Drug addiction

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 13 Jun 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Rain	13 Jun 2002
I've always heard people say that you can't get addicted to marijuana...that's bull shit. For the past year or so, I have been smoking quite frequently, sometimes on a daily basis. It was so bad that I realized I didn't want to smoke anymore, but I just couldn't bring myself to stop. I would smoke in my room, with a window fan to blow the smell outside, even when my mother was home. Yesterday, I came home at around 12:50 am and went straight to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, I looked on my caller ID and saw my mother's # (we have 2 separate phone lines) When I called her at work, she said she'd had a terrible dream. She said she was on this dirty train and I was with some nasty drunk people, and I was high. Then she said my grandmother turned to me and said "you can hide what your doing from your mother, but you can't hide it from me" This effected me because my grandmother has been dead for almost 12 years. Its very rare for my mother to have dreams with my grandma, because when she does, she tells me. It made me realize that I needed help. For my grandma to come visit my mom, and tell me something like that! That was a major wake up call. I've decided to turn my life around and stop smoking, Lord knows I don't need that in my life. The thing that scares me the most is that I've said I was going to stop before, and ended up doing it again. Now, I know for a fact that I'm done with all that. What do you think about all this???? Blessings, Rain

Diana	13 Jun 2002
Rain, if you want to stop for good, you're going to have to find out what holes in your life you are attempting to fill by smoking the stuff. Smoking on a daily basis may mean that you are trying to escape from something in your life. Or it could mean that you are trying to escape from what you feel is the nothingness in your life. Or it could mean that you are trying to build up a smoke-screen between yourself and others. Or between yourself and the hidden self that you do not want to see, in other words that you are running away from yourself. Or.... ?? It may be a good idea to get out your tarot cards, and try and find out what is lacking in your life. Any artificial paradise that is used on a regular basis can be dangerous, as it prevents us from getting on with our true purpose in life. I fear it may not suffice to just say "I will stop". Also, please do not hate yourself for smoking, or judge yourself. If you recognise that this drug has served a purpose, and be grateful for it, it may help you in ending this addiction. A big hug for you.

Kaz	13 Jun 2002
i just posted about addiction on smoking (not stuff, just cigarettes) in the reiki-thread in spirituality, maybe this can be of some help to you? kaz

jade	14 Jun 2002
i did this many years ago and i found that once i broke the cycle of being stoned all the time, that i started to love living drug-free. it's getting thru the first couple of weeks that's the hardest, but if you really want it, then just do it! and if you need it, go to some NA meetings. love and light, we are all here to support you, jade :D

Houklani	14 Jun 2002
Rain, I can't give you the most worthwhile words you'll hear, but I just wanted to let you know that I support your desicion. I'm sure you'll have struggles while trying to quit, but please don't give up. Always remember that there will always be someone there for you.... Never let yourself feel lonely!! We're always here for you. Smiles, Houklani

Jenny-Li	14 Jun 2002
What a strong experience that must have been, not much to argue with, huh...? ;) Well I wish you all the strength in the world to take control over the addiction. I quit smoking (cigaretts, no "stuff" as Kaz put it! :)) a couple of years ago, I know from that how hard it can be. But only for a couple of weeks actually. That part is no myth, it passes quicklier than you can imagine, so just hang in there. I'll bet your grandmother will send some spiritual strength to you too, after all she decided to speak up go get you off the "wrong" track! Wish you all the luck, light and strength in the world to go through this, and I'm absolutely positive that you will! Light and love, Jenny :)

Pollux	14 Jun 2002
Well I do think I can offer NO good advice for this. I neevr tried to smoke, it is something that never interested me, also for my pecualiar amount of chronic diseases like ashtma and hay fever. I can only say that we all will keep you in our hearts, and you will be in our prayers. We will support you, this is for sure. And you should also consider that you are not alone also because your granny is looking after you from above, and your family love you. :) You have the strength within. I think you already are at a half of the journey out of it. :)

aeonx	14 Jun 2002
Rain, I know how you're feeling, and it's great that you want to quit. When it comes to the point that it leads your life, it's time to do something about it. I think the dream is a very strong message for you, which you ought to take seriously (which it seems you're doing). I wish you all well and good luck. And jade's suggestion is one to follow if you feel the need for it; NA meetings. Have you considered talking to your mum about this? If you feel she can handle it nicely, she could be able to help you on your journey. :) ~aeonx~

