Bad News?
Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 31 Mar 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.
| kettle |
31 Mar 2005 |
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Hi all, talk about the Tarot giving me a wake up call, it's calling LOUD at the moment, it's everywhere. I went to my folk art class today, and was asked by 2 of the women I've been painting with for a YEAR to do readings, LOL! When I said sure, one of them said "I don't want any bad news though", I explained that the tarot looks at all aspects of her life, not just the good, and she said to me "but that's not right, that's not ethical, you're not allowed to do that are you!" Needless to say I don't think either of them will come for a reading, even when I explained that I sat very stringent exams with TGA, and singned a code of conduct. I'm sure it ment nothing to them. They just wanted to hear good things, like winning the lottery or some such. Funny thing is I've been told this before about 10 years or more ago, "you're not allowed to!" they said to me. So my question is this who is the person or body who doesn't "allow" such a thing, has anyone actually heard a name? And also, why not tell the truth, in a kind way. I've never lied in a reading, nor held back. I've seen death in the cards, and haven't said "oh so and so's going to drop dead soon", but in the softest way explained it in my own words, and what I want to know is what's wrong with that?
Also the other woman asked for her 12 year old daughter to sit in on her reading, and when I advised her that it was a quite intimate thing having your cards read, and all sorts of things show up in the cards, she was most offended and told her mate she couldn't believe I'd not let her daughter be there. Well, over time I've seen husbands who were Gay, but not out, and one who was sleeping around 3 weeks after a wedding, a woman who's sex life was so wild it was almost unbelievable. So you tell me, even saying any of this in a very nice way how do you say it in front of the 12 year old daughter?
I'm sorry I guess I'm venting, a lot of angst coming out and being, perhaps explored, but more probably delt with so I can get back on an even keel, and do readings at peace again. Would be interested to hear any replies. Kettle.
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| Eco74 |
31 Mar 2005 |
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I'm in agreeance with you on this.
A reading can never be set for "good things only" from the start, though one can ask the cards to focus on solutions and the positive things in the querents life. There is no garantuee though so I think you were right to say what you said to her.
And having an extra person there would make me uncomfortable aswell. Especially if s/he is there to "observe" which would just simply bother me and throw off my concentration.
Having them both there to have a look at the cards and get a little one-on-two-chat about tarot in general would be another thing, but for a reading? No, I wouldn't either. Actually, I'd happily add such a statement to my official policy in the form of "During readings, only the querent and reader will be present" or similar.
As for not being allowed to give bad news. It's the first time I've heard thatone...
The only similar thing I've heard is that it may not be a good idea to tell someone that "you'll die tomorrow" or "you'll get hit by a bus on your way home", but instead of ignoring it entierly and saying something like "you won't have to worry about this months rent" one can "sugarcoat it" a bit and say "be careful in traffic" or "look where you're going today, take your time and don't rush between locations".
Some things are just too shocking to give out in plain words, but recommendations and warnings can surely be used even for the worst of news.
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| huredriel |
31 Mar 2005 |
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I agree as well and think Sulis makes a very good point, that of what if we are wrong! Readings are often sought out when someone is looking for help. Looking at the so-called "bad" is as necessary as the good and should empower the querant. However it is how the reader interacts with the querant, and how sensitively certain matters are dealt with, I think, that make all the difference.
As for the bit about not wanting to hear bad news, well when I do readings for my friends, they know that I will be straight forward with them, that's not to say rude of course. And if I see something (as I'm learning and new to all this) that the querant thinks is either wrong or off-track, I will also take that and try and learn from it myself. In fact I often think it is harder to accept negative feedback and realise that occasionally we can be wrong.
Also I would agree on Eco's point about only the querant and reader being present, especially with regards to the 12 year old you mention. That would be far too uncomfortable.
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| WolfSpirit |
31 Mar 2005 |
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kettle ~ I have the impression the women only wanted a reading for the fun part: just hear pleasant things, things it would be no problem to say in front of a kid etc. I think they don't take tarot seriously and don't appreciate it fully. Maybe they saw the "for entertainment purposes only" somewhere and take that litterally.
