close to tears

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 11 Nov 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

loveinspirit	11 Nov 2004
firstly i would like to say thank you to all the people who wished me luck on my thread, 2 days left to go.. ive had 1 week where it was half term, and last week i couldnt do the class as i had chest infection.. im suppose to be teaching tonight but i feel so tearful im going to stuff things up, as the first class didnt go to well. i actually thinking of phoning the college up and saying i cant do it... my son has said im not a quitter, and still wants me to do it... i feel im scared of getting it wrong, would they actual learn what they need to from me, boy my self confidence is so low.. i find it easier to do a reading 1 2 1, then teach, this isnt me feeling sorry for myself, i feel like come on girl you can do this, type thing, i was always told i was a failure in life by my parents. so i havent really done much with my life because i beleived what they said.. and now i want this class to go so well to prove them wrong, i just dont want to fail. oh and if anyone has been through this before. would love to know how did they get over this, i know (hope) i could teach tarot, just didnt think it was going to be this difficult. should i give up and not do the classes? thank you for listening to me

Fulgour	11 Nov 2004
Stay within yourself, and be prepared for all the surprises. Even when our aim is perfect, it may be the target moves. What a great chance to be there when the real fun begins.

jmd	11 Nov 2004
What you are doing is simply a gift - and as a gift, need not 'prove' that you can do it... If you feel really comfortable with readings, perhaps consider starting with precisely that: a three card demonstration reading for all... followed by taking up where you left off last time (summarising what you have already brought to them)... and then don't muck around - get them to do practise readings and move amongst them, making whatever suggestion you think leaves each in freedom to further explore their own style. If one falls off a horse, often the best way is to get back on its back!

mooncat2	11 Nov 2004
There was a time when I was beginning to teach something I was passionate about . I was afraid, too, just as you are now. At a workshop for teachers we were taught.... .....there is a moment just before you begin your class, as you turn to face them.....in that moment you push a button and you cease to be the person who is so afraid. You push the button and put on the mask of the very best you can imagine you can be. You become an actor playing a part. It works! You can do this - it takes courage to walk through your fear but you can do it. Don't try too hard to be the teacher - instead, share your love of what you are teaching. The very best of luck.

rosyelf	11 Nov 2004
Dear loveinspirit, I'm SO sorry you were told by your parents that you were a failure. That is so damaging. We all make mistakes, that's human. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Ergo, we sometimes "fail" at particular tasks. Would it help to tell yourself before this class that WHATEVER happens, it does not prove your parents right ? I see things for you to be very proud of. 1) you are passionate about Tarot and want to share it with other people. 2) you are wise enough to reach out and ask for support from helpful people. 3) you have a supportive son who you've obviously brought up right. I hope it goes fine. All the other advice seems very sound. lots of love rosyelf

Diana	11 Nov 2004
Your son is right. Now go and give your lesson knowing that not only he is supporting you, but we on Aeclectic are as well. If you could give the exact hours when you will be doing this course, I will take special time to be with you in thought and send "light" to you. Perhaps someone here could send you some Reiki to help you as well. All the advice so far has been good. jmd's advice was very sound. Start the course with something that you feel really comfortable with - that will give you the confidence you need - and the students will feel confident too. Make sure you smile a lot too. One thing is for sure. You know more than your students do. Don't forget that. You may feel very inadequate, but it is very likely that they do not view you as such... because you know so much more than they do. If you can go and buy yourself some Bach Flower Rescue Remedy, I would advise you strongly to take it regularly before your lesson as well as just before it begins. This will aid you greatly in feeling more calm and less panicky. Any good phamarcy should have this. You still have time to go and buy some.

Kissa	11 Nov 2004
Hi Loveinspirit, first a big hug to you. (((((((loveinspirit))))))) I am not going to tell you what to do. I too have been afraid many times and ran away from many situations. I still do... I am teaching though, a class once a week and I love it. I have been teaching to the same ppl for over a year and they are like friends now, I've walked thru the testing/getting to know each other period. The first thing (and the only thing, come on, i'm a home mom, my brains stopped functioning when i gave birth...) that came to my mind when I read your message is that whatever you decide, you shouldn't do it "to prove them wrong". You should do it for yourself, to love and heal yourself. You don't have to go and teach a class with this negative emotional background you are trying to heal. You don't have to go to teach the class. If you feel you have something to share though, go and teach it. I have the enormous chance to teach something i love so it doesn't feel like work. Does this class you are teaching feels like work to you? Much love to you, Kissa ps: we can continue this more privately on the PM side if you would like to

TemperanceAngel	11 Nov 2004
(((((loveinspirit))))) You've had great advice, you poor sweetie....I really felt how you feel when I read your post. Diana is right, go out there, you have your son's support and the whole of AT. And we will all be waiting for you when you finish :) I empathise how you feel...it's so scary to teach, but once you are talking about what you believe in and what you are passionate about there will be no stopping you. Time will fly, you will love it. And your students will love it too!

