciprocate fully and be an equal partner in a solid relationship. And you deserve better than that". Will the sitter listen? I hope so. But I figure that if I phrase myself with consideration for their feelings, even if I'm offering up commentary that they might not WANT to hear, I stand a better chance of having them consider it.

MeeWah	06 Oct 2004
Generally, I prefer a diplomatic approach & tend to see things from a particular view. Whatever makes each of us who we are, ultimately we are all human & subject to frailties which cross all boundaries--gender, cultural influences, ideologies. Hence, the manner in which I deliver information influenced by that view & the very real sense of accessing information that is privileged & sacred. Certainly not to be thrown out carelessly nor thoughtlessly without consideration for its audience. Been known to blurt out things due to a sense of extreme urgency, which is so not the usual manner of delivery. Usually, the client sees where I am coming from; understands the gravity of a matter as seen from a detached or outsider's view. Have also employed a descriptive technique to describe or explain a situation/condition, the influences or the person(s) pertinent to the reading. It helps the person at the other end to be more fully involved in seeing a more wholistic picture of the forces at work & provides a means of accessing an understanding of not only the query, but of the personal responsibility for the outcome.

shelikes2read	06 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by MeeWah Been known to blurt out things due to a sense of extreme urgency, which is so not the usual manner of delivery. Usually, the client sees where I am coming from; understands the gravity of a matter as seen from a detached or outsider's view. I hadn't thought of this aspect of interpreting a reading before -- mostly because I haven't encountered the situation yet. (The operative word here is "yet". ;)) You do have a point. I guess 99.999% of the time, discretion is the way to go, and it's better to phrase oneself as diplomatically as possible. But that doesn't mean there'll NEVER be a situation that's so urgent, there's no time to sit there and figure out how to phrase things more gently. Kind of like if you realize that you're in a building that's on fire, what do you do? You don't tell the other people in the building, "Gee, let's go outside, because we really don't want to get hurt by flames and smoke", do you? HECK no, of course you don't! It's more likely that you're going to tell the other people, "FIRE!!! CALL 911!!! EVERYONE LEAVE THE BUILDING!!!" I guess if I ever encounter a situation where the card spread before me is pointing toward a truly urgent situation, I'd be more likely to speak frankly and with less (maybe no!) attempt to phrase the issue as gently as humanly possible. If the person is used to me and realizes that it's a major departure from the way I normally handle things, maybe that'll help them sit WAY up and take notice. And since the only sort of situation I can envision that would be bordering on crisis is something that the sitter probably should be contacting the police, a lawyer, a doctor, or some other kind of professional for assistance, believe me, I'll be asking them if they've done so already. And if they haven't, I'll be recommending that they do so ASAP. Because if there's a crisis brewing, the sitter has gone beyond the point where the only thing they need is some insight from a Tarot reading. They might need more than that to resolve the issue at hand, and if they do, I won't be shy about saying so.

Ace	08 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by shelikes2read I hadn't thought of this aspect of interpreting a reading before -- mostly because I haven't encountered the situation yet. (The operative word here is "yet". ;)) You do have a point. I guess 99.999% of the time, discretion is the way to go, and it's better to phrase oneself as diplomatically as possible. But that doesn't mean there'll NEVER be a situation that's so urgent, there's no time to sit there and figure out how to phrase things more gently. Kind of like if you realize that you're in a building that's on fire, what do you do? You don't tell the other people in the building, "Gee, let's go outside, because we really don't want to get hurt by flames and smoke", do you? HECK no, of course you don't! It's more likely that you're going to tell the other people, "FIRE!!! CALL 911!!! EVERYONE LEAVE THE BUILDING!!!" Actually, if a building is on fire the LAST thing you want to do is say it like that and create a panic that will not let anyone get out safely. The same way with cards. tell them gently but matter of factly and specifically that there is a major problem here and they had better get on their horse and deal with it right now. They may or may not listen, but they wouldn't be in crisis if they were paying attention would they? (most of the time anyway!)

