Question??? How comfortable are you with sexuality?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 10 Mar 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

tempestfire	10 Mar 2002
This is something I have thought about from time to time. So- thought I would ask everyone here about it. How open/ comfortable are you with sexuality? Now an explanation of what I mean. For the first time in my life- I actually feel like I am a very attractive, sensual, person. (Lots of self doubt/ and insecurities ruled my life before). Anyhow- I now feel that it is okay to be flirty, and sensual. I have become very in tune with this side of me. It is almost like a spiritual experience. (And reading some of Ramses posts- and others got me to thinking about it more). Basically I guess I am asking are you shy when it comes to such things- or are you open-minded. Are you willing to accept new ideas. (Another reason I ask this is because Beltane is coming up- and it is a celebration of this in a way) Let me know what you think! I think that I sometimes shock/ scare my S/O because I am so in tune with this side of me now. It is a spiritual connection between two souls... anyhow, I will quit rambling- hope this made sense. tempestfire

Moonklad	10 Mar 2002
I would have to say that I feel completely at ease with my sexuality.I am bisexual and have never felt any thing was "wrong" with it. I never had a phase where I felt guilty about sex. It is the most natural thing in the world. I am open and honest about my feelings towards sex. I think sometimes it shocks people but I do not feel any embarrasment about sex or sexuality. I am completely as ease being nude in front of anyone. blessings, Moon

Hush	10 Mar 2002
well, im Bi and am totally happy being so :) wouldnt want to be any other way. also, im completely honest about nearly all aspects of sex/sexuality...in my circle of friends we all have a scary amount of comfort when it comes to sex *chuckles* as far as im concerned, everythings good :D

aciddragon	10 Mar 2002
Well, I'm a Libra and as most Libra's I know are very flirty. Most of the time I flirt without realizing that I am it's kind of natural. As for the sex part..I'm straight and very selective of whom I sleep with... I have to have some kind of feelings..more then just attraction to someone to have sex with them. (Now I'm not going to lie and say this was always the case but for the most part yes it was) As for being comfortable being naked in front of others..hmm no probably not. Part is my self-esteem about my body and part is I only want someone whom I love to see me naked. My biggest problem is finding someone who understands me and then can put up with me. :O But, if I'm destined to alone all my life then so be it. That's why, I'm trying to work on love thyself part. hehe That's a big step for me. Anyway not sure if this was what you was looking for but hey here it is anyway. ;)

truthsayer	10 Mar 2002
i grew up with a very sexually repressed mother's side of the family and my father's family was overly and even abusively sexual. it's taken me many years to become comfortable w/ my sexuality. most of my life i've deliberately worn clothes that hid my body. it's only been in the past few years that i've been able to wear clothes that are tight and show off my figure. i went to a bigger city yesterday for a con. while there i went for a long walk to see the sights. men were literally stopping to stare at me. i had on a form fitting shirt and good fitting jeans. my posture was good and i looked everyone in the eye. for the first time in my life i realized i wasn't threatened--i felt empowered. i felt like "yeah,you can look at me! this is great body is 40 y/o but you can't touch!" LOL it was like a sense of regaining flirtiness that i lacked when i was in my teens and twenties. now nudity is a whole different topic. forget me showing up at a ritual skyclad. in fact, i still don't think i could handle going to one where others are. after 13 years, i'm still uncomfortable getting undressed if my husband watches. oh, well! i'm happy for all of you who haven't had to deal w/ the emotional pain and recovery i've gone thru to get even this open. it still really embarrasses me if ppl get talking "sex shop" around me. i know i'm more open than i once was but it's uncomfortable. i'm pretty liberal as far as what others sexual choices. i mean i have bi and transsexual friends and i definitely don't judge. it's even therapeutic as far as my own inhibitions go.

