Responsibilities on the Reading Exchange

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 31 Mar 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

ncefafn	31 Mar 2005
First paragraph removed by moderator to delete some personal information but maintain idea of the thread Okay, so when you agree to do a reading on the exchange, do you as the reader have a responsibility to first draw out from the querent everything they feel unhappy about, things that they don't want you to talk about during the reading? Because otherwise, I just blunder in and, unless you tell me that your mother just died of colon cancer, I'm going to mention any mother issues that come up. I would appreciate a little guidance here.

Fudugazi	31 Mar 2005
((((((((((((((Kim))))))))))))) As for your question - I think that though the reader has a heavy responsibility to be respectful and not invent stuff, if there are zones querents do not want to explore they should be explicit. We on AT all know Tarot can lift up stones and uncover a nest of maggots underneath. If we don't want to lift that stone, we should say so. Or indicate that there is a sensitivity in a particular area, at the very least. Though personally, I have always thought it a good idea to clear the maggots, if possible.

kettle	31 Mar 2005
You know if a client doesn't want to have a reading done in case they hear some particular bad news, it would be wise for them to follow their instincts don't you think. My Dad was in a nursing home for 18 months before he passed away and for the last 6 months I would'nt even pick up the cards for myself. The night before the funeral I thought in rather harsher language what the heck, there's nothing worse they can tell me, and so I did my own spread, and saw laid before me all the overwhelming grief and heartbreak I was holding in. I saw the bleakness of my life, and the slowness of it evolving. It was the hardest spread I've ever looked at but IT WAS MY CHOICE! Just as others should choose wisely before requesting a reading. Kettle.

WolfSpirit	31 Mar 2005
I would do a reading in Exchange as I would do another reading: I would be honest about what I see but try not to be too blunt. If people have certain issues they don't want to talk about they should say so themselves, but I would advise anyone not to restrict the reader - a reading will be more meaningful if the reader has no limitations. If an outcome is very undesirable - maybe you could suggest to do a follow-up reading how to solve the issue. If a reading turns out very personal - you could pm first and ask if it is ok to put it in the forum as well (or agree to put a short version on the forum). Three sentences deleted by moderator to remove personal information but maintain the thoughts in the thread

Alta	31 Mar 2005
Hi folks, sorry about the removal, but the we thought that the idea of the thread was great but preferred to not personalize things. ncefafn et al, this raises very valid points: about the responsibilities of the querent to the reader as well as the reverse. Marion co-moderator of TT

WhiteRaven	31 Mar 2005
This also brings up issues that were addressed in two different threads at the ending of last year. One.....the negativity of the reader comes to mind. Another thread that comes to mind is one that MoonGold started....giving a suggestion of a type of Guidelines for both Reader and Querant.... This issue at hand gives a great example of why those threads were produced in the first place. WR

Fudugazi	31 Mar 2005
But the subject of this thread is not the negativity of the reader: it is about the responsibility of a querent to reveal fault-lines and areas of sensitivity and burn-out before a reading, so that a reader - who is a tarot, not a mind-reader - can do his/her reading without fear of ruffling any feathers. To say, for example - my mother died last month. If I hear that I will be careful around the mother subject. Not that it is always wrong to ruffle feathers - there have been times in my life when I was glad for a tarot reader to tell me some things I didn't want to hear (well, at the time I heard them I wasn't glad - but later).

WhiteRaven	31 Mar 2005
Helvetica wrote: But the subject of this thread is not the negativity of the reader: it is about the responsibility of a querent to reveal fault-lines and areas of sensitivity and burn-out before a reading, so that a reader - who is a tarot, not a mind-reader - can do his/her reading without fear of ruffling any feathers. Not that it is necessarily wrong to ruffle feathers - there have been times in my life when I was glad for a tarot reader to tell me some things I didn't want to hear (well, at the time I heard them I wasn't glad - but later). If you recall....both threads that I am referring to covered many topics as they grew in the number of posts. It's not only the responsibility of the querant......sorry.....it takes two. This is not a quiet little cafe where querant and reader are in a quiet session together...nor is it a private home where you have the privacy to discuss these matters....this is what "PM" is about.....unless one only uses pm's only to chit chat and gossip. There is nothing wrong with thinking about what you see and PMing the querant or the reader before posting in such a large, public arena as this forum is. This is only MHO.....after many trials and errors...... The thread openner is "Responsibilities on the Reading Exchange"....which entails the responsibilities of both Reader and Querant.

HOLMES	31 Mar 2005
the reader in my view or as they say imo has the responsibilities to explain things, to say things in a good way, and to relate everything they get. i said some things that i didnt' want to say sometimes but the feeling was so strong and so i said them. they weren't necessary mean but for me they were slightly personal. i recall in a chat unrelated to aeclectic that there was this girl who was talking about how bad her life is, and was talking about sucide. i was trying to help by examining some of the things she was saying about life and trying to empower her. I mentioned that dad must love her even though he is gone. she said DONT' EVER TALK ABOUT MY DAD. i said ok, then your father figure that you have in your life loves you to. I said dont' ever talk about my dad. i said i am not talking about your dad i am talking about a father figure in your life today. as a resault of that. a few minutes later when she was talking to everyone i said oh please tell us more for i would like to help. i am sorry holmes i don't feel comfortable talking to you. i did nothing wrong for 1. i didnt' talk about her dad after she asked me not to. 2. how was i supposed to know not to talk about her dad. (one might figure that my feeling or guidance would suggest dont' talk about her dad, but my guidance was yelling the other instead that said TALK ABOUT HER DAD) 3. so i feel that the guidance inspired me to talk about her dad for someday she will look back and remember that dude who brought up her dad and the idea that he love her. it was all because her father commited sucide and that is why my head was bitten for the father was trying to tell her that he loved her still. edited to add. so i feel it is the querent responsiblity to say to me i wouldn't like to talk about sexuality, or family, or the past. to where i will say these issues might come up and so i feel that you should look for a differnt reader.

WhiteRaven	31 Mar 2005
Do you realize what you are saying here? That one should make a list before each reading....a list of what they don't want to hear about and what they do want to hear about....and then hand it over to the reader......what the heck is the point of a reading then if we sit there and choose for ourselves what we want to see or not. And how can a Querant know ahead of time what is going to show and what isn't. Must one have to hand over a list before hand? This makes no sense to me. Take a reading that you interp......look at it from a querants point of view...are you....as a querant...going to like you posting this in a public forum...will it damage her in anyway, shape or form....is that so hard to do before posting a reading? It doesn't take that much extra time to take a querants feelings into consideration...whether they compiled a list as long as their arm before hand or not. How many times have I heard readers in this forum say they prefer not to have any background.......is this not part of the issue here? So if you want or feel need for a list/background before a reading, so you feel comfortable enough in your own skin to post what you do.....then just ask for it. What is the problem with the concept of the Reader taking some responsibilities in this? I just don't get it.

