Taking advantage?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 06 Mar 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Keslynn	06 Mar 2005
People often come to tarot readers when they're having some sort of upheaval in their life. This is to be expected. After all, how much advice do you really need when everything's peachy keen? Anyway, I've been thinking: Has anyone ever had the doubt that they might be taking advantage of people's misfortune? I had a tough reading today. The cards were pretty clear and gave good advice, but the querent was really going through some tough times. Poor thing was almost desperate for good news and when I told her that things looked pretty good, she didn't really believe me. She was at a point where she almost couldn't believe that good things could still happen to her. It hit me pretty hard, and I guess I started to doubt whether I'd actually helped her at all. :) Kes

Milamber	06 Mar 2005
Well, all you can do is the best you can. If a person isn't confident that your reading is true, then they may not heed it. Aside from ensuring them of your honesty, and maybe explaining why the reading went how it did, and ensuring them that you believe it to be true, there's not more you can do. In the end, it is up to each person to live their own lives. I don't believe you should feel any guilt, so long as you are reading honestly. And you certainly aren't taking advantage of anybody by giving them an honest reading. If the cards speak of good news, then that is what you should say. A bit of psychology is a useful trait, perhaps, but you mustn't blame yourself if a querent does not take your advice, or doesn't allow it to help them. That's their free will.

Simone	07 Mar 2005
Keslynn wrote: Has anyone ever had the doubt that they might be taking advantage of people's misfortune? Keslynn, no, I never had that feeling. I guess it depends on your own mindset about doing readings - what is your motive? If your motive is to make money no matter what, for example, (and I don't think this is what you want), then one could argue it is taking advantage of people's misfortunes or troubles. On the other hand, our goal usually is to help people, and that's what they come to us for. You are doing what you've been asked for: helping tham with your best endeavours and using the tool you have: tarot. If they wanted other tools, they would not have come to you... The other issue, whether we really help them or not, is not ours to determine. This is one thing I have learned: determining whether the reading was helpful is the "job" of the querent, and this is independent of how we felt abut the reading ourselves at that time. Maybe you think you were not helpful, but who knows, what you have said goes a long way in your querent's mind and she may find out it was helpful after all! A reading is not a performance where we should try to boost our egos with immediate confirmations that we are "right"... it is not the "being right" that counts, but what the querent does with the reading when you long have disappeared from the picture. Even if someone, in the immediate, says the reading was crap ;), who knows, maybe in 20 years, without you knowing it, he might have a sudden insight and say "wow! well, that reader there, how was the name again, was RIGHT!" We cannot know and certainly not control what our impact is on our querents. There sure is an impact, but we have no say in that matter ;) Love Simone

Fudugazi	07 Mar 2005
I learnt a lot about motivations of querents - and my own - by reading and reflecting on Umbrae's essay "Why do they come to us" (part of his Process series in Talking Tarot). People will only go as fast as they can, will only open up as wide as they can, and will only believe what they feel reflects something in them (even if it is very small). Sometimes a tarot reading has to be a bit like spoonfeeding an invalid with bland food - simply to nurse him back. Sometimes a they can take a spicy meal and thrive on it. Some people aren't very self-aware - their focus is outward and it's only when something hits them they want other answers. Or they might be very young. I see my responsibility lies in understanding this, and learning to distinguish what the querent needs and can take - which often comes out in conversation, body language, as well as through intuitive channels. I'm still learning.

Dark Inquisitor	07 Mar 2005
Keslynn wrote: Has anyone ever had the doubt that they might be taking advantage of people's misfortune? Doctors, lawyers, psychiatrists, auto mechanics, plumbers- they all make money working on our problems, don't they? We need them. They need to be compensated for what they do for us in order to continue doing it. Are they taking advantage of us? Only if they cheat us in some way and are dishonest. You weren't dishonest . You were there for that woman in the best way you knew how to be . Maybe in a way even a much higher priced psychiatrist could never be. There is only so much one can do in any circumstance, and it sounds like she has had a long bad time of it. That will not be reveresed in one sitting . Give the reading and let it go. You did your part , and the rest is up to her.

Ivy Rhiannon	07 Mar 2005
Keslynn wrote: She was at a point where she almost couldn't believe that good things could still happen to her. It hit me pretty hard, and I guess I started to doubt whether I'd actually helped her at all. Kes I know how you feel. I have tried to help others who were like this before. It leaves you feeling bad because you want to give them that good news. But like Milamber said it is up to each person to live thier life. Maybe what they needed more is a friend to talk to. :)

psychic sue	09 Mar 2005
In an ideal world nobody would charge for anything. We would all work and give our services for free, all food and goods would be free, there would be no wars, or violence or murderers or child molesters, and we would all love each other. (Cue John Lennon singing Imagine). As long as you are not setting out to deliberately give false messages or rip people off, I can't see the harm. Sue

Keslynn	09 Mar 2005
Thanks to everyone for thoughtful responses! You've been a big help in assuaging my doubts and making me think about why I'm really out there reading for people. *hugs* :) Kes

Fudugazi	09 Mar 2005
Kes, We all have those doubts. The other day a very young man told me - "I wanted this reading, but I'm not sure I'm happy I got it now". That because I was unable to tell him what choices he would make and if they would be good - only that he had many choices ahead of him, that he would have to make them, that the cards thought he should follow his heart but not ditch practicalities in doing so, and that the only bad choice would be not choosing: but the choice he made would change his life (well, he's 18!). I did what I could to buck him up, but he wanted me to tell him what to do, whereas part of the message of the card was :"grow up"! - which is not always a comfortable thing to hear. So he was not happy. Hopefully it'll be useful to him all the same.

rachelcat	09 Mar 2005
Simone wrote: The other issue, whether we really help them or not, is not ours to determine. This is one thing I have learned: determining whether the reading was helpful is the "job" of the querent, and this is independent of how we felt abut the reading ourselves at that time. Maybe you think you were not helpful, but who knows, what you have said goes a long way in your querent's mind and she may find out it was helpful after all! This is similar to an episode of "Joan of Arcadia" I saw the other night. (I usually don't watch the show. It was on at a friend's house.) God told Joan that she should help someone from the situation she was in, but he never told her who she was supposed to help or whether she ever did help anyone in the end. (We, the viewers, got see that she actually helped several people in several important ways.) I thought that was a very hard lesson for a young person (or any person!) to learn. And here is Keslynn in the very same situation! So I agree with Simone. As long as you know you are doing right and trying to help, that's really all you can expect. And you may be doing a world of good that you will never know about.

The Taking advantage? thread was originally posted on 06 Mar 2005 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.