tempestfire	10 Mar 2002
Truthsayer- I can definately relate to what you are saying. Thank you for being so open. I think I had similar problems when I was young. There were some relatives that were out of line (sexually ) with me on numerous occassions. I felt it was my fault. I must have done something to cause them to do what they did. (I know better now). Then when I was 17- and should have been enjoying dating- one of my so called girlfriends boyfriend- raped me. I blamed my own nievity for that. (I trusted ppl too much). I am still very self conscious(?) about my body- but... I no longer try to hide it. I actually really enjoy going out (When I have mentally prepared myself for it) and knowing that people like what they see. It is definately a good ego boost. It is nice to finally feel like I am attractive. No longer the ugly duckling. As far as being totally open- in a ritual or more public situation- probably not. Privately- with my S/O - I feel like a goddess. And I lose any inhibitions. With him I feel completely comfortable. Thanks for responding

Kiama	10 Mar 2002
When I was younger, I was a pretty ugly kid! Until I was 15 I was really spotty, teenager-like, and I hated how I looked. I hate everything about my body, sex, etc, and I was scared of the thought of losing my virginity. (I'm a big wimp!) Then, suddenly, when I was 16, I began to grow prettier. I became more confident, and I grew to accept myself and my body. When I was 16 and a half I met my current boyfriend, and we got on really well. He thought I was gorgeous. I grew to like myself even more. 3 weeks into our relationship, we slept together for the first time, and after that, I felt totally comfortable with my body, other peoples' bodies, sex, my sexuality, etc... Although I don't flaunt my sexuality, I do know that I'm very attractive, and I like that! I like people thinking I'm gorgeous. Every time I'm naked in front of my boyf (I'm gonna start calling him Simon from now on, it's easier to type!) I feel like the sexiest woman on this planet! And I'm quite comfy being naked in front of others. I don't know whether or not I am bisexual. I know I'm not homosexual though! But I guess I won't know for sure whether I'm bisexual or not until I try it! Although I doubt I will, cuz I think I like men too much!!!!! But if it turned out I was, I would be happy with that. In my mind, I go for a person not by their gender or something like that, but by how much I love them. This time round, I have fallen in love with a man. Kiama *Who is GORGEOUS!!!! Honestly....* ;)

Ramses	10 Mar 2002
Hey folks... How are you?...Hope you are all fine!!! Well...interesting thread...cause many people feel a bit repressed about their sexuality...and I think that our sexuality is an important part of our lives...to me, it´s even kind of an spiritual thing...when you are open to this, you´re open to life... Well, as for me..I´m completelly heterosexual...I like girls, only...but, I have many friends who are homosexual, and they are very nice people, and I get along with them very well...gay girlfriends, gay friends who are male....well...our sexual choices should never interfere with who we are with others... And...about me and my girlfriend...well, when we are together, we are open to try anything we feel like doing....and about nudity...I think it´s pretty easy being naked in front of someone else you feel attracted to...and, after some time, it´s really something natural... But, there´s a lot to say about this subject...better stop here...

truthsayer	10 Mar 2002
Quote: Originally posted by tempestfire Truthsayer- I can definately relate to what you are saying. Thank you for being so open. I think I had similar problems when I was young. There were some relatives that were out of line (sexually ) with me on numerous occassions. I felt it was my fault. I must have done something to cause them to do what they did. (I know better now). Then when I was 17- and should have been enjoying dating- one of my so called girlfriends boyfriend- raped me. I blamed my own nievity for that. (I trusted ppl too much). I am still very self conscious(?) about my body- but... I no longer try to hide it. I actually really enjoy going out (When I have mentally prepared myself for it) and knowing that people like what they see. It is definately a good ego boost. It is nice to finally feel like I am attractive. No longer the ugly duckling. Thanks for responding tempestfire, you and i prob have a lot in common w/ our past history. it's part of my healing not to feel ashamed about what happened to me. the shame doesn't belong to me. it belongs to those who forced themselves on me when i was too young, weak, and naive to take care of myself. i've been thru blaming myself for what happened, too. i understand now that it was beyond my control. see my post on forgiveness that ramses started. i go into some depth about my experience. i am glad you are healing and now feel attractive. when i started feeling unthreatened by men finding me attractive was when i knew i was really healing. the hardest thing for me to learn was for the adult truth not to judge the child truth by adult standards. when i got to that point it was easier to let go of a lot of the pain. it took many years of healing on the inside before my life could change on the outside. recovering my sexuality will prob be a life long process but i am blessed w/ a husband who accepts and loves me for where i have been and who i am today. he has become a co-healer in the process. i don't think i could have come this far w/o him. i'm glad that i shared b/c it's imp to me that survivors of sexual abuse feel safe to come out of the shadows and dance in the light. ((((((((((tempestfire))))))))))