Fudugazi	31 Mar 2005
WhiteRaven wrote: If you recall....both threads that I am referring to covered many topics as they grew in the number of posts.. But this thread started with a question on querents and what they should reveal about themselves if they don't want to be hurt. We know what you (and I too!) believe to be the responsibility of the reader. The subject has been done to death. But what about the querent? What about Kim's actual question?

WhiteRaven	31 Mar 2005
Helvetica wrote: But this thread started with a question on querents and what they should reveal about themselves if they don't want to be hurt. We know what you (and I too!) believe to be the responsibility of the reader. The subject has been done to death. But what about the querent? What about Kim's actual question? and I'm saying that the PM function is great for this type of circumstance....especially within a public forum.

Ahria	31 Mar 2005
This is my personal opinion, I have always found when having a reading done unless you are specific in your questions things are going to come out that you really dont want to and this being a public forum it is going to be made public. Most of the readers here dont know each other in real life so when we do a reading its going to go anywhere and probably be more likely to touch on sensitive areas because we just dont know what those areas are. Unless I felt in a reading that someone was a drug addict or maybe an affair I wouldnt think twice about places issues around family etc, because I assume (maybe I am wrong here) that the person I am reading for wants to know. I dont think anyone here would blantantly hurt someone with a reading. If I dont want something to come up I make sure the question is about something I know I can handle, and if I ask for a general reading then well I am asking for the truth to be told.

Fudugazi	31 Mar 2005
What is the problem wih the querent saying - my Dad committed suicide, please don't talk about fathers in my reading? If the querent does not say so, and the reader goes ahead and mentions fathers, and even suicide - is that irresponsible? I don't think so. We all have areas of inner burn-out. Pains. Hurts. We all have emotions. We all have things we don't want mentioned, things that push our buttons. If we know them, we should mention them. If we don't know them, or don't realise they are sensitive issues for us, then perhaps it's not such a bad thing these things are brought out in the open, no? That is the responsibility of the querent. The responsibility of the reader is to take care in phrasing things, not invent not be deliberately cruel or flippant. The trouble is, how to judge? If someone beats around the bush with me, it annoys me. Whereas some querents prefer the more indirect way of speaking. So perhaps we should be using PMs more - "can I mention your parents in this reading? can I mention your sexuality? can I mention your children?" But then we might never get around to doing readings. Is there an ideal solution?

HOLMES	31 Mar 2005
indeed i know i know what i am saying. if you got a list, go to a differnt reader then i. for the readings that did reveal more then i would post. i have held back the information and pmed the person and asked 1. if it was ok to post this, 2. what could this mean ? and if what i post normally is to much for the person well if it is one person is complaining about how i post stuff. i will ask them about why they felt that way after that all this is a learning forum and why i consider feedback to be essential. and if there is too much smoke then there must be fire and perhaps i should take a break from reading for my own judgements, issues, and attitude about life is flowing over into my readings. (it is something i hope that my grounding procedure about reading would stop and i believe it helps to prevent that from happening) sure if they feel comfortable with having a list of issues not to talk about, the reader can certainly ask. i won't for i dont' want to be limited by it. i am good either way for asking questions or just doing a readin without background and if a question that comes up that requires me having to know their gender to relate to it for example i will post that i just check your profile to relate this card. i dont' know about other readers, but i think i do take responsiblities for i ask for feedback to ensure that they are getting meaningful readings, to make sure that i didn't offend. sure i know some things like "dude the cards are telling me that you are homosexual" are off limits (i never got that information yet) or you have murderious tendencies. i think i dont' see these things because i dont' look for them as well. but i am certainly not going to post about them. but if i start posting about relationship, job, hobbies, or general safe stuff and then get told that is off limits. well how am i supposed to know. ? and so back to my earlier point if there is a list , go to a differnt reader then i.

WhiteRaven	31 Mar 2005
It doesn't take any more time to plop a reading in pm to get an ok than it does to plop a reading in a thread....that goes for feedback as well. This is only taking the other party's feelings into consideration. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what issues would be of a touchy topic to post in a public forum......perhaps that's a tad harsh....but I've learned this the hard way and I don't think it's harder to go through pm first to save the other person from having hard feelings. Something that I, myself, have learned within this very forum.

Ahria	31 Mar 2005
I thought the very reason for this forum was for people to learn, and everyone learns from other readings as well, if we end up sending all feedback in pms what is the point? And if we need permission to post everytime alot of people are not going to have enough time and probably lose interest. I agree with Helvetica the reader has the responsiliblity to not invent, be cruel or flippant but the querent also has responsibilities this has to be a 50/50 split. If you dont want something to come up then say so even if you just aim the question in a direction you know cant hurt.

WhiteRaven	31 Mar 2005
ah yes....the reason for this forum is to learn...but not at the risk of cutting people apart....and not taking the time to be considerate of the Querant or Reader. It's putting also a trust in the Reader....and Querant too for that matter. As per feedback....well....that's an entirely different topic that I could go into.....but....I am already well known stir up or shake the boat...so I will stay clear of that topic all together.....other than to say....it's the responsibility of the Querant to be considerate of the reader when doing feedback as well..... And I will also agree with Holmes......you got a list.....don't come see me. BUT...if you don't have the list....and I see something that I, myself, wouldn't really want discussed in a public arena.....I'll pm ya....you can count on that from me.

HOLMES	31 Mar 2005
It doesn't take any more time to plop a reading in pm to get an ok than it does to plop a reading in a thread....that goes for feedback as well. This is only taking the other party's feelings into consideration. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what issues would be of a touchy topic to post in a public forum......perhaps that's a tad harsh....but I've learned this the hard way and I don't think it's harder to go through pm first to save the other person from having hard feelings. Something that I, myself, have learned within this very forum. that is the beauty of the reading exchange is to learn, especially if they are new readers, as it gives a place to learn the cards as they go, to learn ethics. if i am required to plop a reading in pm to get an ok before i post it, i say heck with it, i am not requiring others to pm me the feedback(does this criticize you or help you before i post this ) for i would feel like i am dictating how people appraoch me. of course i am expecting honest feedback without negative comments like "dude you suck, how did you learn to read the tarot" i havne't had one of those yet for i feel that none of here are looking to hurt the others feelings. (if they did the moderators would step in, and there is alway the report button). touchy topic for me is like i said pretty obivious "dude your an alien in human body" for me. while a not so touchy topic , career, relationship, family like mother, and father issues (and we all them in some form or another for our parents are such big influences in our lives) dancing, singing, writing. the only thing i can think of where it might be touchy is, they ask me for a reading and in it relationship issues come up, and they fearful their other half can read it and use it against them. they are welcome to pm me and ask me to remove it. where as i will delete the whole thing for i didn't know. granted i could of pm the reading to them to get the ok. but then what would be the use of posting it afterwards. for the feedbackwas given already, and there are other people who would like readings out there. some people prefer to do their readings by pm, i prefer to do mine live without editing then post it. if the client is fearful of what might be posted for it is something broad and not touchy as a public posting reader i would suggest to find a pm reader is all.

