Length of Handfastings

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 30 Apr 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Kiama	30 Apr 2002
How long do Handfastings last for? I've heard different things.. Some say they're eternal, some say they're a year and then you can renew them, some say they're three years... Help! Kiama

Umbrae	30 Apr 2002
A year and a day, or until next Beltaine. btw, good us pagan site: http://www.earth-dancing.com/ Good links

imperium	30 Apr 2002
A year and a day is traditional and then couples can renew their vows after this time. However it is now common pratice to handfast for eternity which is carried on through to the next reincarnation and so on.... Only for those who are 100% I would say!

amyel	30 Apr 2002
Why do you wish to know Kiama????? Could you it be you are contemplating a handfast with a certain someone in your life????? [amyel is very nosey and apologizes. but she likes to *know* these things....it reminds her that love is still very much alive!]

Butterfly	30 Apr 2002
It definitely depends on the ceremony and "priest/ess(celebrant)that you choose. I have heard everything from a year and a day (as with the Beltaine ritual) to eternity (a crazy idea IMO- you just don't know what you are meant to be learning lifetime to lifetime- who knows what you are binding yourself to). There is a specific website out there devoted entirely to handfasting, with ideas and real life stories, that I visited a few years ago. It's American, but I can't for the life of me remember the address.

Greenman	01 May 2002
as an ordained Minister, and a Wiccan Priest, i have performed quite a few Handfastings, both legal and 'other'. the Dragonfly and i were handfasted for our ninth wedding anniversary, and it was for eternity. but this is not common (or shouldn't be!). our Priestess said she had never done that before, and wouldn't again. but she made the exeption for us. in our ritual, i wrote something about the recognition of the fact that we had loved before this life, and would again. and we both firmly believe that. but i also know that what we have is rare. and i don't say that to belittle any one else's love. the 'traditional' Handfasting is for a year and a day. it can also be for a lifetime. a more realistic version (in this modern world) is 'for as long as the love lasts'. this allows both partners to committ in a very real way, but does not impose the horrible guilt and legal ramifications of a standard marriage. i have done one 'eternity' bond. i will not do another. part of the reason is that i feel that the Handfasting ritual (the ritual mind you, not the union) is a very magickal rite between THREE people, the two participants AND the Priest/ess. and i just can't make that commitment lightly. i think that the year and a day thing is the best way for people to start out. that way, at the end of the year, they can re-evaluate their situation and renew their vows if they feel so inclined. and the next time it may be for longer. life commitments should not be made frivolously. by the way, the term 'a year and a day' means 365 days, not 366 as many people believe. the reason? glad you asked! in the ancient Pagan calendar, a year was comprised of thirteen 28 day months, plus one day. hence 'a year and a day'.

Kiama	01 May 2002
Thanks for all that information guys! The reason I am asking is mainly out of general confuson and curiousity, but also because of talk that has been happening recently... Don't worry though! I won't be getting Handfasted for a while yet! The earliest it could be is not this Summer Solstice, but the Summer Soltisce after that... So I'd be nearly 19. I don't think I would do the eternity thing. Whilst what my boyfriend and I have is really special, I would like to see how it goes for another, say, 2 years, before committing to such a thing! And even then, I would have to be very VERY convinced... In the end though, a year and a day Handfasting for us would be no differnt to how its been in our relationshp so far! Once again thankyou for all the information, esp. Greenman: I didn't know about that year and a day thing! THANKYOU! (Now, who can I impress my wonderful new knowledge with...?) Kiama

Liliana	01 May 2002
My husband and I were married for eternity, we both do know we've either been lovers or desiredto be lovers but couldnt for some reason in many past lives. Of course, our situation is really odd, we knew each other less than a year and dated only 3 months before committing to each other eternally, butitwaslike we knew each other forever and the spiritual bondings we had in that short time are pretty much indescriable. Andin this ageofdivorce here we are going on year 7 of our marriage, a miracle since Im only 25 now.

Morgeinne	04 May 2002
I also have a question regarding this matter...what do you all think about being handfasted and deciding to not get legally married, but stay handfasted? Just a question... *hugs* Morgeinne

jade	04 May 2002
when we were handfasted we were told that if we decided to part (divorce) then we would need to come back and have a ceremony of un-handfasting (although that's not what she called it LOL) so ours is permanent until we decide to break that bond......which will be never cause we are soooooo in love with each other! :D we were legally married too on sept 6th and then handfasted on sept 23! so we pick which anniversary to celebrate LOL in light, jade

Kiama	05 May 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Morgeinne I also have a question regarding this matter...what do you all think about being handfasted and deciding to not get legally married, but stay handfasted? Just a question... *hugs* Morgeinne In the UK now, new laws have been passed which means we don't have to get married in a registered building... We can get married anywhere, as long as the person who is officiating is registered. This means I can get Handfasted, and also have it recorded legally. (Saves time, doesn't it!?) I think a Handfasting is the 'official' spiritual bonding. But the bonding that comes before it is also the spiritual bond, acknowledged by the Gods. The legal marriage is that which is acknowledged by the county, an by forms, and by benefit agencies! It, in my opinion, is not as important as the previous two bonds, but still serves its purpose, especially in today's world where its better if you are married legally, if one of you suddenly beomes unemployed, etc... I think you can be Handfasted and legally married at the same time, and this is the way I'd like to go. But, in my eyes, we are already married in a sense, spiritually, and we lead the lives of a married couple. I think the Handfasting serves to make it an 'official' commitment, a vow,a promise to each other, and to the Gods... Kiama

DeLani	05 May 2002
couldn't help it, but I had to chime in... I've written a book on planning your handfasting, and Llewellyn is sounding like they might publish it... DeLani

Kiama	05 May 2002
DeLani: That's amazing! Well done! I hope it gets published soon, so that I can buy it! :) Kiama

Greenman	06 May 2002
the separation ceremony is known as a 'Handparting'. and for whoever asked about getting Handfasted but not legally married, i say 'why not'? it is a committment to your special other for a determined period of time, a very personal thing that has nothing to do with the approval of the state, or any legal implications regarding separation of 'stuff' should you choose to go your separate ways.

The Length of Handfastings thread was originally posted on 30 Apr 2002 in the Spirituality board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Spirituality, or read more archived threads.