What Type Send Off/Funeral/Rememberance Do You Wish For?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 28 Jul 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Kismet	28 Jul 2002
The thread on the music people wish at their funeral had me wonder what type of send off overall people would wish for. When my boyfriend passed I had to use what I knew of him and gut instinct as funerals aren't exactly favorite topics of discussions, and his being 33, not something I thought imminant to need to discuss. I feel in my heart his service was one he'd approve of. I personally wish for mine to be a joyous celebration of life, I wish for these songs to be played Garth Brooks "The Dance", Celine Dion "A New Day", James Taylor "You Can Close Your Eyes", Dionne Warwick "I Say a Little Prayer For You", Celine Dion with Andre Borcelli "The Prayer", Green Day "Time of Your Life" and a gospel song I recall as a child named "I'll Be Home Before Dark". I want no black clothing worn at my funeral, after all, death is a natural passage to a new journey, something to look forward to, not mourn. I'd like a passage from the Bible read although I'm unsure which one yet. I'd like lots of candles lit to signify the light waiting for us all on the other side. Anyone wishing to share a happy thought of funny memory is welcome to speak, but I don't wish for any doom or gloom. I'd like ivy and red roses on my coffin, both are of significance to me, and when I'm laid to rest by my boyfriend's side I'd like 2 red roses thrown in with me. I'd also like either a butterfly release or a lone white dove released. After the service is complete, I'd like everyone to have a grill out and shoot off fireworks in celebration. :) Love and Light, Kismet

wavebreaker	28 Jul 2002
I haven't really thought of that, except for the music... I don't think it really matters to me, as long as they respect my wishes: that I don't want to be buried but cremated and that they play the music I chose. Oh, and I don't want a church service! I'd better put that in writing too, because I'm from a Catholic family, so they are bound to organize one for me... As long as these few wishes are respected, it doesn't really matter to me what kind of funeral my family will organize for me. After all, it's also a kind of ritual for them, to say goodbye to me, so it should fit them as well. Knowing my family, it will probably be a very traditional funeral, although I'm sure they are not going to be happy with having to leave out the service (I can just hear my mother go: "No service?? We can't do that, what will people think?!!" :D ).

cjtarot	28 Jul 2002
kismet, My heart is with you. I am sorry for your physical loss..but know your boyfriend is always with you. as far as I'm concerned (and I should get this in writing soon). I want my body to be put in a inexpensive plain box.. and placed in the ground...have a service, then dance the night away as far as a service..I do want a church type service..(NO CATHOLIC CHURCH AND ABSOLUTELY NO BODY IN THE CHURCH). I want a rememberence..where childeren and adults are welcome and comfortable-and invited to participate (at the catholic church where my brothers funeral was the actually had the pollines to say "all catholics may stand..ect" I was mortified considering by older brother and I are not catholic and felt errr not welcome..that and it was a hard thing to see..people talking about him and his remains sitting there as if he were still in the body God gave him to use. Oh well enough complaining..just stick me in a box..have a mass where ALL and I MEAN ALL are welcome and then have a party to rival my wedding reception..lol.. Blessings all and make sure your loved ones know exactly what you want. Cj

Liliana	28 Jul 2002
Oh I dont much care, I listed music in the other thread, and I want yellow roses, varigated Ivy, and Tiger Lilies, tons of candles and incense., and absolutely loads of food. Theres a lot up in the air between now and then I hope, its possible my husband might become a pastor, if so and if I die first of course Id want him to do my service. But my service will have to be done very carefully, I have beleifs many consider heretical and I dont want any service that I wouldnt of approved of in life at my funeral. And maybe instead of the traditional Ashes to Ashes burial prayer, use this one Ashes to ashes dust to dust life is too short so party we must ;) :THP

truthsayer	28 Jul 2002
i know what i've always wanted isn't possible so i'll indulge myself and post it. i've always thought the idea of a viking funeral would be cool. just put me in a boat w/ my favorite possessions--my books, tarot, and stuffed animals. have a little sending off service w/ music. then shove the boat out into the river or ocean. have an archer shoot a few flaming arrows in to the boat and burn it all. while the boat is burning, there is a party on the beach. there's food, music and dancing. by the time the boat has finished burning, everyone will have exhausted their grief by the last good time i gave them when i left. i want that good time to be what they remember of letting me go.

DarkElectric	28 Jul 2002
Man, I would love a viking funeral! Since that isn't possible, I guess I'll have to die in New Orleans. Lots of gumbo, and people jamming out the music for a few days. I know I'll have a Wiccan ceremony, but I want a New Orleans afterparty. iIm not even sure what kind of ceremony it will be, I haven't really given it much thought, although maybe I should. Nobody's ever too young to go. This is a fact nobody wants to look at. Most of us think we'll live forever. I'm sorry about your boyfriend, Kismet. He was so lucky to have such a loving partner. He will always be with you. It's hard to understand why a person doesn't want to stay in this world, but sometimes, no matter what, for reasons of their own, they really just can't. It's rough on those of us left behind, because we just don't understand why. But from what I've seen, they really, really can't stay. And that is the hardest thing to bear. But maintain your courage, and keep on going. Glad you're here! Blessings.

