Questions Readers Ask... and Sage Advice? I hope!

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 20 Apr 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

WalesWoman	20 Apr 2005
Here is a question I want to know the answer to.... I am sure everyone has been wanting to know and was simply afraid to ask. But this is the thread to ask all your questions in...the ones you never knew you had a question about. I think my deck is bored with me, what can I do to get some spice back into our relationship? If I haven't studied a new deck from one end to the other, meditating on the of each of the cards and really getting to know it before I shuffle and read with it, will it still respect me in the morning? How long should I wait for it to get back to me? Should I initiate contact or wait? How will I know if it's committed to me or not? If I read with my other decks, will it think I'm cheap?

Mesara	20 Apr 2005
Perhaps your cards are trying to tell you something by not reading for you? I recently went through this myself, Ive found it is better to just wait it out rather than kill myself trying to establish some connection that, for one reason or another, just wasn't there. I remember thinking that maybe it was a sign that I should be out *doing* rather than reading, a hint that my time would be better spent outside and in the midst of things rather than musing over my cards. Just a thought that crossed my mind during my own five month stint. Thank god that's over. Best of luck

ncefafn	20 Apr 2005
Deb, I think you're missing a crucial element of the reader/deck relationship -- money. You paid for its services, so it's gotta put out. If it doesn't, slap it around, then let it watch while you read with another deck. That'll teach it a lesson.

WalesWoman	20 Apr 2005
Kim, you said a mouthful! So you wouldn't advise buying something silky and black to slip it into or any fancy crystal jewelery, moon lit walks or days lazing in the sun? Just a bit of slap and shuffle? You may not know this, but today I was in a support group discussion about how to tell which are long-term or short-term type decks... how would you be able to know for sure until you get involved? How would you know if your deck really understands you or is attentive? It just seems like reader/deck relationships are sooo complicated.

ncefafn	20 Apr 2005
Support group? Women Who Love Too Much and the Decks That Mock Them? Kim

Chronata	21 Apr 2005
ncefafn wrote: Support group? Women Who Love Too Much and the Decks That Mock Them? Oh my...I think I just signed up for a support group! :D WalesWoman...don't despair! there is hope...and ways to spice up those intimate times you spend with your cards... Try different positions...like reversals. I was way too inhibited to do the reversal thing for a long time, but it worked (for a bit anyway) to bring some interest back to my deck. Try introducing another deck into the relationship. Oracle decks can really get the fire going again! Especially when used in tandem! And if these don't work...you may have to seperate...for a while. I lost my beloved deck for over two years...and now that we are back together...we are stronger and more thrilling than ever!!

MercyMe	21 Apr 2005
Wish I had something to add, but the hour is late here and my wit is foggy. But you guys are so cracking me up. :D ~Mercy

ncefafn	21 Apr 2005
Occasionally, you get one of those "weak sisters," the kind of decks with lots of pastels and gooey-eyed characters. The rough approach doesn't always work with them. That's when you have to get psychological with them. Take them out to dinner to a nice restaurant -- no Red Lobster or Olive Garden, I'm talking the real fancy restaurants, where they have candles on the table. After you've ordered drinks, say to your deck, "We need to talk." Sigh deeply, and take a sip of your drink. Tell him: "We've had some wonderful times, but I feel like we're growing apart." When the deck starts getting teary-eyed or angry, say, "It's not you, it's me." Never at any time admit that you've already met another deck and have hit it off with it. This is why it's crucial to drink no more than one alcoholic beverage at this dinner. More than one and you're likely to start bragging about how much better at readings it is than your soon-to-be ex-deck, how this new deck does things your old deck always refused to do, things that the deck's designer told it that nice decks didn't do. If you venture into that territory, you're bound to end up with either a face full of Chablis or ectoplasm (depending on the spiritual strength of your now ex-deck). Finally, if your ex-deck orders lobster and/or steak, make sure the waiter knows it's separate checks. Leave the deck $10 for the taxi home. Kim

WalesWoman	21 Apr 2005
Oh Chronata, what a sage you are! Smudges to you!!! I'm not sure if I can seperate... but thinking back there have been signs. Perhaps it's head was turned when I introduced it to some freinds a while back, they were so appreciative and fondling it while I was in the room! Has my beloved betrayed me and longs for another's hands caress? Perhaps new positions and new places, some candlelight and incense, a massage with baby powder... maybe the box it's in is too plain and needs redecorated? Maybe it feels too confined? I wonder what the other decks are saying when I leave the room? So they share our intimate moments with each other? OH my!

