What do you respect people for?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 30 Aug 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Tor	30 Aug 2002
Hi all! I had a bad experience today, and it made me come up with a question... I tried to quit smoking and held out for almost a day, and I told some people that I really wanted to quit. But I found out that I nor could or would quit. When a girl who knew I was so determined to quit, heard that I had started smoking again, she said that she'd lost her respect for me. First I was angry, later I felt hurt. And I thought about this thing called respect, and how different it is from people to people. I found out that I respect people for the love they show me - not for what they've accomplished. So.....do you respect another human because he/she is strong? Or do you respect him/her for his/her love? Or do you respect a human for other things?

amyel	30 Aug 2002
I think I respect different people for different reasons. I'm not sure I could say that there is *one* thing I respect all people for. For example, I couldn't say I respect someone for having the guts to live their life for what they believe in, because what if they believe that abuse is ok, or they have a right to be abusive? Which opens up an interesting twist to your question, Balder: Can you respect someone for values you yourself don't hold?

Liliana	30 Aug 2002
I usually respect others based on their intelligence, it doesnt really have to be that high, just enough that I can have a decent conversation with them without feeling like Im talking to a dog or something, tho I often find I respect more people of high intelligence like my husband. :THP

jade	30 Aug 2002
i respect people for living up to THEIR values. we all live life thru a different telescope. different experiences in our lives make up different and so therefore, i respect them for living up to their own expectations and values. in light, jade

RedWood	30 Aug 2002
I agree with Jade...This may sound a bit shallow...I respect people who don't constantly grumble about their situation in life..Specially one of their own making..Example.. a guy my mom knows constantly grumbles about money..but yet all he does is spend his money on his developing photos etc..and he does not look for a job...So to me..SHUT UP..you did it to yourself...

Violet Gargoyle	31 Aug 2002
"To Thine Own Self Be True." But Selflessness is probably the great trait for me. People who honestly think of other people when troubles arise.

midnightmerry	31 Aug 2002
Hi Balder, First of all, I want to address the situation in your post. I think it really SUCKS that this chick had the response she did to your attempt to quit smoking. Tell her to go away. Who needs that kind of vibe in their life? I smoked for years and years and years...about 25 years to be exact. I was up to over two packs a day & enjoyed smoking immensely. It took me a long time and several attempts before I was able to quit for good. Cigarettes have been shown to be one of the most addictive substances on earth. Tell chickeedee to get real or to leave you alone- you're doing the best you can. Also, respect or no respect, you won't quit a day sooner than you're ready to quit. Just because you didn't make it this time doesn't mean that you won't quit eventually, so don't beat yourself up over this, just say to yourself, 'there is always tomorrow to try again.' Also, plan on using all the help you can- I used the patch & did it MY way- NOT the way the instructions said to use it. I didn't care- either I used the patch my way or I continued to smoke. That was going on 4 years ago & I haven't smoked since. If I- the human smoke machine - could quit, you will too, one day if you want. Now, on to your question. I respect all different kinds of things in people: integrity, intelligence, kindness being up there in the top of the list.

the hermit	31 Aug 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Violet Gargoyle "To Thine Own Self Be True." But Selflessness is probably the great trait for me. People who honestly think of other people when troubles arise. I would tend more toward respect for the individual with selflessness than the one more worried about their own truth. Each has the right to their own beliefs and values but also they must accept the responsibility when their beliefs clash significantly with those of others. Their holding consistently to those believes isn't enough to warrant or earn my respect any more than it does amyel's. If all of their values are that different from mine then I would find it difficult to respect them. Though like amyel I respect different people for different reasons courage and selflessness are almost always involved. I have very great respect for a minister I know and consider her a good friend. I disagree with some of her Christian views but respect her as a person because she respects me and my right to disagree with those views. I also respect the courage she showed by continuing to persue ministry in spite of the adversity she had to face. On many other subjects, such as our need to be charitable, understanding, open-minded and respectful to our fellow human beings we do agree, as well as on our need to be responsible shepherds for the natural resources of our planet. Though we also have many philosophical differences, I respect a challenged friend of mine because in spite of being told he “can’t do that” all his life, he’s refused to accept that limitation. He fails more often than he succeeds because he’s willing to try anything. I’ve picked him up more than once, literally, dusted him off and done my best to encourage rather than discourage him. He’s my friend, my inspiration and the bravest man I know, and I know that when I fall down, he’ll always be there to dust me off too. There are many others who’ve earned my respect and admiration. Some know me, some do no. Though all are respected for a variety of reasons, there is almost always include within those reasons their ability to think about others... often before they think and the courage they often show. The courage to face life with all it’s adversities, day after day, when others would give up and quit. Those qualities will earn my respect every time.

