Reading for Teens

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 29 Oct 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Jeanette	29 Oct 2004
My son and his friends are all around the age of 17. They all have pretty much grown up together and are a great bunch of guys. I really get a kick out of them (which is a good thing, because they are at my home a LOT!). Anyway, sometimes if I'm working with my decks, and the guys are at the table with me (which is also a LOT of the time, because teenage boys eat frequently) ~ they like to have their cards read for them. They're very receptive to it. So, I will shuffle a while and then ask them to shuffle, or cut the deck, or just handle the cards in some way while they focus on what it is that's on their minds. I really don't ask them to tell me, and they haven't offered. So I'll lay out a spread, usually the Celtic Cross, and I almost always name the position as I lay the card down. I'll start describing the positions and card meanings. Sometimes they'll talk about the spread, sometimes they won't. Usually they are all present while this whole process is going on, and I wonder if it's because their friends are around that they don't want to talk about private issues. I wonder if I'm giving them an accurate interpretation and helping in any way. I know a lot of people forget just how stressful teenage life can be, but if you spend any amount of time around teenagers it comes right back to you. They might not have the same concerns as adults, but they certainly are dealing with their own brand of pressures and tensions. At any rate, they'll usually share a little of their concerns. I try to keep it light and positive, and if I see something that might be negative, I give examples how to avoid a bad situation. Are they listening to me, or do they think I'm just an old-fashioned mom lecturing on how to behave? Maybe I should trade in my cards for a crystal ball, I might have better results trying to see things...... Anybody else have a similar situation?

SongDeva	29 Oct 2004
Girl, Ya' ain't got no situation. I realize they send different feedback symbols than those out of their teen years (myself just barely. ahem.) might recognize. But, ah, they keep coming back. Right? Anyway, I just posted about reading for kids, which is such a wonderful experience for me, because they are so sincere and open, and don't think it's odd at all that I lay down cards and tell them about their lives (when we're young, we expect the world to be aware of what's going on with us!). Maybe a bout with a younger age group would reassure you. :)

primaryreality	29 Oct 2004
I agree, if they keep coming back and continue to be receptive to it, then they are getting something positive from it and appreciating it on some level. Both of my teens--18 and 19--ask me to read for them occasionally, and although they don't always want to reveal the specifics of what's on their minds, they seem to appreciate the results and find it helpful. I agree that young people have their own peculiar kinds of stresses and struggles as they attempt to grow and learn to make their way in the adult world, to navigate and negotiate education and jobs and relationships, and I think they are actually very hungry for and open to wisdom and guidance that is given lovingly, and even though they may not appear to be implementing it immediately or using it in any obvious way, at the very least they are storing it away and it will be there for them when they need it. I just think it's wonderful to have the kind of relationship with kids that is trustful enough that they are willing to come to you for counsel at all (I certainly didn't have that relationship with my own parents, so I'm doubly grateful that I've managed to give it to my children).

Jeanette	29 Oct 2004
Yes, they do keep coming back! And for that I am grateful. Perhaps it is as you state, that it's the feedback that has me a little thrown! You are right, reading for non-adults (?) is wonderful and I do enjoy it. I just hope I'm giving them what they need (other than a safe place to hang out, have X-Box tournaments, play pool, and ping-pong, throw the football around, get on the computer, watch sports, .... the usual guy-type stuff). I don't know if I'm ready for a younger group, when it's meant to happen I believe it will.

Cariad	29 Oct 2004
Hey Jeanette! Think you are doing a great job, communicating with teenagers is one of the most complex things around; yet to do it with my two daughters but have been involved for years with kids of various ages through work. Using Tarot as a tool is excellent means you dont have to address issues head on, you can be more diplomatic with your advice and the proof of the pudding is in the fact that they do keep coming back for more and more!!!!!! Keep on going! Love B

Mesara	29 Oct 2004
Jeannette- They probably think you are the coolest mom ever! Not only do you graciously open your home to them, but you show active interest in their lives by giving them readings. Those two things alone are often all a teenager needs- a place where they feel welcome and an adult who makes them feel important. They obviously enjoy having their cards read by you. Even if they seem to take your readings lightly without serious contemplation about what they are being shown (typical of teenagers), remember you are probably their first exposure to tarot, and you are giving them the opportunity to see the tarot used in a positive and rewarding way. Because of you, these kids will be more open to different beliefs, different people, and different approaches to life. I think you are giving them a great gift. And, who do you think they will come to when they are ready for a more serious reading? You, because they trust you and know you are there for them.

loveinspirit	29 Oct 2004
wow to be a cool mom most be great, i feel like im just a mom who's a bit weird lol... i do readings for my children, but only if they ask me... my youngest girl prefers the angel cards, which i think for her is better not so scary, which i hope she will get as much guidance from as if they were the tarot.. i hope one day to pass my knowledge on of the tarot to them. its up to them if they want to.

raeanne	29 Oct 2004
Hi Jeannette, Your house sounds a lot like mine was a few (well, maybe more than a few) years ago. I loved having my two boys and their friends hanging around the house. Yes, there were times when I wanted some peace and quiet, and times when the food just seemed to vanish faster than I could buy it. But, I enjoyed it. I have always read the cards for my own boys and occasionally one of the other guys would ask for a reading. I always made sure they understood that Tarot shows patterns and trends and that they had the ability to change whatever they wanted to change. Teenagers can be a bit melodramatic and even fatalistic. They really need reassurance that the future isn't cast in stone and that they have the power to control the direction their life is going to go. I think you are wise to understand the stress that teenagers have in their lives today. It sounds to me like you are on the right track! Enjoy it while you can. A quiet house is nice, but sometimes it can get a bit too quiet! Thank goodness my two sons have a cell phones so I can call them when I need a bit of noise!