RedWood	28 Jul 2002
Viking would be cool...Otherwise..However my husband wants to do it will be fine..Whatever he thinks would be best for our son..

the hermit	28 Jul 2002
In a typical Virgonian manner, I've already have made my own arrangements. It's in writing, in my will, and all family members are aware. My son, especially, is well aware of my feelings about funerals and understands my wishes. I'll be cremated and my ashes will be scattered at sea in a small ceremony. If family and friends wish to gather afterwards, that's up to them. I personally hate funerals. When someone passes on, their life should be celebrated, not mourned. But that's just the way I feel.

amyel	28 Jul 2002
I have no wishes to share here, but I will share this: When my step-mum died, she had never spoke about the kind service she wanted. Unforunately, her family is pretty much divided - religious/aethist. So a service was planned for her: a simple ceremony at the funereal parlour and a rememberence service at the local university chapel - not because it was religious, but because the folks organizing it were members and it was the only space available on such short notice (she died in an Australian summer, so things tend to happen quickly). Well. The contraversy that has ensued to this day (she died in '97) over the location and the fact that one relative stood up & spoke the Lord's prayer was like hailstorm. A huge pity, too, because my step-mum worked so hard at maintaining good relationships with everyone and accepting them for who they were. So I am going to beg everyone: if you have strong wishes about how your funereal is to be carried out, talk about it, and write it in your will. And I have to remind everyone: services are not so much for the dead as the living.

Red raven	28 Jul 2002
A party. good music, good food, good friends, and good times. they'res too many sad people already. I want a fun sending-off. Besides, those people who know me first-hand would know I despise funerals. and they're always flowers at funerals. I'd go for a plastic palm tree and a lawn flamingo. ;) I want my body to be cremated but I'll be damned if I know where I want it to go.

jade	28 Jul 2002
amyel, i hear ya, but you know......i just don't want a funeral. and i wouldn't have one for my hubby or kids either. i really feel like so often, people come because they feel they have to, rather than really wanting to be there and the expense.........i'ld rather you called me or came to see me now, rather than after i've died. as for funerals, i think people use it as a way to say the stuff they never bothered, or had the opportunity in life to say.....i would rather they say it to me now, good and bad.....so that we can talk about it and clear up any misunderstandings etc. going to funerals has never assisted me in getting over the person, going has always just brought me more grief. i know that my grandpa john died and i wasn't there for the funeral and i have griefed his passing (my favorite grampa). i went to my grandpa walters funeral and totally broke down, needed to be tranquilized......i was a flippin mess...........did the funeral help me? no. i would have done better to just grieve like i did for my other grandpa but my family wouldn't let me. they said i had to go to show respect. so.................i don't want a funeral and i already told my hubby that if his siblings want a funeral for him, they can have one where they live. go for it. but i'm not having any part of it. besides, i believe that death is just another turn in our paths........not an ending, or a beginning, just another twist. in light, jade

wavebreaker	28 Jul 2002
Quote: Originally posted by amyel And I have to remind everyone: services are not so much for the dead as the living. Yes, I realise that, but I just don't think it would be fitting if they would organize a catholic service for me while I never went to church anymore and was actually very much opposed to the catholic church (and the catholic church would even profit from it, because catholic services aren't exactly for free!). I mean, if my family or friends want to pray for me or whatever and go to a service to do that, that's fine, but I just don't want them to organize a service especially for me, because that's just not me. And I would want them to say goodbye to me in a way that is fitting for me.

Mlle Lenormand	28 Jul 2002
Since I started the post on the music, I'd better put my thoughts in here :) I want a celebration of my life, it can be held in a funeral parlour, because I don't care, as long as it is relaxed and friendly. I would like a spiritualist minister to do the service and I don't want doom and gloom psalms etc. What we should do is use our computers to put together a personal CD. Put copies of the songs you want on it, pick up a microphone and tape your own eulogy and type up some personal messages for your family and friends to read later. Include some scanned pics of your life and write a few brief comments under each. Give copies to your family, so no one will lose it before the big day. Hmmm...maybe I could start a business in this :) :) :) :)

amyel	28 Jul 2002
Quote: Originally posted by tarotlady Yes, I realise that, but I just don't think it would be fitting if they would organize a catholic service for me while I never went to church anymore and was actually very much opposed to the catholic church (and the catholic church would even profit from it, because catholic services aren't exactly for free!). I mean, if my family or friends want to pray for me or whatever and go to a service to do that, that's fine, but I just don't want them to organize a service especially for me, because that's just not me. And I would want them to say goodbye to me in a way that is fitting for me. That's my point. In the 20 years my step-mom was in my life, she never once discussed religion or her beliefs with me. Perhaps this could have been a signal to me taht she wsasn't religious, but the fact was, she was a very private person and did not volunteer much about her inner most thoughts with me, or, it turns out, most people. Sooooo...if she had written down 'No funreal" or "no religious service" in her will, we would all have known. My step-mom died of lung cancer - she knew she was dying, yet still did not discuss her final wishes with any of us.

