when you don't like someone

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 02 May 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

joya250	02 May 2002
so, I try to be good -- and I try to understand other's perspectives.... and I like most people -- in fact it's rare for me to REALLY DISLIKE somebody.... but, of course, there are some people who I do not like. --- and I know you're not supposed to be expected to like everybody... but I would like to cultivate the side of my self that is unconditionally loving.... hmmm, I wonder if I'm being clear. I guess what I'm asking everybody is how they deal with their feelings of "dis-like" ??? (and I'm not talking about not liking "Bin Laden" or whomever... I'm talking about people you interact with... like, for example, (ahem) a boss, or a co-worker (or both! argh!).... I mean, I understand where they're coming from and why they act the way they do... but I don't like the way I feel when I'm around them. I feel mean and hateful! :( any suggestions?

funkpuss	02 May 2002
Hi Joya, I get on with most ppl but your not expected to get on with everyone. If I feel an instant dislike to someone for no reason I always try and find out why, is it my own feelings etc. but after that I don't bother. There is one person at the moment who I really hate and I've sent light out to her and everything but this girl is soooooo jelious of m for no reason. She gossips and goes out of her way to cause troble and make life difficult for me and I've had it with her, so I've taken revenge. YES!! I know it's not the done thing to do but I feel that I have to be a bi*ch to put things to an end AND that normally works!! Each night I try and send some positive thoughts to her but not any more!! })})})})})})})})})})})})})})})}) It's Ok for someone to hate me but she has not got a reason apart from she got me and some man together which she was hping it would go all wrong but things was fine. Why did she introduce us if she didn't want us to be together. SICKO!! I will take my revenge on Tuesday,it's a dish best served cold, but at the same time I'm praying like mad as I'm really bad when someone crosses me. I just turn into a shedevil!!}) This has been going on for almost a year! so it does take me some time to turn ifrom a loving,giving and trusting friend into a bunnyboiler! It's her problem not mine, so why should I allow her to ruin my life! When I've told other ppl about what has happened they can't understand why she is soooooooooo sick! I've even sent LOVE to the cow! AAARRRRRRHHHHHH I will sure hear about it later next week so I'll keep you posted! I'm also asking ALL who reads this post to help me keep this girl (Khady) out of my/our life for good! Thanks :* Funky

truthsayer	02 May 2002
i know what you mean. no matter where you go there's going to be at least one person that gets you goat. the only thing i know to suggest is to work w/ yourself to neutralize your feelings. i'm not talking about rationalizing irritating behavior. just do your best to distance yourself emotional. it's when we feel involved w/ someone on some kind of personal does it become possible to dislike anyone. even if it's only getting frustrated w/ the cashier at mcdonald's--that's an emotional tie. you're hungry and you want your hamburger! ration your feeling into ppl and situations that really matter to you. try not to take work personally b/c quite likely they are not looking at you as a person and that's part of the reason you dislike this individual. talk to someone about your feelings. write a letter to this person and then burn it to break the connections. journal, draw, paint. find ways to relieve your stress like exercise or a warm bubble bath by candlelight. refill your empty pitcher and renew yourself daily. if you take good care of your own emotional needs it will be easier to handle ppl you don't like. it's just part of being human. i used to work w/ this woman who was a complete narcissistic motormouth. she loved nothing better than to hear herself talk. i tried to be patient w/ her at first. after a year, she had worn me out mentally. after a while, i noticed every irritating thing that she did and even if what she did wasn't neccessarily irritating, i was so burned out on her that merely the sound of her voice or sight of her set me on fire. i got to the point i could barely say a civil word to her. i was tired of her narcissism and her insensitivity to my feelings. i started snapping at her whenever i couldn't contain my irritation and dislike. of course, even when i tried to point out how she had upset me, she could only see her own side. i totally lost my perspective and neutrality w/ her. i finally took a job at another site to get away from her b/c i couldn't take her any longer. unfortunately, everyone at the office felt the same way about her but b/c she was a dedicated worker, management did little to rein her in. i can see how i could have handled the situation better now but hindsight is always 20/20.

joya250	02 May 2002
thanks Funky & Truth. :) it really helps to hear other's stories and perspectives. It's my boss that has finally gotten to me. And a certain co-worker. it had gotten to the point where I feel angry and sick everytime I hear them or have to deal with them. --- however the level of intensity of this comes and goes -- and some days are better than others. I am not one to hold a grudge and am extremely forgiving (or so I'm been told!) :) so, I think I've been able to deal with things better than some others --- in the past year and a half since i've been here, 3 people quit, and 1 walked out -- all cause of this one person (one of the bosses) -- oh, and 3 people were fired too. This company definitely has a sickness.... argh. gotta run..... have a meeeting!