Jeanette	29 Oct 2004
Well, I'd like to be thought of as the "cool" mom, but I think I'm the weird mom. too!!! And as much as the friends like the readings, my son wants nothing to do with it! To each his own is the way I look at it. Seriously, though, it is a privilege to have kids be themselves with you. And it's been so much fun watching these guys from little kindergarten age grow up into nice young men. Don't get me wrong, they have their moments, but overall they're great. If I was a teenage girl, these are the guys I'd want for friends!

Moonbow*	29 Oct 2004
I think some of the reason they come back may be out of curiosity as well, especially because your own son is not interested. Teenagers are a magnet for information, I find, and anything that they haven't come across before, they seem to want to know all about. I know my son is not interested in Tarot (he shows a mild interest when I get a new deck - or if he's after some money :)) But some of his mates are very curious, although I have never read for any of them. My son and his friends are still 16 and I'm not sure how their parents would take to me reading for them. But then we are still in the Dark Ages over this type of thing where I live. I think it's great that they show the interest they do and that they want readings from you. It would be interesting if you read for one without the others around - then you may get a better feedback.

Hawks_girl_dove	29 Oct 2004
I have a 15 yr daughter. She likes to have me read the cards for her. Though she is taking a taort class, and learning to read them for herslef. Sometimes i think she has me read hers for her, just so she can compare my reading (an technique maybe?) to her own, to see how they are similar and how they are different. You are right. Their energy is definitely different than ours is. And sometimes, so scattered, and varied, that its hard to make sence sometimes. But to them, it makes perfect sense...as their minds go in 100's of directions at once, as do their hormones and growing bodies. So it only makes sence that their readings should be more complicated than ours. Besides, the reading doesnt have to make sence to *us*...its for their understanding anyway...not our own. Right? But like others here have said: I think that tarot is a great way to bond, and communicate with a teen. It shows them you interested in them, open and available to listen to them, and lets them know they are important. All possitive things a teenager needs to know. They probably keep coming back for more reasons than just a tarot reading. They are comming back for the acceptance, comapassion, understanding & open mind you offer at your table (and lets not forrget the food! *smiles*) Keep up the good work!

Jeanette	30 Oct 2004
Thanks to everybody for responding and for the encouraging words. You always wonder when you're dealing with kids; especially since the instruction book I was given seems to have been lost for some time now! LOL A lot of people I know seem to feel like kids are just a nuisance and always up to no good; I think that is such a shame. They can be quite loud and disruptive, I won't deny that! But I wouldn't trade it for anything. And like all good things in life, it seems like it's over way too soon. So I want to enjoy it as much as I can (and luckily for me, my husband remembers how it was to be a teenage boy ~ he helps translate their behavior into something I can try and understand!).

RedMaple	30 Oct 2004
You might also let them know they can respond or ask questions. I read for a teenage boy this summer, and he obviously appreciated the reading because he asked for a second reading on a different question, but he was very hesitant to say anything in response until I asked him "does this make any sense to you?" Then he became more responsive. I think one of the things that happens is that the kids' perception is that it is the cards giving advice, not you, so the burden of authority has been transferred, which allows them to listen to you, as reader, rather than as judgmental parent. Sounds like you are doing it right. I remember those days when my son was a teenager. I was the weird, sometimes cool mom, and they spent plenty of time at our house. But boys, especially, are reticent about talking. Much more so than girls, I find. RedMaple

Lurea	09 Nov 2004
Jeanette--just curious, what deck do you usually use for these readings? Do they seemed bothered by any of the imagery? I ask because I read for my thirteen-year-old kid occasionally, and I've been wondering if I should invest in something like the Inner Child Cards to lessen the negative imagery. I hope the other parents don't have a problem with the readings. Where I live there is still a feeling that Tarot is "occult" and therefore 'sinful'. Heck, one of my neighbors refused to celebrate Halloween for that reason. :rolleyes:

Jeanette	10 Nov 2004
I have been using the Universal RWS deck; but one of the guys asked me if I had other decks. (Which, of course, I do!). So maybe I'll bring out some of the others, possibly the World Spirit for starters. They really haven't been bothered by the imagery, at least not that I can tell. The 10 Swords came up, and someone said, "that doesn't look so great..." And that was about the end of it. At one point, the 9 Cups (wishes granted) and Star (hope) appeared in the same reading. Plus with the nude lady kneeling, this was a very happy outlook for the guy I was reading for. To me, this deck isn't scary; so maybe since I'm not bothered by the images, they aren't either. I don't know what the parents think of all of this. I, too, live in a very conservative area, surrounded by Christianity of all kinds, and not much else religion-wise. I don't know if these guys are talking with their parents about their lives, or not. But I do know that they talk with me sometimes, and I treasure that. I also stress to them that I CANNOT predict the future when I read tarot cards; their futures are ever-changing and their actions today determine how their tomorrows unfold.

