~ Accepting Change

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 23 Aug 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

kayne	23 Aug 2002
There seems to have been so much change in my life in the past three months or so. I have moved house, just resigned from my job, Aeclectic is being transformed (ok... I know... but it *is* a part of my life...) and am living with a new, third room mate. This time last year I would have had no idea which direction my life would have taken. So, how do you go about accepting change in your life. Are you the sort of person that needs routine and consistancy in your life to keep your bearings or are you prepared to have it all turned over for something new?

RedWood	23 Aug 2002
I try to keep some consistence in my life..Like comeing to aeclectic...Going to bed or even eating at a certain time..That way you wont feel like your whole world is completely out of control..it is the simple things that you keep you sane in the midst of turmoil..

zorya	23 Aug 2002
i remind myself that everything changes in time. without change, there can be no growth. if there is a change i don't like, and there is nothing left for me to do about it, then i tell myself that it's time to accept it . i can fight it and make it harder, or i can try to go with the flow. i believe there is usually a purpose for everything, even if we can't see that far ahead, most changes in the long run, are for the best. this is such an exciting time for you kayne! you have the opportunity to follow your dreams.

cricket	23 Aug 2002
How do I accept change? I embrace it wholeheartedly, and throw myself into it, like jumping into a mudpuddle. :D Actually, I was talking to a dear friend of mine not too long ago about the changes that have been going on recently. Not just personal changes, but those that have an effect on the world. According to her, a major cycle is coming to an end. I can't remember what it's called, or when it started, except that it was not long after I was born. Anyway, these changes have been going on for the past few years, and are expected to keep going for a few more... so maybe it would be for the best just to try and ride it through. It's just catching up to you, that's all. ;) Chin up. We're all rooting for you. {{kayne}}

jade	24 Aug 2002
i believe that all changes are for you greatest good. all lessons are for your greatest good. all hardships (lessons) are for your greatest good. everything that happens is for your greatest good, no matter what it is. it may seem like adversity at the time..........but there is ALWAYS a silver lining to everything. i live this philosophy. i love change. i love growth. i love lessons. i love all of my hardships. i rejoice in my misfortunes because i know, without a doubt, that it is for my greatest good. therefore, how do i deal with change? i throw change a party and celebrate that it has chosen to come into my life at this time....... cause i KNOW without a doubt, that this means that my life is about to improve!!! to grander heights than i even dreamed possible! :D jade ps and yes, i really do believe this and live it. :D:D:D:D:D

wavebreaker	24 Aug 2002
It usually takes me a while to accept change, or to realise that I need a change. But once I've accepted it, I go for it and I don't look back. I think I need the time to feel whether the change is right or not. I used to take decisions with my mind, looking at the pros and cons of every option, but found out that it often doesn't work that way. So know I rely on my feelings to decide whether a certain change is right or not.

Kismet	24 Aug 2002
Kayne, I suppose it depends for me if the change is good or bad. I'm a person that likes normalcy in my life. I like to wake up, go to work and know I'm coming straight home, although most times it doesn't happen that way...For some reason there are always errands to be run, things to do. I like order in my home, everything has it's place is my motto. I'm currently going through a lot of change as well and wish I could see anything positive in it. If anyone had told me a year ago my department at work would have been cut to half it's size and those of us left would be doing twice as much work, it would have upset me but I'd have got used to it. What's hard is how those whose jobs were done away with and their treatment that makes me livid. I'm divorced and have my kids all summer, then they go back to their father's. It is an expected change, but also one that has just occured and it never gets easier. And certainly if I'd been told last year my boyfriend would have passed by his own hand....Well, as you can see, the changes I'm going through aren't always easily grasped or accepted. Zorya, I had to quote this as my boyfriend said it often, and it is very true. Quote: Originally posted by zorya without change, there can be no growth. God Bless, In love and light, Kismet

Diana	24 Aug 2002
I have a very hard time coping with change. Of course, I do not fight change, and accept that is is a necessary part of my life. Fighting it would be a lost cause from the start, and I can't be bothered fighting lost causes. But I must say, when big changes occur, old memories get stirred up that have not been healed sufficiently, and I can get extremely anxious and can even panic. It is hard to explain why - it's just something so deep-seated that it overwhelms me and can knock me out badly. Sometimes even going on holiday can be a tough one. But I do it anyway, for I refuse to let my life be ruled by fear. It's hard even just talking about it in this post. So I'd better stop.