zorya	02 May 2002
hi joya :) i've begun to see a pattern in the people i have the most trouble with. when i see or hear someone passing judgement, i just click into " don't like" mode. at first, i thought this was because my mother was so judgemental. after reading several books that discussed "mirroring". i started changing my own judgemental attitudes. the less i judged, the less i was focussed on it in others. we recognise most, that which is in ourselves. so if you fill yourself with love and other positive thoughts, this is what you will mirror in others. ok... so this isn't so easy and it takes alot of work, lol. i still cringe when i hear someone being judgemental. but i no longer hate them, and i can put my dislike into perspective. it's the behavior i dislike, not the person. :OL

destinyawaitsme	02 May 2002
I know a young lady I absolutely hate! I can always find good in people, but this one jsut reallly takes the cake! I had a thing for this guy..it kind of faded away, but we still were friends. He began to date this other girl (she just has all this hatred inside her..I can feel it). I tried making friendly conversation with her..but she acted like I was a nuisance..like I was annoying her. I was trying to think if I had said something wrong..but there's nothing wrong with asking someone how they are doing??? So I figured that I should just forget about it...can't be friends with everyone right? But she continued to spread rumors about me...because she was jealous of my relationship with her boyfriend I guess (they weren't going out just casually dating..I wasn't out to take her man). I see her on campus everyday and I get the dirtiest looks. I try to ignore them...or even flash her a smile...just to piss her off...but it doesn't work. I'll be glad when summer gets here so she'll have to go home and I won't have to look at her anymore! But anyway to get to my point...just how there are people that you are drawn to, I think that there are people that don't mix well with you...and I guess it's your job as a human to deal with it.. It sucks though. ;(

.dc	02 May 2002
joya, i have the same problem. and it's funny that you posted what you did today since i am mad at a few people here as well. where i work i cannot confront them directly... oi have tried and it gets me nowhere and looking dumb. my boss doesn't like being a boss, she'd rather be a coach. which is fine and dandy but when i have a serious issue, i can't go anywhere to talk to people because of this problem. i'm tired of being a professional but looked at as a child there. i didn't go to college to be a kid, i went for writing and design. and damnit, i want people to recognize that i DO contribute... etc. okay, yeah... sorry for ranting. it's been a day. anyways, i usually try and not let them get to me. if they do, i just walk away go outside and ground it all out and then go inside and put on my headphones and just plug away with work. i guess i am hoping that the universe will give them their due and that it will toss something better for me soon. good luck, .dc

joya250	03 May 2002
yah .dc -- I feel the same way! I'm so underpaid and not respected for what I do. I could deal with the underpaid part, but it's the not recognized or appreciated part (the part when my boss thinks its okay to talk about me behind my back part) that I am having a hard time dealing with. ... I wonder if it's creative people in general, like my boss, who is my art director, --- they can be SO insecure with themselves, that they must put down everyone else. We were at a design awards show recently -- and he litterarly boo'ed! argh. but I'm getting off topic. I would just like to "turn the other cheeck" -- but it sure it tough!

funkpuss	03 May 2002
[quote]Originally posted by joya250 It's my boss that has finally gotten to me. And a certain co-worker. it had gotten to the point where I feel angry and sick everytime I hear them or have to deal with them. --- however the level of intensity of this comes and goes -- and some days are better than others. I am not one to hold a grudge and am extremely forgiving (or so I'm been told!) :) so, I think I've been able to deal with things better than some others --- in the past year and a half since i've been here, 3 people quit, and 1 walked out -- all cause of this one person (one of the bosses) -- oh, and 3 people were fired too. This company definitely has a sickness.... :eek: Joya the same thing happened to me and NOW that I've left work over a year ago AND MOVED this person (Khady)is still messing things up for me. She is a STALKER! So after the bank hols I will report her to the police. I'm very angry and it's so easy to say, oh just think positive and send out good thoughts when someone F**@¨§ up your life, esp when you have done nothing wrong! I'v'e now got a smile on my face as she will be the looser not me! And it's normal to feel angry towards these people even if we don't act like them. BUT I'm not going to carry this anger with me any more other wise it will just eat me up. Funky

Kiama	03 May 2002
Would anyone mind very much if I moved this thread to the Chat forum? Kiama

funkpuss	03 May 2002
Go for it Kiama Funky:*

joya250	03 May 2002
no problem, Kiama. I posted this in the Spirituality forum.... cause to me, learning to love others as you love yourself is a spiritual issue ---- ( I didn't really mean to turn it into a bitch session!) .... really, I am interested how others deal with their own feelings of dis-like and anger.... if everything we experience is a learning opportunity and a test -- this one is really tough! .... and if I create my own reality.... why am I attracting negative people? --- it must be a reflection of those negative aspects of myself --- and now the question is how to deal? :) TGIF!