jade	11 Mar 2002
i send you both hugs (((hugs))) love jade (another survivor and pleased to be healed {well as healed as one can be from it} )

Kiama	11 Mar 2002
I was really shocked to read of so many people having to go through such a terrible experience. You guys are all exceedingy brave, and I can't begin to tell you how much I respect you all for pulling through, healing, and not living in the past. You guys are really amazing. :* :* :* :* :* Kiama

JustBlue	11 Mar 2002
Those who read this will have to excuse if this comes out jumbled. Physical love is much like a struggle for me, for I have gone trough rape, guilt and abuse in this field also Actually as I write this do not feel comfortable at all, all the confused emotions, guilt, and pain surface, and it has done much damage on me. I will work trough this though, time heals as I´ve been told. Deep down though, it is really a beautiful sacrament between two mature indivividuals as I see it. With love.

nexyjo	11 Mar 2002
well, as usual, i have a pretty unique perspective on sexuality. i am an extremely sexual and sensual person. there's a difference - a vast difference - between the two. unfortunately, it took me a long time to express that side of me, because of the other issues i was facing. and i really didn't break out of that until a few years ago. unfortunately, i went to the other extreme - fortunately, i was very lucky and didn't catch anything. i've settled down alot since then. i would (and have) speak to virtually anyone about sex - i'm quite comfortable with the topic. perhaps because i've seen things from a few different perspectives. i consider myself bisexual, as i've been with both men and women (not at the same time though), both as a man and a woman, though since i've also been with other transsexuals, perhaps i am "tri-sexual". my preference is men, and long term, i see myself with a man. the energy seems to work better. and having had a vast amount of experience dealing with the male body, i seem to "play" it better than that of a woman. for someone like me, "sexual orientation" really loses its meaning. i mean, the only label i feel comofrtable with is bisexual, not only because it's true, but also because in essense, i am not really either sex. as a transgendered individual, i "transend" gender, and while i can consider myself as female, a large part of the world may not. and right now, and for the next few months, i have the "equipment" of a man. though i really look forward to when that will change. what a unique opportunity. from my perspective, people are people, and however their bodies may be set up really makes no difference. "parts is parts", and most of them work pretty much within a "one or the other" type situation. of course there are variations between individuals, but figuring that out is part of the fun, isn't it. sex is like music, and each sex act like a song. some are like symphonies, and others like a jingle. but all can run the gambit between being quite pleasurable, to quite spiritual, to even hurtful. the different "instruments" available to each person allows an infinate variety of genres, but one in particular is clearly the best. love. luv and light, nexy

truthsayer	11 Mar 2002
thanks for your support jade and kiama. ppl like i've found here have given me the courage to be who i am. tarot helped me survive during the rough spots when i was a teen and in later years, too. i don't know where i'd be today w/o tarot. justblue, hang in there. i've experienced feelings similar to those you described and i've met many women and men who've been there, too. you are definitely not alone. i don't know if time exactly heals but i do agree that time has exposed me to coping strategies that has allowed me to reach where i am today. if you feel ready to reach out to some online survivor groups, please feel free to contact me. the support of other surivors online has been invaluable in my recovery. ((((((((((justblue))))))))))

