Is it right to accept a deck if.....

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 12 Jan 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Pook	12 Jan 2005
My best friend's mom passed away about two years ago, and my friend is still having a had time coming to terms with the loss. But she recently told me that her mom was into alot of differenet kinds of spiritualism...."Being at one with herself" as she put it. And as we were walking around my local bookshop, we came to the tarot section of the store and my friend pointed out a 'Herbal Tarot' deck set and said, "If you want one of those, I have two of them that were Mom's and you can have one of them." My dilemma is this....until she told me I could have this deck, I had absolutely no desire to have it. I dont know anything about herbs or herbal healing, and I never found the artwork terribly inspiring. But when she said "You can have one of them if you want", well, I had a horrible urge to have it. And then when I asked her if she had ever read with it, she said something like, "Oh no, those were Mom's!" Now, I didn't really know her mother. My friend had lived with her father since I met her, and since her parents divorce. I had spent some time with her during school breaks and weekends, but she was always sort of distant. Very nice, but distant. I'm not sure if I had the deck, I would actually read with it, and I feel a bit funny asking for it now since I didnt agree at the time it was offered. But I still want it. I have no doubt that if I do ask for it, my friend will give it to me. And if she does, I know I will never part with it even if I dont mesh with it right away or cant find it in myself to read with it. In a way I understand what my friend meant by "Oh no, those were Mom's!" So what would you do??

FantasyWorld	12 Jan 2005
Pook wrote: In a way I understand what my friend meant by "Oh no, those were Mom's !" So what would you do?? I'd ask her what she meant by that statement...to elaborate and that way you'd have a better feel for whether or not to take them.

wandking	12 Jan 2005
I think you should listen with your heart, like any good Tarot reader. Was it Aesop who said "never look a gift horse in the mouth?" Like you, I wasn't inspired by that decks artwork but I gifted the Herbal Tarot to my cousin who was into that sort of thing and she loved it. I understand your delimma in having not acepted the deck when it was offered. I feel a possible solution is letting your friend know you'll cherish the cards. Good Luck... I can tell your heart is in the right place.

Mesara	12 Jan 2005
Just curious- why do you want it now when you never were interested in it before? If it is something you don't feel you will use or really come to appreciate, then I would refrain from taking it. Besides, there might be other family members who would really love to have it even if they aren't into tarot themselves. I just have a feeling you would never feel right about having it even if you choose to accept it. If your friend insists, then I would ask her to keep it for a year or so just to make sure she is comfortable parting with it or to give other family members time to think about what they want. And, if a year goes by and she still insists you can have it, then by all means take it.

Pook	12 Jan 2005
FantasyWorld wrote: I'd ask her what she meant by that statement...to elaborate and that way you'd have a better feel for whether or not to take them. We actually did talk about that a little bit that day. It seems to have a lot to do with the fact that she and her mother were not on the greatest of terms when she passed and she still hasn't forgiven herself for it. It's almost like she's supersticious about using the cards for herself. But I could tell she didnt want to get into it then and there, so I let it drop. I really didnt want to make her cry in the middle of the bookstore. As for me, I can honestly say that I dont believe that I want the deck just out of greed. It's not a matter of having the deck just to have it....but then why do I really want it....and the answer is...I just dont know.... Going to sleep on it for another night. Sleep well Aeclectians.....

RedMaple	13 Jan 2005
Perhaps you feel that it would give her comfort to know someone she cares about has the deck that was her mother's. Maybe she could keep one and you could keep the other. Is that what she was implying? People do all sorts of things in grief that don't seem to make sense later, but at the time are very comforting. In the months after my mother died, I wore some of my mother's costume jewelry that I'd found really ugly before, and that has absolutely nothing to do with my taste or personality. But it gave me comfort. So sleep on it, and let your heart choose.

Dark Inquisitor	13 Jan 2005
Pook wrote: As for me, I can honestly say that I dont believe that I want the deck just out of greed. It's not a matter of having the deck just to have it....but then why do I really want it....and the answer is...I just dont know.... It's the same situation with any used or antique item we acquire - we must weigh whether or not we feel energetically good about it before we will have it.Usually we don't know the circumstances of its' availability , or what kind of person had it before. What's different is that you know the source and that is getting in the way. I think that deck has found somewhere it wants to go .

contradiction	13 Jan 2005
hello pook, i feel for your situation. i agree you need to decide why you want the deck now, when you previously did not. but my next advice would be to ask your friend if you can do a reading with the deck(s), and see how well you connect. if there is chemistry between you and the deck then there might be reason for you to accept it. you might also want to ask your friend their reason for wanting you to have the deck, and then make sure no one else in the family would be upset for you to have it. the readings i mentioned earlier would be the following questions, (or some form of), "what would happen if i accepted (or not) the deck offered". in addition, a single card question such as "do you (the deck), want me?" this should give you an idea on what to do. hope this helps.

lark	13 Jan 2005
I think she offered the deck to you because she has two of them and wants to keep one for herself as a rememberance of her mom, but if she is to give the other away she wants it to go to someone who loves tarot as her mother did and would appreciate and use the deck. I would be honored that she asked you and accept it in good grace and enjoy the experience of exploring a new deck. Wheather you end up using it or not it will still be a sweet rememberance for you in your tarot collection.

Pook	13 Jan 2005
I think when I get the time, I will do a reading about this situation. Maybe I'll ask my current reading deck how it would feel to have a new companion in the tarot drawer, or if the Herbal deck is meant to come to me. I think that this will take some more serious thought....... Thanks to all for your thoughts.

dolphingirl	14 Jan 2005
I think it was really kind of your friend to offer and it would always hold a special place in your heart because it would remind you of your friendship. I would probably do a reading on whether or not you should take the deck but it sounds really sweet. One thing I would recommend is that if you ever decided to get rid of it down the road that you offer the deck back to your friend before anything else. I gave away several of my moms things to people because I thought it would remind them of her and be sweet only to find out that they gave away/ got rid of the items which really upset me.

Emily	14 Jan 2005
Maybe this was what your friend was thinking of - a deck for you and she kept the other. Even if you don't use the deck and it does just become a part of your collection, it will remind you of her and your friendship and I'm sure her Mom would be happy to know that one of her favourite decks was going to a home where it'll be appreciated and looked after even if not used. But like Dolphingirl suggests if you ever feel the need to let it go, offer it back to her. I used to do alot of cross stitch but only occassionaly give them out to family members but I gave my hubby's auntie a couple of cross stitch pictures that had taken me hours to do, she was very pleased with them then she died and I found out that these pictures had been sent to a charity shop - I know it shouldn't have but it hurt - I would have liked to have had them back lol Just hope someone bought them and loved and appreciated them as much as she and I did. (Slightly off topic but I needed to vent)

amyel	14 Jan 2005
Does your friend know that you do tarot? I wonder if her offer to gift you one and keep the other is way for her to not only ensure that something of her mother's goes to someone who will use it but maybe, just maybe, then if/when she decides to start tarot, she can learn from you with the same deck? And in that way, she has another positive memory of her mother? Now that I am at the lofty age of 42 and recognize that I will never have my own children, I am wondering what will happen to my collection, including books, etc, when I pass on. Unless you come from a very spiritual or eclectic family, what does one do with items that were very meaningful to the deceased? And yet, because they are of a spiritual nature, they are obviously important items from the deceased's life. I think your friend is sorta overwhelmed with her mom's death, and wants items she knows are special to go to someone she still has connections with and will appreciate. If you want the deck, go for it. Sometimes, decks, like pets, find you.

The Is it right to accept a deck if..... thread was originally posted on 12 Jan 2005 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.