meeting new people

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 18 May 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

jade	18 May 2002
i'm in the process of moving, as most of you already know. i'm moving from a town that has 32,000 people to a smaller town of less than 5,000 people. when i first moved here i was soooo not prepared for how everyone knew each other, especially the ones that were born and raised here. in some ways, i'm a bit nervous moving to this new town and 'coming out' to them all. (regarding being wiccan) part of me was really struggling with this. do i stay where it's safe, in the closet and just come out slowly (i don't know if there are any other wiccans in this town) or do i just throw caution to the wind and hang my pentacle in the front window. i have 3 kids and although i don't want them to not make friends because of our spiritual beliefs, i also know that they don't want to be friends with people who don't accept who they are and what they believe. sooooo, what is everyone's feelings about this. i'm not asking you what i should do, but more.........what would you do in this situation. at this point, i've been going to the town, checking out the library and the health food store (my two main points of interest LOL) and i wore my pentacle when i went there. it's really beautiful and hangs over my third chakra so people seldom miss it when i wear it. i thought that i would just come out as though it's no big deal and hopefully putting that energy out there, will assist it being no big deal. i guess the reason why this even matters to me is that we have bought this house........so it's not like we can just move in 6 months if we don't like the neighbourhood. after i move in..........should i wear my pentacle all the time or not? i guess i am asking everyone's opinion after all................ if you could type your 'vote' in the [post subject] line of your reply screen............ yes, come out like it's no biggie no, play it safe and wait undecided. thanks all, love and light, jade

wavebreaker	18 May 2002
Although I always find it difficult to predict what I would do in a similar situation, I think I would come out, but slowly. Because I think it would really bother me if I had to hide part of myself all the time. Have you got any idea what the people in your new town are like, I mean, do they seem to be open-minded?

zorya	18 May 2002
i sooo know what you are talking about jade! prior to moving, where i live now, and prior to my having children, i would have screamed a great big, YES, how will people learn to accept us, if they know nothing about us. however........i am in a rural community, and have children, and have not come out! there are so many fundamentalists here that already look funny at my children because they see my husband and myself as "long haired hippies". it's a different thing with communities within communities, like food coops etc. i have no problem with likeminded folk, or people i know to be tolerent knowing. i once suggested to a neighbor, who was going through several life changing events, that maybe she would like to give herself a "coming of age ceremony or celebration. she looked at me as though i had just said that i was a satanist! as a homeschooling family, i think it could be dangerous to draw any negative (their perception) attention to ourselves. with owning a house, we can't just move out if things get ugly. how i wish i didn't feel this way! *sigh* there is no hurry jade! imo, it doesn't hurt to feel out the situation first.

Nightwalker	18 May 2002
The only reason I say come out slowly is that in a small town where everybody knows everybody anyone that is different can end up being an outcast along with their children. I live in a town of 250 people with another small town (400 people) about 4 miles away. Believe me, everyone knows everyone and I have to be careful about talking about my tarot cards. The few that I've mentioned them have given me one of those "you can't be serious looks." I don't dare mention being interested in Wicca. Once people get to know you then things might not be so bad and you will know who you can talk to and who you can't. I don't mean to discourage you, but I would hate to see you get hurt. I do like your idea of not making a big deal out of it. Even just wearing your pentacle but not saying anything about it is a great way to start. Nightwalker PS. Small towns can be great but they can be a bit close minded.

destinyawaitsme	18 May 2002
going by my experience with small towns and intolerant people...I would say come out slowly.

Butterfly	18 May 2002
Don't hide who you are, be completely authentic (like I even need to say that to you!!). But gauge the place well first. There is no turning back.

jade	18 May 2002
what great advice you have all given me. i think they will all accept the unique wonderfulness of my family if they get to know us first...........enjoying our light before they know more about us (personal stuff) thanks, love jade

aciddragon	18 May 2002
There are many good things and bad things about a small town. I lived in a town of 5000 back in High School. Let me tell ya, People knew me from playing basketball. I couldn't look at anyone without my folks hearing about it before I got home. It can be insane with rumors. I hated it. Sorry to sound so negative about it, but that was my experence. If they love ya they will bend over backward to help but if they hate you...Life can be hard. So IMO...Definitely come out slow. You want them to get to know you so they judge wheter they like or dislike you because of you and not your religion. Once they know you then they have a better chance of accepting it cause they will know that your not some crazy maniac who just moved in to town. And where I was from that's exactly how they'd see it. Heck my parent think Harry Potter was satanic...Geez Think I'm going to tell them I do tarot card. Nope. I can do is wish you the best of luck and hope your not around a bunch of rednecks like I was. :)

