Which item is essential in a relationship?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 07 Mar 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Ramses	07 Mar 2002
Hey folks... What do you think itīs more important in a relationship of any kind? Give your opinion...letīs discuss it ... Do you think itīs respect?...Trust?...Honesty?...Loyalty?...Chemistry?...Inteligence?... What? Personally, I think all that are really important, together....But, is there any of those that really make a difference?...One that, when missing, can end a relationship?...What do you think about it ?

jade	08 Mar 2002
without honesty.......there is no relationship!

Diana	08 Mar 2002
Honesty, respect and a good dose of humour!

kayne	08 Mar 2002
It's hard when you can only choose one of these items!!!

Moonklad	08 Mar 2002
Honesty gets my vote. Everyone who knows me, knows I have a blunt way about me. Sometimes its a curse. I just can't help it. I gotta be honest. I tell it like it is. I don't mean that I purposely say things that will hurt someone. But if you ask me a question outright, be certain that I am going to tell you the truth. I expect the same from others. blessings, Moon

blumoon	08 Mar 2002
they all are important, one thing ive learnt on my short stay on this planet so far is that you MUST be friends :)

Hush	08 Mar 2002
honesty, friendship, trust, compassion, empathy...you need to be on the same wave length. also, ive found that in my relationships there's always been a level of need. As soon as one of the people stops needing the other one, things can go kinda weird.

kayne	08 Mar 2002
Funny how no one has chosen 'loyalty' yet... Of course it is important but I guess if you pick one of the others it inherently assumes loyalty... ie. If you love, respect etc someone you are loyal to them. Does this make any sense? :P

Kiama	08 Mar 2002
You mean I have to pick just one? I think that many different things are important in a relationship, and just having one of the above things would be a very bad relationship! Fo instance, even if I had love in a relationship, I would want a bit of respect. Without respect, you get a very nasty relationship! Trust is also extremely important, but without love, there is no relationship! Oh dear! Kiama

Malachite	08 Mar 2002
In a direct choice, i think maybe comprehension..... I know honesty is a biggie, but on an entirely pragmatic level, a relationship can last even if you hold back secrets...not being honest about small things is entirely different from doing something incredibly daft and then being honest about it.... (follower of the *white lie school of society*) Comprehension, though, i think is vital to get past the first week... btw...I'm not saying I'd run any relationship (praying hard) on the basis of dishonesty though, ok!... Malachite.. (can i have my sig back yet?)

prcoqueto	08 Mar 2002
Honesty! Because if you take away the truth all that is left is a lie...

amyel	08 Mar 2002
...because quite honestly, I think all of the points are equally valid and sometimes in relationships, there are times when one is more "important" then another. For example: Loyalty: is it valid if you find out your mate has murdered someone? What if you lose some element of respect for your mate because of a choice he made that you disagreed with, but all the other elements are still there? You see? I think love and our choices in partners is based on several elements. I'd have a hard time choosing just one. (so i didn't)

Emily	08 Mar 2002
It is a hard poll, I mean you need all of the above to make a relationship work, loyalty, respect, trust, love, honesty, kindness - and you want your partner to be able to understand where you're coming from so you need same interests, communication and comprehension lol In the same way you also need to be able to give these things to your partner (its late and I've had one too many coffee's lol :) )

aciddragon	08 Mar 2002
Hmmm.. My answer is D!!! All the above. Wow How can you just pick one!!! I mean everything listed is very important to me...err Maybe that's why I'm single. Doh ;) Seriously thou all of the stuff as to be there for a good relationship in my opinion.

jade	09 Mar 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Moonklad Honesty gets my vote. Everyone who knows me, knows I have a blunt way about me. Sometimes its a curse. I just can't help it. I gotta be honest. I tell it like it is. I don't mean that I purposely say things that will hurt someone. But if you ask me a question outright, be certain that I am going to tell you the truth. I expect the same from others. blessings, Moon clarity is a gift that i also share :) people love that about me cause they always know where they stand. i don't BS them, i'm honest and clear :)

jade	09 Mar 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Malachite Malachite.. (can i have my sig back yet?) yes!