rostie	24 Aug 2002
actually most of the time i hate it...i find it difficult to accept...it's to see what it is also...change that i wanted i love (because i love new things...variation), but things i didn't expect...the problem also is, i never now what to choose, what direction is the best for 'me' and not for others, i always think too much of others expectations...and it's difficult to ignore that and just listen to my own inner voice...this year has also been very hard for me...i am studying already my whole life (i'm 23 now), i explain it better...after my highschool i studied for three years a study i didn't like, graduated and that was that...i didn't knew what to do then and choose a new study one i always wanted to do but knew i wasn't ready for when i just got from highschool...i chose art sciences, the thing is i really like it but it's a little too difficult and this year was just too much to handle because i didn't get passed my first year art sciences and decided to do this year the part of my first year i didn't pass and my second at the same time...but it was too much...when my exams came, i collapsed...but eventually i get through my first year and a part of the second...now i'm doing my second chance for the other part of the second year...but this vacation i began to doubt...is this the right direction??? so, i still don't know and don't know what to choose...i do my exams now for my second yeart but...i don't know it's hard, everyone say i don't may give it up, but what's good for me, and what if i give up, what to do then???

Marion	24 Aug 2002
Change is such an enormous part of my life now. I feel dis-oriented.. floating away from known signposts. Being a stranger is not something that I have been for a long time, and I am longing to start re-forming new points of contact with the world. But things refuse to move that quickly and I have to keep floating and find the earth myself. I have let go of so many security points. Embracing change is good, I guess. I am not scared, or panicky... I just don't feel tightly bound at the moment.

Bings	24 Aug 2002
Change has been a big part of my life for the past 19 years. My husband is in the military so we have move 11 times in the past 19 years. All the moves have taught me to both hate change and to except the changes I have no control over. Change my computer settings and I have fits. Put things in the wrong place when unloading the dishwasher and I hate that. Mess up my kids schedual and I go nuts. Because I feel these things are an orderliness I can control. I feel this way because of all the things in my life that I have no control over. The moving every few years I have no control over. My husband and I have some say in where we are moving too. The military gives us a few choices and we choose one. But we are moving whether we want to or not!!! I have learned that there are so many things in life that we can not stop from happening. So instead of fighting against them I except them and try to learn from them. They are no longer changes that I must endure. They are changes that will bring new adventure, new things to learn, new people to meet. Dianne

Rhiannon	24 Aug 2002
I was a military brat! I had to accept change whether I liked it or not. At a very young age I learned that when we moved, I had the opportunity to be a whole new person, in a whole new school, where nobody knew me from before. It became exciting! I got to reinvent myself fairly often. Now when changes occur I know that the only thing to do is accept it. Sometimes I react first, if I feel it's a negative change, like "DAMNIT!" LOL Then I respond by trying to fit this new change into my life... or vice versa. And then the change becomes a part of me and I can learn from it. I think one thing we can all do (if you view change as a negative thing, especially) is look back on all the changes in our lives. Journal about them. If the change felt negative... did anything positive come out of it later? If it was positive, how positive? Did anything negative happen because of the positive change? Ex: losing my job recently. I liked my job very much. But when I got fired it was a "DAMNIT" moment and then "Oh, well I get to spend more time at home with my kids while they are still little. And I'll have time to get some projects done around the house. And I'll have more time to spend on myself, tarot and aeclectic!" R :)

Laurel	24 Aug 2002
I am learning to thrive on change- and that's a change in itself! :) Laurel

purplelady	24 Aug 2002
How do I feel about change?.................. If I feel that the change was MY choice , if I actively went after it, then I welcome change. But if I feel that it was forced upon me by someone else Then I can be very cranky!!! But such is life. We cannot control everything and every change. And change will happen that seems to be out of one's control. So I'm still Greatly working within myself on accepting changes that I feel were not my choice, and even accepting changes that I know I had something to do with but didn't turn out as I'd imagined!

amyel	24 Aug 2002
As an earth sign, I like some constancy in my life. With a whole bunch or air in my chart, I like change, too. Alot of the change that is happening in your life right, Kayne, is change you have/had control over. So first, I suggest you remember that above all else. Second, as so many others have suggested, try to find some routines that make something seem "regular". When I travelled alot in Australia, one ot the things that helped me with the change of being away from my comfort zone was grocery shopping, not because I like grocery shopping (I don't), but because it was a "normal activity" and not a "travelling activity". And last (and I know I've said this before) BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!!!! Remind yourself that any change takes awhile to adjust to, but usually open up new opportunities you'd have otherwise missed.