Jimilyn	18 May 2002
I lived in a town of 15,000...which is much larger than you're talking about. I found what others have mentioned to be true. Small towns can be great, but they can also be miserable. Think The Tortoise and the Hare...slow and steady wins the race. :) Hugs, Jimilyn

kayne	18 May 2002
I lived in a tiny country town for a year and I stayed firmly in the closet (in both senses of the term...) and am glad I did. I met some lovely people but in that area you really needed to have lived there for twenty years before ever being considered a local... An interesting experience though... Enjoy it Jade but I think perhaps once they know what a beautiful person you are, then let them know more about you.

jade	19 May 2002
i have already let them know that i will be hosting a meditation group starting in september........so i will hopefully meet all like-minded people in the area LOL thanks so much everyone, i needed a wake up call and i soooo appreciate you all giving it to me. love jade :D

Jimilyn	19 May 2002
That sounds like a nice start, jade. Hopefully, it will bring the people who are like-minded...like you say. I agree with kayne, too. They'll get to know you and love you for the beautiful lady you are. :) Jimilyn

Kaz	19 May 2002
i can add no more to this........ i wish you and your family happiness in your new home :) kaz

Diana	19 May 2002
Jade: before showing people that you are different to them, show them first your similarities. Then people will be comfortable with you. They will not think you are trying to change their community and force anything on them. Then when they have grown to love you and trust you, you can, if it is necessary, start coming out. It would be a pity to start out on a wrong footing, because there is, as Butterfly says, no turning back. Wearing a pentacle is not what being a Wiccan is all about (it's who you are that counts.) And immediately talking about your religious beliefs could prejudice people against you from the start. What a pity. Like I once said on the forums, there's nothing like religion or politics to make enemies quickly and efficiently. If you immediately flaunt your beliefs, then if you make a faux-pas, people will say "it's because she's a Wiccan". If you wait until people have grown to love you and you make a faux-pas, people will accept this mistake, in spite of your being a Wiccan. In fact, you may be doing a great service to your religious beliefs, because some people might even start thinking "hey, she's a great lady, I wonder if her beliefs have something to do with it", and you may contribute to people being more tolerant. I live in a largish town (for Switzerland), but I live in an area that has a very village-like atmosphere. And so my advice comes to you from experience. I have seen people coming here who behave rather eccentrically. Those who have flaunted it from the beginning have not been accepted (and have since moved.) Those who did it gently, are very much a part of our little village and are much loved. P.S. A meditation group sounds like a great idea. That's remaining in neutral grounds. (Just shows how far the Western world has evolved - just thirty years ago, meditation was considered pretty wierd in our Western world.)

jakyle	19 May 2002
I would just wear the pentacle around(and anything similar with Wiccan),and see if anyone actually makes a comment on it...(I hope I spelled Wiccan right.) If someone is interested/practices Wiccan (or into the Occult),they would probably see the pentacle and know that you're most likely interested in Occult/Wiccan,too. It might be easier for them to approach you,by you wearing it.SUBTLE ADVERTISING you might say... Or,screw it. Put up a big huge pentacle on your front door,threaten your neighbors with Karma,and when introducing your kids to people refer to them as Satan and the Antichrist. I'm getting so tired of having to be so politically correct with people. Everyone seems way too uptight about other people's business. As long as you try to do the right thing,or not hurt someone else,who cares what you believe...As long as you stay true to yourself...

