Update on my Social Phobia

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 02 Aug 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Kiama	02 Aug 2002
Well, you guys may remember me posting a while back about my struggle with Social Phobia, so here I am to update you on my struggle. Yesterday, not only did I walk, on my own, all the way into town on a busy sunny lunch time, but I walked all teh way back on my own, then all teh way back from work on my own.... And today, I managed to walk on my own to teh library at rush hour so I could get onto Aeclectic! :D I'm so proud of myself! What really helped me was my 18th birthday I think... Somehow it just raised my confidence levels. Also, getting loads of new and sexy clothes helped me feel good about how i look overall, and regular nights out with my friends helped me get over my low-self esteem. I no longer need my safety-blanket in the form of a floor-length coat, and I no longer need anybdy to hold me hand (Sometimes literally in my boyfriend's case) whenever I have to go anywhere! Its wonderful! Of course, there are still niggling doubts every now and then, and there were a couple of times yesterday where I nearly backed out and took a taxi instead... But I didn't. So, yeah... Thanks for all your great advice guys! It really helped me! Kiama

wavebreaker	02 Aug 2002
Good for you Kiama, I'm sooo proud of you!!

Jenny-Li	02 Aug 2002
(((((((((((((((((((Kiama))))))))))))))))))) This is such wonderful news - pride yourself in what you're accomplishing here, because this is truely great! :D:D:D Sometimes a little thing is the starting point that sets things in motion, it's like when a small snowball that you roll down a hill gets really HUGE on its way down... Stay strong girl, you deserve it SOOO well! Light and love, Jenny :)

lunalafey	02 Aug 2002
I missed that post, what is it exactly??? How could you have a social phobia? you come across as a woman who is strong and outgoing (I suppose the faceless of those online are easier to face than those one can touch) My goodness!!! Keep faith in yourself, you are doing a fine job. Keep on walkin'!!! walk kiama walk......to find that box of chocolates

divinerguy	02 Aug 2002
I think you should reward yourself with a nice manicure, or maybe a facial. A lunch out perhaps. And yes, you could get yourself a new tarot deck for what it would cost.

Liliana	02 Aug 2002
Good job Kiama Im a socialphobe too, not quite as extreme as all that but I still am, I doubt anyone here would think it of me either :TH

Maan	02 Aug 2002
I'm really happy for you!!! Great work!!

Sam	02 Aug 2002
yeah kiama! being social can be fun! with your new age and new wardrobe, don't walk down any dark allys alone, okay?

starr	02 Aug 2002
Hooray for you! I have those moments myself now and then. Keep right on fighting through and you will win out. Congrats. Starr

Melvis	02 Aug 2002
That's great news, Kiama! What a wonderful start to your 19th year!

Melvis	02 Aug 2002
That's great news, Kiama! What a wonderful start to your 19th year! (But I'll bet your boyf wants to hold your hand anyway, right? ;) ) Peace, Melvis :TSTRE

jade	03 Aug 2002
i'm so happy for you kiama :D one step at a time..........:D love jade

VGimlet	03 Aug 2002
Congratulations Kiama!!!! {{{{{Kiama}}}}} Self confidance is a wonderful thing, you go girl! :D

napaisti	03 Aug 2002
yea!!! congrats Kiama. I know how hard it can be sometimes. Treasure these positive experiences; you can use them, if the tough times come back, to reassure and strengthen yourself. And don't get too down on yourself if you suffer any setbacks. Remember the fool's journey is a cycle with each rotation bringing more insight and development. be well, napaisti

amyel	03 Aug 2002
Good job, Kiama. Continue to take these little steps and soon, you'll feel the same confidence you exude here on aeclectic!