Jenny-Li	24 Aug 2002
I'm going through my fair share of change this year too, good and bad, and I'd be both naïve and lying if I was to say I plunge myself into it all, whole heartedly... What I can say without a second of doubt is that if I was to go through the year I'm going through right now, without having started out on my spiritual journey, I would be a whole lot worse off than I am right now. For me the key is to see the big picture, to see the growth potential, the Karmic learning and the general Plan in everything that happens. And instead of beating my head against the wall trying to figure out the endless WHY's, like I would have not at all that long ago, I can leave that out of myself. It's not my problem why things happen the way they do, it's not up to me to figure out why things don't stay the same. All I can do about it is do follow the flow of events and STAY TRUE TO MYSELF while doing so. That's really all there is to it. It may seem hard in the beginning, but as you allow yourself to let go, there's really so much comfort in that thought: The only thing you can do is to stay true to yourself. Light and love, Jenny :)

debins	24 Aug 2002
then I feel drained. But I have found an excerpt from Emerson that has helped me a great deal during those times when I couldn't understand why so much unwelcome change was being flung at me. I would like to share it: Emerson's Natural History of Calamity The changes which break up at short intervals the prosperity of men are advertisements of a nature whose law is growth. Every soul is by this intrinsic necessity quitting its whole system of things, its friends and home and laws and faith, as the shellfish crawls ',,: out if its beautiful but stony case, because it no longer admits of its growth, and slowly forms a new house. In proportion to the vigor of the individual these revolutions are frequent, until in some happier mind they are incessant and all worldly relations hang very loosely about him, becoming as it were a transparent fluid membrane thought which the living form is seen and not, as in most men, an indurated heterogeneous fabric of many dates and of not settled character, in which the man is imprisoned. Then there can be enlargement and the man of today scarcely recognizes the man of yesterday. And such should be the outward biography of man in time, a putting off of dead circumstances day by day, as he renews his raiment day by day. But to us, in our lapsed estate, resting, not advancing, resisting, not cooperating with the divine expansion, this growth comes by shocks. We cannot part with our friends. We cannot let our angels go. We do not see that they only go out that archangels may come in. We are idolaters of the old. We do not believe in the riches of the soul, in its proper eternity and omnipresence. We do not believe there is any force in today to rival or recreate that beautiful yesterday. We linger in the ruins of the old tent where once we had bread and shelter and organs, nor believe that the spirit can feed, cover, and nerve us again. We cannot again find aught so dear, so sweet, so graceful. But we sit and weep in vain. The voice of the Almighty saith, "Up and onward for evermore!" We cannot stay amid the ruins. Neither will we rely on the new; and so we walk ever with reverted eyes, like those monsters who look backwards. And yet the compensations of calamity are made apparent to the understanding also, after long intervals of time. A fever, a mutilation, a cruel disappointment, a loss of wealth, a loss of friends, seems at the moment unpaid loss, and unpayable. But the sure years reveal the deep remedial force that underlies all facts. The death of a dear friend, wife, brother, lover, which nothing but privations, somewhat later assumes the aspect of a guide or genius; for it commonly operates revolutions in our way of life, terminates an epoch of infancy or of youth which was waiting to be closed, breaks up a wonted occupation, or a household, or style of living, and allows the formation of new ones more friendly to the growth of character. It permits or constrains the formation of new acquaintances and the reception of new influences that prove of the first importance to the next years; and the man or woman who would have remained a sunny garden- flower, with no room for its roots and too much sunshine for its head, by the falling of the walls and the neglect of the gardener is made the banyan of the forest, yielding shade and fruit to wide neighbourhoods of men.

VGimlet	25 Aug 2002
I really liked that, debins. While I love new and interesting things, ideas and innovations I have a difficult time with life-changes. Even when I know it's for the good, even when I want it to happen. But when I have no control, I get completely stressed out. The things that help me every time have been to finding people to talk to. Remembering to be kind to myself. Taking time to feed my soul, like sitting in the field and watching the things that live there, walking in my favorite places, being outside. Also getting enough sleep. (I am very bad at this one.) Exercising, because it burns stress even if it is a chore. Eating healthy as much as possible. I find when I take care of my body and my soul, it's a lot easier. And, like Jenny-Li said, not trying to figure out the why, when it's impossible to see, at least at the moment. Sometimes you just have to accept it, and decide if you're going to freak out, or deal with it and go forward. (Usually I have to freak out a bit before I can go forward.) And strangely, the changes I thought would be the most difficult turned out to be the ones that gave me the most satisfaction and/or potential for growth, when they were a past fact, instead of a future dread. And I try to remember that, when more changes appear, as they always do. :D