Emily	19 May 2002
I agree with the other posters on here, let people get to know you then come out slowly. Drop subtle hints like meditation, wearing your pentacle, 5000 people is still a largish community and you might be surprised to find other Wiccans and if not you might just spark their interest in something different lol :)

Ravenswing	19 May 2002
jade-- although i haven't had quite the same experience (i've gone from phila to a small suburb where everyone kind of stick to themselves; i also don't have any children with me -- they've all grown up ), i do have some suggestions. you checked out the library-- what is their 'weird books' section like? that'll give you an idea of the acceptance of 'occult' matters. hold an open house/ dinner 'party'. this'll let you know who's who in your general neighborhood. if you put a few-- very few implements of your religion out-- you can 'advertise' who you are. generally speaking, only those interested (whether negatively or positively will even notice) on a nice sunny day, picnic in a busy park. take out your tarot and play with the cards. you may get some very interested people-- if anybody asks for a reading, go for it. if someone wants to contact you later, pull out a random piece of paper and give them your phone number. don't give them any business card (if you've got one). giving only your phone number keeps your location to yourself. if there are any little cafes/coffee shops check them out. some places will let you read on occasion. see if there is an artist's or writer's association. these are usually the more 'open-minded' people. most of all, remember that wherever you are, there's a reason for it. may the Goddess smile brightly upon you and yours LVX steve

jade	19 May 2002
thanks steve :D and emily jakyle, that's how i feel too, but i have 3 kids (15, 8 and 3) and i don't want them to be negatively affected by our move. but in a perfect world, where everyone practises acceptance and light rather than judgement and stereotypes................i would love to just be totally me. {in the movie k-pax there is a line that is my personal fav. of the movie......"your buddah and christ practised perfect love and acceptance without force or violence and yet the buddists and christians do not even practise what their own leaders taught them"} my soul-mom moved to a small town a few years ago and the christians in her community have tried to burn down the witches house......and many other things. they even went so far as to put a letter to the editor (which actually got published) about how she needed to leave their community because she is evil. (that has since been dealt with) but it has been a tough go for her. i just don't want my kids suffering because of my actions. we know who and what we are. we know that we live in the light and walk our talk but these people don't know us at all yet. i just wonder if my mom had come into her community being herself, her bright beautiful self, rather than entering as the new witch in town, if she wouldn't have perhaps assisted many people to become more openminded rather than never getting her foot in the door. i want to get my foot in the door. love jade ps i am sooooooo pleased that i posted this thread cause i was going to go in with my pentacle blazing LOL but since i've read all of your excellent views.....i will go in more gently without being un-true to myself. :D :D :D :D :D

Kiama	19 May 2002
I concur with all the above posts! In my experience, I found it best to let people get to know me first... Then, when they do find out I'm Pagan, they know I'm still the same person I was before I 'came out'. This worked for my Father, my Mother, and all the people at college... Hope it goes well Jade! Kiama

Scorpion	19 May 2002
Hi, Jade! I see I've come to this a bit late, but I agree with just about all the others - let them get to know you first and then see whether you can open their minds at all. Having lived in London, I was appalled when I first moved into a small town up here. The next town along (only about 4 miles away) is an acknowledged "New Age" centre - can't move for all the usual shops selling everything you could ever want/courses/"hippies", and people from all over the region, and possibly country, flock there. So when someone opened a shop selling Tarot etc in our town, I was thrilled. Not so the locals. I believe some people actually chained themselves to lamposts outside while others protested with placards blocking the door! Needless to say, I was down there pretty quickly to buy my deck (and outraged that there weren't any die-hard Christians - the muslim community didn't raise an eyebrow - beating me round the head complete with journalists and photographers)! It's strange, because it's an area that is historically known for its non-conformism: several break-away movements were founded round there. Sadly, I noticed on my last trip that the shop didn't survive. I moved away a while ago (back to a big city where anything goes!) so I don't know the ins and outs but I imagine they drummed him out. While I loved living in the countryside and the way people did look out for each other (which they definitely don't in the cities), I did get fed up with the way I felt people were trying to dictate to me and actually noting when I went anywhere and how long I was etc - and then grilling me about it! I have to say, it was an attitude that really is dying out pretty much over here - it was much more noticeable with the older generation: the younger ones were too busy working and raising families to be too concerned about my comings and goings! And the isolation of our row of cottages probably added to the feeling. Still, that said, I hope you can eventually "educate" your new neighbours when the time is right. Is your pentacle likely to attract undue attention? I think most people I know would just say "that's an attractive piece of jewellery" and leave it at that!

Umbrae	19 May 2002
When strangers meet, great allowance should be made for differences of custom and training. If things can get complicated, they will. Silence, is a very useful tool. Living the spirit means walking the walk, and let your actions do the talking. The world is materialistic and agnostic. We are surrounded by those who substitute faith in possessions with faith in spirit. They become suspicious and intolerant of we who believe differently. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person.

