Depressed about a right reading

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 12 May 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Fudugazi	12 May 2005
It had to happen. Three months ago, my mother asked me for a reading about a friend of hers who was ill and said she didn't want to see anyone until she felt better. My mother asked me how she could deal with it. She also asked me for the honest answer about what would happen to her friend. I laid out three cards - and I saw immediately that she would die, that she was in denial, and how my mother might say goodbye. My mother's friend died last night. To the end, she refused to accept she might die, she didn't want to see anyone but her children and husband. That was her way of coping, I am sure - she just wasn't ready. My mother was able to say goodbye in a letter (not in so many words, I believe) and left some messages on the answerphone - and in her heart released her friend. I only wish I had been wrong or the cards had been wrong, because she was not ready to go, not able to fight on, and hadn't made her peace with the world and herself, which I find very sad. I pray her soul finds a peaceful passage.

tarotbear	12 May 2005
Dear Helvetica~ Do not wish the cards or you had been wrong. Remember that in doing this reading, you gave your mother the knowledge that she herself had to confront the possiblity of her friend's death. I am sure that doing 'good-byes' in person is far better than a letter or messages left on an answering machine, but her friend did still receive them nonetheless. When death occurs, the living always start asking 'What if ...? What if ...?' and by that point it is too late to ask 'What if.' Give comfort to your mother and help her grieve for her friend. Don't blame the cards for being correct.

TarotGirlJess	12 May 2005
I'll add my prayers to yours for her peace. Thankfully you did read the cards and your mom could let her friend go. Tarotgirl Jess

wellspring	12 May 2005
I'd agree too ..... the cards and you yourself helped prepare your mum, as well as the cards helping you to see things clearly and know better how to deal with the situation. It's very sad that her friend wasn't ready, but maybe in those last hours with her close relatives she did come to some kind of peace. I'm sure your mum's messages will have got through to her. Know it can be hard when get such a deeply true reading as the one you got, but at least you can always know that the cards are 100% honest always, and served a positive purpose in a tough situation. Love, Cat x

Pipistrelle	12 May 2005
Tarotbear is absolutely right though of course...from a objective viewpoint, it seems the reading you did for your mother was a blessing. To receive such a clear message, allowing your mother time to find a way to say goodbye, is very special - we are rarely allowed such time. It is sad that your mother's friend wasn't ready to go, but it must be unbelievably difficult faced with such a thing. But don't feel sad about the reading - it helped the person closest to you. Pip

Fudugazi	12 May 2005
Thank you all! You are so kind. Tarotbear, wellspring and Pipistrelle, you are right, the cards did help my mother. I only wish her friend had been able to ready herself. But who knows, maybe she had in the end and just wanted to be around her close family. I hear she didn't even want to see her sisters. I know when we are tarot readers we must be prepared for all this. I remember the reading very clearly. I used the Marseille and I got this very strong understanding she would die and that my mother might not see her again but she (my mother) somehow needed to find a way to say goodbye. I remember wondering - should I tell her? We had just had an AT discussion about bad news and common consensus seemed to be -don't tell someone is going to die. But I felt very strongly my mother needed to know so she could say goodbye and give her friend as much as this lady would accept. I also saw my mother knew, deep down: so I did tell her and my mother was sad, but also it seemed to release her and gave time to get used to it and give love from a distance to her friend. I remember the III d'Epées and the As de Coupe. I forget the third card. I don't interpret the III of Swords in the RWS way when I read with the Marseille - what I saw there was that Beatrice's spirit would cut through the balance and closed circle it had made for itself, and move on. And that giving love, even to a person who appears closed, is a powerful and creative act that will help her reach the next level. It helped my mother, too.