Sam	14 Jun 2002
Rain, you've probably heard this before, but you need to hit rock bottom before you get really get better. so i ask you this: have you gotten to rock bottom, or just sea level? think about it. ps- i support your decision! drugs can kiss my ass!

jade	14 Jun 2002
you don't have to hit bottom to quit. that's not true. you can quit whenever YOU truely want to. i'm here for ya! and thanks so much for your honesty. thru honesty comes much healing :D love jade

Diana	15 Jun 2002
I agree with Jade you don't have to reach rock bottom to quit. And it's hard to hit rock bottom with marijuana - it's not a suicidal drug, it's a recreational drug. Jade's right, you'll quit when you want to. But not before you're ready. When you're ready, you'll want to. It won't just be will-power, it'll be from the heart. Then you'll have some withdrawal symptoms, but you'll cope with them just fine, 'cos they're really not hard to deal with.

Maalin	15 Jun 2002
Rain, in just a few words and based on my own experience, my advice for you would be this: FORGET EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER HEARD ABOUT STOPPING BEING DIFFICULT. IT IS NOT. There will be a psychological and, if you roll your spliff with tobacco, physical dependency, but that doesn't matter: both are very weak and can easily be overcome. Nicotine will leave your body in 48-72 hours and as for your mind... YOU ARE IN COMPLETE CONTROL OF YOUR DECISION. Continuing smoking will involve a number of active steps on your part (deciding that you are going to smoke, getting the stuff, rolling up, lighting it) and at each and every point you can simply decide not to do it. This decision is yours and yours alone. REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NOT GIVING UP ANYTHING. You are simply discontinuing an activity that harms your body and dulls your mind... I was a heavy smoker for seven years, properly addicted and convinced I would never be able to stop. And then I just did it. Simple as that. No particular reason. Easiest thing ever. From the moment I stopped, I knew with an absolute certainty that I would never smoke again. (When I told people that three hours after I stopped, they laughed. Now, three years later, nobody does. Personally, I didn't care then and I don't care now what others think). Stopping was one of the best thing I ever did, not for the wasted money/shortness of breath/potential lung cancer, but simply because of the way it made me feel about myself and what I am able to do. There are still days when I feel a little down and just sit down, take a deep breath and *enjoy* not smoking... Believe me, Rain, if I can do this, anyone can. If you ever feel like having a chat about how you are getting on, mail me or send me a pm. I wish you all the best with your decision! :)

AutumnMoonfire	15 Jun 2002
Sending strengthening and clarifying vibes your way...You CAN do this!!!

Jeanette	15 Jun 2002
Best wishes to you! If you want it, you will make it happen. I personally don't think marijuana is any different than alcohol addiction, or even food addiction, or prescription drug addiction ~ the key is the addiction part! Once you overcome your feeling of dependency, you've got it beat. Try substituting something when you feel the need, maybe exercising, or meditating, or yoga, or just something good for you and positive. Just remember your grandmother is watching over you, and will probably try to remove obstacles when she can in her own way. Good luck, you've already taken the first steps of the journey!

jade	16 Jun 2002
AND it's not willpower it's won't power love jade

floracove	16 Jun 2002
I wish you luck and send you light Rain... I personally don't see anything wrong with "Stuff" in this form, as long as it is something natural (which it is). I have an Aunt that has alot of things wrong with her and she stays in pain (literally) all the time. The drugs that the doctors prescribe for her either knocks her out cold, (she can take a pain killer and fall asleep within 5-10 min.) or either they have no effect on her at all and she prefers to smoke when she is in pain and says that it helps her not to hurt and stay awake, so that she can move around and take care of her family and home and not feel the pain. Which I understand that it does not take the pain away it just numbs that nerve or something to that nature... And I see nothing wrong with something that helps and keeps her from the pain, it's not like she gets all doopy acting and acts crazy, she can get up and take care of things and gets quite alot done to tell you the truth. Of course if you read any of my remarks, It doesn't bother me what others do as long as it doesn't hurt me or mine... Everyone has their own life and choices to make and I wish everyone well... And as long as they can stay in control of themselves and not let whatever take control of them, so be it.. If this offends anyone, well I appologise that your offended, but this is just my opinion...