Sam	19 May 2002
suggestion: get on your next door neighbors' good sides or you'll be miserable.

jakyle	20 May 2002
Jade,good luck to you. When I said subtle advertising by wearing the pentacle(or any other jewelry related to Wiccan),that is what I personally would do. I would wait to see people's reactions/comments on it. I would also keep track of other's positive/negative opinions on anything or anyone else in the neighborhood. Because if you "come out" to the wrong person,you might have just accidently told the" town gossip".(You know the type...She/he has no life or way too much time on their hands, and they find comfort in trashing on everyone else to make their own lives seem not so boring.) Usually the town gossip's flock together as a team. So keep track of who seems to give you the most info.about other people,and steer clear of them if it is at all really negative.(especially if they hardly even know you,and they are making negative comments about someone else..) The other half of my earlier reply about the pentacles on your front door,and the the nicknames for the kids....That's what I would "wish"you could do if anyone gives you any grief..

Mermaid	20 May 2002
Jade - I wish you best of luck for the move & happiness in your new home. We're lucky here at aeclectic that we know you online, so we don't have to say goodbye! I'll just add something to what everyone else has being saying though - wearing a pentacle isn't always a 'subtle' way of showing you're pagan. Especially in a small town, you'll run into heaps of people that aren't exactly sure what a pentacle means - and some people will interpret it as a sign of satanism or worse (akin to driving round with 666 on your numberplates and sacrificing black roosters on the front lawn!) :D I'm not saying never wear it, I'm just saying you should be prepared to explain exactly what it stands for to suspicious and/or curious people when you do. Best of luck - I'm sure you'll be fine Love

jade	20 May 2002
i actually thought about that and since fairyface (my 15 yr old on here) and i both wear them all the time..........i figured that i would just say that we belief in the earth. since that is the basis of our belief system anyways......and then go into organic this and organic that.........and bore them to tears LOL hahahahaha i'm a bit nervous but i think that's normal for a move to a new town and i'm very pleased that i'll be living exactly where the goddess wants me to be. :D so how can i go wrong? love jade

jakyle	20 May 2002
For an organic discussion you could use the "Eco-friendly sanitary wear,"post as your first topic...LOL

jade	20 May 2002
hahahaha sooo true :) jade

sugar4paws	20 May 2002
Jade, The advice and suggestions all the above folks have given you seem very consistent and I concur with all the above. If it were me I probably would not wear the pentacle until people got to know me. As someone said above, there is so much misunderstanding about the meaning of that symbol. Once an attitude becomes established (no matter how misguided the basis of the attitude) it is almost impossible to change. There are two basic emotions that all others stem from--love and fear. When people are afraid they will do whatever they feel is necessary to protect themselves. When you frighten someone you put yourself in danger. Rather than expecting compassion and understanding from them I would turn it around. I would try to detach from expecting anything from fellow citizens of this little town and I would interact with everyone I encountered with compassion and a sensitivity toward their fear. So I would live gently the essence of my beliefs and though I would prefer it to be otherwise, I would remember symbols have nothing to do with "walking the talk".

sugar4paws	20 May 2002
Jade, My computer locked up and didn't let me complete my reply to you. I wish I could be there with you for awhile. Wouldn't we be formidable! I'm not Wiccan but I am a pagan and my beliefs would upset the born-again Christians. (And a lot of other people, I'm sure). I hope you have a wonderful experience right from the start. You've certainly got your priorities straight in my mind with your concern for your children. I hope you meet some intersting and open-minded friends. Love to you, Jade Sugar4paws

jade	20 May 2002
thanks.............i sooo appreciate you all for you guidance. i was going to go in there and i'm sure i would have regretted it, with my beliefs on my forehead for all to see LOL now, i'll tuck them under my shirt. love jade