isthmus nekoi	11 Mar 2002
Hmmm. I try to not separate sex from sensuality, or living or that sort of thing. N. American society tends to get so compartmentalized - it really doesn't sit well with me. So everything goes together, how you live etc. So eating, sleeping, dreaming, food, art, sex, school, work, tarot(!) etc they're all totally related to me. I think life drawing has helped me a lot in this aspect - seeing and drawing real people: skinny people, flabby people, old people, hairy people, shaved people da da da everyone's individual body with their own special marks and proportions (it is *scary* how uniformly proportioned fashion models are. I've nothing against their body type, but they all look so similar it's like they're clones or something!) I'm very immodest now, much to the chagrin of my parents (put some pants on the neighbors will see!!!). However, I'm slowly converting my roommates ^_~ And *thank you* to those survivors who have posted to this thread. It takes a brave voice to speak out! I find the public silence and public fear regarding sexual abuse (esp child sex abuse) and rape appauling. The lack of public education about this subject is really unfortunate and sad. I still come across ppl who tell me 'male rape is impossible'.... Anyways, for those interested, I've found this site: http://www.welcometobarbados.org to be an excellent resource.

JustBlue	12 Mar 2002
I thank you Truthsayer for your kind words. I could not reach you in private, but my email is: ec1a4@hotmail.com . Regarding survivor groups. With love.

kayne	12 Mar 2002
There are so many brave and amazing people in Aeclectic! Okay... I think I have 'come out' on here before anyway... it is a pretty big thing when your young, especially when you are not obviously gay, like me, and most people are a bit surprised when they find out... I am mostly comfortable with my sexuality... although it has taken a while to work out exactly who I am and what I want... We are not taught about these feelings and I am totally against any notion of choosing our sexual orientation. I wouldn't have chosen to be gay, that's for sure - too hard! Who would? By 'mostly comfortable' I mean that I don't flaunt my sexuality for the world to judge (although am admirable with those who feel comfortable doing so...) especially in my occupation. As far as nudity goes - in front of a sexual partner, very comfortable. What makes me uncomfortable with nudity is when it is a 'non-sexual' environment eg. Public showers at the pool etc... I am sure I feel more uncomfortable and avert my eye there more than any straight guys LOL... Then there is the 'coming out' to your parents bit... I wrote them a letter when I was 19... They read it and understood. We don't talk about it at all now but they also don't ask me if my best friend is my girlfriend anymore... So... that's me...

Kiama	12 Mar 2002
There have been quite a few comments on this thread about how we were brought up to think about sex and related stuff. I guess I'm quite lucky in this respect, cuz my parents weren't sexually repressive or anything like that. I grew up as a Christian (Although not church-going, but the values were still there) and as such, was taught hat sex was for marriage only. But I was never told that sex was dirty, evil, or disgusting. My parents were very open with me, esp. my Mum. I remember when we were doing sex education for the first time at school. (I was 9) I didn't really understand much of it. I mean, they showed us a video of loads of people playing volleyball. Naked. Then proceeded to tell us about the biological parts of sex. To me it was very mechanical, ad I didn't understand. So, very embarrassed, I asked Mum to explain it to me. She focussed more on the emotional and sexual parts of sex, than the mechanical and biological ones, telling me about all aspects of it. She told me what an orgasm was, what it felt like, and why people make love. This helped me more than any naked volleyball players ever could! And when the school taught us about menstruation (I was scared witless about it!) Mum comforted me, told me about it, about period pains, why periods happen, all the days in a cycle, the pill, etc.... She really was great! She showed me all the different pads and tampons you could buy, and explained it all. I grew up a bit more, became Pagan, and my sexual values changed slightly. I began to reaise that sex before marriage wasn't bad, or wrong, and that marriage is a very subjective thing. When I met my current boyfriend at the tender age of 16, I asked my Mum about virginity, ad she explained it all to me. But then she made a big mistake. She told me that if I was asking all these questions about it, I wasn't ready! But she also told me that whatever happened to me, she would be there for me. That was nice. Three weeks into our relationship, I made love to my boyfriend for the first time. However, about a week later, our contraception failed... I was panic stricken! I had no idea what to do, and went to my Mum in a bit of a state.... I sat her down, and told her that me and Simon were sleeping together. She smiled and nodded. Then I added that the condom had split She blew up! It's funny looking back on it, but it wasn't funny then! She was shouting obscenities everywhere, telling me I had been stupid, and that Simon was selfish for not waitig until I was on the Pill or something... Oh dear... But she got me down the doctors and I had the morning after pill. Luckily, it worked. Then, she did a really embarrassing thing, and decided to sit me and my boyfriend down and hav a deep chat aout sex with us... But during this chat, I found out why she didn't want me to have sex. She was forced into having sex with her boyfriend when she had just turned 16. He told he that if she didn't sleep with him, he would leave her. So, she did. They stayed together for 18 months after that, but she really regrets it, even to this day, and didn't want me to go through wha she did. She reckons it was all too soon for her, and worries that its too soon for me. But now, 11 months later, she's totally comfy with it. She even lets Simon stay with me at my house at the weekends. And I can have a laugh and a chat with her about sex. Its great. I am really lucky to have a Mum like this, and I feel so much closer to her now. So, that's my growing up story... Kiama

