Are you jealous?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 23 May 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

aeonx	23 May 2002
Greetings dear friends. While reading kayne's thread on monogamy, I got the inspiration to start this thread. Well, are you jealous, and to what extent? I am. Not overly, psychotic jealous (I hope), but I do feel this irritation poking my heart now and then. I would allow my boyfriend to have girl-friends (I'm writing it this way intentionally :P ), of course, but it would also depend how much time he's spending with them. If he was really close with another girl at the time we met, I would have had to accept it. Even though I expect him to show me so much respect that he's not all over her when I'm around. Jealousy. What episodes make us jealous? For me, picture this scenario: My boyf and I go to a bar. He meets a girl-friend. They hug. That's OK. They talk. That's OK. They laugh. That's OK. Then he makes a gesture, let's say removes some hair hanging in her face and puts it behind her ears. I FREAK OUT! *grrrrrr* That's not OK. Although I won't say a word to him. I would just have to talk to myself and explain that this doesn't mean anything. Probably and hopefully. :P :D And I hate x's. Not them as them in persons, but men talking about their x's. It doesn't matter if it's positive or negative, I am not interested! I've encountered a couple of guys still so hung up in their x and the past that it made me wanna puke. Yuck. So, your viewpoints? ~aeonx~

Rhiannon	23 May 2002
LOL, I am not really jealous. The only time I get jealous is when my hubby starts talking about 2 particular girls in his past. They are not ex-girlfriends. And that's actually the problem. These 2 are women he WANTED to be with or at least thought about it.. but never was. Therefore the lure is still there. With an ex - he's been there and (forgive me ;) ) done that. With these women he never had that opportunity so I think he's always wondering what he missed out on. And that bothers me alot more! Rhiannon :)

aeonx	23 May 2002
Yes, I agree with you, that's much worse! :mad: I don't know how I would have dealt with that. I would certainly get jealous! :D I couldn't stand the thought that he was thinking and thinking about these two other women! ~aeonx~

Kiama	23 May 2002
I would say I'm a pretty jealous person... Although not to the extent that I stop my boyfriend going out with his mates or enjoying himself... He has a couple of very good female friends, one who I haven't met yet, but from what I've heard is nice, and another who I've met and think is great... I am quite secure in the knowledge that Simon (My boyf) love me, so I don't mind him going out with these pople at all.... I would be jealous though if he started flirting excessively with another girl... I just couldn't cope with that! Not in front of me anyway... If he's flirting with anybody when I'm there, it should be me! I don't mind it if he's not with me at the time though... Mainly cuz I don't have to stand there and watch! Kiama

cricket	23 May 2002
Me? Jealous? Not on your life! *L* Every once in a while something happens that lets a little twinge in, but it's rare. Somebody wants to flirt with my husband? Hey! Great! Just let me find somebody else to flirt with too... He wants to go out with some almost goddess he met? No problem! Just let me know if they're planning on being back that night, and give some indication of where they're going to be - in case something happens with the kids. Jealousy just hasn't had much of a place in my life. That may be something people can't understand, but it's true. I think a lot of that has to do with how easygoing and laid-back a person is, too, and how they were raised. I've lived in the country most of the time since I was 11. You learn there's no reason to rush, no reason to be uptight. You can't MAKE the crops grow, or the cattle start to calve, or make the rain start falling, or make the harvest go well. Once a person realizes that and just lets go, a lot of the things many people take for granted just disappear. Tempers tend to get longer. People tend to smile more. Jealousy slips away by the roadside somewhere. ;) You get the idea.

Faerie Lin	24 May 2002
I am so a jealous person! lol, but my hubby is also. But I KNOW I have a problem with being jealous (some people don't know they have a problem.) I won't go out and damage property or anything (that would be PSYCHO jealous). But I will kinda always bring it up and tease about it. I think that is my way of dealing with it and trying to jokely say that I don't like a certain thing. I am lucky that my hubby is exactly the way I am in knowing what things can and can't be done. But I have to admit SOMETIMES I go a little overboard with being very nitpicky about things. Here is an example: My hubby and I got into an agruement (me being the one getting pissed) about wither or certain actress was pretty or not. I'm not gonna say any names coughRosiePerezcough. I seriously think she looks like a man and my hubby was like "No way, I think she's f'in beautiful" Boy did THAT piss me off. But I was also pregnant at the time, so maybe my "you pissed me off" button was easily pressed. Lin

jade	24 May 2002
i'm not jealous. if he wants to be with someone else he will be. simple. but he's here with me so i'll enjoy that for as long as it lasts, which i think will be this lifetime and perhaps the next as well! ;) love jade :D