Little Baron	10 Nov 2004
Really interesting thread Jeanette; look forward to reading more responses. My opinion? I think you are all 'cool mummies'!!! Best wishes Yabs

Lurea	10 Nov 2004
Thanks for responding, Jeanette! I've used my Rider-Waite, too, and it seemed to go over well. I may still get the Inner child cards, though...for me. :) I just love the colors and the whimiscal quality of the drawings. It sounds like you have really forged a connection with these kids. I admire that. (Heck, I'm still trying to work up the courage to let my mom know I read!) :rolleyes:

Teranar	11 Nov 2004
Speaking as an indecisive teenager who's still a magnet for information (I'm 19, learned to read when I was 14 all by myself.) and all through my high school years friends would occasionally ask for readings, some constantly, eventually I got kind of tired of it... recently I've been hanging out with some of the younger ones I knew my senior year (All my friends who were my age or older graduated and moved. They never write. :( ) And I did some readings for some of them. I used my Dragon Tarot deck, and did honest truthful readings they all took seriously. Unfortunately all I seemed to have to deliver was bad news and advice on how to cope with it. Unfortunatly also I was 100% right in everything, and they actually took my advice. I think they're hesatant now to get another reading from me now though because all I had to deliver was bad news, and they... well, most of them don't exactly live happy lives, one of them I told was about to enter some rather harsh times because of trivial crap at home with his parents, and that his best way was to rely on his friends. Three days later his dad kicked him out because he wouldn't give his paychecks to his dad, so he ended up moving in with his friend Ollis. It was real downer. But trust me, us krazee Teenagers are listening, we need all the advice we can get.

Jeanette	11 Nov 2004
Teranar, thanks so much for sharing your experiences. Sometimes I wonder if kids need to listen to adults less, and adults need to listen to the kids more. As the parent, I just want to jump in and say, "You should do such and such, blah blah blah..." It's really hard to shut myself up! But I do have to be quiet and listen, and really pay attention to what they're saying. Sometimes I just can't control myself and start yapping away. But I try to REALLY listen and not be judgmental and critical. Even though I'm well into my 40's (Ugh!), I can still remember how it felt to be in high school and be a teenager. It was tough sometimes. Even though you predicted some negative situations, you were able to give constructive, usable advice for your friends. That's what is most important, in my mind. Even if you weren't doing readings with tarot cards, just being a friend counts so much. In my experience, sometimes the people with the most upsetment in their lives need the readings most ~ a reading can be so therapeutic. Even if it just reinforces all the bad things going on, sometimes just acknowledging what you have to deal with is the first step in resolving some of the conflict. Janina Renee's book, Tarot for a New Generation, gave me a lot of insight on reading for younger people. It was a refresher course!

katie_here	11 Nov 2004
and I think you should take it as a compliment. My son who is 15 always has some friend or another here at the weekends and they love me reading for them. In a way I think they are quite impressed that I've learnt to do it, and everyone always wants to know what the future has in store for them. I even get other kids popping in for a bit of help with homework now and again, and sometimes they just pop in offload what's bothering them. At the moment I'm studying Counselling Young People at college, and the problems of young people are vast, some of it trivial in our eyes, but nonetheless, extremely important to them. You are offering them a listening ear and a guiding voice and are probably doing more good in their lives than you realise. In a way, when you advise them on the right way to go, you are laying down a foundation of goodness that will carry them into their adult years. I'm sure we all remember that person in our teenage years that would listen to us and take us seriously. Keep up the good work. By coming back to you for more advice, you are valued beyond measure. Just had a thought about decks, especially decks for teenage kids. I was browsing ebay looking at what decks are available, and I came across one that had the imagery from Lord of the Rings, there is the one with the fairy stories on (hansel & gretal) etc for younger kids. I'm pretty sure I saw a south park deck. I wonder how young people would feel having a reading done with one of those decks.

mysticali	12 Nov 2004
It is a tricky one - this. I had a lot of involvement in the family in 'fortune telling' although not tarot - from a young age and thought it natural. I don't now read for those under 18 though as i think they are susceptible to 'influence' and i just dont want that kind of worry i guess. My own boys are still young - the oldest 8 - and they love to look at the cards and are showing an interest. It is fascinating to think about what they might be like about this as they read the kind of age you are talking baout. I think issues for young people are every bit as serious as those for the 'grown ups' or oldies. More so perhaps because their power to deal with them is quite restricted. Everyone has to decide for themselves i guess - but for me - i wont do it till they are 'legally mature'.

The Reading for Teens thread was originally posted on 29 Oct 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.