Where from here?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 22 Nov 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Ravenswing	22 Nov 2004
This is a real hard one for me. I very rarely get angry-- I'm usually balanced and detached in a positive way. But right now I've been running somewhere between rage and ire... After a four month delay, I finally got my Liber T. Fell in synch with it from the moment the wrapper came off. Though there was a pretty skimpy LWB, it was more than enough of a springboard from which to dive into the depth of this deck. I put all else aside. Watching Adjustment as I shuffled was almost a mantra. The deck became a point of reference-- the origin from which all else came. I could easily spend an afternoon with one card. You get the idea. Well... Friday afternoon at work, there was a lull time that was going to last for a good half hour. I took out the deck and proceeded to sort it, spreading it out on my desk. Someone called for me; I went to the other room for less then a minute. When I came back... One of my co-workers was sitting at my deck, using the phone. She was pushing the cards around on the desk much in the same way some people twirl their hair around their finger. I got a REAL bad feeling and quickly gathered the cards together. I stuck them in their box-- protection. I knew I was going to have to go through a thorough purging with them, that's how intense my feelings where. About an hour and a half later, I got to pull the deck out again. All of my co-workers leave by 4:30 and there's only me and the few people whose caregivers pick them up late. I shuffled and shuffled, but that bad taste in my aura didn't go away. I sorted out the cards and... The Queen of Spheres was missing. It was the first time that a real live fire and brimstone curse sprung out of me without thought. I looked all through the room and every elsewhere I could think of. No Queen. The woman will be back to work tomorrow. I'm not sure exactly how that's going to go down. Because this incident has caused a GREAT problem. And I'm livid and flare up just thinking about it. My best hope is that once I ask about the card and that is settled however it may be, I can consider her non-existant. I really attached to that deck. Over the weekend, I've looked through and at all the other decks I have. It's like looking at ashes and ghosts-- none of them are really real. I want that Queen back. But only to make sure that it's a full deck that gets purified. Unfortunately, my gut feeling is for purification by fire. I want to use THAT deck, but it has been totally desacrated. Another copy of Liber T can NOT be that deck. It's like a favorite tool of any sort. It can never be replaced-- even by what may be, for all intents and purposes, an identical tool. It's not THAT one. Hopefully, I will come to accept another copy of Liber T and move on with it. But at the moment, that is so very far away. So, right now, I wait to see what tomorrow will bring. fly well Raven

Moongold	22 Nov 2004
((((((Ravenswing))))))) Well, just as well it wasn't the Queen of Swords or she would not be in a good state now. Queen of Spheres? Please stay calm and grounded. She is not worth going to jail over.. Don't mean to sound awful but the calmer you are the more likely you are to get the card back. It is damned awful when other people treat your belongings in such a cavlalier way. It is an invasion of personal space. It's a pity if she did take the card. There is a chance that she didn't and it might just be somewhere else (on the desk? In a pile of paper? Some where ? ). She probably did take it, just casually. Hope it comes back to you soon. Moongold

firemaiden	22 Nov 2004
(((Ravenswing))) Maybe there will turn out to be a reason for this. You never know. Maybe the universe has a joke for you, maybe it is an opportunity to share something about the cards. You will see, this will turn out to play a key part in some future adventure. It will have been a crucial part of your path.

Ravenswing	23 Nov 2004
Well... I keep trying to to kick in the rational here. It's quite a reverse sitution for me; usually I'm trying to hold it back to give the intuition a little freer reign. Moongold, I tore the entire room up and checked anywhere it may have gotten to-- didn't show up anywhere. Firemaiden-- I'm sure you're quite right here. For the most part, I'm not very reactive; the intensity of the emotions I'm going through is a lesson already. My work-place horoscope for today warns to keep an even keel or things may get real nasty-- sometimes horoscopes dead on. We are having a Thanksgiving dinner for lunch. Everybody is making something-- I'm bringing a greenbean dish. The woman in question is highly allergic to nuts-- I made a small portion without the almonds. Perhaps the universe is handing me the opportunity to learn to truely let go. I don't know... I'll find out this morning. And I'll let you know how it goes tonight. fly well Raven

cheekyminx	23 Nov 2004
:O that's terrible, you poor thing. But as the old saying goes "things happen for a reason". Who knows, maybe the universe is playing tricks on you, maybe you'll get the card back. I believe there is a reason for this happening......you'll find out soon!