bellesmybaby	16 Jun 2002
http://www.eupsychia.com/perspectives/defs/addiction.html check out this link. I come from a 12 step family background AA and NA and it is BS for the most part, especially about hitting bottom. I ran across this link about a month ago. It's an excerpt from a book, you may want to buy the book. I've never read it but the excerpts here are very interesting. Good luck to you! Here is the excerpt if you don't want to click the link. THE TRANSFORMER'S VIEW OF ADDICTION Following are the working definitions a Transformer uses for addiction. Addiction = non-growth. It is a way of staying stuck in the past, repeating like a robot the same outworn modes of operation that do not work. Habits are desires objectified, repeated by unconscious action. We cannot maintain an addiction consciously. We have to put ourselves to sleep in order to act out an addiction. Conscious awareness, moment by moment, fully in the here and now, transformers addiction. Addiction = attachment. When we are attached to something or someone, we have forgotten who we are. We feel we cannot be whole without this something. We experience pain and suffering whenever our attachment threatens to leave us. Attachment is the cause of suffering. Addiction is the cause of suffering. Nonattachment does not mean non-caring; it is non-needing, non-obsessing. Nonattachment removes emotional investment so that one can truly see clearly and therefore care appropriately for the other's sake. Paradoxically, attachment is non-loving. Addiction = postponement. Repetition is hypnosis. We did it yesterday, we are doing it today. Tomorrow will be the same. Repeating, repeating. And this is how addictions grow. The more we repeat, the deeper we carve the groove, the more the affliction is worked into the fiber of our being. We know we want to do something else with our life, but always we feel...tomorrow. Then I'll be ready. Tomorrow I will be stronger. Tomorrow I will have gained more knowledge; I will have more energy. I will be out of the current crisis. But tomorrow never comes. And transformation happens now. It is this moment. Because nothing has to be done for transformation to occur–no looking to the future, no desiring an outcome, no goal. Transformation is simply an awakening out of a dream state, a realization that happens in the mind. It is an instant realization that we lack nothing at all. We just open our eyes and see. And the seeing transforms! [excerpt from transformers, pg. 79-81] The addictions field has done an excellent job of helping us name our addictive conditions. We have been forced to wake up and take a look at how we are giving our very lives away. Addiction and codependency treatment is replete with knowledge about each and every addiction and dysfunctional behavior we are capable of. However, something has been missing, not only from some recovery books, but also from most of our treatment of addiction and codependence, and I believe this "something" is our whole Self. I know of no place where reductionism and psychological myopia are more rampant in today's world than in the existing field of mainstream addiction treatment. This is a strong statement. And there are, of course, exceptions. It is a fact that most hospitals' and treatment centers' programs report high degrees of recidivism (some as high as 80%), and many such programs are folding, having failed to meet their goals. Yet many still in existence continue to focus almost entirely on the negative, sick, or fragmented aspects of people. For they view clients-as well as the client's family-exclusively through the lens of disease and dysfunction. There seems to be very little interest in or understanding of the concepts of wholeness, the repressed sublime, creativity, core goodness, or the inner healer. Clients' inner strengths that have developed over years of struggle with addictions are often unacknowledged, and clients and their families are given little hope for becoming wise or greater selves, or for understanding the positive aspects of their crisis or the transformative nature of humankind. I am often reminded of the comment made by India's great social reformer and sage, Sri Aurobindo: "I find it difficult to take these Western psychiatrists at all seriously...yet perhaps one ought to, for half-knowledge is a powerful thing and can be a great obstacle to Truth...They look from down up and explain the higher lights by the lower obscurities; but the foundation of these things is above and not below." (Satprem, Sri Aurobindo or the Adventure of Consciousness) Many treatment programs recommend or include the Twelve-Step programs of Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, or Codependents Anonymous. Yet if you review these treatment programs' philosophies, you can see instantly that they merely give lip service to the principle of Higher Power, the real healer of the Twelve-Step approach. They themselves have become the experts. And they look to their clients for verification. But "fixing clients" is a myth. Anytime we believe someone else is our savior, another addiction has set in. Giving our power away to others, at whatever level, is codependence, leading to more entrapment in lieu of the hoped-for-freedom of recovery. The only power we should surrender to is our Higher Power, and this always happens within the Self. The focus of treatment–if it is to be really life-giving and lasting–must be on clients finding their own strength and inner healer. And, they should leave treatment believing in themselves, not in some expert or program. [excerpts from awakening in time, pg. 24-26. for more on addiction/recovery read books awakening in time and transformers: the artists of self-creation] Recovery is no longer a term limited to people living in sobriety or abstinence from a specifically defined addiction. The term has been broadened to mean recovery from an imbalanced human condition. Without the imbalance, we can live from our "center." And, as we heal, the idea of recovery gradually shifts to discovery of the true Self. This represents a turn away from focusing on the past, toward a focus on an emerging future and greater life.