jade	13 Mar 2002
kayne, spoken from one brave person to another :) love jade

Silence Dogood	20 Mar 2002
How comfortable are you with OTHER people's sexuality?

Kiama	20 Mar 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Silence Dogood How comfortable are you with OTHER people's sexuality? I'm comfortable with other people's sexuality I think. In both uses of the term aswell. For me, if somebody is a very sexual or sensual person, I am fine with it, and its up to the individual to choose their sexuality... Their persuasion doesn't change how I feel about them, my relationship with them, y'know... They're still the same person to me! And if my boyfriend decides that he wants to go out with guys and not girls, then good luck to him! (This happened in the past with one of my boyfriends!) I'm just ahppy that the person who realises their sexuality has finally found it. Cuz there are so many people out there who are confused and worried, and its not a pleasant state to be in! So, to those who have found the persuasion that is right for them: Hip hip, Hooray! Kiama

Pollux	20 Mar 2002
Quote: Originally posted by kayne Okay... I think I have 'come out' on here before anyway... (...) We are not taught about these feelings and I am totally against any notion of choosing our sexual orientation. I wouldn't have chosen to be gay, that's for sure - too hard! Who would? (...) Well, I really think I cannot add anything to your post, Man! My situation, however, is still of the "harvest energies to break through" type... I now am altogether comfortable with my sexuality, but I am not ready yet to tell the world... Or, better still, I am ready to do that - I'm doing that now, actually! :D - but telling this to families and friends is just far from me... As Kayne said, what really scares me is the "surprise" effect. My homosexuality is not obvious, and what is more, a lot of people around me do think I am the straight type... I also have a "special friend" (girl) who trying to approach me in a different way... Ouch, what a difficult situation! :) And, you know, Italy is NOT the most open-minded place on heart - even less Naples... And, in a certain way, I have learnt to tackle with this problem everytime I am in difficult positions (think about a group of boys talking to themselves... ) I feel so guilty and fake these times... :( However, I'm working on it... And I think that 19 or 20 are the best time to come out... Even because, as an adult, if I'm thrown out, I could get a job and settle down! :D

jade	20 Mar 2002
i have a dream.............that if one of my children, bless their little souls, are gay, that i will have created such a warm and loving environment for them that there will be no fear at all in their 'coming out'. in light, jade ps pollux i send you huggles (((huggles)))

Pedeka	20 Mar 2002
I am very comfortable with my sexuality. As a Gemini, Im comforatble with about anything until it gets dull. I wasnt always that way. I was raped in college by a security guard, at the time I was a virgin, cause I was determined to be very selective with my body. I was a mess for a long time and wouldnt let anyone near me , emotionally or otherwise. Then I took a deep breath and learned one of the most important lessons of my life.... sexuality does not have to have anything to do actually having sex...and sex does not have to have anything to do with the physical act. I just redifined sex for myself...its not sex if its not consentual. Its plain abuse. But then again, I am a Gemini and for me sexuality is all in the head. Ask a Taurus and you'll probably get a different answer..LOL As for being naked...I have no problem baring what looks good...but a large portion of me stays covered, out of my sense of aesthetics. Im not going to invite you into my living room if its a mess and needs work, so Im not gonna let you under my sweater cause its a mess and needs work..LOL Pedeka

