My cleansing, for me..

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 05 Apr 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

RedWood	05 Apr 2002
I found the cube, and read it..Did it..This is what came out of it.. Feel free not to read or reply this. this is for myself only to strangers just because talking to my family is the most ridiculous thing..I have tried unfortunately we are not spiritually connected..Here goes me..kind of a cleansing.. I come to this website everyday..Everytime I am online..I feel like I am looking for something and just not finding it..Waiting for something in here, the books for my class, my son to get out of of lactose intolerant stage where he still doesnt eat still has behavior problems {the flowers on the ladder of my cube, was choking my ladder} I love my son I am with him 24/7 since he was born..I am waiting for my car to get out of the shop..Waiting to move out of the house that i live in with my mom..waiting for the father of my child to get home...I always feel like i am waiting..so i am taking this childrens writing course..it is a correspondence course..this is my way of not waiting and i still feel like i am..half the time I dont know what i am doing where I am going or anything..Maybe this is why I am so intent on being at this website..people who actually go into feelings and spirituality and seem to bond with each other..I have felt like i have been lost since i was born so many things have happened ...i feel like i need to do something i just dont know what..I am with a guy that if i didnt have my child i would of dropped a couple years ago..if i kick him out (he doesnt abuse me or anything of that nature...he just doesnt get me at all..no spiritual connection) if i kick him out i am stuck with my mom...which is like a living hell..she doesnt want me here anymore..i dont want to be here..if i move with my guy do we get a house do we have the down payment for one..do i get an apartment..I dont know what to do...I have no place else to go...I have a child that i am unable to put in daycare and no one to watch him..so i stay and wait and feel like what am i doing here...this was not my plan for the future..which i accept where i am i made my choices.........i feel stuck...i just need something and I dont know how find it or what it is....i am that person that is looking at the cube with nothing else around wondering what to do..where to go...am i really good at writing or did i just throw away 300 and some dollars..am i kidding myself..we barely make it as it is...how can i be more frugal how can i do that when he wont...how can i be like this when i have child to worry about..what do i have to give to him...what do I have to give to myself...Where I am at in my life is not where I want to be...How can i change this...what can I do...Do i push submit thread or dont i..do I do it before I lost my nerve..and If i dont will i still feel the same...do i...to get it out in the open..get it out to realty..am i a fool for doing this on a website...to do this at all...I am not asking these question of you people on the website this is for me...you dont know me..I dont expect answers..I despise feeling this way and despise having to tell strangers who dont even want or need or care to know.. I just hope for myself getting this out in the open will help me figure out what I am going to do..I am 21 I need to get on with my life.. Just breathe.

zorya	05 Apr 2002
i haven't read the cube, but i felt moved to respond to your post, actually i tried to delete this but found i couldn't so... please ignore this if it's not what you're looking for. breathing is a great start redwood! i'm listing 3 books and/ or authors that really helped me when i felt lost and without options. the 4 fold way by angeles arrien, the seat of the soul by gary zukov, anything by stuart wilde. they all have web sites, just do a google search. i also highly recommend practicing yoga everyday. it's not what happens to us, as much as how we respond to what happens.

jade	05 Apr 2002
thank you so much for sharing. :) this is the place to begin cause so many have before you and so many more will after you :) don't feel ashamed of being REAL. personally, i love people that are real. :) the only words that i feel i can offer you is: wake up every morning and have one thing that you need to accomplish that day. just one. nothing overwhelming. one. then at the end of the day.....look at that one thing and congratulate yourself for getting it done. after a week, look at the seven things and be proud of yourself. if you move energy everyday, you will move energy in your life. if you make small accomplishments, together they become big accomplishments. look at what you achieve, not at what you haven't. and as you said, "remember to breathe" in THIS forum, in THIS place, you are loved and supported and cared about and cared for and cherished and important. WE would notice if you were gone............we would notice the void when you chose not to come here anymore.......so stay and grow and heal and love and make great friendships. :) love jade

faunabay	06 Apr 2002
Am sending bunches of love and light directly to you Redwood!!!! Please feel free to vent with us. Just get it out - it does help to vent sometimes, doesn't it? We've all been there and we're here for you now. (big hug)

kayne	06 Apr 2002
Thankyou for sharing RedWood. Your writing moved me. You certainly are not wasting anything by pursuing you writing! Follow your dreams :TSTAR and go for it! :TFOOL

Kiama	06 Apr 2002
Redwood: Judging by what you just wrote, I reckon you'll make a great writer! Good luck with following your dreams! Kiama

funkpuss	07 Apr 2002
I totally understand, I feel the same but I'm 29 without child, on my own and depressed. But saying all that I know that more changes are coming in my life. I feel the only way is up now as I've hit rock bottom. FP

The My cleansing, for me.. thread was originally posted on 05 Apr 2002 in the Chat board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Chat, or read more archived threads.