Bewitched, bothered & bewildered

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 17 May 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Pipistrelle	17 May 2005
Bewitched...because, through Tarot, numerology, astrology, sabian symbols, and all the things discussed on these boards, I have been allowed to glimpse "behind the veil" and have discovered, as I always suspected, that "there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in our philosophy". Bothered...because, despite these wondrous gems, my life feels distinctly unchanged (although I feel distinctly changed) and I still don't know what I'm doing here...Spiritually, over the last year, I feel I've grown enormously, yet on the outside I'm still spinning my wheels. I feel that I am learning, discovering, that my awareness is expanding, but am I just accumulating knowledge for knowledge's sake? What practical purpose do these things serve? I still can't answer the questions, "what do I want?" and "what do I want to do?" Bewildered...because the more I seek, the more I find, and the more confused I get. Are these wonderful secrets, these magic blueprints and patterns, just too big for us mere mortals? Or, at least, too big for our daily lives? Is is possible to overwhelm ourselves trying to understand it all? And, (slipping into Carrie Bradshaw mode here)...do we spend more time trying to understand life than we do living it? The next day, I met Miranda and Charlotte for lunch...(hang on, that's not right) ;) Maybe I'm just having a Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered sort of day. Maybe it's just me. But does anyone else feel like this - that despite all these wonderful tools, we're still completely lost? Pip

Kiama	17 May 2005
Pipistrelle wrote: Bewildered...because the more I seek, the more I find, and the more confused I get. Are these wonderful secrets, these magic blueprints and patterns, just too big for us mere mortals? Or, at least, too big for our daily lives? Is is possible to overwhelm ourselves trying to understand it all? And, (slipping into Carrie Bradshaw mode here)...do we spend more time trying to understand life than we do living it? This is exactly how so many people feel. Socrates even - the wisest man alive, who knew that he knew nothing. And this is what he was talking about when he said that. I've noticed that the more you find out, the more questions you have, and the more questions you have, the more you realize that you know very little and that there is so much more out there to find out! For me, Tarot has certainly brought about these feelings. Yes, I regularly feel overwhelmed by everything and do think it is impossible to understand everything - all we can do is try to understand as much as we are capable of, in order to benefit the world around us and the rest of mankind. (Well, that's my reason for wanting to understand more.) Let us all be lost in this labyrinth together! Kiama

Fudugazi	17 May 2005
I agree with everything Kiama has written. In addition, I would say that these instruments of philosophy and magic we are given can be used in our daily lives - in order to help us take things a step at a time towards whatever dreams we are trying to fulfill. They can be used to free our minds so that at least we no longer act as self-saboteurs and are kinder to ourselves and others. Sudden change sometimes - but not often - happen. Otherwise, you still have to define goals and go after them, step by step, and find you have to take a step backwards, sometimes, because you took a wrong turning. Maybe you find you take fewer wrong turnings with the tools of Tarot, i-ching and Sabian Symbols, with the help of philosophy and spiritual discipline. They also teach that the journey is as important as the destination in shaping our lives. We still have to do the washing, feed the children, take out the rubbish, pay the bills; we still enjoy a drink at the pub, watching our favourite programme on TV, reading a novel or seeing old friends. This reminds me of the old Buddhist chesnut - which like many chesnuts is wise: "Before illumination, fetch water, chop wood. After illumination, fetch water, chop wood". But what I find is that my life has more texture to it, thanks to the spiritual discipline, and despite finding out every day how little I know, how foolish I am.

Pipistrelle	17 May 2005
Kiama wrote: I've noticed that the more you find out, the more questions you have, and the more questions you have, the more you realize that you know very little and that there is so much more out there to find out Yes, this is exactly it. I think I am feeling frustrated today because I would so love to have clear goals and know what my "calling" was but Tarot etc. never gives us the answers as such - it can help but we have to do the work and sometimes it feels like digging a whole in the sand. Helvetica wrote: They can be used to free our minds so that at least we no longer act as self-saboteurs and are kinder to ourselves and others. This is a good point - it reminded me that I do "self-sabotage" a lot less than I used to. I am generally calmer and more balanced - except on the odd day like today. I used to be very concerned with the destination - as you mention - and I guess sometimes I slip into old habits, asking "Am I there yet?" You're right, of course, about the texture of life being richer. Helvetica wrote: This reminds me of the old Buddhist chesnut - which like many chesnuts is wise: "Before illumination, fetch water, chop wood. After illumination, fetch water, chop wood". Sage advice indeed :) I should write that down somewhere. Perhaps directly after the rant that I wrote in my journal this morning! I am slightly calmer this afternoon - having thrown myself into my work, which I probably should have done in the first place as my card for today was the 8 of Pentacles. And I can't help noticing certain parallels between this feeling of bewilderment and the sabian symbol I drew for the beginning of this week : An Arctic Explorer Leads a Reindeer Through Icy Canyons. It was only when you mentioned the journey that I made any connection. The environment may be blinding white, overwhelming, bewildering (where to turn when everywhere is white?) but the word is "explorer" and instead of concentrating too hard on where I'm going I should remember to explore. If we don't seek, we can't find. Anyway, thank you both of you for indulging my rant :) I will probably feel much better in the morning. Pip

