problems with live readings

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 29 Mar 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Free Flight	29 Mar 2005
I am having immense problems when I do a 'live reading.' I am OK when I do an internet or written reading for someone. Although still learning to trust my intuition, things just flow. I focus in on each card one by one and a story/theme opens up which I can then follow through. However when I do a live reading with someone face-to-face or even over the phone, I get extremely nervous and more often than not I botch the reading up. I have been practising on close family and friends to try and fix this from occurring but there seems to be no change. Anyone else experienced this?

ros	29 Mar 2005
Yes I have had this happen. When you do live readings you must trust yourself. The other person does not have your knowledge. Everyone has their own twist on the readings. We need to always be in control of our readings & stay grounded. "But know that when a true Seeker comes, your story will be true. It's a simple as that!" "You will find your own methods and ways to read, but the most important is to divine with integrity" C. Mathews (I don't know where I got the first saying from but I feel it's true.)

kettle	29 Mar 2005
Hi, I enjoy live readings must admit, and only usually have a problem when there's a third person sitting in (usually a friend of the client)as the vibes if you'll forgive the frase keep getting mixed up for me. Also, I must be the only reader I know who hates recording readings. It throws me. I can read off something a person owns, one person (I find out a mentally unbalanced soul)even sent me an insence stick in the mail to do a reading off. I've found through experience that if I (in capital letter and bold and italic)try to interpret the cards, or think to myself "that can't be right" or mentally stick my nib in, then I read the cards wrong. If I tell a client just exactly what the cards are SHOWING me, then the reading is usually uncannily right! Mind you if I try to do a reading for myself, I can't see a blooming thing! Also in the last 6 months to a year of my actively reading for people, I had begun to as they say in the movie "see dead people" well not many, just one for every person I was doing a reading off. Usually a relative. The first person I saw I described for the sitter very dubiously, he looked like a red headed viking, anyway not the point. She burst into tears and tells me it's her boyfriends father who died the previous week. Usually I see the way they die, and what they would have worn during life, which gives me a hint so to speak of what era they're from, I see them as a live picture if you like, and they almost always convey to me as well some feature to help identify them. To be honest I think this is why I stopped reading. I mean we all see awful things in readings, from deaths to break up of marriages and so on, but DEAD PEOPLE??? Well. Honestly I didn't know what to do about it, how to explain it, and if God ment me to see this, then how to grow with it, and how to, oh I don't know. I guess I put it all in the too hard basket. Still have a bit, scares me in a way. What if I see someone I know? Although another reader I know told me I would only ever see my family in dreams, as this is where I'm most comfortable seeing them. Sorry, I started out to answer your question and waffled on awfully. I hope you find a way you're comfortable reading for people. Good luck with it. Kettle.

Emeraldgirl	29 Mar 2005
I also have this problem when reading for some people. I had this on the weekend when I did a reading for someone I shouldn't of and I just walked out on him (really bad I know but it's a friend of my fiance's who's girlfriend begged me to do a reading for). He's not anyopne who I will ever read for again though. Most of the time I take my time and I am ok. Are you perhaps rushing things. Somethimes it is best to set back and view the spread as a whole for a few minutes and get a better overall picture rather than jumping right into discussion about the cards.

Free Flight	29 Mar 2005
Hi - thanks for the advice Emerald Girl and Ros. I think it take practice and i just feel so much pressure and get so nervous it blows me off kilter totally. Will keep perservering though Kettle - i feel for you. The doors have opened on your ability of late havent they. I would be scared too but I guess you are meant to be able to help people so you should see this as a gift. As per the client who burst into tears, she obviously needed to know and trust in the after life and perhaps you were able to give her that hope. It is a wonderful and scary gift and as some mediums say a blessing and a curse. Dont be scared though, use it to help others..Thats all I can say and that my thoughts are with you.