Wishcrafter	24 May 2002
Gosh, yes I am a very jeolous person.Not as much anymore but when we were first married.Bad, very bad, I had a psycho problem,right after we returned from our Honeymoon, I found some very incriminating pictures of my Husband with his X, as in X-rated, now I am a very visual person and did'nt need the extra push.Went threw Hell for a while,still seen the pictures even with my eyes closed. I was a virgin with my husband and felt very inadequete with his other experiences,but I guess I am a natural in that department and my husband was really, really not. He had more hang-ups than me.We'll,now I know that if any of those girls even mattered or even really loved him they would have taught him how to make love better.Now my husband is a Great lover and I know it's because I taught him how to Love and Be Loved. Eleven years now and going strong!

Phoenix	24 May 2002
I'm not prone to jealousy, but I get angry over the smallest things.

Jenny-Li	24 May 2002
No... No, I'm not a jealous person. What I do have, that relates to this in some way is a giant fear of being left out by a group or by a person I trust. I think this goes back to having been a bullied child, the trust-center in me just never got that early-years training. And a lot of times, even as an adult, I find people to be more shallow than I expect (which is just as much my own "fault" as theirs, I realize that!), and then I feel left out because of that, because I expect more of people than they know or have any idea of... When it comes to love-relation-jealousy, I used to be, but I think I've got over that now. He's very jealous though, I think he might have brought that energy into my life, so I lived with that for a few years, but now I'm done with it and live mostly without it! I think there's a way of working with feelings like that, I thought a bit of that when reading "Conversation with God" - a lot of the ideas in that book deal with why we (humans) feel the way we do when dealing with relations. And a lot of it makes sense too! Not that it's an easy thing to change just like that, but for those of you who haven't read that book - DO! It gives a lot of new ideas, and perspective! Light and love, Jenny :)

Hush	24 May 2002
i guess i get jealous kinda. im in the situation where im in a loving relationship thats perfect, and im really happy, but she gets a lot of attention from all my male friends, which sometimes drives me nuts. sometimes it gets to the point where i cant talk to her because theyre all around her, so i have to really step back form the situation and i refuse to "fight" for her attention. i really havr to disconnect myself from the situation. i dont know whether that's jalousy...im not sure what it is, it just gets on my nerves. heh.

jade	24 May 2002
wishcrafter, i know that wayyyyyy back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and i was a virgin.........hee hee.........i would have been very sad if my boyfriend had more experience than me. i feel for ya! love and light, jade

destinyawaitsme	24 May 2002
I am a really jealous person when it comes to men. My last serious boyfriend had this girl he grew up with...they were best friends. They used to date, but it didn't work out so they just remained friends. they went places together. I would get so mad and paranoid, but I held my tongue. I wasn't going to let the big green monster get the best of me. So, to make a long story short, he left me for her...she was the love of his life (or at least that's what he thought). I don't know I jsut get bad feelings about girls...maybe I'm to psychic for my own good. :) But as far as being jealous about other things (like what other people have) that's never been a problem. Just really paraniod about the men. ;)

Kaz	25 May 2002
no, i am not. kaz

aeonx	27 May 2002
Quote: Originally posted by destinyawaitsme I am a really jealous person when it comes to men. My last serious boyfriend had this girl he grew up with...they were best friends. They used to date, but it didn't work out so they just remained friends. they went places together. I would get so mad and paranoid, but I held my tongue. I wasn't going to let the big green monster get the best of me. So, to make a long story short, he left me for her...she was the love of his life (or at least that's what he thought). Oh destiny, I feel for you! This is my worst fear: falling in love with a guy that's really involved with a girl this way. Of course, they're only friends, but you never know. Your case proves that. The worst part of it: I'm usually that girl. :( And even though I know that most 'friend-couples' don't fool around, I'm jealous... I'm a huge paradox! :rolleyes: ~aeonx~

VGimlet	27 May 2002
I used to be very jealous - but I learned long ago that for me it's a destructive emotion. Because (also for me) my husband would never do anything to hurt me intentionally. So I learned to work through it, and not let it control me. My husband is a very sympathetic and compassionate guy, and when we got together had many girls who were his friends. In the years we've been married, he's collected a few others. I also know that *if* anything were to ever happen, he wouldn't lie to me about it. As far as being jealous about him spending time with his...hmm, how would I explain his group of friends...surrogate brothers? family of friends? Whatever they are. No, I am happy, because he's a very social person, and I'm not. I, on the other hand, was lucky that he *wasn't* the jealous type, because I was a terrible flirt when I was younger, and had many interesting adventures. :D