Fudugazi	31 Mar 2005
WhiteRaven wrote: It doesn't take any more time to plop a reading in pm to get an ok than it does to plop a reading in a thread....that goes for feedback as well. This is only taking the other party's feelings into consideration. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what issues would be of a touchy topic to post in a public forum......perhaps that's a tad harsh....but I've learned this the hard way and I don't think it's harder to go through pm first to save the other person from having hard feelings. Something that I, myself, have learned within this very forum. But I can't KNOW I am hurting a querent if I don't KNOW what the querent's personal issues are. If I don't know what pushes their buttons. Surely you can see that? Edited to add: I don't agree with you on the touchy topics. What may be a touchy topic for me might not be one for you and vice-versa. There are people here from different countries, with different backgrounds, life experience, age, professions, language, religious and political opinions, etc etc. The ONLY thing that unites us is Tarot. We are not required to know every single touchy topic from every single experience!

HOLMES	31 Mar 2005
what we as individuals have for our own issues, one reader may be have no trouble talking about religous beliefs. while another may have trouble stepping on other toes. one reader my not even look at relationship issues while others may relish it. (i get bored of love questions myself for that is live people want to know. i admit it, that is what i want to know myself as well eheh) perhaps it comes down to the tarot readers as individuals, there is a thing as too much detachment, or to caring, or too blunt, too much detachement describes the events without any emotion or thought ? too caring is the reader who carries their issues afterwards or tries to hard to help too blunt is without any decor we have our pentacles reader, our sword reader, our wand reader, and our cup readers, and the one who tries to mix all four together harmoniously. a good reading needs a mixature of all four. kim i don't see anything wrong with discussing mothers in a reading, as long as everything it comes from a loving, supporting, comforatie way. then again perhaps people need a whoopi goldberg tell it straight(ghost) or a miss cleo(girl you got to leave that man, he no good for you darling) hmm why is it alwasy girl . (dude you got leave her,she no good for you dude) i would like a little explanation with that as to why , and what can be done to correct that eheh

WhiteRaven	31 Mar 2005
Well....the last thing I will say on this....is that I know of two instances that this has happened....that the Reader just posted what she/he saw and did not take the Querants feelings into consideration. Both times, I have been close enough to the two Querants to know and feel the reactions and the devastation that it brought. I wouldn't want that for anyone. I certainly wouldn't want to be the Reader that does that to someone either. Thus, I will continue to pm before posting if I feel it's necessary. I will put my own self out....into the forum.....so others will learn. This is my choice....and I have done that many times and have been critisized and subject to judgement because I laid everything out quite clearly in my feedbacks etc.....but this was my choice.....to open my private world so others could learn. I will not make that choice for others without getting permission to do so. It's not my right to subject someone else to such risks.

Fudugazi	31 Mar 2005
WhiteRaven wrote: Well....the last thing I will say on this....is that I know of two instances that this has happened....that the Reader just posted what she/he saw and did not take the Querants feelings into consideration. Both times, I have been close enough to the two Querants to know and feel the reactions and the devastation that it brought. I wouldn't want that for anyone. I certainly wouldn't want to be the Reader that does that to someone either. Thus, I will continue to pm before posting if I feel it's necessary. No, nobody wishes to be that Reader. It is most painful to bring pain to others. But do you think it was deliberate? Do you think it was even careless? Perhaps it was just an accident. Accidents happen, even in Tarot. I am very sorry for both Querent and Reader in such circumstances, assuming goodwill on both sides. This can happen in any counselling profession. Sometimes, it just doesn't work. But sometimes it works. Sometimes it works because our buttons were pushed. The very fact of reacting so strongly should tell us something. If a reader says to me something that is false, I shrug it off. If it hurts me, I wonder - now why? why is this hurting me? I learnt to question myself the hard way, as a querent who went through a traumatic but ultimately purifying experience with a Tarot reader. She saw something I had hidden from myself. Really hidden, so much so that I said it wasn't true and resented her. But it hurt so bad I cried for days. Afterwards, I slowly faced what she had said. Very slowly. It was an opening for me. I'm not saying this is everyone's story. But I am saying that if we, as querents, feel a strong rejection of what we are reading here, and even hurt, then we should look inside as well as outside.

Sulis	31 Mar 2005
I agree with Helvetica: If you have asked for a reading or taken up someones offer of one but there are issues you don't want talked about in public then you should say so. Otherwise the reader will think it's ok to post your reading, in full in the public forum. Obviously the reader should use some discretion: I've had readings done by very experienced readers on ATF, I've never asked them not to put anything personal onto the public forum but if they see something that they suspect would be a bit personal then they've pm'd me with the reading first. I did a reading for someone on another forum. They asked for a 'love-life' reading. I asked if they wanted me to focus on anything in particular or if there was anything I needed to know. They said no there wasn't. I did the reading, something wasn't quite right. Turns out this person was having an extra-marital affair that they hadn't told me about. I posted my reading on the public forum saying there was something I couldn't put my finger on but I thought the marriage may have some problems. This person went mad -demanded that I withdraw the reading or edit it. I felt as if I was in a no-win situation. Moral of my story is - if you have anything you don't want brought out in public on a public forum then ask for your reading by PM or tell the reader what's really going on. Love Sulis xx

HOLMES	31 Mar 2005
"posted what they saw without any consideration of the feelings of the querent. " there is many questions to be asked about that. 1. was it touchy topic ? or general broad ? 2. was it done in a rude way? or in good way, however blunt? 3. would you as a reader looking at what was posted had posted that before knowing the querant feelings were hurt. (i am not doing a personal attack white raven) or was there something there that you normally would not of posted. you don't have to answer number three at all :) 4. perhahs it was just their own issues that came up that shocked them, and not the reader style of posting. then again perhaps it was a touchy topic, done in a rude way, and the reader style, i can't say for i never read the reading. once i had a person come to me for a reading, and i was talking about her path and how she was blocking it by not following her spirituality in real life this reading was taken place. then she told me near the reading "i feel like you were waiting a long time just to tell me off" and half laughed about it. i had couples come to me for a reading about the relationship and that drive me nuts for i had to send the other person out a few times. (now i ask the other person to wait til their turn is up as they can share it on the way home if they wish). i did this as to avoid any issues among them from coming up. (after all i am not a relationship counseller) there is a grey line here , how much is consideration and how much is kids gloves. that is individual and universal. where to draw it ? should it be drawn? will i see a poll that says "should it be mandotory to pm a reading to the querent before posting it" should it become a guideline, ? will holmes read if does, no but perhaps it is a great idea to avoid hurt feelings and such ?