Pollux	09 Mar 2002
Well, I am Gemini, with the "parlantina" as we call it n Italy... I must talk talk talk... even though what I say doesn't make sense. Further more, I have Sun*Mars conj in 7th house, plus Mercury! So, I really need communication!!! Misunderstanding is almost a rule to my relationships! If I were not the type of person always ready to come up and explain, and forgive, and undesrtand... well, I'd have been alone for a long long time, and still I'd be! :p

nexyjo	09 Mar 2002
i think trust is the foundation of any relationship, whether it's between lovers, friends, family, or aquaitences. without trust, there is no relationship. of course, all of the facets listed above all combine to make a successful relationship, and without any one of them, a relationship is rocky at best. luv and light, nexy

Bings	09 Mar 2002
I love the polls, but on this one I didn't vote. I can't choose just one when they are all so important. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship. He is my one true love. After 18 years of marriage I love him more today than on the day we were married. I know in my heart that I will always love him. You can love someone but not always LIKE them. I like my husband. I like being with him. I like his company. He is a likable person. My husband is one of my best friends. We are able to have fun together like best friends do. We share secrets and thoughts and ideas. We also talk!!! We talk about everything. Each day we talk. We talk about bills, the kids, work.... But we also talk about what we want and what we would like to do. And we listen. He listens about my sewing projects and I listen about his remote control cars. I also trust him completely. I know he loves me and there is no reason not to trust him. I know he is honnest with me and I am honnest with him. The chemistry is there too!!! :-) So none of those things in more important than any other. You need them all to make a relationship work. If I loved my husband, but didn't like him then I would be unhappy and the marriage would soon fail. Dianne

GeminiLady	09 Mar 2002
Hi gang, I think that all of these are essential in a solid relationship. Without any one of the things that you mention, a relationship can continue for a time, but the quality will definitely be affected. I don't think I could pick one as more important, they are all equally important to me. Each one adds up to the big picture of things. Love and Light, Gem

tempestfire	09 Mar 2002
You definately need all of these for a relationship to work. However, I guess it would depend on the person and the type of relationship they want. I mean- if you are looking for a purely pleasure only relationship- then you wouldn't really care about any of them. For me- Honesty is automatic- until I find out otherwise- I am too trusting- nieve. Communication is also extremely important. You want to be able to talk with your S/O - you need things that are interesting to you both. Too often you can be in a relationship- feel loved- and return love- but if they are dishonest it is not something that is easy to overcome. Just my opinion. Wouldn't take to much from it though- as I have just recently gone through a divorce (after 10 years of marriage), and don't seem to have a clue when it comes to relationships. tempestfire

jade	09 Mar 2002
tempestfire, i disagree, you probably know more than most! it's when it doesn't work out that you learn..............not when it's smooth sailing :) i send hugs to you. in light, jade

tempestfire	10 Mar 2002
In that case I must be an expert!!!lol I guess I must just be doing all the background research- "How not to have a relationship". But I am a glutton for punishment- so I will keep trying! I do believe that I will find what I need and what I desire- with patience. thanks for the hugs- and making me smile! tempestfire

funkpuss	13 Mar 2002
Trust and honesty is the most important things as when that is broken you can never get it back the same as it was. Of course there are other things to like conversation etc. there's nothing worse than feeling that you can't talk to eachother. This is why some people go off and have affairs, which I 'don't agree with but you have to think why did that person go off in the first place unless they are deeply insecure.......that's what happened in my case my ex was soooooo insecure that he always thought of other girls and prositutes while he was with me because he thought that he was no good. Don't worry I'm out of that one I just need time to recover! funkpuss

aeonx	13 Mar 2002
Greetings. I would have to go for respect. Honesty is important, but you don't have to spill your guts about everything! If I had a boyfriend that had to tell me absolutely everything, I would go nuts. One should not lie though. I think you get what I mean. Well, I don't think any relationship is much worth without respect. If a man for instance love a woman, but not respect her, she's gonna end up hurt in some way. However, if a man only respects his wife, without a stray of love, this would also not be too good. :) Oh well... It's, like you all say, very hard to determine which one of the above qualities is the most valuable in a relationship...