mnemosyne7	29 Mar 2005
Hi Free Flight, A little "stage fright" can be a good thing - it means you care and want to do your very best when reading for someone. While I would encourage you to continue working through the live readings if they are important to you, I recognize that not all of us read the same. If you are comfortable and feel that you are providing your best readings through Internet and/or other written means, perhaps that is where your greatest Talent lies. In fact, some of your trepidation during in-person readings might just be because you would rather have time to think everything through, but feel pressured that the querent wants a reading in fifteen minutes. Once in a while, I get a client who wants to sit and talk for hours and spend some real soul time with the cards. But most folks who show up for in-person readings have an attention span from 15 to 20 minutes. Honest, their eyes start to glaze over at 15 minutes. However, the folks who ask for written readings, tend to go back and refer to them, reworking the information and gleaning new insights sometimes months later. It takes someone special to be able to provide that type of reading ... sounds to me like you might be that special someone. I hope that no matter what you choose to do, that you continue to write thoughtfully. Happy reading! Mnem

Elven	29 Mar 2005
Hi Freeflight, Yes I have experienced this. I look at the cards, look at the client, look at the card, look at the client! Nothing! Blank! (LOL) Horrid feeling, I know, but I then focus on that signifier and start where they are now - that covering or first card can get it started. Its where they are now! Start in the now and progress from there. Go to the next card and just say whats in you. Get it out. Focus And Trust!! Its within you! All those thoughts going around in your head just need to be said. Some readings dont flow well, I must admit, and reading for people you already know really well - like friends and family can have its pressures too. Hidden expectations from them. If thats the case, reading for those you dont know is the better option and better practise for you to push through those barriers. I prefer to read for people I've never met before. Im not sure what you mean by botching it up. How are you botching it up? What feels wrong with what you're doing or saying? Often poeople will try to make a relevant connection out of everything you say. They are needing a now connection. The best readers I've come across just say! They dont hesitate, and for the reading to flow they dont take heed to the client saying 'Oh yes how true, your right, thats amazing' - the people ring them back and say that in a months time. You know what I mean? Its the things I didnt say that stick with me, not the things I did say! Have heart and confidence. They've stopped burning us at the stake these days, right or wrong, you can overcome this - you have a million readings to look forward to, not backwards on. Good luck Freeflight, take heart, hope this has helped. Elven x

FaeryGodmother	30 Mar 2005
I'm totally with you on this. I can do readings on the net, I can do readings live for family and friends but the second I'm doing a reading for money everything changes. I feel blocked, forced, silly; I wonder if they are understanding anything I say, I can't get words out clearly but most of all I wonder if I'm "worth" the money they are paying. Personally i think this is because I have strong ideas about doing readings for money. Even though so many people make a living out of it, and theres nothing wrong with it, I just can't seem to get the idea out of my head that as soon as its a paid for service it changes the dynamic of the reading. Thats just my own mental hurdle. And I have been reading for money for nine months now and I still can't get the idea out of my head. What can I say except that I'll be taking the advice everyone has posted. FGM

Gwynne	30 Mar 2005
I prefer live readings to those over the phone or internet. I like to get my client involved in the reading, asking a lot of questions, such as if anything about a particular card stands out to them. I just can't do that on the phone. Also, since I read for money, when I'm reading on the phone I feel like I have to rush things because it's "per minute..." There are times when I need a moment just to figure out what a particular combination of cards is trying to say, but on the phone, silence is deadly. If the person is sitting at a table right across from me, it's much easier to pause, because they can see that I'm working out a particularly tricky combination. I charge flat fees for in person readings, $10 for 15 minutes, or $40 for an hour. The client chooses what they want, and I structure the reading accordingly, Celtic Cross for about 15 minutes and larger more in depth spreads for longer readings. Generally the reading goes over, so the client feels like they got more than they paid for... I often feel like I charge too much, but I think that's just me. Many times clients will tip me because they feel the reading was worth more than they paid. Reading online isn't nearly as bad as reading on the phone, especially email readings. I can take my time and really work out the meanings of the cards and explain in depth what the reading is saying, without feeling like the person on the other end is watching the clock. That's why I'm trying to shift from reading on the phone to all live readings. There just seems to be so much less pressure. And about reading for friends and family... even live I find those to be the hardest readings. Often they think that I'm not really seeing anything in the cards, that I'm just using what I know about them, even though I'm not. When you tell a total stranger "You're focusing too much on your job and your family life is starting to suffer..." they look at you in awe because there is no normal way you could have known that. When you say something like that to a friend or family member they just look at you and say "Uh huh... yeah... you know that already... tell me something you don't know..."