similia	21 Apr 2005
Start reading with two decks... or have your deck perform readings with other readers }) Invite some other bored readers around and you can all read together. Try reading someplace new. The back of a taxi maybe. Take your cards to a bar and have you way with them in the bathroom. The thrill of getting caught }) Hire a DVD on reading methods, and ask you deck which one they have always wanted to try but were too afraid to ask ;) I thinks thats enough to keep you going for a little while :D

WalesWoman	21 Apr 2005
I just read your post, Kim and the truth is.... can't I love more than one deck just as much as another, must I choose? This is such a Devil of a dilemma! Must I give them all up for the love of one good deck? Can't we just get along?

ncefafn	21 Apr 2005
Sure, you can keep both decks. But the "restaurant break-up scene" is a wake-up call to the recalcitrant deck. You're saying, "You want my affection, you gotta work for it, baby." Show it who's boss. As George Costanza noted, hand is everything. Kim

WalesWoman	21 Apr 2005
similia wrote: }) Hire a DVD on reading methods, and ask you deck which one they have always wanted to try but were too afraid to ask ;) Something like the Story of Tar-"0"? I tossed my copy of the Joy of ***** after my divorce and it's too darned embarassing to ask the bookstore to order another one...they'd know exactly what I was up to. Probably tell me they aren't that kind of bookstore or start asking for free readings. I'm wondering if I am the type to be faithful to just one and if not, am I a swinger? Another thing has been bothering me.... will reading more than once a day make me go blind?

Rosanne	21 Apr 2005
Oh Waleswoman if you only knew how much I needed a laugh today. Have you tried Tough Love? Bondage? I like Similia's idea about giving them a choice :D Seperation is for eggs. Take them to a twelve step programme, maybe they will learn to accept what they cannot change, and so, will get you to change instead. Threaten to put them out in the moonlight with nothing on- all 78 -naked. Oh thats it, they don't like crowds- Luff them one at a time, making them feel special- you know the drill, one on one. Love and laughter to you and your wicked little pack of Cards. ~Rosanne

similia	21 Apr 2005
WalesWoman wrote: Another thing has been bothering me.... will reading more than once a day make me go blind? No that is an old wives tale. You should however take care to dust your hands with talc powder before shuffling because hairy palms are quite slippery. WalesWoman wrote: I tossed my copy of the Joy of ***** after my divorce and it's too darned embarassing to ask the bookstore to order another one...they'd know exactly what I was up to. Probably tell me they aren't that kind of bookstore or start asking for free readings. You could try online stores. Its probably just as well Jeanette is an AT member or I'd be inclined to spend up big there more often ;) You could also get the Tarma Sutrot. The cards will probably relate to the pictures more, (and I can't say the next bit cause people I know will read this }) )

Chronata	21 Apr 2005
Oh yeah! I completely forgot about that great thrill you get when you discover new and exciting PLACES to fondle and read your cards! Have you ever done it... In a church? during a service? On a ferris wheel? In a cheap motel room? On a plane? In a jacuzzi? (I am almost embarrased to admit I have done all the above...my poor Art Nouveau mini deck will never be the same after that last one!)

Rosanne	21 Apr 2005
In the line of Chronatas post have you thought of...Taking them out and showing them places they have never seen before? That should get a response. If I did that they would just fall on the floor in a weak pile. ~Rosanne

similia	21 Apr 2005
Chronata wrote: Have you ever done it... In a church? during a service? On a ferris wheel? In a cheap motel room? On a plane? In a jacuzzi? Chronata! :eek: In church! During a service!!! I hope you had the decency to use the confessionals at least :D Ferris wheel sounds incredible. I have ferris wheel fantasies actually. (A true story unrelated to this thread :rolleyes: ;) but I had my first ever pash on a ferris wheel. :) )

similia	21 Apr 2005
Rosanne wrote: In the line of Chronatas post have you thought of...Taking them out and showing them places they have never seen before? That should get a response. If I did that they would just fall on the floor in a weak pile. ~Rosanne *childish giggle* sounds like Roseanne's cards have performance anxiety ;)

Rosanne	21 Apr 2005
Rosanne wrote: In the line of Chronatas post have you thought of...Taking them out and showing them places they have never seen before? That should get a response. If I did that they would just fall on the floor in a weak pile. ~Rosanne From laughter.........;)

