It was just an accident

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 22 Aug 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

raeanne	22 Aug 2002
The other day I was leaving work and I was carrying my purse on one shoulder and a box under my other arm. A co-worker came up and, reaching for the box, said, “Here, let me get that for you.” The two objects I carried balanced each other quite well and I really didn’t want her to take either object so I told her I was fine but if she wanted to, she could push the button to open the door. She didn’t listen to a thing I said and she went ahead and grabbed the box out from under my arm. She didn’t have a good grip on it and she dropped it. This was material I needed to get ready for classes to start next Wednesday including a video that I was taking home to review and make handouts for. The video case broke. This co-worker just started laughing. Her comment was, “Oh, you should see your face! You look so surprised!” I told her the video was something I needed. She picked it up and said, “This?” She pulled the tape out, laughed again and said, “You don’t need it any more!” She then proceeded to completely destroy the tape. When I got home, I had to order a new tape, which cost $22.95 plus shipping and handling for a two-day delivery, which was another $7.95. She made no offer to even help pay for a replacement tape. This co-worker is one that everyone just loves at work! She is just ssssoooo much fun! Don’t ya just get a kick out of her? She is just the sweetest thing, don’t ya know! Actually, I think she is rude and obnoxious. I really wish she had listened to me and just pushed the button to open the door. That would have helped me. Instead, she cost me both time and money without even a simple “I’m sorry.” Her idea of help and my idea of help are obviously two entirely different concepts! So, did she have a right to force her help on me? Am I suppose to accept this with just an “Oh, she really meant well” comment? I understand that she didn’t mean to do this, but I still think she should have said, “I’m sorry” and made some type of offer to help replace the tape. Most of the younger people I talk to seem to think I shouldn’t expect her to help pay for a replacement tape because “it was just an accident”. Comments anyone?

lunalafey	22 Aug 2002
YEESH!!! the direct approach first comes to mind... but she does not seem to be a good listener. I guess the trick would be to think of what might make the biggest impression upon her as to how you feel and see the situation... Me, I would not hide the fact from the other workers, that I do not see here as a bubble of cheer. Let them question me about my feelings ...and tell it like it is. I'd stick to facts and feelings, and leave out the opinions... and see where it goes from there...

Laurel	22 Aug 2002
Here's a good example of someone not taking responsibility for their actions. She offered help that wasn't needed, caused harm from her "help", and shows neither remorse or a willingness to attone (aka fix the problem she caused). Yuck. I'd be pretty ticked off if I was you, and make it known. The very least she should do is pay for the replacement tape and next time, LISTEN TO YOU. :) Laurel

zorya	22 Aug 2002
perhaps you could walk up to her...smile very sweetly.. "hi, so-and so, how are you doing, by the way, here is the bill for the tape, so you could pay your half of the cost". leave it on her desk, and walk away calmly, before she has time to refuse.

fairyhedgehog	22 Aug 2002
I feel angry with her just from reading your post. I'm not sure what the best thing is to do though. It sounds like a bullying situation you might get at a school - all the others are her followers and it might be difficult and unpleasant to be seen as the only one standing against her. I wonder how much you can avoid her?

Diana	22 Aug 2002
raeanne: I was so sad to hear this story. This person is not quite balanced (no pun intended). I think what I would do in a situation like this is to talk to her about how you feel, and that her attitude was really not adapted to the situation. And that you do not understand how she could just laugh at something like that, and that you think the least she could have done was to offer to replace the tape for you. That type of thing. As to the future - well, I doubt you'll be able to laugh at her jokes anymore. She sounds like a manipulator and a fraud.

DollChica	22 Aug 2002
I would walk up to her, hand her a copy of the receipt, and say this: "I took the liberty of replacing the video that you destroyed since I knew where to obtain one. Just to save you the trouble of tracking down another copy. No really, it was no trouble at all. Anyway, here's a copy of the receipt if you could please reimburse me by the end of the month I would really appreciate it. You know how little things like this can really cause tension in the workcenters...I'm sure that you understand." All this said with a polite smile on the face. Of course, you then document everything that happened and at what time just in case she decides to be a butt-head about it.

Rhiannon	22 Aug 2002
I hate to say this... almost. But I would have to agree with fairyhedgehog on this one. If this were me, I'd be really annoyed and angry... but the mob seems to be with her... so I'd keep my mouth shut and try to avoid her. I'd be afraid that she would run to all your co-workers carrying tales of what a B**ch you are if you take her a copy of the receipt. In fact, I'd almost guarantee that that's exactly what she'll do, even though you would be perfectly justified in giving it to her. Unfortunately this is a no-win situation for you. If you do nothing, you're out $30, but if you do something you'll be ostracized. Rough decision. NORMAL people would not have destroyed the tape, normal people would have already offered to help you replace it. She is obviously not normal. Please keep us posted with what you decide to do, and I'm sorry I can't really offer any constructive advice. ((((hugs)))) R :)

jade	22 Aug 2002
i would take the bill over to her desk and let her know that you would like reimbursement for the tape she broke that you HAD to replace. don't give her a chance to say no. make it clear that this is non-negotiable. in light, jade

RedWood	22 Aug 2002
I agree with Jade...Make her pay all of it! I do like the polite way of doing it..Kill her with kindness..For gosh sake..she cost you a perfectly good deck set or 2 decks..Make her pay..what an injustice!! hehe I have to think the worst part was her pulling on the tape!...sheesh what is with people..