Fudugazi	31 Mar 2005
HOLMES wrote: then again perhaps people need a whoopi goldberg tell it straight(ghost) or a miss cleo(girl you got to leave that man, he no good for you darling) hmm why is it alwasy girl . (dude you got leave her,she no good for you dude) The three best readers I know give it to me straight! One I've known for 6 years and I've lost track of the number of times she has said - "girl, that man's no good, get out". At first it annoyed me, but then I learnt - the hard way - to listen! She told me not to take this job that almost killed me. I'm getting out but I wish I had listened to her. I saw her on AT a few times, giving her straight up answers, and some people didn't like it. But she's one of the most caring people I know. When I was in Africa she sent me care packages in the post :)

Ahria	31 Mar 2005
I dont think people in general go out of their way to hurt each other, 90% of the time it is about misunderstanding and mis-communication, isnt it possible that when bringing up something that hurts it could have been done totally unintentionally? and with the best interests? Maybe its the middle ground here that works, both parties could do something to prevent this from happening, the querent by setting boundaries, the reader by being sensitive and considerate.

Sulis	31 Mar 2005
Ahria wrote: Maybe its the middle ground here that works, both parties could do something to prevent this from happening, the querent by setting boundaries, the reader by being sensitive and considerate. Exactly :D Very well said. Love Sulis xx

Moongold	31 Mar 2005
Some very interesting perspectives here. Both reader and querent do have responsibilities. Unfortunately some of us don't consider them fully until something goes wrong. I guess we are all learning and we need to trust each other, give each other a break from time to time. God knows, sometimes we can get so intense :laugh:. I include myself in this bunch of course. I remember once dear MeeWah gave me some innocent feedback that was so accurate I felt stripped to the bone. I got a bit angry with her by PM which she handled with great understanding and elegance. She did not know how accurate she was and I laugh about it now. And thank God for her grace :). One learns on so many levels with the study of Tarot and through the sharing of readings and experiences here. If we are actively participating we are learning not only about Tarot but about communication, projection, how to manage ourselves as well as others and how to see the direct throw as a rubber ball not a brick. Moongold

MeeWah	31 Mar 2005
ncefafn wrote: Okay, so when you agree to do a reading on the exchange, do you as the reader have a responsibility to first draw out from the querent everything they feel unhappy about, things that they don't want you to talk about during the reading? Because otherwise, I just blunder in... Ncefafn's question expresses a reasonable concern in the context of not intruding into sensitive territory during reading exchanges, which are intended as practice to hone the reading skills & by its nature also extends towards developing the communication skills & the intuition. Intuition aside, the crux is what constitutes the sensitive for one reader &/or querent may not be true of another querent &/or reader. Whether for the purpose of honing the skills or not, a reader may inadvertently venture into sensitive territory or be off base, but that either occurs does not mean an intent to be careless with the reading process nor the person at the other end. I do not participate in reading exchanges, but the occasional interpretive as it calls in Your Readings where there is usually no before reading dialogue exchanged. Thus, my perspective is not only as a reader (who prefers little background information that may distract from the focus) but also within the context of Your Readings. That is, Your Readings is intended for *the sharing of personal readings for assistance with the interpretative & the insights* (not representative of a "free reading"). Why else post it? Therefore, unless otherwise indicated, submissions to Your Readings are moreorless seen as of the personal & posted in good faith for help. In turn, viewers tend to approach a reading at face value or according to the letter of the query & in good faith. Keep in mind that any time a personal reading or otherwise is posted, there is a risk that one may find out more than one ever really wanted to know--& that works both ways. Even if a question is structured to focus on a specific query, the results could touch on other aspects of a querent's life that may or may not be significant to the query. Or instead of addressing the query, the results address something else altogether. As a reader (within the forum or otherwise), I tend to mention those other aspects or something other than that asked if they appear *because of their presence*. Not necessarily up to me to with-hold information or make value judgements--unless I perceive something to give pause, in which case I might contact the querent or choose to not post at all. All of the forums are learning & teaching venues. We each assume either & both the roles of student &/or teacher at various times. "Mis-takes" part of the process with which learning occurs; further defined or enhanced via communication; feedback. Basically, it narrows down to: How much does one want to know within the scope of *any* reading? If there is a risk in having more revealed than desired, then a public forum is not the place. A conscientious/considerate reader is still not a mind-reader. There are occasions where I can moreorless perceive the results of a reading in advance or know what to look for, but not always. If I was approached with restrictions to be wary of or where the hands would be figuratively tied regardless of the presence of a specific question, I would decline. Aside from too much information not related to the query, it could distract from the reading or derail it. & possibly, not a situation that requires the services of a reader.

MeeWah	31 Mar 2005
Moongold wrote: ...we are all learning and we need to trust each other, give each other a break from time to time. God knows, sometimes we can get so intense :laugh:. I include myself in this bunch of course. I remember once dear MeeWah gave me some innocent feedback that was so accurate I felt stripped to the bone. I got a bit angry with her by PM which she handled with great understanding and elegance. She did not know how accurate she was and I laugh about it now. And thank God for her grace :). One learns on so many levels with the study of Tarot and through the sharing of readings and experiences here. If we are actively participating we are learning not only about Tarot but about communication, projection, how to manage ourselves as well as others and how to see the direct throw as a rubber ball not a brick. Moongold ((((((Moongold))))) Thanks very much for the comment. Though I do not necessarily expect nor require feedback, I do not also necessarily know the client/querent reaction--view of the accuracy, the quality or other aspect of a reading without some measure of feedback. As a reader, my allegiance is to the client from a detached perspective (meditative/reading mode) which is intent on providing the most concise information accessible. After a reading of any type is completed & sent to the client, I usually offer to answer questions pertaining to the reading within the context of the throw. By the additional effort, I can be relatively assured of addressing the needs appropriately.

purple_scorp	01 Apr 2005
Hmm, I've read very carefully all of the posts in this thread. While I agree that not many people would intentionally post a reading to hurt somebody, I can also understand that sensitivity is different for everyone. But, in reality, the Reading Exchange section is on a public forum. Therefore, if you take up an offer for somebody to read for you - you have to expect it will be posted in the public forum. This of course begs the question - should there be a separate reading thread for private readings??? Maybe this is actually the crux of the discussion that's taken place in this thread - and perhaps this could be something that is offered in the subscriber section. We know that the Tarot can often uncover the skeletons in your closet. If you have some sensitivity about things that may come up (and I know we can't possibly know what all of these are in advance) but......it's simple....don't accept an offer in the public forum. Or, if you are a bit hesitant - ask the reader to pm you their reading first. I don't think it's the reader's responsibility to try and second-guess what is or is not acceptable to be aired in the public forum. Their offer was to read on a public forum, not to read via pm. If the reading hits the bone, or crosses boundaries that you'd rather not be aired in public, you don't have to provide comprehensive feedback in the public forum. In fact, you don't have to provide feedback at all (though it's very frustrating when you read and don't even get as much as an acknowledgement or thank you for your reading). But ultimately, the querent has the power to accept, deny, or ignore the interpretation in the public forum. purple_scorp

Major Tom	01 Apr 2005
Moongold wrote: I guess we are all learning and we need to trust each other, give each other a break from time to time. Ahria wrote: Maybe its the middle ground here that works, both parties could do something to prevent this from happening, the querent by setting boundaries, the reader by being sensitive and considerate. Abraham Lincoln wrote: ...with malice towards none and charity for all. It might be best for all concerned if we could all assume the best of intentions on the part of all participants in a reading exchange. Helvetica wrote: I learnt to question myself the hard way, as a querent who went through a traumatic but ultimately purifying experience with a Tarot reader. She saw something I had hidden from myself. Really hidden, so much so that I said it wasn't true and resented her. But it hurt so bad I cried for days. Afterwards, I slowly faced what she had said. Very slowly. It was an opening for me. Helvetica makes an excellent point here. Strong emotions and reactions are some of our best teachers. When it happens and it will happen, perhaps it's best to examine the reaction rather than inflict the hurt on someone else, even and perhaps especially when another person is seen as the source of the pain. As Moongold said we are all learning. A painful reaction to something said as part of a reading or feedback is definitely a learning experience.