Astraea	23 Nov 2004
If the card does not reappear in one way or another, it wouldn't hurt to telephone or e-mail the publisher and explain what happened; they might gladly replace the card.

MeeWah	23 Nov 2004
((((((Ravenswing)))))) That is terrible & I can so relate!! People come into my office to use the phone to avoid being seen using the customer service phone on company time; also to use the computers as my office is also the main computer office. Mess with not only the work-related but also the personal items. About a month ago money from a collection for an ill child was stolen from a file cabinet. They have no business even touching anything, let alone go into the office furnishings. I find remains of food, spilled drinks, etc. Even if the deck was not one eagerly anticipated & bonded with, just the experience alone is upsetting. Your horoscope is eerie. & ditto what Astraea said, but I hope the card turns up.

Phoenix Rising	23 Nov 2004
sorry to hear that you reacted so badly. What is the message of the "Queen of spheres" anyway? Could it be stuck to another card. It was a new deck afterall. It'll show up, don't you worry.

Sulis	23 Nov 2004
Ground, centre, count to 10 before you speak with this woman tomorrow. My instinct says that if she did take the card she'll probably deny it. What can you do? Here's a big hug for you anyway It will come back - if it doesn't then it's gone for a reason. Love Sulis xx

Alissa	23 Nov 2004
((((((((Ravenswing)))))) I understand how upset you must feel and that your space and things were violated by this insensitive woman! But, the card may yet reappear. This sounds nutty, but it often works for me. Go back to the space in your office where it was "lost" and say outloud (can be said quietly) that you NEED your card back. Not that you WANT it back. Explain briefly (a few words, a sentence) to the Universe why you NEED it back. Very very often, the item will come back to me in a few days time, maybe a week, when I do this. I don't know why, but I thought I'd share it, in case you can call your card back. At least you're learning about what your emotions want to teach you, and about yourself.

Emily	23 Nov 2004
I really hope you get your Queen back - I wonder what would have made your co-worker take the card in the first place? Was she the only one near your desk? Maybe worth asking around your office just to make sure your card hasn't ended up as someones bookmark.

Ravenswing	23 Nov 2004
...for being there. Just reading your words and the love and concern behind them has been a wonder. Yes, I know everything for a reason; don't mean we gotta like it, as long as we learn from it. Sulis-- 25 is a closer count :) And I'm slowly seeing the humor behind the events. Maybe I'm being told to get back to my own deck... flying a bit better Raven

firemaiden	23 Nov 2004
It is interesting Raven. You have reacted as though you were violated, which in a way indeed you were. That woman fingering your deck as though it were her hair, has violated something that was obviously at that moment, profoundly precious and intimate. Like rape. Rationally we know, a deck is a bunch of cards, and it wasn't your psyche or body sitting on the desk that she messed with. Ha! where would we be if all life played out only on a rational plane... You obviously have a incredible bond with that deck, for one. For two, it obviously triggered something, something huge. Perhaps a trauma long lost and previously unaccessible to you. Perhaps something you haven't been ready to look at until now. Why now? Here is the opportunity. And ... now, this is going to be tough, Raven. Brace yourself for the next question. Who was the queen of spheres in your life, and how was she stolen from you?