VGimlet	23 Aug 2002
She sounds rude and obnoxious to me. I would have been (ahem) very unhappy. In fact, I probably would have lost my temper on the spot, so kudos for keeping your cool. I can't really add much advice past what's already been given, but she does sound to me like she'd turn it back on you if you asked her to pay - not that she shouldn't offer to at the *least* pay for half, and apologize. I ran this by Ken, who is much better at these types of work and personal interactions than me, (I tend to explode first and calm down later) and he suggested you could mention to her how much it cost to replace the tape, and have it shipped in time for your class. She might get the point that perhaps she does owe you some money, without your having to ask her for it directly. Of course, she might not, too. You have to think about what you can live with. Good luck, and let us know what happens.

Marion	23 Aug 2002
That story made me angry just reading it. This is not a nice person, and I would be willing to bet that she did the whole thing deliberately. I mean I think she threw you off balance and dropped the box on purpose. That being said, I have no doubt that not only would she not pay, but she would use it to embarass you further. My first inclination is neither attractive nor adult, so we'll leave it in the shadows. I'll suggest that you avoid her. And be firm at the start of any future interactions.

Kiama	23 Aug 2002
Well, I can see why this has annoyedv (A the one I was gonna use!) you.... This person is one of tos epeople who I just CANNOT control myself with... I was brought up to believe that if you hve a part in doing something wrong, you should atone for it, or in the very least say sorry! This person has done neither. However, I slightly disagree with what Rhiannon said about keeping quiet cuz the mob's with her This person sounds like one of those people, that whilst the mob IS with her, they aren't with her totally... She's a fraud, and they are false friends. Be true to yourself and don't worry about what the mb think. If they still believe her, are they really any people you wanna be close with? Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Kiama PS- Does anybody mind if I move this to Chat?

Liliana	23 Aug 2002
I dont mind if you decide to move it to chat, tho I did actually get something Spiritual out of it, a response to the Why do we need their permission? thread hehe And I hope you can find some loving way to resolve this raeann, wouldnt want you to have to deal with office tension with someone very well liked in the office :THP

PurpleGoddess	23 Aug 2002
i agree w/dollchica and everyone pretty much. what i would add to the copy of the receipt is also the damaged video tape. telling her since she was so gracious to destroy it's her's now since you have no use for it. ask her if she needs any help in destroying her supplies for her presentations. she is rude and obnoxious in her approach of the video by pulling the tape out completely. doing this in private or w/a trusted mediator would be the best way to do this cause then your side will be heard as well and the truth will also be going round the rumor mill as well as her false statements. ask her why she did this w/no remorse..ask the questions you know you have in your heart...why me? sounds like you might be a teacher or in some sort of occupation where presentations/research is part of the job. remember in any environment...what goes around comes around. you might have to eat the cost of the new tape or possibly expense it saying it was destroyed by your co-worker. she'll get her help when you least expect it...she'll lose something that she needs in the same manner she did it to you or even worse. once you decide what to do or not do you need to give to the powers that be and let it go. it will work out the way it's meant to be not the way you want it. w/the i'm sorry's and the 1/2 payment. she could be blind by her actions and attitude. there's a lesson in here some where for her, you and all of us. keep us in the loop and good luck.

blue_fusion	23 Aug 2002
i suggest doing (to her) something similar to what she just did to you. well, a lighter version of it anyway. not as an act of retaliation, but rather to show to her the consequences of her actions. :)

Dark Inquisitor	23 Aug 2002
This person definitely sounds like someone to avoid. She may just be ill-mannered & clutzy, but she may also be one of those people who have no ability to read social cues or situations. Such people are unable to attach meaning to social & behavioral things we take for granted. Your reaction may completely mystify her, and she may have no idea that she needs to make ammends. On the other hand, she may be hostile towards you in some way. Whatever the case, you sound like you're in a bad position to do too much about it without causing more problems. I like the idea of sending her an invoice- it's nicely impersonal. Perhaps with a lovely note saying you know she really didn't mean to cause you all this terrible inconvenience and you just know that she is the type of person who would naturally want to put things right! If all else fails, you could really teach her a lesson & pray for her behind her back!!!!!!!!!* Tarotphelia *For those of you who are not inclined towards humor, this is a joke referring to a previous post by raeanne about irritation over being prayed for by others. This is not intended as personal endorsement , personal attack, or anything personal towards you, whomever you are or think you might be.