WalesWoman	01 Apr 2005
I've read this thread and have a few thoughts...most likely rehashed ones. I agree with White Raven here, if I see something in a reading for someone, that might not be something I feel they'd want made public, I'll PM them and ask them if there is something going on or if they can relate to that in some way to give me some clarification. I don't ask them to give me their life story or the details...just that I'm not sure if this is pertanent in thier lives. One, I don't want to put the querant on the spot and two, I don't want to come off as an asshole or look dumb. It's saved both myself and this person some embarrassment and avoided airing some sticky issues several times. This is a learning forum, but not the National Enquirer, I feel the querant has a right to reveal as much or as little as they want to... the requirement in the exchange is feed back, not true confessions. It is tough for the reader in these exchanges not to have that instant feedback that we would ,if the person was sitting beside us and could provide that input that would help us direct the flow of the reading. Often we read for each other a bit tongue in cheek, and sometimes that creates it's own problems as well. Since one sense of humor may be seen much differently when being read by another who isn't seeing the humorous side of much...due to emotional stresses or whatever. I also have to agree with some other point's made...that how can we know what's off limits or not? Do we begin a reading with all the topics that are tabu...which most likely the cards ARE going to pick up on, no matter what their question may have been...if it is a general reading the chances of the Tabu subjects coming up has just multiplied 78 fold. Tarot tells us what we need to know, not what we want to hear and that is where another problem comes up. What is the best way for both the reader and the querant to relate to each other. I like the idea of putting ourselves in the other persons shoes and asking how would I want to be told this with out feeling bludgeoned by it. Truth will set you free, if you don't bleed to death from it. Sometimes as a reader I know the querant isn't going to like what I have to say, sometimes I'm not sure either, so in those cases...I try to say what I think needs to be said in such a way that I hope the querant can make of it what they will and give them food for thought, rather than stating something as a definate. One of the things I try to avoid is acting like I know what is going on in this person's life, I don't. I avoid "You are"... and ask, "Do you?" I try to give options, because there are so many ways this could go... or be. I have to admit, I have glossed readings for some who would take offense, hoping that they would look at the cards themselves and see what it was they needed to. Does it make me dishonest? I don't think so, because maybe honesty wasn't what they were after in the first place and they were in the exchange just for entertainment. When someone gives me a reading, sometimes it just doesn't seem to apply at the time, that does't mean the reading is wrong or the reader...I just haven't allowed myself to see the full potential, but given a day or two or three, and some open minded thinking...the point is usally made. Some times it applies very much, but is something I really don't want to be broadcast all over and my response maybe truthful while omitting the undesirable details. Does this mean my feedback is dishonest...I don't think so either, it may not be the greatest but it does affirm the reader was on the right track. But then again, I have revealed more of myself to readers here than I have to my family or freinds where I am. I think a lot of it depends on the comfort zone that I feel with the person who is reading for me. Are they open to my input or stuck in the I read this, therefore it has to be the way I interpretted it or sincere in helping me find and get meaning from the reading to help me with the situation? If I begin to feel defensive, why? I have to decide as the querant, if it is something that makes me uncomfortable to explore or if the reader has their own agenda and is defensive about their reading ability. In a world called Perfect, we would always be in tune to the needs of each other and never have misunderstandings, we would be so intuitive that we would automatically be positive we knew exactly what the cards were telling us and what to say and how to say it so the querant would understand us perfectly and massage our egos. In a world called Perfect, we wouldn't have these sticky problems in the first place, so there wouldn't be anything we didn't want to shout from the rooftops and we would know what the other is thinking or feeling and never step on toes or their last nerve. In a world called Perfect, we wouldn't need Tarot at all because we'd have all the answers and agree it's perfect.

Enchanted	02 Apr 2005
This thread taps into the very reason I am afraid to read for others. I would never want to intentionally cause any one distress or pain yet in reading for myself I know that the cards have a 'happy' knack of cutting to the bone. I have had some spreads where I wondered how I was still breathing!! Like others, readings have made me cry for days yet others have made my heart swell with hope and have made me feel proud and acknowledge how far I have come. This forum, while absolutely wonderful for people like me who have no one in their immediate acquaintance to discuss, contemplate or even just ask questions and learn from other peoples experiences does have the drawback of being a purely 'e-mail' like medium. Much of human communication is non-verbal and it something like 70+% non-verbal and tone which leaves the spoken or in this case written word with a very small percentage of the 'message' being transferred and received. With 'e-mail' it is so easy to imply tone from the message. I don't know how many times I have received a e-mail from a friend and thought "wow have I done something, your tone is flippant" and this is someone I know and love! And most of the time that 'implied tone' is non existant, I have created it in my own mind. I guess what I am getting at, is that we should presume that no-one here is out to intentionally hurt another. I would like to think that we are all here for the same reasons, to learn and to share with people who have a common interest and not to be malicious and hurt others because that would be very 'Un-tarot'!! Soooooo not part of the journey and very bad karma!! Given the medium I think that people need to be given the benefit of the doubt. In terms of the reading exchange, it is really a question of 'choice' for both the querent and the reader. If you make the 'choice' to volunteer for a reading exchange it has to be with the knowledge that the reading will be posted. If there are certain things you would prefer not mentioned then you have the 'choice' to request that the reading be PM'd. The person then offering the reading then has the 'choice' whether to continue with the reading or not. (Think "The Lovers", make love not war!) I think it is very difficult to define parameters for what is "taboo", like someone has already said there are so many people from so many different walks of life and what offends one may not offend another. And how else are we all supposed to learn? A final thought: "To err is human, to forgive divine".