I never heard it would be unethical to give bad news; I would say the contrary, that it is unethical to tell everything is fine when you see disaster in the cards (not that I would ever use the word "disaster" in front of a querent).
It's a good thing though they told you their opinions before you actually did a reading for them !
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| Fudugazi |
31 Mar 2005 |
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If we place ourselves as querents rather than readers for a minute, I think sometimes we need to hear bad news. We need to hear things that are challenging and difficult for us, that we might not have faced in ourselves - we need it so we can grow. We even need to be hurt and angry sometimes, because in the middle of that hurt and anger, there will be a kernel of truth, which, once we calm down, we can look at with clearer eyes.
I once went to see a tarot reader who told me something that not only made me very angry, it made me cry for days. It was so awful! But once I stopped crying and calling her a witches' bitch (no offence to witches or to bitches), I heard the truth in what she had said. I grieved, I looked at things in me I hadn't seen before. I grew, and I grew happy and honest. This was one of the single most painful but useful moments in my life.
It was after that process had been completed that I decided to learn Tarot for myself, knowing full well I would sometimes open up areas people would rather not look at, and say things they don't like and might not even agree with. But, as Sulis wrote, even in the darkest reading there is something positive to say.
Those people who say "I don't want to hear bad news" should simply not be getting a reading, because they are not ready to face that challenge - the challenge to their inner beliefs; or the challenge to the - possibly fake - stability of their lives (if we are talking about a cheating husband, for example). It's not wrong not to want bad news or a challenge to oneself, but neither should we expect life to deliver nothing but roses. Tarot certainly won't.
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| psychic sue |
31 Mar 2005 |
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I have had querant like this. I tell them the same thing - I can't only tell them good things. However, if I do see anything negative, I tell them but try and give them something positive to take from it. As for death, I have seen it and this is the only time I have held back. I personally would not feel comfortable giving this information.
Some people do see tarot as a "parlour game", but in my experience these are the very people that have the biggest shock when they see just how deep the readings can go. I too would not have let the 12 year old daughter sit in on the reading, for exactly the same reasons you state.
It's like any job we do, some parts of it are crappy. We just have to accept that and try to learn from these experiences.
Sue :)
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| tarotbear |
31 Mar 2005 |
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kettle~
For a long time a woman at work would casually ask me to do a reading for her - and always ended the request with 'BUT I don't want to know anything bad!'
I finally said - 'Whatever comes up in the cards is your doing. I don't shuffle the cards - you do.'
She stopped asking me after that.
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| muteswan |
01 Apr 2005 |
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In my experience, people that don't want bad news from me don't ask me to do a reading. Some friends have told me they never want a reading from me for fear of what I'd say!
A very negative experience with telling a friend bad news made me really think about if I should be giving out bad news at all, but through introspection and discussion with friends, I believe it's important to give the good with the bad.
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| Lady Mary |
01 Apr 2005 |
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What's bad and what's good news?
Your spouse is having an affair? Better deal with it sooner than later and maybe have more options to deal with it.
Health problems: Better go see a doctor now and not when it's probably too late.
Tower: Better get out of the prision now - better leave some crap behind than getting hit by a brick coming off the tower's roof.
People you thought are your friends are plotting against you: Better you realize it now before you get stabbed in the back.
Your kids are taking drugs? Better you deal with this problem now and not get one night a call from the cops.
And these are just some of the "bad" news that just popped into my mind.
The tough thing is how to resolve the problems, how to find the "right" path. So as a reader to help/discuss with the querant a possible "way out".