Silence Dogood	21 Mar 2002
Sexy, sexual, or sensual?

jade	21 Mar 2002
read the entire thread and all it's posts and decide for yourself. :) in light, jade :)

kayne	21 Mar 2002
Pollux: Well done! To tell the truth, despite my friends and family knowing that I am gay, I really hesitated to type that on here. It always goes through my mind that I am going to loose friends if they find out... I have lost only one but what that taught me was that she really wasn't my friend. For me 'coming out' was not a day that I decided the whole world was going to know. It really is a "need to know" type of thing and even parents don't need to know until it is the right time... which is never for them so make it the right time for you. I moved out of home about six months before telling them and am so glad I did. Not that they took it as badly as they could have but it would have been very uncomfortable living at home for me at the time... There is no rush and remember - you always have friends here!!!

Diana	21 Mar 2002
I get so sad that people like Kayne and Pollux cannot just live their lives freely, openly and without any fear of what people are going to say. I share Jade's dream. I feel pretty sure that my son (he's only 11 now) would not be inhibited in telling me and my husband if he discovered he was homosexual. He knows we find this so normal. My best friend is gay and he's such a tender guy - always kissing and hugging his companion, and my son doesn't seem to find this odd at all. Thank goodness. But being accepted by one's family is one thing - it's harder out there in society, which can be so terribly narrow-minded. I'm so glad that all you gay guys and girls have it easier than a few decades back, but the world still has a long way to go.

Pollux	21 Mar 2002
Kayne, I only now realised the "public showers" affair... LOL! Thank you jade and Diana (you both keep spoiling me...:)). I think it would be perfect to wait till I have a house of my own... That is my dream: a really free life, a personally-set-up routine, pets all over the place, my friends of Aeclectic staying when they come visit me... :D The real problem is that would mean waiting till I'm 24 or more, and I don't think I can carry on this frustrating and restricting life so long... I do think I'll have to sort this out before... Waiting till 24 to START LIVING: NO WAY! :) Home would be a difficult place... Not because of my family's reaction (they are quite enlightened, I hope they will see), but because I know there'd be plenty of unpleasing situations, within home and without - we know almost everyone in the area, and my family belongs to old families too, you know, tons of relatives and friends and acquaintances... And, after all, that wouldn't be true freedom really: no privacy nor private spaces (I even share my room with Serena! :)), no longer the same confidence with the house itself... Sometimes in my past I have felt a stranger at home, and this just because I had stayed a month in London for holiday, and come back: that sensation was disgusting... And I do understand that after coming out my family could actually "happen" to see me as a stranger, as a different person at least, and behave in a way that could make me feel that way again. I suppose it is legitimate of them, however, and would "give" them this opportunity to "realise who I really am", but at the same time I want to avoid that unpleasant sensation of being a stranger inside my house... However, I do hope something SO LUCKY will happen to me that I will manage to move - even if I wonder how and with whose money... ;)

Pollux	21 Mar 2002
I was also meditating on something related to Tarot today - during Istology classes... SO BORING! And I hope someone (i.e. JADE - I definitely want you to, at least) will tell me their opinions... My Personality/Soul Card is 6 - The Lovers My Shadow Card is 15 - The Devil Now, they are supposed to go with Rising and Sun Sign respectively, but in my case it's the pther way around: SunSign is Gemini, and Risign Scorpio. :) And, what is more, my North node is in Gemini (Lovers) but on the cusp if the 8th house (Scorpio's - also representing sexuality). I see some obvious connection to my experience, but there's also this thing that signs are the other way about... And may I have some karmic lesson to learn, or debt to pay? Jade, should I try to see in my past lives as well? I never did that, and should do that myself... there's no one around seeming capable... Maybe I should place this elsewhere, but I prefer to put it here, as we're on theme, and I don't want to open a sort of "MY HOMOSEXUALITY THROUGH TAROTS AND ASTROLOGY" thread... :P Please, MR Moderator, spare me this... :)