magpie9	08 Oct 2004
Ace said: "Actually, if a building is on fire the LAST thing you want to do is say it like that and create a panic that will not let anyone get out safely. The same way with cards." Absolutely perfectly put, Ace. Sometimes you have to creep up on them with the truth, to get through to them. But make sure you yourself have done the right thing, and told them what they really needed to hear. And remember that all you can do is tell them the truth...what they do with it is completely out of your hands.

shelikes2read	08 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Ace Actually, if a building is on fire the LAST thing you want to do is say it like that and create a panic that will not let anyone get out safely. The same way with cards. tell them gently but matter of factly and specifically that there is a major problem here and they had better get on their horse and deal with it right now. They may or may not listen, but they wouldn't be in crisis if they were paying attention would they? (most of the time anyway!) 99.999% of the time, I agree, diplomacy is THE way to go (as I said earlier). And believe me, I'm normally the Queen of Tact. I care very much about other people's feelings, and I treat them the way I'd like to have my own feelings treated: with respect. I do this to the point where sometimes I fear I'll err on the side of caution, and the person might not pick up from what I'm saying that there is a problem that needs resolution. But there are problems and there are PROBLEMS, and there are times when giving a clear message ASAP is crucial. There's nothing diplomatic or hesitant about, say, a fire alarm. If that thing starts ringing, it's announcing in no uncertain terms that everyone must evacuate the premises immediately. And if I see a fire in the building before the alarm starts sounding, to my mind the thing to do is tell anyone I see (while I'm on my way to FIND the fire alarm and pull the lever) that the building's on fire and it's time to leave immediately. For example, what if you, or I, or anyone else here, had a person ask for a reading and their question was along the lines of, "What can I do to get my spouse to stop hitting me? Everything I do makes [him/her] angry and I don't know what to do"? THANK GOD, I haven't had a question like that, and I hope to God I never do. But if I ever do get a reading request like this, the first words that had *better* come out of my mouth, or off my keyboard if the request was via email, are "What you need most at this moment isn't a card reading. You need to have a serious talk with a domestic abuse counsellor so they can help you resolve this". There are only so many ways to state that sentiment clearly and plainly, and most of them don't involve sugarcoating the response. Ditto for if a person would request a card reading for answers about, oh... health-related symptoms that they have yet to ask a doctor about, answers about an impending financial or legal crisis, etc. Of course, the way NOT to handle it is to ask the person, "What are you NUTS, asking for a card reading instead of calling[a doctor/a lawyer/a counsellor/the police]?" That wouldn't be blunt -- that would be insulting, and I wouldn't blame anyone who tuned out a message phrased like that. But honesty is the best policy, and if the only way to be honest is to be straightforward with as little sugarcoating as possible, so be it. If I ever have reason to suspect, from the question and/or from what's coming up in the reading, that the person's well-being is at risk, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't find a way to make that clear to them. And, as I said, I'm normally a person who's more afraid that I'll fail to convey adequately if there is a problem that needs resolution, because I'm so concerned about not causing distress. And I'm definitely not advocating that we should all become human fire alarms and start blaring "ACT NOW!" advice every time someone comes to us with a problem. But every case is individual, and there's no one set rule that applies to every situation. And if I think someone's in grave danger (such as the example of a domestic abuse situation), I'm being remiss if I don't find a way to tell them so. It's up to them to take action or not, but it's up to ME to state that case the best way I know how. JMO, YMMV, and all that good stuff.

Satori	08 Oct 2004
What is YMMV?

shelikes2read	08 Oct 2004
YMMV = "your mileage may vary". :)

SoulFlower	08 Oct 2004
I think it's a fact that some people don't want to know the truth or just can't handle the truth. If they are not open for it, I would leave some stuff out. But if you think it's really valuable information that they should know, I would tell them. If you think it's something that might be important and you don't tell them, you might feel bad about not telling them afterwards.

lunar_rabbit	08 Oct 2004
Thank you for asking this question. This thread has been very informative. I agree with the opinions that the cards come up for a reason. For the reader to withhold information is not a good idea. Finding a diplomatic way to share the news is probably the best approach. I would be very offended if a reader didn't tell me something because they didn't think I could handle it. LOL!