Ahria	30 Mar 2005
Hi there This is going to sound totally ridiculous but anyway, I feel like this as well with live readings and all I do is literally take my time, my friends and family think its all part of the mystery, but is me fighting down the panic. Usually once I got my vision cleared I find a card I know and I am comfortable with and work my way from there, I will also go through the positions and what they mean (they think its for them but its actually a way to place the cards in my mind) oh and take deep breaths they help as well. I know most of that sounds silly but it works for me :) Hugs

Sulis	30 Mar 2005
Hi Free Flight, I've done very few face to face readings for just this reason. I think in the long run it's all about having confidence in yourself. I think you should have a read of Umbraes Process threads, particularly part 3 - The Blank spot: http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=10197&highlight=blank+spot Love Sulis xx

Joermit	30 Mar 2005
Hiya... Everyone's given some excellent advice... something that really helps me is holding on to a polished stone while reading... I tend to fidget and talk quickly sometimes (when nervous) and the stones sort of keeps me grounded and focused... it works really well for me... sorta calms me and puts me in the right frame of mind... if I get caught in a blank spot I just play with the stone and try to focus on the cards... I just found a few stones I like and some teachers have also passed on some of theirs to me... I keep the stones with the cards so they sorta keep the same energy... maybe you could try that??

Free Flight	30 Mar 2005
Thanks to everyone for the advice and help. You guys are all inspirational :) Plus it is nice to know that other people suffer this same thing, so it is more common than I thought. It is interesting to read how this occurs in others in other sorts of readings Blessings Free Flight

Earthly Virgo	30 Mar 2005
Hi there There have been some great replies on this trhead havent there. It reminded me of a friend who had the same trouble and then someone gave her a piece of "Fools Gold" (Iron Pyrite) to put uner her chair when she was reading. Nopw she wont do a reading without it ..she says it really helps.

firemaiden	31 Mar 2005
Sulis wrote: I think you should have a read of Umbraes Process threads, particularly part 3 - The Blank spot: http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=10197 Hi Free Flight, Sulis is right, Umbrae's thread called "The Blank Spot" will addresses your question beautifully. Here is a link to the Table of Contents for Umbrae's Process Threads

tmgrl2	31 Mar 2005
I agree with Sulis and fm... I have often recalled Umbrae's "The Blank Spot" during readings.... The more I do live readings...the more I become comfortable with those silences of mine, as I look "between" and into the blank spots.... Sometimes, as Umbrae, says, I begin speaking and next thing I know...the rest of the narrative flows and weaves itself together.... Practice. Practice. Practice. And I always remember... Progress...not perfection. Just like life itself, the reading process is just that... a process and the reading itself a moment in "time".... We simply do our best and move on. Being right becomes less important, than being THERE with the sitter in an interactive environment. I have printed out Umbrae's Process threads and from time to time, I read through them again, and a new nugget of guidance appears...one that perhaps I had overlooked because I wasn't ready to see it, or because I hadn't needed to see it. These are very pragmatic threads....simple guidance, but not necessarily easy to carry out ...... terri

Fudugazi	31 Mar 2005
Joermit wrote: something that really helps me is holding on to a polished stone while reading... I tend to fidget and talk quickly sometimes (when nervous) and the stones sort of keeps me grounded and focused... it works really well for me... sorta calms me and puts me in the right frame of mind... if I get caught in a blank spot I just play with the stone and try to focus on the cards... I just found a few stones I like and some teachers have also passed on some of theirs to me... I keep the stones with the cards so they sorta keep the same energy... maybe you could try that?? What a great idea! I love polished stones, especially those that were polished naturally by seas or rivers - or even glaciers, which I pick up on some of my walks. I collect them and love to hold them - yet never thought of holding one when doing a tarot reading. There is some wonderful energy in some of them - deep, powerful, playful in some instances. Oh yes!

muteswan	01 Apr 2005
I've only done one reading that wasn't face-to-face, and I was honestly surprised it worked as well as it did. For me, contact with the person being read is important. So far, it's only been people I know that I've done. Usually it's surprised reports days or weeks after a reading of my being right in a good way, but in one case it was bad. My very negative and eventually very telling readings really got to me, as they were forecasting a lot of bad things for a friend.

The problems with live readings thread was originally posted on 29 Mar 2005 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.