Umbrae	02 Apr 2005
I remember posting about this ages ago… Frankly, I don’t care if you’re posting, or if you’re reading face to face. Somethings just aren’t said or done. We don’t go into a reading to tell. “You will be struck by an ice cream truck while going for a newspaper on Thursday afternoon”. That’s fortune telling. “Your private parts will wither and fall off because of a disease you caught while not being monogamous…” “you’re pregnant” “your mother will have a heart attack at the age of 92 say the word ‘crumb-cake’ and fall into a coma and lie there until the age of 105 when she will awake, make the crumb-cake and promptly die afterward”. Too many readers sit down and have a need to show how ‘good’ or how ‘clever’ they are by being ‘right’. Perhaps they slept with their deck that was a gift that lives in a wooden box on the east wall on a shelf, and they’ve studied to be right... To be a good reader means you’re right, right? They have been lulled into the meaning trap. (got all the books on meanings over here...) See if I know what the cards mean – I can make pronouncements. There are no books on reading. Not One. Let me repeat that for those of you who are left-handed, there are no books on reading tarot. Like tmgrl2 says, and I say – reading is a process; face to face or over the net, how you gonna do it? The deck – the cards themselves – the spread – all meaningless trash. Every last bit of it. All trash. Unless, somewhere along the line you find that rapport is what gives meaning. Even in a uni-lateral reading exchange reading…it’s all about rapport. I don’t read for feedback – that’s about how good I am to me (“Oh goody that was a spot on reading! I sure am good, wanna pat me on the back too?”). Feedback provides a lie by stroking ego. None of this is about me. Nervousness at the onset of a face to face reading is the same, it’s about ego. Feedback on the exchange is about ego. Wherever she goes, ego’s… The cards, the spreads, the rituals…meaningless. Take that ego, shove it about as far down into your pockets as you can get it. Develop rapport. “You will succumb to an addiction, do the human mosquito thing, get pregnant and marry a rock-star who will make you do unspeakable acts during the full moon…I can only tell you that a suitcase is involved...” Rapport – without it…you may need to rethink what you’re doing with those cards… (Oh and you know that spot up a couple lines ago where you kinda got ticked at my flippant tone? One word - one word could have changed that...but you perhaps maybe not have got it as good...don't matter if you're live or posting...One word can kill rapport). Rapport - all the books on meaning in the world...don't make you a reader. Reading makes you a reader. Building rapport makes you a reader. So why do the self-proclaimed experts write books on meanings and not how to build rapport and read? Cuz they write what they know. Readings can be an ego trap Readings can set you free

HOLMES	02 Apr 2005
Umbrae wrote: I don’t read for feedback – that’s about how good I am to me (“Oh goody that was a spot on reading! I sure am good, wanna pat me on the back too?”). Feedback provides a lie by stroking ego. None of this is about me. Nervousness at the onset of a face to face reading is the same, it’s about ego. Feedback on the exchange is about ego. i totally disagree umbrae that feedback only strokes the ego i disagree not to be disagree my friend but because i am proponet of feedback. 1. without some sort of acknowledgement how do we know they even read it? then we did all that work for nothing. (and this is feedback by pm even ) 2. without feedback we can start going around thinking we got all the answers when the feedback reveals that i may of made mistakes. as an example in my last reading it was revaled that some of it didnt' make sense. i was shocked. yet taking it to heart for perhaps i got to stagnant in my reading of the tarot . 3. in truth isn't reading the tarot on the public forum ego ? when we could easily do it by pm?. i was thinking about that before when i was telling people over the past year that i only like to do readings by public posting and not email or pm. so i would halfway agree that there is a ego involved in there no more then the musican performing and then taking a break and people coming up and saying your good when you yourself thought you had an off night. 4. it may be ego to hear you still have it, yet i alwasy have doubt that i lost my ability, or this one reading didnt make sense to me that i just posted but perhpas the person will relate to. and sometimes you get the ocassional you were off which makes you look at yourself honestly. "did i limit my interpation but sticking to the book meanings , or not use the book meanings itself enough. did i put too much of my own experiences in there, or perhaps didnt' realte it persoally enough: these are things you only find out by feedback. in my personal belief when a reader doesnt' want feedback is the day they don't want to improve. (i like to think that even old bb king still asks if he still has it, for the doubts must be there due to his age, his arthitis,) and it is ego filled to not want the feedback, (i am the best tarot reader around and so everything i will say is right,) the client may be confused, fearful, and we wont' know for we requested no feedback, and the client is either too respectful due to not wanting to hurt our feelings, or to fearful that we may get mad, or they says this makes no sense, hell with this reader, and simply moves on leaving us thinking "we are the best tarot reader around." edited to add which i admit may be a judgment on my part,

WhiteRaven	02 Apr 2005
Umbrae wrote: Readings can be an ego trap Readings can set you free Simple...clear.......and to the point. Well said Umbrae....

Aoife	02 Apr 2005
I've recently decided to stop reading for others. I've been making a gradual progression away from reading because, in all honesty I was never comfortable with it.... its just too dangerous. So now.... its the person... the cards... and me. Three entities... a trialogue.

HOLMES	02 Apr 2005
the person, the cards, and me, and the trialogue, ? aren't you still reading for others or are you counting yourself as the person referring to yourself in third person ? or do you mean reading for others over distance for live readings hence the person in the trialogue is preferred? i think any kind of helping others is dangerous. a counsller may offer the wrong advice not understanding. a psychotherapist may offer a misdiagnoisis. a doctor looking through their training, and their experiences may misdiagnose. a lawyer trying to do their best may fail and consider being a lawyer is dangous for their client went to jail. a hands on healer may consider offerings heals dangerous for the person puts to much faith into their hands and secretly not going to to a doctor. a person who is nurse, steps away from her work station and wasn't there when the patient ask for help and died. yet consider the things that are good about that the counseller may be there when the person really needed it. a psychotherapist may diagnose correctly and help live a decent live. a a doctor saves lifes due to his trianing. a lawyer saves an innocent man. a hands on healer programm allowed a person to heal faster, and also to connect with their inenr being. the nurse was there to handle things when no one was avaible. we all have our fears, and bad experiences and awesome moments when our tarot readings inspired others to move on past an issue or have hope when they have lost all theirs. to serve means not to do it perfectly just as good, as loving, and as best as we can.

Aoife	02 Apr 2005
HOLMES wrote: aren't you still reading for others or are you counting yourself as the person referring to yourself in third person ? or do you mean reading for others over distance for live readings hence the person in the trialogue is preferred? Hi Holmes, I'm tired so forgive me if I do not express myself clearly. No, I'm not reading for others.... what I describe is in a face to face setting. Arguably the person concerned is the reader... s/he is the one whose insight and intuition is activated in pursuit of the answers they seek. My role is probably best described as prompt or facilitator in the person's dialogue with the cards. In essence, the person does their own reading. I take the view that its about them.... for them.... and that they're the best person to interpret the cards. Just because I've used the cards more often than them doesn't mean I have more or better insights. I might have different insights and hopefully those enrich the trialogue.