DesertHowler	08 Oct 2004
In my experience, there are times to tell and times not to tell. Besides reading tarot, I do some shamanic/energy healing. Often I am shown things (truths) in healing or reading. I ask my guides, "is it necessary that the person must know this?" Often the answer is, "not now but this is for your information. They aren't ready to know this yet but your knowing will help guide you in their healing." Maybe not quite that wordy, but that is the jist of it. Of course, I am working with people over long periods and this might make a difference. Anyway, when in doubt, I keep my mouth shut. DesertHowler

littlehermit	08 Oct 2004
Sigh. I've been doing one-card freebies online, and recently I got the question "How long will I live?" As background, the querent added "I have a chronic illness." I reworded (of course) to "What advice can the tarot give this person with respect to her chronic illness?" I then took some time to ground myself, breathe, and focus, while holding a lepidolite. Then I shuffled. And pulled Seven of Swords from my Goddess deck. Instantly I was getting images of hospitalization, bandages, lots of needles. It was oppressive. I wasn't at all sure it was helping her. It was so draining, so sickening, so depressing to continue reading the card, that I stopped, and spent the rest of the evening feeling weak and sad. I was starting to get the sense from the card that her doctors were not doing right by her, but I don't consider myself a good enough reader to presume to overrule anyone's doctor. I thought it would be rash and unethical of me to send her what I thought I saw, even if I had had the strength to continue the reading. After waffling about it for a few days, I emailed the querent to tell her that her request for a reading could not be honored because the question she asked was putting a tarot reader in a place where a medical professional should be. I never mentioned that I tried doing a reading for her on a reworded question. Since then, my readings have come like pulling teeth. Refuse a gift, and it doesn't return as readily. But who was I to handle what I got?

MeeWah	08 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by DesertHowler In my experience, there are times to tell and times not to tell... Often I am shown things (truths) in healing or reading. I ask my guides, "is it necessary that the person must know this?" Often the answer is, "not now but this is for your information. They aren't ready to know this yet but your knowing will help guide you in their healing." ... Anyway, when in doubt, I keep my mouth shut. DesertHowler DesertHowler: Your entire post truly resonates. Thanks for expressing the understanding so succinctly.

Fulgour	08 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by littlehermit Since then, my readings have come like pulling teeth. Refuse a gift, and it doesn't return as readily. But who was I to handle what I got? This is one of those things it's hard to understand until it's happened many times, in many ways. People's questions can be clearly beyond the limits, and I always tell them gently just that ~ but with no apologies. And when my readers have first encountered this and come to me, it is no exaggeration to say I felt their pain. We are readers, and we place ourselves open to such things, but with experience and undaunted confidence in your own authority, there is no reason to continue to carry this weight. I just had a question, "boy or girl," that I replied to, "Please ask your Doctor." Who knows what it was really all about, but trusting yourself is part of the gift too, and you did the right thing.

MeeWah	08 Oct 2004
((((((littlehermit)))))) Encountering a request for a reading about life & death is a very difficult experience. Your feeling weak & sad sounds more like picking up on the woman's general state & feelings & in turn, empathizing. The 7-Swords immediately strikes me as "living on borrowed time". She may well know this but perhaps is curious--albeit a morbid curiosity that in her circumstances is understandable. She may also be hoping against all odds for a different prognosis. After all, where there is yet Life there can also be Hope. There is a sense of being weary of folks tip-toeing around her & the subject of her health; of perhaps being given up on already whilst she has yet breath. Ye may have also picked up on her frustrations with her doctors or the medical profession; that they are unable to help her in a time of need. Doctors are not ominiscent. & unfortunately, there are no known remedies for some ailments & far too little known about the nature of disease. If ye felt her doctors were not doing right by her, suggesting that she consider getting another medical opinion if she has not already would not be overly intrusive nor be out of bounds as a reader. The reply given her, however, was still appropriate based on your understanding as a responsible reader, so please do not beat yourself over it.