funkpuss	03 May 2002
[quote][i]Originally posted by joya .. why am I attracting negative people? --- it must be a reflection of those negative aspects of myself --- and now the question is how to deal? Sorry Joya I don't agree with you, it's not YOUR fault and NO reflection. These ppl around you seem jealous in some way. BUT I do understand why you say this because negative attracts negative, but that' not always the case, well not in mine it was just this girl was Just jealous because of her own insecurites and it was some kind of contest to see who whould win. But I wasn't bothered until now that I'm very angry. And we can't go round life thinking nice fluffy things about ppl who hate us. I hope you sor things out soon! Funky

Kiama	03 May 2002
I am always unsure about what is Chat and what is Spirituality... There is always so much of a blur, esp. when the posts aren't about a specific religion or its practices... I'll move this to Chat I think. Kiama

Geenius at Wrok	03 May 2002
Quote: Originally posted by joya250 why am I attracting negative people? --- it must be a reflection of those negative aspects of myself . . . Nah. It's a reflection of the fact that there are lots of negative people in the world, and they have to go somewhere.

funkpuss	15 May 2002
It even happens here!!! This is the best forum ever BUT I know it's someone thinking I'm cramping their style or they just like competion. But there is one person in this forum that does't like me! I know this, I feel it too, so I'm not paranoid. I would like to say please stop the childish act it's just pretentious and stop making little puns, digs and undertone comments. You know who you are and I'm not the only one to notice it. Some people have backed off from this forum because of your comments and other things that you have done. We want more people here not less. I myself must admitt things can easly get misunderstood via e-mail/online as it's a different form of communication. I have even snapped at somebody, without thinking about it first and I did say sorry and it has happened to me, someone being the smart A** or AR** for the English! BUT they have sent me a PM saying sorry. That's fine and dandy but going back to this person. Who do they think they are .....A GURU .....NOT Funky Funky

jade	15 May 2002
wow, this thread has certainly turned into something that is a 'tribute to negativity' back to the original question: when i am in a situation where there is negativity i visualize the person in a bubble of pink light.............like bubble gum :)............. then i gently blow love at them and watch them float away into the distance. this really diffuses negativity and i have found it very very useful in the many years that i have been using it. my suggestion to you fp, check the guidelines and if this person is breaking them then please speak to solandia about it. we don't want to start a verbal war here...........it's best to take this into a pm or email. i send you all hugs and light to assist you with dealing with your negativity in your lives. also, i agree with zorya, she gave some great advice!!! i also totally agree with the mirroring, we often see the aspects of ourselves that we dislike in others........that's why i can see a person one way and someone else sees them a totally different way.......it's all in our own perception. in light, and love, jade :)

funkpuss	15 May 2002
It's ALL sorted now as the person apologised. Funky

jade	15 May 2002
glad to hear it :) love jade

funkpuss	16 May 2002
After all the sorry's etc. it's still going on that's why I'm leaving the forum to get out of this rat race. Well I might as wellif I'm sooooooo negative. FP

Hush	16 May 2002
Quote: why am I attracting negative people? --- it must be a reflection of those negative aspects of myself . . . that got me thinking...when i start to dislike a person, with one person i thought of in particular it came down to her behaving in a way because of her own insecurity. and infact, i think all of my friends are insecure (i dont dislike all of them because of it though! hehe) but i thought..does this mean i attract insecure people? i know what people said about it..but stil, starts ya thinking. because i find i can act without any insecurity, but when it comes down to it, i can be very insecure. so is it when im with them theyre just getting stuck with all my insecurities and im home free? *shrugs* back to disliking people...this one person in particular acts very strangely because she's insecure in our friendship and herself. she gets to the point of like..setting situations up so that she can go and tell people to create a certain image of our friendship(? its hard to explain) its weird.. but generally, i dont dislike many people. you'll have to try pretty damn hard for me to, hehe.

Rhiannon	16 May 2002
First I must say that I'm sorry to see Funky go. I enjoyed her posts and I'll miss her. And I'm sorry that she felt there was too much negativity going on here. :( I have a very strange sense of humor and sometimes it rubs people the wrong way. I tend to "make fun of people", but in what I consider to be a friendly sort of way. If you do something stupid, I'm pretty much gonna tell ya it was stupid! LOL I've had a few people be offended by this and my response is always "If I don't like you, I just won't talk to you... so take the jibes as a compliment please! It means you're worth the effort of my thinking them up!" Seriously. If I don't like someone I will go out of my way not to be in a room with them. I don't intentionally ignore people if they are speaking to me, but I don't engage in long conversations with them either. It took me a very long time to come to the conclusion that I DON'T HAVE TO LIKE EVERYONE! And even longer to realize that they don't have to like me either! :D As far as people being insecure goes.. I think everyone is insecure about something. It's all in the way we show/hide it and learn to get over it. Rhiannon :)

Sam	20 May 2002
you can ignore them or if they bother you devise a plan to get them back! })

The when you don't like someone thread was originally posted on 02 May 2002 in the Chat board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Chat, or read more archived threads.