Ace	12 May 2005
My dear, dear, (((Helvetica))) What a tough reading to do. It is probably not a good idea to tell someone they are going to die, especially since the future CAN change and if we ask the cards how, they may suggest ways to do it. BUT if someone asks point blank if someone is going to die, and the cards say it is sure and not changeable, well the truth must be spoken. You did right in your reading, telling your mom what you saw and what to do. The thing is, this lady was SURE SHE WAS GOING TO DIE. That is why she refused to see anyone or discuss it with anyone. Which is a shame. If she had accepted the diagnosis and worked with it, she might have gotten support and help and lived longer. Life is a struggle to avoid death. Which comes to all in the end. But we can fight to live longer every day and gathering friends around us can help. It is always tough to tell painful truth that we see, but if asked, I believe it must be told. Once at a Party (?) I was asked by someone about his unborn child. I looked and it was clear: the child was dying in the womb. I told him carefully, I really was not willing to come right out and say something painful that he didn't know at a party. But it turned out he did know, he just wanted to test me and to see what I had to say. I asked the cards for what good news I could give them and they told me to tell him that his wife hadn't done anything to cause this. I told him to tell his wife that, and he grinned: they had been button-holing his wife, asking what she might have done to cause this. Finally, I told him they may try en utero surgery, but right now the baby had a 50-50 chance. He got up and I glanced at the cards: the survival chances had dropped to 40%. But if I had said, "no, everything is FINE. All will turn out well," he would have walked away momentarily happier but in the end? probably very unhappy. and his wife would not have gotten a message important for her. Another example: a women told me once she hated psychics. Why? she and her husband had asked a psychic they saw on a street shop about her husband's upcoming surgery. The woman had said, "don't worry at all! everything will be just fine!" Her husband died. She said to me: "I would not be angry if the woman had said nothing, or told me there was danger. But to tell me it was all fine. Lying to me. I can't forgive that." Remember: the truth hurts but tact only goes so far. If people want the truth, they are better off with it. Take good care Helvetica, my sympathy to your Mom and that woman's family. Ace

ncefafn	12 May 2005
I'm sorry. Kim

firemaiden	12 May 2005
(((Helvetica))) A poignant story, ouch.

Kissa	12 May 2005
I am sorry to hear about your mother's friend, Helvetica. I think, like others, that you were able to help your mom and it was clearly what you were supposed to do, you were not to be personally involved with her friend. It is beautiful to read that your mother trusts you so much, both as a daughter and as a tarot-reader. I am not sure your mom's friend didn't accept death. Ppl react differently. Some need space and silent, some want their "tribe" (= extanded family of relatives and friends) to be around, close. I think when my time comes, if it happens after a long sickness, i'd like some peace. Isn't it that Old Indians who climb or are taken on the top of the mountains and let alone to admire nature on last time? Your mom's words didn't get lost in the universe and you might not now yet what decisions her friend made to let your mother know about this. A big big hug to you and your mother. All my thoughts to her friend's family. Kissa

tmgrl2	12 May 2005
You helped more than you know. And in time your mother will come to appreciate it more and more.... Sometimes, there is only so much we can do. terri

calligirl	13 May 2005
I am sorry for your loss. Please know that you did what you were supposed to do. You brought comfort to YOUR mother. You cannot change what happens to others. My own mother knew she was dying of cancer and for that last month, she didn't speak to us more than a few words at a time and she didn't want to see her friends either. I have come to realize it would have hurt her more having to say goodbye. She had to withdraw from this life in order to prepare for the next, I guess. People deal with things their own way. I have just recently lost my father too and since I have been studying the Tarot, when I drew the Death card I knew he wasn't coming home. My sister didn't as I didn't mention it to her (we have issues about this stuff) and so she was not as prepared when it happened rather abruptly. It was thought he would have longer but it was not to be. Knowing the truth about things and facing them head-on is not for everyone but evidently it is for your mother so you did what you needed to do and I am sure she thanks you for that. You're blessed to have a mother that trusts you and she's blessed to have such a wonderful daughter to bring her comfort. Prayers to you...

Fudugazi	13 May 2005
((((((((((((((((((calligirl)))))))))))))))))) My heart goes out to you! Thank you for your words, even as your loss is so much greater than mine. Yes, I am blessed with my mother (and father too) - and I try and remember it, especially when other people's parents of the same generation pass away. I must enjoy every moment I have with them, I must open up to them and give them what I can, for they too will go. Thank you for explaining your mother's need for time alone and with family. I believe that is what Beatrice needed. My mother found it hard - I hope she understood. Beatrice was much loved, by many. The funeral service was full this morning.