Moongold	02 Apr 2005
What Umbrae calls having one’s ego stroked is not the same as the confidence a new reader gets when receiving positive feedback about a reading. Developing confidence is a critical part of learning and this is a learning community. Some of our best readers may have learned in the school of life or somehow managed to match innate wisdom and talent with the Tarot along the way. All power to them . They are special people. Others learn here and getting feedback is an important part of the process of learning. Learning the Tarot is a journey and there are different stages for everyone in that. I remember Mooncat2 giving me praise and encouragement in the first ever Newbies group at Aeclectic . That was critical to my staying around. Confidence ……. but you move on from that the more you learn and the more experience you get. I agree with Umbrae about the importance of relationship. How you do things is critical. No rocket science about this. The same thing applies in any interaction with other people. Terri would know that also from her experience in speech pathology ( one of the Australian names for what you used to do, Terri). I know it also from my work in human services. It is one of the reasons I am there. We get better at *relationship* the more we develop in Tarot reading and the more comfortable we get with communicating over the Internet. At Aeclectic though, part of the structured learning process is EXCHANGE and there is an expectation that this occur, whether by way of another reading or by feedback. I think it is essential for new readers to get feedback and I don’t think people are always very skilled at it. That is one of the reasons a long time ago I started this thread a long time ago: http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=35128&highlight=Feedback+Guidelines. Aeclectic rightly allows people a lot of freedom in how they learn but feedback is an implicit assumption here and I think it is important when one is learning. There is an assumption that Reading in the Reading Exchange is a two way relationship and that there are responsibilities on both sides. At least that is my view and it is not a humble one today. :laugh: :). It is a strongly held one. It is always hard to give feedback. Some people are simply not articulate and others find it hard to say if something does not resonate with them. Sometimes just a smile is enough for some people and sometimes others would like much more. Now, an intuitive understanding of THAT is a gift. :). PS: I remember a series of readings Umbrae offered where giving feedback was an explicit part of the contract with him. It was a wonderful learning experience for observers and participants. Moongold

Aoife	02 Apr 2005
It comes as no surprise to me that difficulties arise in the reading exchange format. It is a risky enterprise for both reader and querent. Its one of the reasons I was glad to see the 25 post rule imposed. Hopefully, anyone who takes part understands that there are risks.... although the nature of the risks might be difficult to predict. Much is made of the reading exchange being a valuable learning tool. But what precisely do people think they are learning from or by it?

Moongold	02 Apr 2005
Essentially the Reading Exchange offers practice at reading This is not only practice in using the cards and all that goes with Tarot reading but practice in communication which is a critical aspect of reading. I suspect when things go wrong here they are more to do with communication than with the reading itself The Reading Exchange can also offer special groups like the Seekers Groups, the Circle of Stones, Let’s Marseille and other such things which offer new and different learning opportunities for people. The most important thing is the practice - opportunities for people who simply would not have them otherwise. Having something like the Reading Exchange placed in a forum which has so many other learning opportunities (forums) is also really important. When there is trouble at Aeclectic and in forums generally , it often seems to me as though these are more to do with personalities, expectations, personal style, different values and so on. We can work our way through those as any community does. Yes, there are risks in reading, as there are risks in any kind of human relationship. This is the point which Holmes made. I also think the 25 post rule is important and would in fact prefer it to be more.

Phoenix Rising	02 Apr 2005
Yes I agree Moongold, it is all a part of the learning process, and it's nothing to do with ego, how can a newbie or anyone else for that matter learn if no feedback is given? Especially if some people put alot of effort into it! But some people can also take offence, if they are told that it might not make sense, that could be a ego thing too! But for me personally, if it doesn't make sense, I go back and have a look, because I may need to re-evaluate how it was interpreted, and that's the great learning side to it. Some people may forget they have had a reading done for them too. But all in all, we are here too learn and share, and this place has developed alot of readers who are professional now..so yay to AT!

purple_scorp	02 Apr 2005
I don't mean to fence sit here, but I can actually see valid points in both sides of the ego/training argument. Feedback is a measurement of your performance, which is a part of your growth and development - part of your life. When you study anything, there is always a measurement of your performance.....like examinations when you want to become a doctor, lawyer, builder, baker, anything. If we want to drive a car, we have to pass the test. Life is about passing tests and these aren't necessarily ego related. I can see how feedback is related to ego because it's an indication of whether you were right or wrong. But hey, nothing is good or bad, only thinking makes it so. If I want to improve, want to be the best that I can be, I can't just pick up a deck of cards and be brilliant on day one. As Holmes said, there's a lot of ego just thinking that I am already the best. It's a journey and I need some performance measurement that tells me how I'm going. Otherwise, how will I know whether I've taken the wrong branch in the road? Maybe it gets back to the reasons why you read Tarot. purple_scorp

Cielo	03 Apr 2005
Much of what I have been thinking has already been posted here. I agree that there is a mutual responsibility in the reading exchange. I expect the querant to provide at least basic information and background,- one particular reading comes to mind on a health related issue which I did thinking the querant was female, when in fact it turned he was male. Minimal information is important. In another reading some very heavy personal issues suffaced that I felt uncomfortable airing in public and was grateful to recieve the relevant information by PM, while only touching on general issues in the public presentation. I do believe it is important to maintain a certain level of privacy especially in cases where it is obvious that things could get touchy,- since we do have the PM option, I believe it's always better to discuss the issue of how to publish a reading, in private first. Feedback is another sensitive issue. Yet, I also disagree with Umbrae that this is entirely an ego thing....When I joined AT I had very little experience reading for others. The reading exchanged provided me with a lovely oppotunity to learn and expand on my knowledge and without the feedback I would have been little wiser now. Not only do I need to know whether I have been on the right track or not in a reading, I'm equally interested in hearing how the querant percieves the card, how he sees that as relevant (or not) to his life and often I have interpretated a card as one thing while the querant has seen it differently and THAT has helped me to move beyond my own set and fixed view on what the cards mean, simply by adding different opinions to the reading. Much of what I have learned the past many months have been thanks to feedback in the Reading Exchange. There is also a difference between reading in general and reading in the Exchange forum. When I read in private, feedback is still important yet not crucial. In the Exchange I think it is. That is what it is designed to do. It's a forum of study. You don't know how you are progressing and improving if no one tells you so. It has little to do with being right or wrong,- it's simply sharing information and helping eachother grow as readers. In private readings I do not have that expectation. :)

Adjustment	03 Apr 2005
I think that to get feedback is all right if someone wants to give it to you i don't agree that it should be forced, i think that a feedback can get your ego filled but it also can get your ego hurt usually when someone let us know that the reading did no make any sense to them but there is something positive about it and is what we can learn from it.