Pollux	21 Mar 2002
*delete this entry*

tempestfire	21 Mar 2002
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for replying to this post. Reading the replies has helped me realize (once again) that there are wonderful, loving, kind people out there. It is great to have this "family" around. I am sending everyone warm "fuzzy" thoughts. My only advice that I can give- because it is the only advice that really seems to work- is follow your heart. (Sometimes your head tries to get in the way and rationalize everything- but your heart always knows what is best for you) with love tempestfire

jade	21 Mar 2002
well your moderator is a ms. not a mr. LOL but that's okay LOL i don't know alot about this pollux. (AG may be of more assistance to you on this one) i would feel you are comfortable within yourself being gay but you are afraid of how others will view you. seeing you as wrong, or screwed up, or evil because of your sexuality. but then, you've already shared that so that's no big 'oh wow' moment of truth LOL hopefully, AG will come and assist you on this one pollux. love jade

AquarianGoddess	21 Mar 2002
Hey Pollux, Hugs to you! Can't assist you with the tarot portion, but your "nodes" are 2nd/8th. Sagg is your south node and that's from where you came/Gemini is where you're going and you're going in the right direction...education and lots of it. As you are aware, you're currently under a very intense Pluto transit (and soon Saturn too), I sincerely doubt that you'll wait until the age of 24 to "come out" (I really don't like that expression, but don't have a better one). When the Pluto transit is over, there won't be any secrets left to tell. BTW, we love you for who you are and just for being you. AG

All Is One	21 Mar 2002
Oh Pollux, I can't offer any advice. I don't think you need any, you seem wise and I pity anyone who would reject a person because of sexual, political, or spiritual orientation, not to mention the lowlife rednecks who sort people by race. I send you blue bubbles and twinkly lights to support you in sharing or withholding any part of your Self in this realm.

Silence Dogood	22 Mar 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Silence Dogood Sexy, sexual, or sensual? What I meant by posting this, Mr. Moderator, is regardless of what people have written so far, do you see your sexual self as Sexy? Do you see yourself as Sexual? Or do you see yourself as Sensual? This is an adjunct question.

Kiama	22 Mar 2002
Silence DoGood: I think for me, the three terms are the same. Sensual is kinda like being able to *feel* things, with all the senses, and is often a word used to describe somebody who is very 'in touch' with their sexy, bodily side. Sexual is the same, and sexy I think is maybe just the slang word for it. Although it could be used by others to describe the outward, or inward, appearance of another. Kiama

kayne	22 Mar 2002
Pollux: I think it is a reality that unless your family have a pretty good idea right now, and no matter how enlightened they are, it is going to take a little bit of time before they are really comfortable with the whole thing and before you feel really comfortable with them. We have a long time to gradually get used to the idea (and that is hard enough, as some of the previous posts have suggested, being comfortable with your sexuality is hard for everyone!) where as for parents, they are expected to get used to it in one day! My mums huge concerns where that I was not going to be happy, I was not going to be 'normal' and that I was not going to carry on the family name! As far as I am concerned, for me kids are not out of the picture... perhaps I just need to seek an alternative way of producing them (which presents a whole new debate!!!) I am not trying to discourage you at all - I am not trying to be so negative! I wrote my mum a letter which I still really think was the best way. It meant I could say exactly what I wanted to, she could pass it to others in the family who could also get all the information I wanted them to have. I feared that if I just said "Mum, I'm gay." She wouldn't believe it and shut off everything else I wanted to say. Don't rush anything - think it through and, like I said before, make it the right time for you.

VGimlet	22 Mar 2002
I'm jumping in here, and since I haven't made any previous posts, I guess I'll answer all three questions. I'm very comfortable with my own sexuality. A lot more than I was when I was younger. I am comfortable enough with who I am to enjoy it now. And I like both aspects - sensual and sexual. It's all part of the circle, for me. As far as others sexuality, I wish it wasn't a question that we even had to think about; as far as I'm concerned people should be able to love who they love without having to worry about it. I share that dream, too.