moonman	31 Aug 2002
I wouldn't lose respect for someone if they said that they had stopped smoking but didn't. but on the other hand I would look to find out why this person had lied ie: feeling guilty or doesn't know how to stop. I lost respect for an ex-girlfriend because she was living a double life with me and I accepped it then she lost respect for me because I was stupid enough at the time to fall for everything that she told me. We are still good friends but I can never respect her as she is not her own person. She is like a jellyfish, just molding herself into whatever she thinks the other person want's her to be. I would say be yourself! Seb

Kismet	31 Aug 2002
I respect people for various reasons, whether it is beause they are just good people, do charity work, live life to the fullest, etc. The main thing I respect in a person is the ability to speak their mind as well as honesty. Wasn't it Billy Joel who sang of honesty being such a lonely word? Love and Light, Kismet

wavebreaker	31 Aug 2002
I respect people for thinking beyond themselves and their own little circle of family and friends. A lot of people are helpful towards others, but seemingly only because "you're supposed to be there for your family". So they are doing it because they are "supposed to", not because they want to. And they won't stick out one finger for anyone outside that little circle of family and friends. I think it's really the hypocrisy that I hate about this: people who are saying one thing and acting another. For example people who show up in church every Sunday but can't be bothered to be nice to their own neighbours. So I guess it's people that are honest about who they are, that I really respect. I also respect people who accept others for who they are. People who don't judge you because (to go back to your example Balder) you have difficulties quitting smoking, or because you're overweight, or whatever reason. But who accept others for who they really are inside. I hope this makes sense, it's a difficult question... ;)

Kiama	31 Aug 2002
I tend to respect people mainly based on how true they are to themselves. I can't bide well with hypocrites. I respect them for meaning what they say, and being honest to those around them. I respect them for tying hard, even if their hardest effort doesn't bring about what they wanted, I still respect them for the effort they put in. I respect people for the way the treat others, respond to them, and what they do for others. But I don't lose my respect for people very often. I certainly wouldn't lose my respect for them just because they didn't manage to quit smoking. Kiama

debins	31 Aug 2002
...is a word that comes to mind, although it carries some debatable connotation already mentioned about the nature of morality or about whose code of ethics one might be respecting. Perhaps I am admiring strength of conviction, assuming that conviction is honourable. I realize this sounds rather subjective, but then the question sort of invites subjectivity. But here's something else perhaps a little more irregular than that: Likely based on my belief in reincarnation, I find myself respecting those who seem more spiritually advanced, who seem to have learned those lessons many of us are still learning, who weigh their thoughts and consider their actions without reacting, who are loving, kind, wise in decisions, who contribute according to their gifts--which are often many and highly developed, who set a good example and strive for betterment for themselves and for others, because they see no difference between their betterment and my own. Bless them. Namaste, Debins.

RedWood	31 Aug 2002
Balder..Do what you can...Have incentives..small goals..Like new tarot deck at the end of the week...Look at how much money you saved..Go to straight tobacco with NO Preservatives or Chemicals..All natural..Smoke those about a month or so..Then try to quit..It will not be as hard..From what I have heard.. I lost respect for a friend of mine today..I sold her a hockey card for 5 cents...Yes I made a mistake and did not look up to see if it was worth anything..but she IMS me and says. Guess what..One of your hockey cards is worth 1000 dollars...We would like to buy the rest...( am dumb once..but not twice)...I said cool...but no about buying the rest of the cards..She is like..Shees be that way about it...I am like geee..I would of 1) Split the money if I did that...most probably would of given the card back saying It is worth 1000 dollars I know you don't want to sell this...So finally after thinking I am a some word I cant say here..She says Fine I will sell it soon and not wait 10 years and split the money with you..then she is like sheesh you are pushy...i am like good grf..I have a kid and bills to pay..My dryver died and my freezer died..I cant afford to buy both. not to mention my son has to have special food that is expensive.....then she is like fine..I have bills too...Then changes subject.. I know she has bills...but she lives with her parents for 25 bucks a week..with her and her boyfriends income..they only pay phone bill and might help buy food...Then she complains to me she is constantly broke..Well I am thinking..sheesh where did all the money go? none of my business but I just cant stand to hear the complaining..