noby	23 Nov 2004
First of all, I understand the anger and frustration at having one's personal space violated. It shows a lack of respect and fellow feeling. That frustration goes back to our animal ancestors in the form of territoriality. I would certainly have a firm discussion with the person who sat at your desk and say that on top of the missing card, you couldn't believe that someone could be so disrespectful and thoughtless towards another person's property, and hope this person can be more respectful in the future. Their actions sound like the actions of a spoiled, overgrown child who always got his/her way... which can be the worst kind of people. That said, it seems to me you're making this a bigger issue than it has to be. First, I think most publishers of tarot decks will replace individual cards for free. Second, your insistence that this specific deck was the only one that really mattered seems to me to be a bull-headed and willful way to reduce your options. It makes a frustrating setback into an operatic tragedy... a bit of overkill, IMO. I say if nothing comes of the discussion with this person, just write to the publisher asking for a replacement card, and when you get it, shuffle it in with the rest of the deck - any energy you perceive as being in the cards should transfer to the other card, IMO.

Chronata	23 Nov 2004
I am so sorry to hear about this, Raven. This is really a horrible thing to happen, and it feels like that woman disrespects both your space and property. It is terrible that anyone would touch(even desecrate... in my opinion) what was obviously important to you, without a thought. I do hope the Queen will turn up. This reminded me a little of how I felt when I lost my beloved Hanson Roberts deck that I had been using for 10 years. I thought there would never be another deck that I could use like that one...that even if I had purchased another copy...it wouldn't be THAT deck...it wouldn't have the worn familiar bend to the cards, or the feel or so many good readings. I have tons of other decks I could have used...but I mourned for my partner of so many years, because the cards and I had a connection. It is not easy to explain....They were only paper after all....but it was as profound as it was simple. And, yes I have another copy now (a smaller one) but it really isn't the same. The good thing about it, however...is that if I had not lost that deck, I may not have found AT. So, maybe this is a call from the Universe to switch focus for a while...work on YOUR deck(oh I hope so!!!) for a while!

Waterdancer	23 Nov 2004
This seems to be a symptom of a larger problem, which is people in our enviroment who do not understand the concept of personal space or the meaning of a personal or spiritual object. I am a buddhist and have an altar in my home. I came home one day to find that one of the maintenance workers in my apartment building had came in and moved things off my altar to install something. They had turned one of the objects upside down which nearly destroyed it. I could not believe anyone would treat what was obviously a religious altar with complete disrespect. I had discussions with the building staff about the need to train their workers to be sensitive to different religions and personal property. It might be necessary to tell the co-workers who enter your work space that your cards are sacred objects to you and ask that not be touched without your permission. It might seem harsh, but some people may just not understand their significance to you unless they are told.

MeeWah	23 Nov 2004
Agree with Waterdancer that what occurred is symptomatic of a larger issue. Respect for personal space & others' possessions are aspects of general respect for other people; extensions of same regardless of the person or thing. Tend to see it as indicative of other things, such as trustworthiness.

Ravenswing	23 Nov 2004
...a lot easier than I thought. The brief story: I walked into work, centered myself and crossed over to the room where I work. The two of us would be working together for the day (I work in an adult day care center-- mainly with people with Alzheimer's and demensia. It can get pretty crazy on a good day...) I took another few deep breaths, imaged the path between the two of us, and walked over. 'Best to deal with it right away,' I thought. I asked her about Friday, telling her that my card was missing. She said she wouldn't play around with them... (well, people talking on phones often do things non-consciously) She had no idea what had happened to the card. End scene. I didn't rage out; she wasn't defensive. Somewhere between this morning and 10:00 swords had taken the upper hand. Okay, if she took it, so it was. Then again, there was almost a week that I had been shuffling around with the cards-- I used a layout from the LWB that breaks the deck into four: trumps, aces, pips and courts. That was the last time I could be absolutely positive the Queen was in the deck. It could have been mislayed sometime during the week and I wouldn't have known. A little more swords kicking in here... For the moment, the card's gone. End. Later, while everybody was eating lunch, I stood behind the desk. I just stood there for a bit, not thinking about anything. I had decided to take Alissa's suggestion. I would tell the universe that I NEEDED the card back. I started as she suggested: to say outloud that I NEEDED the card back. Then I went on to list why I needed it back. And I couldn't come up with a damn reason that I NEEDED it. I WANTED it. Desperately-- sort of. But I couldn't honestly say I needed it. Suddenly, it became incredibly funny. Well, right now, the deck is sitting next to me in its box. It's the first time I've really looked at it since Friday. I'll be opening it soon. There are 77 other cards, and I'll have to write to lo scarabeo tomorrow. Hey Riccardo, are you out there?? fly well Raven

