Ritual or Rapport??

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 19 Jun 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

tmgrl2	19 Jun 2005
Since I have been doing more live readings lately..... I am aware that I do have certain "routines" that I do when a sitter comes to my home office.... The spread and the deck I choose once the sitter has arrived and we are ready to start... But... in reviewing these threads under Talking Tarot: http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=15119 I realized that most of what I do as a routine is not really what I would call a "ritual" but something I do as part of building rapport and placing my sitter at ease before we begin.... So...please share what you do when a sitter comes to you for a reading..whether at home or out or at a party... I have a special round oak inlaid table that I move into my office next to the desk...the desk holds a candle that has a lovely scent, which I light when the sitter comes in...there is a tiny rosebud, dried that rests next to it...from my first reading in my home office... No spread cloths...the table top is exquisite, with gemetric inlaid patterns and I never us polish on it...the cards almost slip across the top..... Sometimes I set out an obsidian stone (that has the rainbow showing through three parts of the stone)...very alchemical...the rainbow stage after putrefaction (black, like the obsidian) and a morganite stone... I set out three decks...or so...that I think might suit this person...if I'm not sure, I put out a RWS (usually the Radiant) sometimes the IIT and the Hadar... Sitter looks through them...picks one, while I ask what s(he) knows about the Tarot...what is expected of the Tarot by the sitter? I find out whether or not sitter has had other readings and nature of reading? I get the sitter something to drink...water, tea, soda.... All or most of what I do is really to build rapport and establish a comfortable zone for our event.... I shuffle a lot...sitter shuffles or smooshes cards...and cuts...I cut again... Then we begin the event... I don't hold that these things "imprint" the cards or "draw" energy toward us...for me, it is simply the process of getting to a zone where we both feel comfortable and move into the mysteries that will unfold. Also, I just ordered HOURGLASSES....a great idea from Umbrae...to use as "timers." When I go to a reader at a fair or store and they set those little timers...that buzz or ring...I get crazy! This way ....I will be aware of time, as will my sitter. Share.... Please.... terri

Fairawen	19 Jun 2005
I've done a few person to person readings (meaning... um.. two...) but I can say safely that I don't put crystals on the table or whatnot. I simply find a nice area to read (one that doesn't feel like a carnival, some area like a picnic table or anything wooden is nice) I pull out the cards, start shufflin' them, if I have a drink available I ask if they want some (I think it makes a person easier to conect with if you offer them something to drink, I dunno) and ask them what they know about tarot, if they've ever had a reading before, what they expect to get from the reading, I lay down a few ground rules, let them shuffle a few times, and lay the cards down. Quite simple. No gems, no cleansing, no anything else except making the person feel comfy and open. If I've done that, I'm good. Sometimes, before I reading, I chat a while with the person to make sure we're on good, open terms. Since I've only done two readings, I can't say I've come across anyone who wasn't open to me. Which is good. :P That's all I can think of, at any rate. I think putting the stones on the table sometimes makes people uneasy, as they don't know what they're for. Most querrents already have misconceptions about the tarot anyway, and having a stone there kinda leads them in the wrong direction... for me at least, since I'm not that sort of reader... Anyway, that's all. :) ~Fairawen~

tmgrl2	19 Jun 2005
You're probably right about the stones, Fairawen!! I really don't know why I bring them out.... No one ever says anything about them.. I do like to find out what people already "know" about the Tarot...it's been quite enlightening to me! Keep on reading, fairawen....it's wonderful... terri

mythos	19 Jun 2005
This is a reply to this question that I posted on another group ... but it applies just as well here:- : I don't do many readings, but over the years I have done them in a multitude of places. Sitting at a table outside a Fish and Chip shop on Phillip Island one twilight evening, I gave a friend a reading ... looked up afterwards to see a line of waiting Japanese tourists who were on a bus tour to see koalas and fairy penguins, all waiting for their turn!!!!! I've read cards sitting on sandy stretches of Rajasthani desert, on the verandah of an Akha Village hut in the mountains of Thailand while under the influence of opium I smoked at the invitation of the village headman. I've read cards in the back of the old 1975 VW Camper in car parks at shopping centres, and in the car park of the retirement and rehabilitation village that I take my Mum to for physio classes. I've read on floors grubby with dog hair, on an asphalt sidewalk while sitting in the gutter. I've read them by river banks using a tree stump as my table, on the desk next to my computer, in the library at LaTrobe University, in the caf. at Swinburne University, in parks and gardens, on sea walls at Lorne, on the table at a dinner party, on the road side, while hitch-hiking to far north Queensland. So, either I'm not terribly choosy, or the mood is important (I'll leave you to decide between the two LOL). My only requirement is that cats don't do the tarot slide across the table (or wherever) right through the centre of the spread; that the kids (aged 28 &30) don't hover (privacy issue for querent), that a TV is not on, that the querent really wants the reading and is not just wasting my time, and that I feel like doing a reading. Anything else is secondary. Yep ... sometimes I light incense (Nag Champa - 'cos I love it). Sometimes I light a candle. It all just depends on how I feel ... and that is the key ... how I feel. I never do a reading if I don't feel like it ....too tired, feel imposed upon or whatever ... or just plain not in the mood ... for me, that is what is important. And ... I'll take rapport over ritual any day. If you have someone sitting across from you with their arms and legs tightly crossed, their jaw all bull-dog clenched, and a 'prove-it-to-me' frown on their face ... then all the candle-lighting, etc in the world isn't going to do it ... building rapport to relax the questioner is (maybe ... and if it doesn't happen, I don't do the reading!)