wellspring	17 May 2005
Hi Pip I could have written just the same as you posted, and have been doing a lot of thinking about the same stuff, same as others have mentioned too. I think a lot of the path is about learning to be in the moment, to let go of worrying and to gradually find more faith. It's as if get brought down to the basics, to your foundation, and then find the simplest things to be the most profound. And often if try to make headway in the world without doing this part of the process, things don't come clear or work out. Yes, it's infuriating to not be clear, to feel overwhelmed, to feel as if it's "all in the head" rather than finding reassurance in seeing your life change. But I think that's part of the 'finding faith' bit. And spiritual work that's really deep does go on 'underground' for as long as it needs to ... but the deepest roots are the most stable and long-lasting roots. I've had to come to terms with the issues you've mentioned, and remember one day feeling as if it was time to just accept, to let go and just 'sit', to be more receptive and rather than battling all the time to try to find answers, to just trust that the insights will come when they are needed. Something that often is at first really hard to do in this stressed busy world that's so focussed on the outer and rushing about being active all the time! What has come from this is discovery of the simple things that hold so much in them, e.g. taking time to watch a bird feeding outside the window, to realise how much is in the moment that've been missing before but now can notice and learn from; actually sitting quiet properly, without feeling the usual guilt or agitation that 'should' be doing something all the time. I think without 'letting the mud settle', there can't be the clarity that is needed - the clarity that will come by just trusting your path and living in this moment with faith - the clarity that will reveal your direction at the right time, and will mean that the direction that comes clear is a solid and real direction that comes from the core and has real strength and conviction. Take heart .... I'm sure many feel the same, as these things are often all connected, and experienced by everyone to some degree. I can only say that because of the things am realising am starting to feel peace for the first time in a very long time, and that I can feel I'm connecting more with my heart, and both of these things are major things that I wanted for a long time, and making a big difference e.g. more clarity, more healing. So the simplest things can be the most profound. Picking up on the busy energies of the external world can be tough, but a bit of detachment and also confirming how valuable the inner lessons ultimately are can really help. And if you believe that when people are living their spiritual path, the inner changes have an effect on everything, that everyone's work on inner transformation raises the energies on a larger scale, then that's a really purposeful thought. I feel myself that it makes a difference. Just reread your first post, and another thing I've found is that resting the mind, not putting more information in, can really be a good thing to do ... really refreshes your mind. Just to get lost in a good movie or a good book, without thinking about stuff or seeking more information. I love the High Priestess card in the Druidcraft, as it says that it isn't weakness to be working on an inner level and to be detached from the busyness of the world, but that this is important and deep inner work, requiring receptivity and trust, and letting the dreams and intuitions come to you naturally. A very feminine and balancing card. Give yourself a break! Have a great day out in nature or something that'll really refresh you. It's great to be so conscientious, but balancing this with the receptive side of things is a really important part of the process. This has been a much longer post than planned! but I hope it's helpful. Cat x

Lasiren	17 May 2005
Hi Pip, I know what you mean when you say you're feeling "bewitched, bothered and bewildered". I can definitely say I'm familiar with those feelings myself, as I'm sure we all have been at one point or another. We are never going to know everything that there is to know about life and this world that we live in, much less what's beyond these veils, but that might also be a good thing. For myself, I find that reading the cards has brought me more guidance. It has teaches me the things I need to improve about myself and in my life, the things I have going for me and what I need to avoid so I can live my life the way I want to. Slowly, I find that things are improving for me if I follow the cards' advice. Yes, I am also more aware of the things that lie beyond our veils, but I don't think anymore that I have to understand them completely or know everything there is to know. I am just more aware of what I can learn and gain from the work I am doing with the tarot.