Temperance413	15 Mar 2002
I don't know if anybody has mentioned this or not, if you have, then I say this should be the top essential in any relationship. TRUST If there is no trust, then how can you love? If no love then how do you respect? No respect then how can you be totally honest? I have been with my husband for eighteen years, and I'll tell you for me it's a trust thing, everything else hinges on it. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't have any of the other essentials because the relationship wouldn't be worth it. Funkpuss, I feel for you, I know exactly what you mean.

Sam	18 Jun 2002
love!:*

Jenny-Li	18 Jun 2002
All of them, of course! But if I have to choose, I'll go for respect. If you respect each other you will be honest with eachother (how could you not be?), you will seek to hear each other out (how do you respect a person if you won't even listen), you will seek to understand the other one's point of view (because you respect it). And if you have a mutual respect, why should you not trust each other? That doesn't mean I can leave out the love, respect alone might run a bit dry after a while...! :D Jenny :)

Faerie Lin	18 Jun 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Jenny-Li All of them, of course! But if I have to choose, I'll go for respect. If you respect each other you will be honest with eachother (how could you not be?), you will seek to hear each other out (how do you respect a person if you won't even listen), you will seek to understand the other one's point of view (because you respect it). And if you have a mutual respect, why should you not trust each other? That doesn't mean I can leave out the love, respect alone might run a bit dry after a while...! :D Jenny :) My view exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I picked respect! Lin

Sam	18 Jun 2002
let me elaborate on why i chose love. if you have love, you respect each other, and are honest, kind, loyal etc. to each other. that's why i chose love.

lunalafey	18 Jun 2002
RESPECT. If the choice can only be one, respect embodies honesty, loyalty, communication, to name just a few. YES, without honesty there is no relationship, I don't know how many times I have said those words. and trust goes hand in hand with that honesty, without TRUST there is no relationship. But, relationships are there regardless of these qualities being there or not. Wether they continue is another factor. FRIENDSHIP, the foundation for a lasting relationship, no ifs ands or buts about that. I think way too many people get caught up in not wanting to be alone that they jump into a relationship before it is ever known if they can be real friends. LOVE. it is in a league of it's own. Love in a relationship is ever evolving, it is not really something pertaining to personallity in this situation. It is an energy that takes hold of two people when all the ingrediants(from the list above) are all in place on top of a proper foundation.

Houklani	19 Jun 2002
...because everything else will follow. :)

phirefly	19 Jun 2002
it was tough choosing between honesty, respect, and communication. i think communication is implicit to honesty, though. respect, therefore, gets my close second. i could never date someone i didn't respect. i can't keep friendships with people i don't respect. but above all, honesty is my priority in any aspect of life. some people think i'm too honest. i don't know any other way to be. oh. and. i think part of honesty and communication is discussing expectations. if you don't know what the other wants from the relationship, it sure is hard to give it to them. people like to think that true love knows these things, but that's just silly. true love talks about these things. i guess this all falls under the heading of comprehension, though. don't just guess at what your person wants, ask.

mooncat2	19 Jun 2002
LOVE - true unconditional love for every living thing, including one's self - the rest come from that source.

suzyspellbound	20 Jun 2002
I chose cummincation. Because respect should go without saying and to respect someone you must be able to be honest with them, and with that comes loyalty. Respecting others demands respect in return, and we must always remember to have respect for ourselves as well as other people.

jade	20 Jun 2002
but susy, couldn't you say that for pretty much all of them? so aren't you really saying that respect is your main choice? :D jade

zorya	20 Jun 2002
some people are not always honest, because they are afraid to hurt someone else. some are not honest, because they believe it will protect them somehow. i dislike dishonesty! but can understand, if not accept, when it happens. now.... a relationship without respect, can hurt to the core. maybe it's because i'm a woman who grew up at the time when i did. but... i voted for r. e. s. p. e. c. t.