MeeWah	23 Nov 2004
Ravenswing: I am glad the frame of mind is better & trust ye will hear from LoScarabeo. I have employed a method similar to Alissa's suggestion regarding lost objects. Also appealed to Saint Anthony, patron saint of lost objects. 99% of the time it works. Including the time I discovered 3 cards from my oft-used Robin Wood deck missing & I had no idea what happened. When a search of the house over a few days proved fruitless, I resorted to petitioning Universe with the reason that the missing cards are needed. Almost immediately after, it occurred to me to search for a website & e-mail Robin Wood. She was very gracious & replaced those cards (the variation in general appearance of the replacement cards indicated them to be of a different printing or later edition than mine) in return for a self-addressed stamped envelope. As for that 1%--I chalk that up to that old "stuff happens".

firemaiden	23 Nov 2004
I'm getting a sense that the card is 'hidden in plain sight' - what is there in the upper left hand corner of your desk. Is there a calendar? a clock? are there cupboards?

firemaiden	23 Nov 2004
Is there a crack between the desk and the wall?

firemaiden	23 Nov 2004
I thought I'd draw a card to find out where your card is. I started shuffling the Victoria Regina and two cards fell out. 1) The World -- which is a picture of a globe turning and lots of things flying and falling and turning, and 2) the four of wands which shows four fountain pens balanced on a ledge. Something fell off a ledge... (or is the tarot just telling us, sarcastically --he went off the deep end?)

Moongold	23 Nov 2004
Hey - I have lost my ENTIRE Conver Marseilles. If it was just one or two cards I could have blamed the Cat but a whole boxed deck?????? PS I know this is really off topic Raven. My apologies! I am glad you have reached some resolution around the lost card.

Ravenswing	24 Nov 2004
I wish to thank you all for your wonderful support and concern. It's nice to have the family gather together at Thanksgiving. The Liber T is winging its way to me-- a gifting out of the blue. We all certainly do have much to be thankful for-- especially the manifestation of Solandia's vision. Pass the stuffing, please. fly well Raven

Astraea	24 Nov 2004
What a happy ending! You will probably feel even closer to the new Liber T as a result of the intensity of your experiences with the deck so far -- in fact, that very intensity might be part and parcel of your resonance with this particular tarot.

seaofclouds	24 Nov 2004
Ravenswing, I know *exactly* what you went through. *Hugs* It does sort of become funny when you realize that you've been crying over cardboard. The only deck I've yet to replace, I go into the bookstore and look at it, and try to decide why I *need* it, and I can't think of one reason why I absolutely *need* it. But I needed it when I bought it the first time, you know? Like it was a lesson I had to learn. When I need the deck again, it will let me know :) Just like your card will come back when you need it. xoxo, Melissa

Ravenswing	27 Nov 2004
I sit here at the computer typing away; sending out messages to parts unknown. And from one of those very parts unknown, I have received a most wonderous gift. Sitting beside me, safe in its own pouch, is the Liber T. I will be studying the Queen of Spheres after I sign off. I wonder what mysteries She will have to impart. fly well Raven

Sulis	28 Nov 2004
:D :D :D Cool :) Love Sulis xx

Moonbow*	28 Nov 2004
Great thread, and great news Ravenswing. I don't know how I missed this thread before, but having just read it, I get a real sense of the type of person you are and how much you love your cards. So glad it all worked out right for you. M*

MeeWah	28 Nov 2004
((((((Ravenswing)))))) & ((((((Benefactor)))))) Thanks for the feedback both ways!! A happy outcome such as this at this time of year is especially heart-warming & humbling.

The Where from here? thread was originally posted on 22 Nov 2004 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.