Ravenswing	20 May 2002
jade-- your last post reminds me of my first wife. she was a self-styled 'luciferian' witch. her own term-- a bearer of light (and named lucy of all things). anyhow, she got a red inverted pentagram tattooed on her forehead. needless to say (why do we say 'needless to say' then go and say it?) it got her into all kinds of trouble. then again, she was a natural walking disturbance before she 'branded' herself. people had two basic reactions to her-- either fear (for the most part, she could just ooze out those type of vibes; sparkly green piercing eyes helped a lot too) or attack-- which never seemed to succeed. i hope you have enough room under your shirt LOL!! LVX steve

jade	20 May 2002
OMGoddess, that would be a sight. was that before or after you were together? well, i won't follow her path, instead i'll just be quietly wiccan. LOL jade

jakyle	21 May 2002
LOLOL, StevePolz's ex needs to hang out with a girl I used to know named Kim. She is about 6 feet tall,300 pounds,and has a "third eye" tattoo on her forehead.Literally!!! Jade,these could be a couple of friends you can bring to the first annual neighborhood BBQ-to help break the ice.LOLOL

floracove	21 May 2002
You people tickle me, I love the way you talk and laugh with each other. Just way to funny... Well I am glad to hear that you will be patient with your new home and decided to keep it low profile. I am a very private person and feel like whose business is it any way? I wish you all the luck and happiness that is yours. Take care and stay safe! ps...my dad use to answer the phone, "Heaven, Jesus Christ speaking" He claimed to be an athist, I guess he was we never went to church...(wish he had been wiccan or pagan)

Ravenswing	21 May 2002
jade-- that was while we were together-- i got a lot of the spin-off hassles. i'm rather low-key, i don't advertize, but i won't deny who i am. oh yes, along with the tattoo, she had long naturally wavy hair that she dyed pink........ LVX and laughs steve

jakyle	22 May 2002
Long wavy pink hair? LOLOLOL...Kim had dyed her hair the BLEACHIEST WHITE I've ever seen,and it was spiked up short,just like Billy Idol.LOLOL The "third eye" color on her forehead was greenish blue. Picturing the two standing next to each other is just to hard to describe.

jade	22 May 2002
that's frightening LOL eek!!!!! LOL jade

jade	01 Jun 2002
i have to give you all a quick update......... everyone, and i mean everyone that i have met here has been soooo friendly and welcoming. :D many of them want to come to the meditation group that i'm going to be hosting in my home!!! there is even {get this!!!} a feng shui group that meets twice a month!!! how cool is this place! only 5,000 people and they have a feng shui group!!! so i'm really loving it here......the boys came over and invited fairy swimming the second night we were here so she is thrilled! all the boys are talking to her and checking her out LOL - we have two of them right across the street from us!!! my littlest one has friends already and so does my 8 year old!!! this street is full of kids and everyone is soooo nice. they even {i am sooooo touched by this} have arranged a block bar-b-que for tonight to welcome us! everyone is bringing the food and we don't bring anything and they are welcoming us! *tears of joy* how cool is this!!! love and light, a very blessed and happy jade :D ps the owner of the health food store is even bringing in my favorites for me!

wavebreaker	01 Jun 2002
Wow, that sounds really great jade!! Enjoy the BBQ!

zorya	01 Jun 2002
i'm so happy, happy, happy for you jade!!! you bring out the best in people!!!!!!!!

Kaz	01 Jun 2002
sounds like a great move jade ! kaz

kayne	02 Jun 2002
Wow! That's really wonderful Jade! Sounds like the people in your new town really know how to make someone feel at home! :D

Sam	09 Jun 2002
very slowly. in small towns, especially where everyone knows each other, it will be difficult to come out. come out with caution!

jade	09 Jun 2002
i found out two days ago that my nighbours two daughters are WICCAN!!!!!!! this is just getting better everyday. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D *jade doing another happy dance*

Diana	09 Jun 2002
Jade: sounds like you've moved to a perfect place!! I'm absolutely and utterly thrilled for you. I'm grinning like a Cheshire cat!!

jade	09 Jun 2002
have any of you read my article on how we came to get this house? well if you didn't - it's a good read :D i feel like the goddess literally created this house, street and neighbourhood especially for me and my family! (i was just telling this to kaz today :D) it is sooo perfect for us. the kids are off at the outdoor pool today (three houses away) and i've been playing in my garden but the sun got too hot so i'm taking a bit of a break. what perfection and complete happiness i'm feeling. :D love and light, much light, jade the article link: Check out my articles and regular column @ http://www.saskworld.com/bodymindspirit/ ~~~~~~~ {i think the server is down right now though :( }

The meeting new people thread was originally posted on 18 May 2002 in the Chat board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Chat, or read more archived threads.