Reading for Others

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 09 Feb 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Electrum	09 Feb 2005
Hello, Recently a friend of mine asked to have her cards read. Initially, my gut told me not to do it. However, I felt pressured to do it since she had wanted me to read them before, and I didn't do it for the exact same reason. No good came from the reading. She hardly paid attention, and I felt like the cards were being vague (or I was). I also felt afraid that she was thinking I was a hoax, and I felt myself wanting to make up a good story (which I believe is wrong, but I don't deny that I had these thoughts lol). I told her what the cards said, and now I feel anxious whenever I think about the reading. I've come to the conclusion that whatever is going to happen to her will happen on a Wednsday, but how vague is that lol. I feel anxious party because I don't want to be wrong about the prediction (ego? lol), and party because... well I'm not sure why. I guess I just want to ask if anyone else has experienced these kinds of feelings and thoughts when reading for others, and what might it imply? (Besides that I might be egotistical lol) Thanks, Deidre

Dark Inquisitor	09 Feb 2005
I am thinking this was a free reading? If so, that usually takes a lot of pressure off. If you are nervous about reading, probably just admitting it beforehand and saying the whole thing is just an experiment will defuse quite a bit of angst. Accept that we are all wrong at one time or another. It's going to happen ! We wouldn't be human if it didn't. You seem to be doing a lot of worrying over how she felt about it, and your own judgements of your performance. I try to concentrate more on what it is the cards are trying to say . Forget about yourself for your own sake , and how the other person is viewing you. You can't control that. You might give the greatest reading ever and if the other person isn't in the right place to receive it , they won't appreciate it. You might be right on all counts, and they might not want to admit it . Learning to deliver the message and then detach from feedback is probably wise. (This of course does not mean you should not strive to improve if you think it necessary.) More practice will probably take care of a lot of your self doubts , so just jump right back in and don't let anxiety get the upper hand.

Electrum	09 Feb 2005
Yes, the reading was free. I can't see myself ever charging for a reading, especially since I am still learning. I think you have a very good idea, if I had announced that I felt that way, and that nothing may come from it, I would have been a lot more relaxed. I'm usually relaxed when I read for a friend (and get pretty good results), but maybe I sensed that this particular friend was expecting something spectacular, and this made me nervous. The way I read my cards relies more on intuition than symbolism, and that does take a certain degree of relaxation (for me anyway). And I definitely should work more on detaching myself from my silly, egotistical thoughts. I remember this friend saw that I was using my book to help me remember the cards' symbolism, and she said, "I thought you knew how to read them." Yep, that was a blow to my ego lol. Gotta love friends. Thanks, you've really helped!

Neville Surrell	09 Feb 2005
Hi, I think Dark Inquisitor made some valid points, In my readings I am allowing the cards to speak through me so that I am operating as a channel for the Cards. The querant drew the cards and whilst I agree ,I interpret them. It is them that are flowing through me. So ultimately as with mediums the querant can accept the messages or not. The cards do not lie . Thats very much down to us people. If the cards proved difficult to interpret that is nothing new. There are normally many different issues at play at any given time. I also feel that the closer you are to the person you are reading for the problem of remaining objective may arise. At any rate I would suggest that we all have done some readings that in hindsight maybe we should have stayed away from. Fortunately for us they are normally few and far between and mostly centered around the start of our journey with Tarot. Though after Eighteen years as a practicing reader I still get the odd stinker.lol Be of good cheer. How do you know what a good reading is unless you have a few bad ones to compare them with. As an afterthought my best readings have been where a querant has been a pro active part of the reading and not just testing me be saying "yep", "nope" I hope you can relate to some of my point's. Neville.

Grizabella	09 Feb 2005
I know just the kind of reading you describe. But oddly enough, the very person who was like that and who expressed disinterest and skepticism was the one who kept coming and asking for readings. I finally gave her a deck of cards of her own and quit reading for her. As I look back, I now think the readings had to have been accurate for her to have kept coming and wanting more, but I didn't want to play the game anymore, so I sent her out on her own. She wasn't a close friend---just a friend of a friend---and I was quite new to reading for others, so I didn't have a lot of confidence back then anyway. I have to say that in one respect, she was the worst querent I had to read for but in another way, she was one of the best because she taught me that I could be objective and leave it as her "issues" and not a true reflection of my ability to read cards.

April	09 Feb 2005
That's one of my biggest pet peeves, when someone asks me for a reading and then they act like they're doing me a favor by sitting still and staring at the table. I find it almost impossible to do a worthwhile reading when the querent acts like this. It's extremely distracting, especially when you're really trying to get in some practice. I have a friend who I thought I gave a terrible first reading to, because she was very quiet. But she keeps asking and we've managed to open up the lines of communication during the reading. I'll go with Lyric on this one, if my friend never opened up I might have quit reading for her. So, my advice is to always ask for feedback during and after the reading. It might help if you told her that her feedback would really help you learn. If she doesn't want to give it to you try not to dwell on it (hard, I know). I feel for you. Peace, April

Kaylee Marie	10 Feb 2005
One of my good friends asks for readings fairly often, and I usually try to brush her off. Mainly because she treats the whole thing like a novelty, a game, a way to waste some time before we head out to the bar or wherever. I think she keeps asking because she knows I have a genuine interest in tarot and she likes to encourage those around her in whatever their pursuits may be (she's kinda like having a personal cheerleader, which isn't all bad!). She always says that the reading is good, but I never feel that way. I always ask my querents to focus on their question and shuffle the deck for as long as they'd like. It gets their energy into the deck and I get really good results that way (I spend a good deal of time after each reading reshuffling and cleansing the deck to put my energy back in). But when said friend asks for a reading, she never has a question in mind and just chats aimlessly while shuffling. I try to gently tell her to concentrate, but it seems to be beyond her abilities. When I lay out the cards they never make any sense and it's almost impossible to get a coherent story out of them. I love my friend dearly, so I'll keep reading for her. Maybe I should just loosen up and take a casual que sera sera tone with her readings to match her own take on the experience. But somehow that feels insulting to the cards. What I hate more are the querents who try to test me. They refuse to verbally state their question and sit with lips pursed, not saying more than absolutely necessary during the reading. I tell them I'm not psychic, but they still seem convinced that I'm scaming them in some way (even though I never ask for money -- these are readings for friends of friends). Ususally after the reading though they open up and share their question -- and tell me I was right on. :) Still very frustrating though. What I'm getting at is that some people are definitely harder to read for than others. I've learned to simply put those readings out of my head after the difficult querent leaves. No sense dwelling on things, now is there?

Dark Inquisitor	10 Feb 2005
Kaylee Marie wrote: But when said friend asks for a reading, she never has a question in mind and just chats aimlessly while shuffling. I try to gently tell her to concentrate, but it seems to be beyond her abilities. When I lay out the cards they never make any sense and it's almost impossible to get a coherent story out of them. Tell her she has to close her eyes and give her some rocks to hold while YOU do the shuffling . I would be evilly tempted to start using questions I thought were relevant for her - like how to focus.

The Reading for Others thread was originally posted on 09 Feb 2005 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.