wavebreaker	29 Jul 2002
Quote: Originally posted by amyel Sooooo...if she had written down 'No funreal" or "no religious service" in her will, we would all have known. My step-mom died of lung cancer - she knew she was dying, yet still did not discuss her final wishes with any of us. It's a pity she didn't it discuss it with you, especially since she knew she was dying... But I've put my wishes in writing, they are with my will. I'm a typical Virgo too... ;)

zorya	29 Jul 2002
it doesn't matter to me, what happens at my funeral. but i do hope, that someone who understands that i am not truly gone, will explain it all to my children and husband. so that they may understand.

the hermit	29 Jul 2002
Quote: Originally posted by tarotlady But I've put my wishes in writing, they are with my will. I'm a typical Virgo too... ;) see! see! great virgonians abound on this forum!!! HAIL VIRGONIANS!!! but this is a serious thread and it's a shame when someone doesn't make their wishes known. we all would like to make sure we do what our loved ones would want...

divinerguy	29 Jul 2002
I'm going to plan my end out in advance, because I don't want my son or my wife to have to worry about it. I'll probably audio or video record my thanks to the people who have made my life richer. If I can, maybe some words of encouragement for those the remain. I believe we are placed on this earth to make the lives of those around us better. If I have accomplished that, then I feel my life has been worth living. I'd like some part of me to live on for a while, so I may buy a piece of land, and build a park, or give my body's organs to a person in need.

destinyawaitsme	29 Jul 2002
man, I've always wanted a fun funeral. I don't know if that's possible. I'm sure there would be people there that wouldn't feel like having fun. but if it could be a "nice knowing all of you, thanks for the memories, see you again soon." kind of thing, I would be tickled. Oh, how about get all the death cards out of all my decks and bury them with me...is that morbid?

truthsayer	09 Aug 2002
Quote: Originally posted by truthsayer i know what i've always wanted isn't possible so i'll indulge myself and post it. i've always thought the idea of a viking funeral would be cool. just put me in a boat w/ my favorite possessions--my books, tarot, and stuffed animals. have a little sending off service w/ music. then shove the boat out into the river or ocean. have an archer shoot a few flaming arrows in to the boat and burn it all. while the boat is burning, there is a party on the beach. there's food, music and dancing. by the time the boat has finished burning, everyone will have exhausted their grief by the last good time i gave them when i left. i want that good time to be what they remember of letting me go. it's become strange to me that what i say in this forum is often comes back to haunt me. in the above post, i was basically sharing my fantasy of being cremated w/ no viewing and my ashes scattered over this river i love. tuesday a friend died of a massive heart attack at 50 years old. i've been in shock since i found out. he was such a great guy and he loved life so much! but i didn't really feel the impact of his loss until i called the funeral home and asked for his arrangements. the man said,"he was CREMATED this morning" and told me about the rest of the arrangements. but "CREMATED" kept reverberating thru my head. i felt the shock and pain i didn't feel when i saw the obituary. i realized then that i really wanted to SEE HIM once last time to say good-bye. i went to the wake tonight and there was no casket. just some flowers and pictures of him and his grieving family and friends around. something in me ached to see and touch him so i could accept it was true and not a cruel joke but there is no way to make the last contact, that last good-bye. he's so real in my mind. i haven't decided whether i'll go to the funeral or not. there is a memorial service at a church then they are taking his ashes out to sea and scattering them. for some reason, i feel so horrified. i can't believe i wanted to be cremated now but then maybe it's good that i become more aware of my feelings now while i can make a choice. it's strange about this connection we all have w/ our bodies. it's kind of like refusing to throw away an old threadbare coat for sentimental reasons. there is a story to that effect in "women who run w/ the wolves" by clarissa pinkola estes. i may reread it. i need something to help me handle this.

jade	09 Aug 2002
truth, i send you hugs. i'm so sorry that you are going thru this time of loss and pain. did you get to hold some of his ashes? do you think that it may assist you to do so? in light, jade

Poetlove	09 Aug 2002
I can't say that I have ever thought of my own, and what I would do. I have been through the death of a younger brother. He was 11 and I was 16. I picked out the coffen, and evn helped with the head stone. I think that was such a tramatic time that I try not to think about mine. Tho, I do agree, I don't think I want sadness there. Just remember me with a smile on my face and a hat on my head, and things will be just fine. I'll be waiting for the day I will embrace everyone again.

truthsayer	09 Aug 2002
Quote: Originally posted by jade truth, i send you hugs. i'm so sorry that you are going thru this time of loss and pain. did you get to hold some of his ashes? do you think that it may assist you to do so? in light, jade the funeral is this afternoon. it hadn'y occurred to me that i could touch some of his ashes. maybe just the urn will do. thank you for the hugs.

mara	09 Aug 2002
my goal this time around is to raise my consiousness to such an extent that I won't have to die a physical death. This being part of my awareness of why we are here. This though might be a good topic for a new thread......what do you think? Shall I start it up? Why not, I suppose that's why were all here as well isn't it, to also learn from one another ;) Mara

The What Type Send Off/Funeral/Rememberance Do You Wish For? thread was originally posted on 28 Jul 2002 in the Chat board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Chat, or read more archived threads.