SunChariot	13 May 2005
Helvetica wrote: It had to happen. Three months ago, my mother asked me for a reading about a friend of hers who was ill and said she didn't want to see anyone until she felt better. My mother asked me how she could deal with it. She also asked me for the honest answer about what would happen to her friend. I laid out three cards - and I saw immediately that she would die, that she was in denial, and how my mother might say goodbye. My mother's friend died last night. To the end, she refused to accept she might die, she didn't want to see anyone but her children and husband. That was her way of coping, I am sure - she just wasn't ready. My mother was able to say goodbye in a letter (not in so many words, I believe) and left some messages on the answerphone - and in her heart released her friend. I only wish I had been wrong or the cards had been wrong, because she was not ready to go, not able to fight on, and hadn't made her peace with the world and herself, which I find very sad. I pray her soul finds a peaceful passage. I'm so sorry you went through such a hard experience, and for all concerned as well. I will add my prayers to yours as well. But for me I believe in two things, that our souls do not die when our bodies do, and that G-d decides when it is time for us to die. And G-d knows what he is doing and doesn't make mistakes. She will find peace and I am sure she already has. If she were not ready she would not have been taken until she was. Bar

MercyMe	13 May 2005
In this way tarot can be such a powerful blessing, that you were able to confirm your mother's fear and her deep knowing inside herself that indeed, her friend was dying. Your mother didn't need to doubt herself or think herself crazy for knowing such a thing. She was able to reach out and say her goodbyes in the ways she was permitted. Mainly, though, it was a way for your mother to reconcile this all in herself and she needed your abilities with tarot to help her do that. While it is extremely sad and unfortunate for your mother to have lost her friend, we do what we can. And you did. And she did. Peace to all. ~Mercy

Leo62	13 May 2005
Helvetica - I'm so sorry. What a difficult, painful experience for you and your mother. I suppose, when we approach the tarot for advice on such subjects, it's a case of "be careful what you ask for." Knowledge is a sword that can cut both ways. I think it's easy to get blase in our thinking about the tarot. It's a powerful tool, a deep source of wisdom, and experiences like yours remind us to approach it with respect - and I thank you for sharing it with us. It's easy, when faced with difficult information, to wish we had never asked, or wish we had remained in blissful ignorance. Well - ignorance is blissful for a reason! With knowledge comes the burden of pain as well as the gift of joy. I think you showed great integrity and respect for both your mother and her friend - and, I might add, the tarot - by telling your mother the truth as you saw it.

Umbrae	13 May 2005
tarotbear wrote: Do not wish the cards or you had been wrong. Remember that in doing this reading, you gave your mother the knowledge that she herself had to confront the possiblity of her friend's death. I am sure that doing 'good-byes' in person is far better than a letter or messages left on an answering machine, but her friend did still receive them nonetheless. When death occurs, the living always start asking 'What if ...? What if ...?' and by that point it is too late to ask 'What if.' Give comfort to your mother and help her grieve for her friend. Don't blame the cards for being correct. Tarotbear bears wisdom. Wish I'd have said that... I've done a few of those kinds of readings, we do the best we can do. I'm sure you did well.] Blessings

Sulis	13 May 2005
Helvetica, I don't know what to say.. Thankyou for sharing your story.... Love Sulis xx

mike gorth	13 May 2005
TarotGirlJess wrote: I'll add my prayers to yours for her peace. Thankfully you did read the cards and your mom could let her friend go. Tarotgirl Jess Yes, me too. I'm very sorry. Hope all goes over well. I just wanted to add, on a positive note, you must have some power to be able to interpret such a thing that well that close. And as others have said, with that information, you could have changed the future unknowingly. Again, she is in my prayers that she will be eased into the spirit realm. Mike Gorth

Fudugazi	14 May 2005
mike gorth wrote: And as others have said, with that information, you could have changed the future unknowingly. Well I don't know about changing the future - but I think I helped my mother, which is more important to me. Thank you for your prayers, Mike! No good thought is ever lost. Thank you all for being there. Yes Umbrae, we do the best we can. I can't help wishing I'd got this one wrong, but that's not the point - the point was that my mother was able to come to terms with it over a longer period of time and didn't feel so cut off from her friend. My mother is very much a "doer", she shows her love in actions (her favourite saying is "actions speak louder than words"), and to be powerless to do anything is a hard lesson for her. There is a kestrel flying around in front of my 9th floor window, looking for food. A beautiful hawk but a predator, a bringer of death to other creatures. Death is all around us. We forget, in our cosy Western lives, we hide death away, and the dying sometimes hide themselves. We have trouble talking about death, and our mourning rituals are curtailed. But XIII-Death is just past the middle of the 22 arcana for a reason.

mike gorth	14 May 2005
Very nice ending paragraph I must say, sound almost like poetry. I know you probably couldn't have saved her but you were enlightened with infromation that helped your mother. You helped your mother open up and prepare herself. Mike Gorth

The Depressed about a right reading thread was originally posted on 12 May 2005 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.