Red Emma	17 May 2005
If you'll permit a crone to slip into memory mode, I've been in that white canyon many more times than I care to think about. I've found that, if I keep on stumbling along, pretty soon I come to its mouth. And from the mouth there's a view of a lovely green valley. I can make my home there for a while, but then another icy canyon calls. And beyond it another valley... I think it's something like a transition period. I don't know why they have to be so uncomfortable.

HOLMES	17 May 2005
there was a period wherei had all the tarot books i wanted, all the tarot decks i wanted,, and was doing readings but was going nowhere energy wise I asked myself why did i study all this tarot stuff, i thought i had reached a plateu and was actually angry at something,, that is it? just tarot readings and tarot readings to do now? nothing left to study? in truth i was burnt out at the time from all the studying,,all the trades so I simply stopped for awhile and haven't read a tarot book all the way through in six months i bet,, one thing i do do is get a book now and then to review a point that may have came up on the aeclectic. i moved on to astrology but am now proscrastinating for it is a big huge course :) and the same with numerology book i was going to write on the tarot and numerology too much work eheh I realized that it wasnt' the end of my tarot path by no means,, even as i study spirituality sometimes tarot concepts come into my head and i can relate better.. another thing that works well is whatever you study be it science, religion, spirituality, phillosphy, comedy, psycology it will start to come out in your readings naturally and you will be amazed how much more your tarot readings are getting deeper. one could study just colour psycology for a month (there are books on those subjects in amazon) and come back and see things they never looked at before, or symbolism straight for a month then dream symbolism compare readings from before and after and again more depth, more wisdom. what does this all boil down it is all for helping yourself understand the world better and to understand others better,, and to help others understand themselves with your ever growing insights into the tarot and all that can apply to the tarot.

Elven	17 May 2005
Hi Pip,:) I think all the posts above are wonderful, they are so meaningful and insightful, and relevant to whats happening with you. I read your post and was so excited for you as I thought, "Would you have been asking yourself that question a year ago with such conviction". You sound as if you have come so far! Nothing is for no reason. Everything is relative! What you have chosen to follow and what you have chosen to read and learn are not just coincidence. They are your stepping stones down the path. The beauty of your ability to co-relate and comprehend everything that is being shown to you, your discernment and your openess are filling you with spiritual nourishment. You share and are a great participant. Youre not on the path starving, your too full to move.:) It tells me of you're intent and purpose for yourself. Your not going into the next phase of your life empty handed and unequipped. You have learnt something to guide you along in the direction you are going. It takes alot for people to seek, let alone find. I think this shows your wonderful determination, and it is important to question your motives and discoveries. Which you are doing! :) I see your question as one that resonates with such a positive attitude, not a downer. When you least expect it, the information and the inherent wisdom will come together, and you'll be overwhelmed again.:) Maybe your having a King Tide moment! Go with the ebb and flow. When the tide is out is the time to collect the treasures along the beach. You are a talented and gifted reader and your enthusiasm shines through your posts. Weather the icy canyon this week, it provides you with many positive qualities. One of them was to question yourself, and to provide this thread.:) Just a few thoughts Many Blessings Elven x

Pipistrelle	18 May 2005
Dear All, It's wonderful so many have replied...I thought no-one would get what I was talking about, and thank you all for such thoughtful posts. It makes a big difference, it really does. :) I said in my last post that I don't self-sabotage as much as I used to but both wellspring and holmes' posts made me realise that I still do. The 10 of Swords is a familiar scenario for me - I have a habit of killing myself with information if that makes sense. I read and read, and have this craving for learning stuff, seeking knowledge and understanding (something to do with my 7 life path I suspect!) and I don't let up until I feel totally bewildered and I'm flat on the ground, pinned down with all that I've read, not knowing what to do with it, like the guy with all the swords in his back. I need to learn to allow myself time to process and apply - or just process. I long to manifest something. My mind, imagination and spirit feel like a chemistry lab bubbling with experimentation, ideas, ponderings, but outside are icy canyons. Red Emma, I'm looking forward to those green valleys! They sound like the perfect place for ideas and ponderings to grow and flourish. :) I hope I am able to make the most of them when I get there. Elven...bless you. :) Your post was the first thing I read this morning and it is so thoughtful and lovely. Thank you. All your posts have encouraged me to keep trudging through the snow (snow is lovely!) and although the landscape may be barren, if I look up, I might see the beautiful aurora borealis! Besides, if I get bored, I can always ask the reindeer how he flies ;) As I mentioned yesterday, my daily card was the 8 of Pentacles. Foolish me, I didn't even read the book for that card (Druidcraft) which says: "There is a time for the grand vision and a time for slow and steady working in the field to fulfill that vision...One of the ways we can succeed is to set ourselves a goal and then almost forget about it as we work carefully along each step of the path we have determined for ourselves. Focus too much on the goal and the path can seem impossibly long, or time is wasted in anticipation. Simply concentrate on each step at a time." All I need to do now is set myself a goal. ;) The funny thing is, without all your posts, I don't think I even would have realised how this related so strongly to how I was feeling. Anyway, I will trudge on, mindful of the fact that my daily card for today is 10 of Wands...we shall see what it brings ;) Pip