Kiama	22 Mar 2002
Pollux: One thing to remember is that no matter what happens, or what you are as a person, you've still got laods of friends who love you to bits, regardless. (Including me!) Kisses! :* :* :* :* :* Kiama

kayne	22 Mar 2002
Sorry - I really didn't mean to sound so negative, I am just giving my perspective from my experiences... I echo Kiama - You know we are all here for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Silence Dogood	22 Mar 2002
You see, I don't see myself as 'sexy'; to me, there is nothing I can see about me that makes me 'sexy' to other people. I'm not completely sure I'D be attracted to me! To me, 'sexy' means 'provocative'. Sexual- we are all sexual. You can be sexual without exuding a hint of sex. Sexual makes people chase after you in hopes of obtaining or attaining you. Sexy (like a design for a car) and sexual (Marilyn Monroe fully clothed comes to mind) are not the same thing. Sensual is how I would describe myself. There is a lot of mystery behind this face, yet total strangers come up to me and talk to me at parties because they are not threatened by me. {Many people avoid a beautiful woman because they feel threatened by her beauty; they see the physical and think she'll shun them}. I don't threaten anyone. I've met many people and had some nice times because I intrigued them, not because I walked around in clothes that left nothing to the imagination, or inspired lust in them. I put people at ease. I repeat, do you see yourself as sexy, sexual, or sensual?

jade	22 Mar 2002
definitely sensual. i feel things very deeply and IMO completely. after years of therapy to assist me in healing myself. i see, (as in your definition) myself as being very deep and sensual. in light, jade (a female moderator!) LOL ps thanks for the clarity!!!

kayne	23 Mar 2002
Silence DoGood: Depends on the time and the place... There is a time and place for being sexy, sexual and sensual and if you exuded all of them all at once, all the same time - Woh! I think I can be sexy, sexual and sensual, depending on how I feel and when the need arises.

Pollux	23 Mar 2002
Thank you all, again! As for the sexy/sensual thing, I think I agree with Kayne... Even though I hardly associate those concepts to me... :) However, I find I gave some different meanings to this words, and tend to associate sexyness with depth and awareness... sort of misapprehension! :) But in my experiences, I have come to discard the general idea of "beauty" as estetic, but more of an inner thing, an attraction which comes from mind and soul rather than sight... Thank you AG and jade for support (I know who to call on for the tarot stuff! ;) ) THANK YOU ALL!!!

destinyawaitsme	26 Mar 2002
I just want to say...I love this forum! And I love the people here...even though I don't really know any of you, but that can change. :) When I was young I was raised in a conservative fundamental Christian sort of way. (not by my parents, they wanted me to chose my own beliefs. But the rest of the family didn't agree and felt obliged to step in and "fix" the problem) In my childhood everything was black and white..premarital sex was bad, gays were bad, bi's were bad, lust was bad! My teenage years I was very conflicted. I wanted to find my own answers yet too afraid for fear of "damnation." About a year ago I discovered tarot...which led me to some wonderful mentors and people who guided me along my path. I found the difference between spirituality and religion. That I can decide my own beliefs...I don't have to find a group that I agree with...I can be my own person. I finally found the greys. Sex isn't bad...neither are gays or bi's or transexuals. I believe that we all have a soul...a life energy. And it is stuck inside a body...whether you are male or female, you like what you like. Just because I like eggplant doesn't mean everyone else does. I find that I am at peace with myself and my beliefs...something I have never accomplished before. I have my low self-esteem moments...I think that might be a woman thing. But it's something that everyone goes through. Sex is a beautiful way of expressing yourself. And although I still believe we should restrain from "expressing" ourselves too much....you shouldn't shy from using it to express love. destiny

kayne	27 Mar 2002
Wow - beautiful reply destiny :) Trust me - men have low self-esteem moments too! Reading peoples posts reminds me that everyong has to come to terms with their sexuality; whether they are gay, bi, transgender or straight...

The Question??? How comfortable are you with sexuality? thread was originally posted on 10 Mar 2002 in the Chat board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Chat, or read more archived threads.