WalesWoman	21 Apr 2005
Of course...7 Cups!!! I've been taking them forgranted and stand accused of 4 Cups'ing them. I know I haven't slept with them... so there could be some frustration here too. They are probably feeling ill used or unfulfilled, maybe becoming depressed and despondant, a bit stiff and unbending. Can decks get PMS ... preistess moon syndrome? or go through mentorpause?

magpie9	21 Apr 2005
Tell them they have to tell you a story, or it's off with thier heads!! Sorta like Shaharizade.......they'll deliver if you're convincing. })

similia	21 Apr 2005
[quote=WalesWoman]I know I haven't slept with them... so there could be some frustration here too. Well if I'd been sleeping in the loungroon bookcase for the last 10 years, I 'd be pretty frustrated. WalesWoman wrote: They are probably feeling ill used or unfulfilled, maybe becoming depressed and despondant, a bit stiff and unbending. Don't know about stiff and unbending.... maybe a bit blue })

Mesara	21 Apr 2005
Magpie, where have you been? I haven't seen you around here in ages!! Trust in the naughtiest of threads to bring you out of hiding.. }) If I would have known this thread would turn so racy I would have worn my vinyl instead of my jammies.

WalesWoman	21 Apr 2005
Jammies! Tis that time of night for me...so guess I'll slip into something silky, give all my deckies kisses and pats , but they still aren't sleeping with me. The bed isn't that big and the boxes have sharp edges my old man won't appreciate snuggling up to in the night. Dare I think they could be objecting to my preferenceof who sleeps in my bed?

Fudugazi	21 Apr 2005
WalesWoman wrote: Dare I think they could be objecting to my preferenceof who sleeps in my bed? Undoubtedly! Have you introduced your husband to your decks? They probably feel very put out, like when you are in the street with a freind, that friend meets another friend you don't know and doesn't introduce you. Some decks are quite strict on etiquette, and others are gregarious and can't bear to be left out of things. And have you considered it might not be the 7 of cups telling the others to rebel against you (is it capable of such focussed action?)- it could well be the 7 of Wands- you know: applying the "don't get mad get even" philosophy. Personally I wouldn't use tough methods even with your weak sister decks. Here's one method to use with decks that give bored or confused readings - but is especially good with decks that get mad at you. Just start drifting gently away. Take them out and don't use them, start using other Tarots in front of them, tell them you want to be friends, then tell them they are so complicated and intense, you're not sure you can take it; then tell them they are beautiful, you miss them, etc. Tell them things are tough with you, you're still getting over your last deck. But don't read with them. Once you've laid the ground for a while you have to be very disciplined: for three days running leave them in the drawer and don't open it. Then open the draw, select the recalcitrant deck and start shuffling. And put it down - don't read with it. Do that a couple of times - no more. Finally, when it is exhausted mentally and emotionally from you blowing all hot and cold, take it out, shuffle, and lay its cards out for a long leasurely spread. They'll read like a dream. They might even do things they'd never considered before ;) If you do it on a silk cloth you might even enjoy it....

Eco74	21 Apr 2005
Here's another idea for really sucking up to the deck of choice. Ask it where it would like to go, and then take it there. If the hermit shows up, take it hiking and do a reading on a mountaintop. If the emperor comes up, find the nearest fortress and lay it out on the throne. If the empress shows herself, find the best restaurant in town (that's best food not best prices) or visit an orchard where you enjoy the fruits of the earth with your deck. Well, you get the idea... ;) If it's still pertinent after this, you've gone ahead and spoiled it. Back to spanking, teasing and ignoring til it shows you some affection and you should be back on track again.

Nina*	21 Apr 2005
Helvetica wrote: Here's one method to use with decks that give bored or confused readings - but is especially good with decks that get mad at you. Just start drifting gently away. Take them out and don't use them, start using other Tarots in front of them, tell them you want to be friends, then tell them they are so complicated and intense, you're not sure you can take it; then tell them they are beautiful, you miss them, etc. Tell them things are tough with you, you're still getting over your last deck. But don't read with them. Once you've laid the ground for a while you have to be very disciplined: for three days running leave them in the drawer and don't open it. Then open the draw, select the recalcitrant deck and start shuffling. And put it down - don't read with it. Do that a couple of times - no more. Finally, when it is exhausted mentally and emotionally from you blowing all hot and cold, take it out, shuffle, and lay its cards out for a long leasurely spread. They'll read like a dream. They might even do things they'd never considered before If you do it on a silk cloth you might even enjoy it.... Hmmm.... decks were the last thing I thought about reading this ;) But I am very sure it will work :D This thread is wonderful... xxx Nina