shelikes2read	09 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by MeeWah If ye felt her doctors were not doing right by her, suggesting that she consider getting another medical opinion if she has not already would not be overly intrusive nor be out of bounds as a reader. The reply given her, however, was still appropriate based on your understanding as a responsible reader, so please do not beat yourself over it. Exactly. The cards are NOT designed to answer every single question that there is. I think they're better applied to questions regarding how to spend one's remaining time, than about how much time a person has left. I completed an Interpreter Training Program several years ago, during which I studied the process of interpreting between spoken English and American Sign Language. There is an Interpreters Code of Ethics here: http://www.rid.org/coe.html We were VERY immersed in learning that code of ethics, to put it mildly. Item 4 is the one that, when rephrased in plain English, means "Don't accept a job if you know, at the outset, that it's a bad match for you". An inexperienced interpreter might know in advance that a particular interpreting situation would leave them overwhelmed. Or someone might have personal reasons why they would feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable interpreting in a particular setting, to the point where they fear it'd impact on their ability to do the job well. (For example, some people are uncomfortable with any kind of profanity at all... it would be a bad idea for them to interpret for a play, a comedian, etc. where there is a lot of cursing.) The Code of Ethics is literally advising the interpreter against taking a job that they know, in advance, would create problems. It's better for the sake of the interpreter, as well as for the Deaf and Hearing consumers, if a different interpreter who's a better match for that situation accepts that particular job instead. MeeWah is right. Don't beat yourself up for doing the right thing. It isn't "rejecting a gift" to answer honestly that a particular question can't be answered by a card reading. The cards aren't designed to answer every single thing. Even if they were, if a situation is more than we're prepared to handle at that moment, we have not only the right, but the OBLIGATION to say so. That's not rejecting your gift -- that's being honest with the person who requested the reading, and with yourself as well.

Ace	09 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by littlehermit I've been doing one-card freebies online, and recently I got the question "How long will I live?" As background, the querent added "I have a chronic illness." I reworded (of course) to "What advice can the tarot give this person with respect to her chronic illness?" I then took some time to ground myself, breathe, and focus, while holding a lepidolite. Then I shuffled. And pulled Seven of Swords from my Goddess deck. Instantly I was getting images of hospitalization, bandages, lots of needles. It was oppressive. I wasn't at all sure it was helping her. It was so draining, so sickening, so depressing to continue reading the card, that I stopped, and spent the rest of the evening feeling weak and sad. I was starting to get the sense from the card that her doctors were not doing right by her, but I don't consider myself a good enough reader to presume to overrule anyone's doctor. I thought it would be rash and unethical of me to send her what I thought I saw, even if I had had the strength to continue the reading. Little Hermit: I am sorry, you had such a bad experience. In my decks the 7 of Swords is denial, working around the problem (and having worse trouble, because you don't want to face what must be faced. You can NEVER tell how long a person will live, since that is a prediction and not happening right now. Instead, it sounds like you tried to go UP the Askaskic Record and see where she was headed (maybe not even consciously) and got wacked by a lot of very unhappy and painful possibilities-that may or may not come true. I would have written back, saying that cannot be answered but if you would like I will ask: the question you did ask- a perfectly valid one BTW. The answer you got was emotional rather than through the brain, but real: she must face her illness and deal with it, not deny it. Now, for you: do Astra's Norton Anti-virual for brains, Ace version 2.0: imagine all that pain on a black board and erase the blackboard until it is nice and velvet black. Then draw a comforting and light image on there that feels happy and fun. If that doesn't help, do Astra and Ace's aura cleanser: Imagine scrubbing bubbles cleaning your aura until all the black is gone, I see them as 7-Up Spots, doing all kinds of silly antics as they go. When you can laugh that the antics, it has cleared you!