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| purple_scorp |
01 Apr 2005 |
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Hmm, I remember doing a Fortune Card reading (not Tarot) for a female friend with her husband present. The cards smacked of her having an affair but heck....how could I say that in front of her hubby? I felt obliged to say something and I know her reasonably well, and really couldn't see her in that situation anyhow. So, I joked about it and said, well, here's what I see, but I am not convinced this reading is for you. How about I pack the cards up and we reshuffle and read again? Everyone seemed happy with this and the second reading was totally different.
kettle, in answer to your question though - you could rip right through that reading if you were only to give the good news. And, you could even make it g-rated for her 12yo daughter. As long as you said, I'm not telling you everything in the cards, I'm only telling you what you've asked to hear. You know what would be even more interesting - to use a very pictorial deck and ask them to do their own interpretations. It would be so interesting to see what they read for themsElves.
purple_scorp
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| SunChariot |
02 Apr 2005 |
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Hi all, talk about the Tarot giving me a wake up call, it's calling LOUD at the moment, it's everywhere. I went to my folk art class today, and was asked by 2 of the women I've been painting with for a YEAR to do readings, LOL! When I said sure, one of them said "I don't want any bad news though", I explained that the tarot looks at all aspects of her life, not just the good, and she said to me "but that's not right, that's not ethical, you're not allowed to do that are you!" Needless to say I don't think either of them will come for a reading, even when I explained that I sat very stringent exams with TGA, and singned a code of conduct. I'm sure it ment nothing to them. They just wanted to hear good things, like winning the lottery or some such. Funny thing is I've been told this before about 10 years or more ago, "you're not allowed to!" they said to me. So my question is this who is the person or body who doesn't "allow" such a thing, has anyone actually heard a name? And also, why not tell the truth, in a kind way. I've never lied in a reading, nor held back. I've seen death in the cards, and haven't said "oh so and so's going to drop dead soon", but in the softest way explained it in my own words, and what I want to know is what's wrong with that?
Also the other woman asked for her 12 year old daughter to sit in on her reading, and when I advised her that it was a quite intimate thing having your cards read, and all sorts of things show up in the cards, she was most offended and told her mate she couldn't believe I'd not let her daughter be there. Well, over time I've seen husbands who were Gay, but not out, and one who was sleeping around 3 weeks after a wedding, a woman who's sex life was so wild it was almost unbelievable. So you tell me, even saying any of this in a very nice way how do you say it in front of the 12 year old daughter?
I'm sorry I guess I'm venting, a lot of angst coming out and being, perhaps explored, but more probably delt with so I can get back on an even keel, and do readings at peace again. Would be interested to hear any replies. Kettle.
These people are not looking for the truth, just for you to tell them what they want to hear. You can do that without the cards. They do not need a reader, just a good friend who will tell them what they want to hear and sugarcoat it in the way they want.
Tarot is about finding the truth. They do seem to not want that.
Bar
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| Phoenix Rising |
02 Apr 2005 |
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[quote[quote=Lady Mary]What's bad and what's good news?
Your spouse is having an affair? Better deal with it sooner than later and maybe have more options to deal with it.
Health problems: Better go see a doctor now and not when it's probably too late.
Tower: Better get out of the prision now - better leave some crap behind than getting hit by a brick coming off the tower's roof.
People you thought are your friends are plotting against you: Better you realize it now before you get stabbed in the back.
Your kids are taking drugs? Better you deal with this problem now and not get one night a call from the cops.
And these are just some of the "bad" news that just popped into my mind.
The tough thing is how to resolve the problems, how to find the "right" path. So as a reader to help/discuss with the querant a possible "way out".[/quote][/quote]
Yes exactly Lady Mary!! People pussy foot around! The good thing of sometimes knowing that some "bad" news maybe in the future, we can change it. I certainly would be grateful for someone telling me "Not to get on that plane flight tomorrow, there will be a disaster" Well hello..I would of avoided my loss of life! I know I'm hypothetically speaking.
But it wouldn't come up if the client wasn't ready to hear it!
The hardest part would be wording it in a way that didn't sound so harsh, and finding a solution to put one back on the right track. There is always a solution to everything, I say.
But I certainly would want to know if my husband(when I find one) is having an affair!! Nothing worse being the last one to know.
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The Bad News? thread was originally posted on 31 Mar 2005 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.
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