Maan	28 May 2002
I was never even a bit jealous when i was with my ex boyfriend. Maybe that means that he was not really the guy for me and i was not that seriously in love....or it means that i'm not the jealous type. A boy that hase more experience as me ( wich is alway ;) ) does not make me jealous noly really insecure :(

jakyle	29 May 2002
Faerie Lin....You're comment on Rosie was right on the money...My boyfriend summed her up this way="Could you imagine putting a bag over her head,and still having to listen to her annoying voice in the middle of having *$+*with her?" Yes, my first boyfriend cheated on me,and after that I had a hard time trusting anyone I dated after that....I think people can have a tendency to TRUST TOO MUCH. Yeah,go out with the guys.Stay out all night and don't call? Smell the shirt, and find one very long black hair stuck on it? It smells like perfume and he doesn't wear cologne even?(My first boyfriend). My new boyfriend(going on 8 years)and I are different in the factor of jealousy,(I am,he's not)but I'm trying to curb it just a tad.....

lunalafey	30 May 2002
Quote: Originally posted by cricket Me? Jealous? Not on your life! *L* Every once in a while something happens that lets a little twinge in, but it's rare. Jealousy just hasn't had much of a place in my life. That may be something people can't understand, but it's true. I think a lot of that has to do with how easygoing and laid-back a person is, too, Once a person realizes that and just lets go, a lot of the things many people take for granted just disappear. Tempers tend to get longer. People tend to smile more. Jealousy slips away by the roadside somewhere. ;) You get the idea. we capis sure do think alike.... I'm single, but I take the same approach a you inregards to my mate. Without trust, where is the relationship? I was once jealous, and it was in only one relationship. He was never home. It was not about WHO, I knew he would not 'go there' it was about time, and spending it with me who spent all her days on a hill with the kids and the critters and no grown up to talk to. Currently I have someone testing ME. He flirts, took one of my friends home(didn't go there, turns out that backfired)and such to try and make me jealous. He admits to it, I tell him it won't work. It is very amusing, ya' think he likes me?

Zhritza	01 Jun 2002
I am not consciously jealous. I do not have thoughts like, "My S. O. is mine, they belong to me, and they'd better not be looking at anyone else, ever." I don't ever intend to be possessive. Mentally, I have pretty much the same attitude as jade -- attraction doesn't last forever, and if someone loses interest in me, or I in them, that's the way it goes. But when I'm in relationships, I feel pangs of what I think must be jealousy, and possessiveness. It's like it's against my will. This is one area where my intent and my actual experience are very different from each other. Usually I manage not to say jealous-type things, but sometimes this backfires, because I feel resentment building (again, thinking to myself the whole time, "This is stupid and pointless") and end up getting annoyed at them over some other small thing, or an accumulation of small things. Also, I've decided that I really can't handle flings and other lighthearted intimacy. I have tried to, because my libido is actually quite high, and there have been numerous people whom I haven't wanted to date, but have wanted to sleep with. It appears, though, that if I have sex with someone, I will become emotionally attached to them whether I want to or not, and will then feel jealous when I see them with someone else, even though there were no strings attached between them and me, and even though I certainly wouldn't appreciate them feeling possessive about me in a similar way. It's like my personal space changes once I sleep with someone. For a while thereafter, it feels like they're part of my personal space, and I'm part of theirs. This is yucky. It very likely comes from growing up with an alcoholic grandmother and brother, and codependency being the norm. I would like to be less vulnerable in this way, but it hasn't worked yet, so I'm trying to give up the meaningless sex thing. Rosie Perez does have an irritating speaking voice, but I think she's pretty hot. It's the Jennifer Tilly syndrome... LOL

phirefly	01 Jun 2002
i am very much -[not]- a jealous person. at least not when it comes to relationships. but then, i'm an unconventional person with a very unconventional view on relationships. but, that's probably way too much to be discussed here ;} i do get angry when people aren't up front with me. i get much more jealous and worried about the unknown than the known. i like openness and honesty. it keeps me happy.

The Are you jealous? thread was originally posted on 23 May 2002 in the Chat board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Chat, or read more archived threads.