starr	01 Sep 2002
I respect peoople who are honest, ethical and caring. I believe one can respect certain aspects but not necessarily everything about a person. Starr

lunalafey	01 Sep 2002
Quote: Originally posted by debins ...is a word that comes to mind, EXACTLY... first thing that came to my mind as well. the rest, I could not have said better. and the telescope..great analogy.

Marion	01 Sep 2002
Balder, about your original situation. I think you friend was wrong to feel they had no respect for you after you failed the first time you tried something extremely difficult. Something many fine people have failed at. In fact I venture to say that if all our friends stopped respecting us because we failed at something we said we were going to do, none of us would have any friends. :( She may realize that, in which case do not compound the error by failing to forgive her. :) As to people whom I can respect. That is a large question, because you can respect people for a lot of qualities. In fact it is possible to respect a person for some qualities and have no respect for them because of others. We humans are such bewildering mixtures of traits. It is also easier to respect someone who respects you, because if not, respect can lead to secret resentment. Admitedly that last is all about you, not them. I can respect a person who knows when to keep a secret, and a person who knows when to tell one. A person who is genuinely kind directly to people, even if he is sometimes less kind when they are not around. Sincerity is a quality that I respect highly, even if misguided, wrong-headed etc. I may not like what is happening, but I will still respect the person. Very complex. I also agree with many of the previously posted answers. (all four examples I used were drawn from people whom I know irl).

destinyawaitsme	01 Sep 2002
Yea! Time for my favorite quote. Yes, I learned it from watching the tv show Home Improvement, but Wilson has the greatest thoughts. It's a Hindu proverb I think: "Nobility does not come from being superior to others, but from becoming superior to onesself." (Or soemthing like that) I respect people who try to make themselves better people each and everyday.

Laurel	02 Sep 2002
I respect temperate people who are able to remain temperate even under the most trying circumstances, and people who create their own happiness without inflicting deliberate pain on others. Laurel

osami2717	02 Sep 2002
I respect my old boyfriend...he smokes but doesn't want to give up yet-so I won't push him. He was in a job and didn't like it so he quit. I didn't like the way he quit...in fact it caused a lot of hurt feelings, but I've got to respect him for having the courage to try to get something better, even if it takes awhile. It takes a lot of guts sometimes to say 'this isn't working-I want out.' that goes for jobs, relationships, everthing. Like they said, you won't quit one day before you're ready too. I struggled with my weight all my life hearing people say "You need to lose weight, etc. etc." and god knows I tried and failed. Then one day I just decided for myself..."Hey, I don't want to be this heavy." I have since lost 70lbs. I am not at my 'ideal weight' but I am going to get there... In my OWN time. [that's the key!! :d] You'll get there too.

floracove	03 Sep 2002
I respect people for how they treat others and for being honest friends, (among other things). Balder I felt as I read your post the slap in the face you felt from this girl...she doesn't smoke does she? It is not fair at all to judge anyone, especially when you don't know firsthand how it is to have a certain problem. I would say in my opinion, that she may not understand what respect is, or that it is a word that just came to the tip of her tounge and was out. She should have been more understanding of an addictive habit, and told you not to give up so soon the next time and if you needed someone to talk to she would be there for you to talk with... I wish you luck the next time! Redwood, I agree with you, she should have at least shared with you... Hold on to your cards, sugar....

wavebreaker	04 Sep 2002
I just "rediscovered" this quote, I thought it was very appropriate for this thread: Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique. -- Annie Gottlieb

The What do you respect people for? thread was originally posted on 30 Aug 2002 in the Chat board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Chat, or read more archived threads.