WalesWoman	21 Apr 2005
I agee Nina, I'm getting all sorts of ideas that have nothing to do with Tarot and Helvetica just described some very.....never mind... this is most thought provoking. This morning I was reading for a freind and my deck was being a bit knarly... a real wise guy smart ass and quite indelicate. But one good thing, it hasn't started lying to me, but is instead giving me a bit of a slap. Ouch! It may have been directed at me and missed, hit my querant instead. What do they call that, misdirection? So since this is becoming a real Tower of support, does anyone have anything they would like to share as well? I don't want to hog this space, but encourage others to share their deep dark secrets and fears in their relationships with their decks, so that we may all help each other wade through this mire... of mirth.

April	21 Apr 2005
I find role-playing to be very helpful. Sometimes I pretend to be Miss Cleo and I inlist a friend to call and ask when her babby's daddy will get out of jail. When RWS and I started to fizzle our counselor suggested we pretend to be strangers in a bar. We put on costumes and headed out. I dressed as a private eye and RWS dressed up as a Marseilles deck, which really just involved a very revealing outfit. I second Chronata's suggestons of trying new places. I joined the Mile-High Club a few months ago and have never regretted it. Peace, April

magpie9	21 Apr 2005
Mesara wrote: Magpie, where have you been? I haven't seen you around here in ages!! Trust in the naughtiest of threads to bring you out of hiding.. }) I've been hip-deep in family since the beginning of January, (aparently, they figured out where I live and started moving here and having babies...:eek:!) and it's cut back, sadly, on my time to do what I please. It should show some improvement after next week, when my mother's visit is over. I have been Lurking, however, nhhahahahah! I have missed you, Mesara, you be so kool, you knowin that, woman. I know this is off-topic, please don't punish me, nice moddie...:) :) :)moddie wanna treat? nice moddie...

Lyones	21 Apr 2005
Perhaps some of them respond to chemistry, but I figure there are just some that love me for who I am, whether I am wearing those daggy fluffy slippers, haven't brushed my hair yet at 3 a.m., have puffy eyes etc ... so as far as I'm concerned, if the other decks don't want to play the game and accept me for who I am, it's their loss :) I find that gentle coaxing and stroking works wonders :) getting in the mood, unfortunately none of my decks are very good at massage :s so tension can be a bit of an issue, but concentrating soley on what they are saying and giving them my undivided attention sometimes helps to clear the air a little and gets them to spill the beans :) ... they even say a lot more than I think they are on ocassion if I trust them ... but I guess there are also those times when they're not saying what I want them to, those wispered sweet nothings become serious accusations, and I do so hate confrontations ... in which case I walk away and think about what they've said for a while ... making up afterwards can be the best part :)

WalesWoman	21 Apr 2005
Lyones, of course you don't have bored, inconsiderate or rude decks, who could NOT love you and want to treat you like gold, no matter what your hair looks like or what you have on your feet. Your decks seem to be very wise and thoughtful with a flair for humor as well. Oh my, maybe mine have been feeling a bit challenged in comparison? Maybe they really do need to have a work out and are just getting soft and lazy from lounging around in the bedroom all day. It would be great if they could handle a rake while I haul sand and gravel to smooth out the driveway or get the garden freer of weeds. LOL Hmmm, well I don't know if carrying one or two around in my pockets in the woods is a good idea... they might fall into a hole or a root wad and hurt themselves or get lost. So they either have to get over me needing to spend time outdoors and having "another" life or be prepared for hazardous conditions, since I have been known to fall into ponds and spend a lot of time picking myself up while walking through old second growth (pre logged and then thinned) I'm not a clutz really, moss covers everything and you can't see where you are stepping until a leg disappears down a hole. I don't go for the violent approach myself, as confrontations make me ill and I get the shakes just thinking upsetting thoughts, much less voicing them. I've been giving them a bit of space, about the same way I do my kids. If they are having problems, I try to let them figure it out, if they don't kill each other in the process, all is well and good. If things get too loud or I hear things crashing, then it's time to step in and seperate them, give them some real quiet time to think about it and when they are ready to act civilized again they are welcome to return. Some how, listening to myself...I am sounding like I'm letting them walk all over me... Does anyone ever feel their decks treat them like a door mat?

The Questions Readers Ask... and Sage Advice? I hope! thread was originally posted on 20 Apr 2005 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.