WalesWoman	12 Oct 2004
Truth hurts sometimes, and it really sucks to be the messenger brings unwanted truths. But it seems like if they didn't want the the truth they wouldn't be asking the questions. I find myself hedging sometimes, trying to blunt things to come out in a gentler way, but it doesn't change the way the cards are. Right now I just emailed a reading for a freind and feel really bad about what I saw, but what I saw is truly frightening and I wouldn't want to ignore the signals and not have her be prepared for something painful happening either to her or the person she is involved with. It may not be as bad as I see it, but I'd rather be wrong about that than have her find herself in some situation ending in some sort of tragedy she might have avoided with a warning. But given what she told me about the background and other things, I couldn't fudge it. I just try to say this is possible but also look for a positive spin in there somewhere, that it is a gray area, that I'm not really sure what it means or how it will play out, but it could go this way or that depending on influencing factors. The person I read most for has been reading for years and we are using the same deck, so if something appears rather negative I'll say, well I may be overreacting here to the imagery, you know these so much better, what does it mean to you? It's sort of wishy-washy, good thing I'm not running for president, I'd be accused of waffling. But I'd rather tell some one what I think I see and let them come to their own conclusions, it might mean something entirely different or point to some other thing I'm not aware of. In fact I might just post this last reading and see what others get from it. I'm sort of rusty after the summer. I think the hardest part is when my imagination gets involved, I'm not sure if it's my imagination or an awareness, but I'll get a flash of something and it seems to color my perception after that. I try to be as objective as possible, but it just seems like it's something under the surface that needs to be explored, a possibility not to be ignored. So I'd rather be accussed of melodrama and feel silly later when it turns out to be something so much simpler and innoculus.

magpie9	12 Oct 2004
Waleswoman said: "But it seems like if they didn't want the the truth they wouldn't be asking the questions" I'm beginning to think that a lot of the time people ask questions they really don't want the true answer to. They want to be soothed, conforted, reasssured--and generally told that the real situation isn't really there. Everybody's family has some odd sayings that are hard but true. My grandmother said, "If you can't say something nice about somebody, don't say nothin' at all" She was an uncommonly silent woman. Another one is, "Don't ask a question that you don't want to hear the answer to." Myself, I try to live by that one, since La-La Land is so very fragile. Too bad there's not some simple, non-offensive way to find out the answer to that at the beginning of a reading.

Satori	13 Oct 2004
Funny, but lately I'm meeting all kinds of people who have never had a tarot reading. They all have said, in some form or another, "Ooh, no, I would never have my cards read. I don't want to know the bad things about to happen." I've also heard on this board and in other places "Make sure they leave you feeling better than when they came in." Not sure where number two fits into the picture for some of the posters willing to drop the bombs, just because they are there.

shelikes2read	13 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by elf Funny, but lately I'm meeting all kinds of people who have never had a tarot reading. They all have said, in some form or another, "Ooh, no, I would never have my cards read. I don't want to know the bad things about to happen." I've also heard on this board and in other places "Make sure they leave you feeling better than when they came in." Not sure where number two fits into the picture for some of the posters willing to drop the bombs, just because they are there. If I have a reading where there's some obvious bad news afoot, I try to make the point as diplomatically as possible -- and then I seize on any resources that the reading has declared are available to the seeker, and I expound on them. Whether the cards point out the seeker's friends or a mentor, or their intellect or any other particular talent they might have, I harp on that because usually it's a good resource for them to get through whatever rough road the reading is mentioning. I also will treat the "downer" cards as a road sign... telling the seeker "This is like those 'detour ahead' signs that you see. They're not the end of the world. They are telling you in advance to be alert so you'll know what to do". That's pretty much my take on that sort of card, anyway. But I go out of my way to emphasize that these cards are not cause for panic, they're cause to take a proactive stance to make things turn out better. (If not perfectly, at least better then they'd have turned out if the seeker did nothing about the problem.) If I can't leave them feeling great about what's coming up, I can definitely work overtime to try and make them feel empowered, so they feel they have what it takes to handle anything that comes their way. THAT much, I can do. And it's better than having them face any upcoming problems without having that empowered feeling.

Ace	13 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by elf Funny, but lately I'm meeting all kinds of people who have never had a tarot reading. They all have said, in some form or another, "Ooh, no, I would never have my cards read. I don't want to know the bad things about to happen." I've also heard on this board and in other places "Make sure they leave you feeling better than when they came in." Not sure where number two fits into the picture for some of the posters willing to drop the bombs, just because they are there. When I get that statement (and I do, ALOT) I say, if I see something bad, I will tell you how to fix it. I should say, I think, we well look at ways to fix it. But in any case I won't promise it will all be good. I also get (often at the end of a positive reading) "You didn't leave anything out did you? LIke that I am going to die or something?" they really do want the truth, but it is pretty scarey!