Strega	25 Aug 2002
Not all situations go according to plan, but they all go. :) And so I try to keep my mind open to change. When things come up that aren't exactly in my plan, I try to accept them... work around them and make adjustments should the need arise... and finally move on. It isn't as easy as it sounds. But... quoting Thomas Carlyle: "Change, indeed, is painful, yet ever needful. And if memory have its force and worth, so also has hope."

tabbycat	25 Aug 2002
I don't care for change at all! I'm trying hard to haul myself into the 21st century, but all my ingrained Luddite instincts are complaining every inch of the way. I'm afraid that at the moment that ancient Chinese curse seems to be true - 'May you live in interesting times'. Jilly

WolfSpirit	26 Aug 2002
I'going through a lot of changes at the moment, but they're all chosen by myself and I really waited for them. Firstly I quit my job this week, it's a job I've been bored with for a long time, and I'll try to earn a living as a free lance translator, well after my holiday that is :D Well since I will no longer be chained to one place by a job I may also move abroad, I met a man last year I really like but since we live in different countries have not really had the chance to know as well as I would like (well at least that's what I think now; in a few months I may say oh I wish I never...;)) so I guess at the moment there's a lot for me to find out and explore. But I feel I'm not really doing this recklessly, I'm going on a holiday first, then see if I can get my business started but keep living in my own home until I feel the time is right. I agree with Redwood: you still hold on to your routine. I don't feel out of control at all, I feel i'm taking care of more things than I had to do before: make sure my neighbours have everything to keep the cats alive when I'm not here, taking care of money (if not enough money comes in I'll have to think of taking another job for the time being)... I know I can't handle everything at once so I take time to take long walks and relax completely and take one day at the time, I can't look too far ahead so I try not to worry too much. But at the moment I'm just so relieved about quitting my job. I just have to work three more days, but right now it feels as if I already left and it feels so strange to go back on Wednesday. It's only when I hear people talk about their holiday next year, everything already arranged... I have to switch to a different kind of thinking. There's an awful lot of work to do but I can probably do it if I take little bits at a time. I just know I will never regret this, this is a change I really needed.

starr	26 Aug 2002
I may rant at change at the time of it, yet most often the end results are better. Going with change is easier than resistance and helps keep the mind adept and your outlook flexible. I was laid off from two jobs in one year and may change again next year. The results have been interesting and difficult but I have grown. Starr

truthsayer	26 Aug 2002
there are different types of change and how we react to them. some ppl get freak and stressed at the little routine things like spilling something on a shirt or the sunday paper being late. yet these are the ppl who tend to take the big changes more in stride. i hate daily routine. i need stimulation of ideas and colors to feel my best. those little things don't phase me. if an art project isn't perfect the first time, i just keep puttering at it. however, it's the big changes i don't take in stride well like a death or disturbing news about a family member's hardship or getting sick yet again. my husband gets upset if i change a picture on the wall. he doesn't understand that i have to change the house around. i need my environment to stay visually stimulating and evolving. my wardrobe changes in color and style with my inner changes. hubby hates change so much he rarely even buys a new shirt. but he's my rock in a crisis. where i tend to fall apart he's steady. so we compliment each other. i soothe him in those routine disruptions and he supports me when my world shifts. but afterall he is a capricorn w/ cap rising. solid and dependable as they come in a major crisis but for heaven's sake don't move his fav ink pen from it's appoint site or he'll fall apart--i'm not kidding! LOL

kayne	27 Aug 2002
I have really enjoyed everyones perspective on dealing with change. TruthSayer - I love changing furnature and paintings around all the time too... I am really happy about the changes I have chosen for myself right now and am really looking forward to what the future has to offer... Maybe I will even have to throw change a party - Jade style! :D

jade	27 Aug 2002
;)

Poetlove	27 Aug 2002
Change is a part of life. I have a very tramatic change when I was younger. My younger brother drowned, and I have had to live life without him. He was 11 and I was 16. You are always changing, even if you don't notice it. I have learned through making the wrong choices that you need to try to cope with it. If you break down, so will everything you have worked for. So I try to go with the flow. Tak e what comes and make things better if need be.

The ~ Accepting Change thread was originally posted on 23 Aug 2002 in the Chat board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Chat, or read more archived threads.