Ravenswing	20 Jun 2002
i think oxygen, 'cause you only last a few minutes without it. although lots of people get VERY irritable if they don't have enough chocolate. but then again, a shortage of sunlight drives me absolutely CRAZY. :D LVX (see what i mean? sunLIGHT) steve

runehunt	20 Jun 2002
Well Here GOES *R E S P E C T* For A good relationship you have to find some one you trust the chemistry should be there after that you should become Friends. #1 MOST EMPORTANT! With trust and frendship comes Respect. If you are frends and Respect each other all things can be worked out. I have just had my 35th. happy wedding anniversy ( June 12) with my first wife. (that makes them think) and it has worked for me "People are like JELLO the tighter you squeeze them the less of them you have."SO for me Respect has got to be there or nothing else matters * Runehunt *

suzyspellbound	21 Jun 2002
Jade- yes I suppose your right i do mean respect, I feel without that you don't have a relationship to start with. And in order to achieve/ recieve respect we must honour all of the other points- honesty/ trust /loyalty etc. But if the channels of communication (verbal or otherwise) are not open and free flowing this relationship will not survive.

january	24 Jun 2002
I remember two years ago, when I was contemplating a divorce, I went to dinner (in tears!) with my uncle to get his opinion. He said, "Take away the romance, sex and money and think to yourself, is this someone I would just call out of the blue to go see a movie? To just hang out with for the sake of it?" My answer was an instant "no" so right then and there I solved my dilemma. I will never forget that bit of advice. So, I think true friendship is vital to a marriage or otherwise romantic relationship and it encompasses all of the above. And any friendship requires honesty, love and respect. Peace! ~ january

Jenny-Li	24 Jun 2002
Quote: Originally posted by january "Take away the romance, sex and money and think to yourself, is this someone I would just call out of the blue to go see a movie? To just hang out with for the sake of it?" This is a good advice, it is probably something a lot of people overlook, because there's so much other stuff that a relationship is "supposed" to be... Well spoken! Light and love! Jenny :)

magicmadrigal	25 Jun 2002
You left out one of the most essential item for a relationship - HUMOR!!! You gotta have it.

suzyspellbound	26 Jun 2002
magicmadrigal- good point you're right

Kismet	21 Jul 2002
Gosh, this was a hard one! Without honesty there is nothing, a relationship can't be founded on lies. But I also believe a relationship MUST have communication as well. Love and Light, Kismet

Lightlike	21 Jul 2002
I choose Kindness because it is so often overlooked... I've seen people in relationships who felt they loved, respected, trusted, and communicated with their partner but they had forgotten how to be kind... they forgot to hold the door open for the other or to just send their loved one a card for the sake of sending one... kindness can be a wonderful thing but so many people forget it.

divinerguy	21 Jul 2002
Honesty and a wife with a big fat trust fund.

Starfish	21 Jul 2002
Quote: Originally posted by divinerguy Honesty and a wife with a big fat trust fund. Definitely an honest comment, Divinerguy ;) :T7C Starfish

runehunt	22 Jul 2002
It looks like Comprehension, Honesty, and HUMOR To Me. **runehunt**

wavebreaker	22 Jul 2002
I chose respect, because for me that includes a lot of the other answers as well: if you respect someone, you will be honest, loyal and kind to them. Apart from respect, there should also be humour, as some of you have already mentioned. I don't think I could have a relationship without humour with anyone...

WolfSpirit	22 Jul 2002
It's too difficult to choose just one item. And I missed sense of humour, I would be bored out of my skull with an honest respectful loving loyal person who has no sense of humour.

mermaiden	22 Jul 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Diana Honesty, respect and a good dose of humour! Here, here, Diana!!! I couldn't agree more. :)

floracove	22 Jul 2002
I think respect entails alot of the choices... So for the sake of only one choice, Thats were I cast my vote.

The Which item is essential in a relationship? thread was originally posted on 07 Mar 2002 in the Chat board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Chat, or read more archived threads.