Fudugazi	18 May 2005
Ah, those Druidic witches are wise :) The journey and the destination are both important. I get annoyed with those people who say it's all in the process - I don't think it is, I think we need dreams to fulfill and peaks to reach; but the path is important too - for in it we will make many discoveries to nourish us - and our goals (perhaps even makes us realise there are other goals we'll want to fulfill later; or that we are on the wrong path and show us a right one). Sometimes - like when we take a walk for pleasure - the journey is the destination (to paraphrase a wonderful picture diary by a young war photographer who died aged 25). I am also getting a lot out of the posts - I have those feelings now and then, the "what's it all about, anyway?" feelings.

Pipistrelle	18 May 2005
This morning I have been thinking a lot about exploration and explorers. I love reading about the golden age of exploration and adventure, when the world was so large and various and greatly unknown. I should take a leaf out of their books - those explorers, men and women, who set out to discover, see and just experience the world. Helvetica, your post so well informs my thoughts this morning: for those explorers, the journey was the destination. I have been wondering lately what purpose all this learning and seeking of knowledge serves - is it purely selfish? Am I accumulating tidbits of information for information's sake? The explorers didn't just explore and keep what they'd found/seen/experienced to themselves. They reported back and enlightened the rest who, because of their chosen paths, were unable to explore. And it has made me realise, my current activities are not for nothing. One of my dreams is writing, and if my "explorations" inform my writing, and I can share my discoveries with the rest of the world (or the two people that may read me!) then it is not for nothing. Even if all I do is share my experiences with my family, my children when I have them, then it has not been for nothing. Some people build, some people paint, some people make money, some people explore. Because there isn't such a concrete manifestation of exploration, I mistook it for substandard use of a life - forgetting that the very people I admire spent their whole lives exploring and enriching the lives of others as well as their own. The difficulty is, in our modern world, it can sometimes seem as if their is nothing left to explore. With the internet, fast air travel etc. the world is smaller - good in some respects (like the ATF) but less romantic somehow, the mystery has gone. Reading what others have written before you seems to lack the same pioneering spirit. It can seem as if there is no need for another explorer. But, like writing - where there is nothing new under the sun, what matters is not what we write about but how we interpret what we write about. The difference between being lost and being an explorer is only in attitude. So I'm an explorer. And finally, I understand the purpose of my 7 Life Path. (Which sounds rather arrogant, so I'm going to add "at the moment"!) Pip

wellspring	18 May 2005
"The difficulty is, in our modern world, it can sometimes seem as if their is nothing left to explore. With the internet, fast air travel etc. the world is smaller - good in some respects (like the ATF) but less romantic somehow, the mystery has gone. " This quote made me think how, the more frenetic and less mysterious the world is, actually the further away the spiritual/inner side can get for those who haven't connected with it yet, or who get so spun away from their own centre that they lose the connection they had. So to be on an inner journey, exploring and making new maps that are relevant and very useful to today's world, seems a really useful thing to do, and, to my mind, can't be rushed, as it's all an experiential thing, things that need to be lived and felt, in order to then be able to speak from heart genuinely. Whether the learning gained then comes out in writing, healing work, art, environmental work, readings .... or the many areas, conventional or non-conventional, where own learning and honesty can naturally come through and bring benefit, that's cool. Cat

Nevada	18 May 2005
Dear Pip, I've had the same feeling, but I think many times we change on the inside without even realizing it. The outer changes take a long time to manifest. You go along for years and then feel that you have a sudden, true breakthrough when really it was in the works all the time. I had one of these just last night, when I lay awake unable to sleep--again. I decided to just let my thoughts flow and do what they would. Found myself going over a lot of memories, from my entire life. After a night of tears, and tossing and turning, I wakened with a fresh outlook--and for the first time in many months without a deep sense of futility and dread. Rest assured, changes are occurring. We can't see the purest underground springs, but they are there. No human clock can be used to measure what's happening on deeper levels. Nevada

The Bewitched, bothered & bewildered thread was originally posted on 17 May 2005 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.