tmgrl2	19 Jun 2005
Great stories, mythos!! Before I moved my readings to my home office, I would pretty much read anywhere we could find a space! Outdoors on the lawn at school, on a cloth... On my desk at work... Nothing quite as interesting as yours though... I do feel that all I do is about rapport....not ritual..although, there is is a connection...much, perhaps, like the rituals of a spiritual service....the rituals were often the part of the Mass that gave me the greatest comfort... Then again, that was about comfort and about placing myself in a meditative or spiritual place, where my imagination could roam freely... terri

Fulgour	20 Jun 2005
...for the beautiful visual, the insightful glimpses. I could almost imagine myself there. Many times it comes home to me that it's the last little part when we turn over the cards. "Getting there" is where the efforts put into creating that moment will bear fruit ~ being comfortable and confident.

tmgrl2	20 Jun 2005
Fulgour wrote: ...for the beautiful visual, the insightful glimpses. I could almost imagine myself there. Many times it comes home to me that it's the last little part when we turn over the cards. "Getting there" is where the efforts put into creating that moment will bear fruit ~ being comfortable and confident. THank you, Fulguor, for the kind words....Yes...getting there... I, too, though, still need some ....calming...my comfort level oddly enough snaps into place, once I begin the reading....then I forget all nervousness and uncertainty...but not before that. terri

ricardozen	20 Jun 2005
I've also done radings in all sort of places like train floors and on the sand in the beach. I think the state of mind is the most important thing. My office, for instance, have minor decoration. Don't want to distract people and, above all, i don't want to scare them. I've seen offices that are full of holistic and esoteric simbols and junk. Full of religious figures like small paper images of saints and readers that dress thensels like xmas trees. I've learned that those stuff made the reader confortable, but not the querrant. And i guess that we have to find a point of balance between our confort and the sitter confort. I do mainly live readings, I've started the internet two or three months ago and i'm learning this new way to talk to ppl. I prefer the face to face ones :P sorry about my english... Ricardo

tmgrl2	20 Jun 2005
Welcome, Ricardo!! And...never apologize for your English...many here would love to be able to speak and write more than one language...Your point was well said!! Also, we have quite a large multi-lingual community and often we are quite happy to be able to call upon them for translations of materials pertaining to Tarot. Yes...I agree about what's around the "room." My home office is actually, well...an office...my computer...some pictures of Long Island...the lighthouse...photos on wall...some framed ...well lots of framed certificates and licenses....and a very large bookshelf....desk...three chairs..one rocker.. It's pretty comfortable...not cluttered...works fine.... I'm never one to have lots of "stuff" around... I am still willing to read pretty much of anyplace...but now that I retired, my office seems to work fine...private entrance....so confidential... Hope you stay around and enjoy our wonderful community here at AT, Ricardo!

MercyMe	20 Jun 2005
Quote: I, too, though, still need some ....calming...my comfort level oddly enough snaps into place, once I begin the reading....then I forget all nervousness and uncertainty...but not before that. I don't know, terri...about not being nervous beforehand. I used to run a support group for battered women from my home for several years. Every week before the group meeting, I would be very nervous about what I had chosen to use as the discussion topic. I felt my way intuitively through my preparation, asking for divine guidance, etc. But I never felt sure until meeting time and I began speaking. Then and only then did I know it would "work." It was right. Each and every time what I received as a result of inspiration beforehand was exactly what the women present needed that night. Sometimes inspiration would not hit until, say 5 pm and group time was at 7 pm! That's when I'd really get nervous. But I learned to wait on that feeling because otherwise, eh...nada, nothing, might as well be a coffee klatch. The nervousness keeps us alert and ready to hear that softly spoken voice of inspiration and intuition. It keeps us ever aware of the client's needs. It keeps us in a serving-oriented state of mind as we think what else can we do FOR them, to help them, to make them more comfortable, to ease the nervousness on both our parts. It keeps us humble and it keeps our focus on them. As for me, I'd much rather deal with a bit of tarot reader stage fright than to get so relaxed that I don't bother to do the important little things that mean so much to the client. ~Mercy

tmgrl2	20 Jun 2005
Thanks, Mercy...I think we are saying the same thing! I used to have stage fright before performances...just enough anxiety to up the performance...not crippling.. And in my work professions, with counseling or when I ran large committee meetings for Special Education decisions...I feel it is healthy to have a slightly elevated sense of anticipation... What I meant was, that once I launch into the reading I am so "in the moment" that, while my levels of energy are high, I do not feel fearful .... terri

ricardozen	22 Jun 2005
Antecipation is good. Keep us on our toes and keep us alert. When it becomes mecanic it is time to stop doing readings because you are not giving the best of you. IMHO of course cheers, Zen

tmgrl2	22 Jun 2005
ricardozen wrote: Antecipation is good. Keep us on our toes and keep us alert. When it becomes mecanic it is time to stop doing readings because you are not giving the best of you. IMHO of course cheers, Zen I think this is extemely important!! That is one reason, I don't have "plans" when someone comes in for a reading...the spread, the question, no question...we build it as we go. I hope that reading never becomes mechanical for me...although I am older and started reading Tarot more recently...so I hope I can keep it "fresh." terri

The Ritual or Rapport?? thread was originally posted on 19 Jun 2005 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.