CreativeFire	11 Nov 2004
loveinspirt, I had been wondering how you were going after your '2 days left to go' thread (((loveinspirt))) There is lots of good advice here for you already and just wanted to echo Diana,TA and the others, that we are thinking of you here on AT. It is obvious that you are passionate about your tarot and so want to do the right thing by your students as well as for yourself. You can't pay or make people (or teachers) to be passionate about a subject, but at the end of the day the passionate ones make the best teachers as they pass on not only their knowledge but also their enthusiasm and enjoyment ;) Also it gets easier, it can be very nerve racking teaching but the more you do it the easier it will become and the more you will enjoy it - hang in there! :) CreativeFire

Little Baron	11 Nov 2004
Hi LoveinSpirit I read your last posting and this one. I doubt that I have much of use to say but wanted to stand with the others here and support you; show that we all care. I really agree with jmd; about getting them to do small readings and moving between them and offering thoughts when needed. I think that the whole problem is the word 'teaching' because it puts pressure on you to try and put across to them everything you know; with Tarot, you can teach some stuff, but a lot of it is finding things out for yourself and having those 'aha' moments we talk about doing so. Maybe that is how you approach the next lesson. I imagine that from the first lesson, you gave them a good 'all round' and basic knowledge of the tarot - it's background, the different kinds of decks and how it is structured. This time, let them have a go; if they need help, they will ask and you will be able to respond. Maybe 'sharing' is a better word than 'teaching'. Like your son, I have a lot of faith in you. I always consider myself a beginner of the tarot, but have built up a lot of knowledge. If I was too teach it, I would probably be as nervous as hell, and it is something I don't think I could do. But if I was to share my knowledge, I think I could do that. Maybe their expectations are not as high as you think they are. Not that long ago, even though I have four years experience through my degree, a friend of mine (who was also my first teacher), suggested I come and teach teenagers on their first fashion course. I havn't done this but have spent a few occasions there with them. What would hold me back is what I 'expect' that they would 'expect' of me. I imagine they expect me to be a great designer that can pattern cut to the highest of levels, make any garment suggested and know the in's and out's of that industry. I can not do all of those things. I can adjust and make my own patterns, but I am not a master pattern cutter. I can make clothes but I don't know how to do every sleeve, collar or detail. But I can share my passion; out of interest, I do know about a lot of fashion history and if asked about something, I can help find the best way of doing something; not always, but sometimes. And that is probably what they want. When I was there, a girl was making a corset. She asked for my help and I helped her find ways around the difficulties and we worked through it together. She was happy with the result. I think that jmd's idea of moving about the group, like I did then, was beneficial to both them and me, rather than standing up and saying 'this is how you do this'. I have rambled on a bit. I really hope things work out. Do it for yourself and learn to enjoy it. Even if you take one little positive thing away from the session, then it will be a step in the right direction. Stay calm. We are all thinking of you. Best wishes Yabs

Little Baron	11 Nov 2004
Also (just thinking), it is okay to not know 'everything' and to admit when you don't. Maybe it would help to share the fact that the course is as daunting to 'teach' as it is to be taught. Could break the ice. Yabs

ribbitcat	11 Nov 2004
Hi LIS :-) Yaboot has a great point :-) and then , ask them what *they* want , what do *they* expect ...take it from there ...though (I forget who said it , sorry) get them reading :-) Hugs , ribbit

Imagemaker	11 Nov 2004
The first time I stood in front of a class, my voice shook and I wanted to run. It's all those eyes, and I was not a performer. But only by doing it, over and over, did I get through the fear and come to enjoy sharing my knowledge with others. The judging eyes became friendly individuals. I send courage and energy and strength for you to walk through this task, melting the strangeness away. Imagine all of us holding you up, sending you light.