RufusJ	03 Apr 2005
Because I feel the Reading Exchange is a learning situation, I don't mind providing extensive feedback. If the reader sees something that feels too personal for me to comment on publicly, I just PM them with the more indepth information. I can understand folks being wary. When I was a teen, a psychic came into my parents' place of business. When I walked in, he said "don't say anything to me", grabbed my hand and proceeded to tell the room everything I'd done -- and with whom I'd done it-- for the last several years. I'm talking really personal things. When you're a teen, some things you don't want the public to know. Especially your parents who are standing right there. I was steamed. Was he right? Oh yeah. He didn't miss anything. I didn't appreciate it being broadcast though. If he'd told me privately, it wouldn't have bothered me. Hey, I didn't know this man from Adam and he was naming names, dates, positions ;) (metaphorically speaking, of course)..... right in front of God and everybody. Not cool at all. So on one hand, sensitivity from reader to querent is a good thing; on the other, teh querent can use the PM function. Personally, I don't mind if I see a reading on the Exchange and the feedback is a "Right on", "You nailed it" or "Excellent" -- and nothing else. I figured a) the reading is quasi-semi-sorta private between the two anyway; and b) the querent contacted the reader with more indepth info. Ego stroking? Sure, it can happen. It's an ego trip to be read, it's an ego trip to be able to read, it's an ego trip to be awesomely right--- if that's where you are ego-wise. My experience is that if Ego gets strutting in any area, Life can deal with Ego very very well. If Ego gets puffed up over reading Tarot, pretty soon the cards will be so wrong -- and everyone will see it. "Let anyone who thinks he stands, take heed lest he falls..."

Nevada	03 Apr 2005
My understanding of the Reading Exchange is that it isn't a place to look for a "free" reading, that there's an expectation of exchange of something for the reading. The reader is the one who sets what the exchange will be--whether a reciprocal reading, feedback, and so forth. If someone isn't willing to provide feedback, and the reader has requested feedback, the querent should wait until another reader makes an offer. When I offer a reading and I ask for feedback, I'm not asking to have my ego stroked. I'm looking for some practice, and a chance to have my reading critiqued, to see how I'm doing. It's a learning experience. As a writer I also occasionally ask another writer for a critique. It's something we exchange to help each other make sure our work is the best it can be before we send it off to an editor. I'd rather find out my shortcomings here, from another reader, than find that I have a weakness in my reading style or technique that causes problems for others who don't have the same experience as readers here. For these reasons, yes, I think the querent has a responsibility in the exchange. There are exceptions. Once recently someone read for me and I realized there would be a time delay before I could offer feedback. So I told the reader this, and afterward came back (a couple weeks later) when I could offer the appropriate feedback. If you need a delay, or you can't for whatever reason provide the requested feedback, it's nice if you PM the reader and let him or her know. One precaution: Once I failed to state what I wanted in an exchange. In that case, I couldn't really make much fuss over any lack of feedback. (I try not to make much fuss in any case.) So now I think carefully before offering a reading, ensuring I know what I want in exchange, and that I make it clear in the offer, when I post the thread. Nevada P.S. "Critique" doesn't mean being destructive, cruel or tearing down a reader's self-esteem. It means providing constructive suggestions, explaining where you think they did well as well as letting them know what they might need to work on. But if you aren't sure how your feedback will be received, or whether it might embarrass the reader, you can always provide it by PM. We also say, in writing, that there's no requirement to do what the critiquer says, just to consider it and then make up your own mind.

Fudugazi	04 Apr 2005
Umbrae wrote: I don’t read for feedback – that’s about how good I am to me (“Oh goody that was a spot on reading! I sure am good, wanna pat me on the back too?”). Feedback provides a lie by stroking ego. None of this is about me. That's good when you have been reading for 30 years, Umbrae, but for people who have less experience, feedback - by which I mean detailed commentary that engages with the reading and doesn't simply say "oh, that's so good!" or "no, you're way off base here" - is useful. It's a learner's tool, but it helps the process too. I don't need feedback in live readings, because they are conversations, their dynamic is different. In internet readings, because it's otherwise a one-way monologue, I give and request feedback: that's the only way a conversation - a process - can be complete. I don't need to know whether I hit bulls'eye or no - Tarot is not a sport. I like conversations and building a reading with the querent (and others, if it's a public reading). Otherwise, for the querent as well (of which I am one from time to time), it's simply a passive exercise. I know that when I am a querent on this forum, I need to think a reading through and give detailed feedback. I need it for me.

Adjustment	18 Apr 2005
:rolleyes: I think that a similar post like this one (Responsibilities on the Reading Exchange) should be posted on the "Your Readings Forum" since some people don't leave a feedback after some of us help out with the interpretation.

MercyMe	18 Apr 2005
I think it depends on the feedback. I really and truly want those I read for in the Reading Exchange to tell me flat out when the shoe doesn't fit or if it almost fits but the toes pinch and the heels flop. I've had some excellent feedback recently that helped me learn to see the suit of cups in a way I hadn't before. That's the kind of feedback I appreciate because it sharpens my reading skills. When I give feedback, I tend to focus on those areas the reader nailed and pretty much disregard the stuff that was not on target. Maybe that's not a good approach. As we're in this for the honing of our skills, both the on target and the not-so-on-target should be addressed. Then again, I've had readings where the not-so-on-target became on-target given a few days time. All in all I'd say that in this type of environment, an internet learning/exchange environment feedback is pretty important to the process, but on the whole, as readers, we shouldn't become dependent on feedback. ~Mercy

Sulis	18 Apr 2005
Tara Deck wrote: :rolleyes: I think that a similar post like this one (Responsibilities on the Reading Exchange) should be posted on the "Your Readings Forum" since some people don't leave a feedback after some of us help out with the interpretation. I've never looked on the Your Readings forum as a place where feedback is necessary. Whenever I've posted readings of mine in Your Readings I've thanked people for their views or got into a discussion about the situation or the reading but I wouldn't call it feedback. Love Sulis xx

Baby Owl	18 Apr 2005
I don't have a problem with PMing a reading so the querent can review it before posting it publicly. It goes to confidentiality. If the querent waives that confidentiality for the purposes of this forum, fine. But I don't think it is wise to assume that by participating in readings here, you are automatically waiving the right to confidentiality. It is up to the querent to let the reader know that he or she wants to review the reading by PM first. As far as not mentioning a particular subject, I feel it has to be up to the querent to state such concerns up front -- or accept the fact that the issue may come up in the reading and be prepared to deal with it. Personally, I have never had any client ask me to avoid a particular subject, nor have I had one complain about any issue I have brought up in the course of a reading.

shandar	19 Apr 2005
Whew, I was hit by your words of wisdom. Thanks for sharing with us. We probably should read every day and just take it as an aid, but sometimes we just can't. Shandar

rosesred	20 Apr 2005
What do you do when you see things the other person might not want to hear? You tell them anyway. Sugercoating everything is not respecting the person, but neither is being painfully blunt. I think in a reading you have a duty to convey the message to the other person, even if it will be something painful. Not all pain is bad. On the other hand, you cannot prance around saying things like: You're sexually repressed because your father couldn't keep his hands to himself. As a querant, you have a right to be angry at this, whether it is true or not. A reading can only uncover pain that is already there, it cannot cause injury all on it's own.

The Responsibilities on the Reading Exchange thread was originally posted on 31 Mar 2005 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.