DarkElectric	23 Aug 2002
In my opinion, this "beloved person" is a creep. An insensitive creep with no boundaries, or sense of propriety at all. ( and I'm young, by the way:)) You were much nicer about it than me. She wouldn't have gotten a note with an invoice, she would have recieved correspondence from my attorney telling her to pay the damages or see you in small claims court, A**h***. Why does everyone in the office love her? Girl, it sounds like you might want to consider a different work environment, where people are more mature in their thinking.

amyel	23 Aug 2002
I think this person is what we would call "passive agressive". And I'd be pissed off too! I tend to avoid conflict, but I don;t think I would have kept my mouth shut...I would have been so shocked and pissed off, the mouth would have opened and out would have come words like: "What the h*ll do you think you are doing? You've just destroyed my prep work!" Do you have a common manager or supervisor? Was it your personal copy or the company's copy of the video she broke? If the company's, but you still had to purchase the replacement because of her actions, I'd submit the bill to the company along with a letter saying why - and they can proceed to handle it however they want. The initial action may have been an accident, but she proceeded to willfully destroy another's property and there is right for compensation.

Kismet	24 Aug 2002
I understand accidents happening, but when accidents occure, there is generally regret and remorse from the one having caused the accident. She on the other hand laughed and finished off destroying what originally may have been an accident. In my opinion, she should not only pay for it, but apologise for having belittled something of importance to you.

Diana	24 Aug 2002
Deflate the tires of her car. All four of them. By sticking nails into them. (Hey!! I'm only joking here! Well, sort of......) })

Jenny-Li	24 Aug 2002
Tarotlady sent me a cool list of comments yesterday, here's one I think you should use next time you see her: "YOU! Off my planet!!" No, seriously, what a complete jerk! I think you should go to her with the bill and make her pay the darned thing, and if you want to show her, your colleagues and the world what a sweet and pleasant person you are, you could offer to pay some of it, cuz you know she didn't mean as bad as it turned out... And you should tell her that you went through the trouble of replacing the tape too, so she wouldn't have to, cuz you know how busy she is.... }) You have every right to make her the bad guy here, because that's what she is. you just have to make it official! ;) Jenny }) PS: Reading my own post I start wondering why my score at the evil test wasn't higher than it was... ;)

Diana	24 Aug 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Jenny-Li PS: Reading my own post I start wondering why my score at the evil test wasn't higher than it was... ;) I did my test again, after suggesting the tire thing. Still 0%. ;) })

Bings	24 Aug 2002
I'm so sorry to hear about this and this obviously self-centered person. I really think you should tell her of the trouble she has caused you. Be as straightforward with her as you were with us. Explain to her the effort and financial cost to replace this important tape that would not have been broke if she had just opened the door as you requested she do. Be sure to point out to her that pulling the tape apart and laughing was wrong of her. If she is as "loved" by the rest of the employees as you say then any demands from you that she pay for the tape may only hurt you in the long run. Try to remain calm while talking to her. An emotional display could be used against you in a work place and you could be seen as over reacting (even though I don't think you would be). If she offers either an appology or to help pay for the tape kindly except her offer. If she offers nothing then at least you have had your say and she knows of what she has cost you. What ever the outcome from your conversation it will then be time to let the matter drop. If she won't let it drop and insists on telling other of it after you talk to her then continue to remain calm when telling others your side. Kill them with kindness and say things like; "I really wish the whole matter would drop now. So-and-so and I have talked things over and thats that." Dianne

purplelady	24 Aug 2002
I probubly wouldn't give her the receipt, or insist she pay for it. But I Would mention , loud enough for the co-workers to hear and hopefully the boss, about how Funny the little accident the other day was , and how it cost you close to $30 to replace it. All the while you could giggle slightly. Maybe mention it a second time or a third, And next time ,look around and make certain she is no where in sight when proceeding to carry packages in both arms! ;) .

Red Emma	24 Aug 2002
Diana's right. This lady is a manipulator, only I'd add control freak to Diana's comments. And very troubled. One feels a strong undercurrent of repressed anger in her actions. I strongly suspect that she not only enjoys making trouble, she enjoys the aftermath. While it probably won't do any good, I'd confront her, and insist that she help pay the damage. The thing is, letting something like this go, not speaking up, just encourages her to go on her very destructive merry way. Goddess Bless, Red Emma

DollChica	25 Aug 2002
I've seen a couple of posts with ways to get back at her. Under no circumstances should you engage in revenge. That will make you like her. I do like the idea of taking a supervisor into your confidence and informing him/her of what you are going to do to get reimbursed.

Strega	26 Aug 2002
Wow. What a total bi%@#! :( I've met a few of those kind. *growl* I agree with DollChica. Whatever you do, don't stoop down to her level. You may want to (as others have already suggested) inform your supervisor of what happened and what you are going to do. Let her know your side of the story before she finds out from others (such as our "beloved" bi%@#) of how "bad" you are for making her pay for an "accident". P.S. Was it really just an accident? :D

The It was just an accident thread was originally posted on 22 Aug 2002 in the Chat board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Chat, or read more archived threads.