DarkElectric	13 Oct 2004
Seriously, it's one of the reasons I looooooooove the Connolly deck for somewhat timid clients. I've found that the deck I use can either make or break the reading for folks like this. If they like the deck, they are more receptive to what I tell them about the reading. But diplomacy is the key, no matter what deck you use. And I've had cases where some really bizarre personal details came up in a reading. I used the diplomatic approach, and the clients began to supply the very details I had picked up on, because they had started to feel more comfortable with me due to my honesty. I really do think honesty is the best policy, and that there are ways to tell people what you see without hurting them, scaring them, or freaking them out. Unless I've just been lucky so far. None of my clients have come off the rails after I gave them a reading...yet...:eek:

Satori	13 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by DarkElectric Unless I've just been lucky so far. None of my clients have come off the rails after I gave them a reading...yet...:eek: I love that expression, come off the rails. No none of my clients have either. At the first expo of my career, just a few weeks ago, :) I could tell the woman had 2 men in her life. So that is what I said, after hesitating a minute....and she said, "Go ahead, just say what you see...." So I said, "I see two men around you...." Very gypsy fortune tellerish, but it was true. I don't know folks. I'm not gonna ever say something without being diplomatic in a read. In private life I get myself in all kinds of hot water being honest. And Little Hermit, you did what you felt you had to do. I don't think we get punished with blocks on our psychic talents because we held back, or took a pass. Everyone has the option to pass. Even tho you did the read and passed. You didn't read the cards and tell her lies. You just passed. That took a certain amount of guts too you know. I think that you are a great reader. I know how talented you are. Go a little easier on yourself over that one. (((((((LH)))))))) So, I am going to say that I feel that we as readers know when to "hold up. Know when to fold up. Know when to walk away and know when to run." (thank you Kenny Rogers) I'd be interested in seeing what all of us would get for an answer if we pulled a card on this. the Question is right at the top of the screen....

blackroseivy	13 Oct 2004
I just had a "client" (forgive me!! :D) from here who blew milk all over her desk when I suggested that there might be another woman (that's how accurate *that* was!!). She also is considering leaving him. Her last card was The Lovers. I think she will find happiness elsewhere. I also had to tell another one that she should really break up with her "boyfriend of convenience". She said, Thanks for the "kick in the pants"! It's my belief that you can be very tactful with these subjects that are so hard to broach, but yet not *sugarcoat* it - I think your "clients" need to hear the truth, however difficult to impart. Just *my* 2c!!

lunar_rabbit	13 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by elf I've also heard on this board and in other places "Make sure they leave you feeling better than when they came in." Not sure where number two fits into the picture for some of the posters willing to drop the bombs, just because they are there. There are probably diplomatic ways to do both. Sometimes it may be sugar-coating the truth, but better yet, you can give them guideposts on how to prepare or cope. For an extreme example, if I were to get hit by a bus tomorrow I would rather know about it today so that I could get my affairs in order. On a more serious note, a reading that suggested a divorce might be a good time to focus on self-improvement -- going back to school, pursing a new hobby, meeting friends, etc. I would imagine that in most cases, when there is bad news in the cards it won't come as a huge surprise to the querent.

Beelady13	10 Nov 2004
I have been telling it how I see it and My motto now is "If they don't like what I see then they can go to someone else" I am an honest person, it is only fair that I be an honest reader. Some people do need a kick in the pants and if I don't give it to them someone else will. Thank you fro all of your advice.

Kath	10 Nov 2004
I think if the tarot is trying to give someone a message, who are we to not pass that information along? If the person isn’t meant to know then those particular cards wouldn’t come up. As some of you may know, I have a friend who’s in a very bad situation at the moment. When I pulled the three and nine of swords for her, I told her straight – be prepared for more hurt and sleepless nights, it’s going to get really nasty. I wasn’t going to tone it down for her, or make it wishy-washy. She needs to know what’s coming so she can prepare herself for it.

The Is witholding information Okay? thread was originally posted on 04 Oct 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.