mercenary30	11 Nov 2004
From what I remember of your thread about the class the first time and then what you are saying here the piece of advice that keeps coming to me is this. It is human nature to critique ones self. This is actually a good thing because it allows us to make adjustments. You must not let this tendency get so critical of yourself that you wish to take yourself out of the game. Keep this a Seven of Pentacles scenario and stay away from the Nine of Swords. I can guarantee that you did not do as bad on the last class as you thought you did. I spent three semesters teaching beginning computer classes and Windows95 classes back in the mid 90's. I was teaching 3 different classes at a time for an adult education program. My first class was a good group of students, but my Thursday night class which had 24 students in it, had 4 of them who were pretty much computer haters or just thought they could never learn them. At the end of my first night one lady very vocally complained that after spending 3 hours in this class, she only felt more confused then ever. So here I stand in front of 24 students, 48 eyes waiting expectantly for how I was going to respond to her......... *GULP* I spent 10 minutes providing support to her (the class) that between my lessons and their book, they really will know what they are doing when they are done. She walked out still verbally disbelieving. I spent the next week wondering why I was teaching this class. The following week only 21 students showed up but that lady was one of them. During the first hour of the lesson she pipped up 'OH, now I get it!!!' That ended up being the class I was most happy about out of the 14 classes I taught. The doubt is a natural reaction, but don't doubt youself out of the action. You can do this!!!

loveinspirit	11 Nov 2004
for all your kind words and your wisdom, i havent back down yet from do the class tonight. i want them to love tarot just as much as i do. there is so much to remember. i feel like an ostrich who wants to bury her head in the sand, if i did that i know i would be letting myself down, as i know i can do this. and if my children and partner and all you guys have that much faith in me. then it cant go wrong just need to have more faith in myself, it starts at 7pm until 9pm uk time, so if you could please send me some good energy i would be grateful. if you dont mind i have a couple of questions. 1) what is the best way to set up the table and chairs,( last time i tried the horseshoe shape with 14 in mind, but when only 5 turned up it didnt work so well for them to commuincate. 2) the last 5 i taught we did the major cards from the fool to the justice, i was thinking of starting with the wands from ace to the king, with 1 or 3 card readings in between, how does this sound? 3) i want them to do the talking more than writing how do i go about it. thanks for all your kind thoughts and ideas, its great being in this forum with you guys i dont feel so lonely about this great thing could tarot. love to you all xxx

Little Baron	11 Nov 2004
Hi again Will definitely be thinking of you at those times and will try and send some positive energy. I am in the uk as well, so hopefully it will get there quickly, hehe. Don't know how this sounds, but ... since you don't know who will show up and who won't, why don't you clear a small space and get your chair ready before they come. When they do start to arrive, ask them to pick up a chair and come and sit around you - then people will sit where they feel comfortable and you will already have established your own comfortable seating arrangement. Will all be less formal. If you feel positive about teaching the 'wands' this session, then go for it. Have you thought of maybe typing up a short 'questionnaire', asking people what they expect to achieve from the course? Nothing too grand, just a few questions. You can work on that, achnowlege their questions in the next session (discuss with them if their expectations are relaistic) and at the end, can discuss if they have achieved what they wanted to or whether they have achieved things that they never expected to. Best of luck Yabs

Sulis	11 Nov 2004
There's a big orange hug - orange is for courgage and creativity. You've made me smile because you sound so much like me - except I haven't even got the courage to read for anyone else so heaven help me if I ever wanted to teach :) You've had good advice, I can't offer any more except this - visualise it going exactly as you want it to go - better still visualise yourself straight after the class has finished -it's been marvelous, your students are happy and are chatting about the wonders of tarot as they leave. You're standing there glowing, feeling very satisfied - Feel it as if it were so. A little bit of magic goes a long way. You're in my thoughts - I'll send you some strengthening energy - let us know the time of your class. You'll be ok. Love and big hugs Sulis xx

Jewel-ry	11 Nov 2004
Thinking of you loveinspirit. I'm sure you'll do better than you think. A piece of advice which I give to my children on a regular basis - You can do anything you put your mind to! Good luck :)

Emily	11 Nov 2004
Hi Loveinspirit, Your class must just have finished - did it go better than last week? Its very rare for new projects to run smoothly first time round but each week will get easier. Your students are lucky to have you as their mentor. :)

Tarot Sparrow	12 Nov 2004
I got here a little late but I hope things went well for you! Just be yourself and it will be fine.

Little Baron	12 Nov 2004
Yes, how did it go last night??? Just scanned all of the threads to see if you had updated. You must have been like a 'figure of light' with all of the people on here thinking about you and sending energy. Yabs

The close to tears thread was originally posted on 11 Nov 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.