napaisti	04 Aug 2002
In the spirit of sharing anxiety related progress, I had to share my own recent experience. I was at a friend's house today and she surprised me by saying, "Let's go out tonight." We drove into the city (we live in a really small town, but the state capitol is about 15-20 miles away) and thanks to my sister's suggestion, went to a wine bar downtown. It was fairly early, and so not very crowded, but still, I never go out to bars and such. We even had a nice conversation with the waitress (thanks largely to us pulling out the Sacred Circle deck to do a couple of readings that my friend had been having trouble with). Eventually we ended up at a coffeeshop at one of the sidewalk tables. I thought I was going to die when my friend started up a conversation with the cute guy at the next table about the book he was reading. It was The Worry Workbook, and that made me feel really bad for him. I mean, here is this shy, quiet guy, with anxiety problems, and she's going on and on about who wrote the book, what it's about, etc. The amazing thing is that I actually talked to him and his friend a little. I even hinted about my own problems with anxiety by replying to her "this actually looks like a good book" by saying that I already had enough books on the subject. When my friend went back to the van for a moment, she told the guy to "protect her (meaning me) with your life" And I still didn't lose it :D I just told him to "ignore her". Wow! I talked to a complete stranger, more than once, and didn't have a panic attack. But after we left she mentioned inviting him to dinner, and I put my foot down. That would definitely be more than I could handle.

Marion	04 Aug 2002
Look at this way napaisti, he is probably anxious because cute girls like you won't talk to him, and he doesn't know you are anxious too! Good work, baby steps are way better than no steps. Even with steps back.

Liliana	04 Aug 2002
My husband made me have a panic attack yesterday :P He thinks its funn to go outside and wait for me, then come back and knock on the door and cover the peephole so I cant see who it is, and wont talk to me and tell me its him. I thought it was, but my paniced mind kept telling me it could be a murderer or anyine so I refused to open the door. Eventually I sat down and started playing a game because there was no way I was opening the door not knowing who was there, and thne he got mad at me for holding us up a half hour and acted like it wasnt him! He pretty much admitted it was later, but by that point I had a stress headache, I dont think he realises this side of my problems. :THP

jade	04 Aug 2002
perhaps you could get him a book on how to assist you during this healing process. (i would have hated that too by the way.) my hubby gets upset cause we lock all the door and windows when we are in the house, he doesn't understand why we do that! i keep telling him that i was a single mom for 12 years..........so i trained the kids to keep things locked up. i don't think men see the same world we do, at times like these. they don't usually have the same problems with rape etc. so the fear that our mothers instilled in us, wasn't instilled in them. in light, jade

Kiama	04 Aug 2002
Quote: Originally posted by lunalafey I missed that post, what is it exactly??? How could you have a social phobia? you come across as a woman who is strong and outgoing (I suppose the faceless of those online are easier to face than those one can touch) The reason I am so confident on Aeclectic, is cuz I know al you guys on here, and know you're my friends, and won't judge me too harshly before properly getting to know me. My main social fear is when walking in the street on my own... I can'y stand peopl looking at me. I find it scarey walking into buildings on my own too. I'm not sure where it all started, but it could stem fom me being pretty damn ugly when I was younger. (Spots, braces on teeth, big nose, red hair which I couldn't do anything with, no figure, lanky, quite goofy... I got teased for years) But now I have sorted out my appearance, I feel alot better about myself. I think aving a rewarding relationship has helped me learen to love myself alot too... It helps immensely to have my boyfriend tell me how beautiful I am, or just for me to know that he loves me for who I really am... People in the street dn't get to see the whole Kiama, they just judge me an stare... That is my main worry. Thanks forall your kind wrds and support guys! It really means alot to me... Kiama

Starfish	04 Aug 2002
Kiama - I also suffered from a social disorder for a while in my youth - a mild form of agoraphobia and have since beaten it. I still have a problem with large gatherings - I'm trying to overcome this. I am SO proud of you! As we Yanks say, You Go Girl! :TSTRE Starfish

The Update on my Social Phobia thread was originally posted on 02 Aug 2002 in the Chat board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Chat, or read more archived threads.