Kaz	16 Jun 2002
Quote: Addiction = attachment. When we are attached to something or someone, we have forgotten who we are. We feel we cannot be whole without this something. We experience pain and suffering whenever our attachment threatens to leave us. Attachment is the cause of suffering. Addiction is the cause of suffering. Nonattachment does not mean non-caring; it is non-needing, non-obsessing. Nonattachment removes emotional investment so that one can truly see clearly and therefore care appropriately for the other's sake. Paradoxically, attachment is non-loving. i can't agree more, this is so true.... kaz

Rain	16 Jun 2002
I love this site! Being able to vibe with people who think the same way you do...it feels good. Thankyou all for the support and advice. It is greatly appreciated and needed. I do want to stop and I already have. Truthfully, it ISN'T hard at all, now that I've done it. Thanks for all of your inputs. Rain

wavebreaker	16 Jun 2002
Good for you Rain!! I'm wishing you a lot of strength!

Maalin	16 Jun 2002
Good on you, Rain!

Mermaid	16 Jun 2002
That's awesome news, Rain!

Pollux	17 Jun 2002
This is really marvellous news! :) Here you will surely find support and advice everytime you need some! :)

Shadow_Dragon	17 Jun 2002
I don't know how long you've been smoking, but the longer you have smoked the harder it is for you to stop, which I know from experience. I have never tried any chemical drugs in my life, but I do admit with an honest heart that the drug I'm trying to fight is cutting. When I mean by that I cut myself, no I'm not insane, but I know that I got on this "drug" was because it filled the pain in my heart. My life hasn't been the greatest, full of pain and misery, so to help calm my emotional pain I turned to physical pain, which lead me to cutting. Recently, I learned that I didn't want to cut myself anymore when I found out my best friend was a "Cutter" too. When I found out, I wanted her to stop because I didn't want to see her hurting herself, I couldn't bare to see her hurt. I told her that I was a cutter too, I made a promise to myself to stop cutting for her sake. My friend has stopped cutting herself, but I do cut myself every now and then. In fact, I cut myself the other day... about a foot long cut, seriously, but the point is that I don't cut as much. If you want to stop drug use, just take it a day at a time. You will have a smoke here and there, but hold your urges and ween yourself off of it. I hope everyone doesn't think I'm crazy for it because I'm not.... cutting is a serious matter... and people only turn to it because they have a lot of pain in their hearts...

wavebreaker	17 Jun 2002
((((((shadow_dragon)))))) I sincerely hope you can find a way to ease the pain in your heart and stop yourself from cutting yourself. I'll be thinking of you! Sending love and light.

slinky_jo	17 Jun 2002
I'm really proud of everyone here on giving great comfort and support and not judging people. Shadow_Dragon - I used to do this too. Apparently is it very common in young women. I used to do this and was frightened but compelled. The only thing that got me through was talking to people, so you've made the right move in confiding in us. I like to think that we're a caring and sensitive bunch, and that people can share their problems here without being belittled or scoffed at. I used to be a heavy smoker of marijuana. I lived with these two guys in my late teens and all we did was smoke pot. I managed to hold down a job, but getting up in the morning and facing the world and myself was hard - better to smoke some more and feel numb, build a smoky barricade around myself to keep myself "safe" from the outside world and my own feelings. Again, the thing that got me through it was finding a special person whom I could confide it - AND to face my problems. You need a lot of support, but also you need to gather strength from within yourself - it can be hard doing it alone. Well done to everyone - I'm damn proud of us!! :D

Maalin	17 Jun 2002
(((((((((Shadow Dragon))))))))))))

moonman	17 Jun 2002
Hi Folks, I've been reading a lot of touching stuff here!! Yep I've done the smoking thing AA NA. The 12 step thing didn't work for me, but it has worked for quite a few poeple that I know. You just have to find what's right for you. I had to give up every sort of NA's for 2 years because things was getting a bit full on and I could see how my life would end up. What I did find was that stopping smoking was far easier than I thought ( I did have quite a few testing days) Drink is far much more harder to stop as your body craves it unlike smoke. I still smoke and drink but very little. I don't see the point of getting out of it as my body pays for it the next day. + I spent sooooo much money on munchies and going to the gas station at 3am to get some rizzla papers. I always had red eyes and could of done a lot more to improve the way I looked etc. I used to live with a woman who used to cut her self. I don't know how she stopped but she told me that it was just a release for her. I've done it years ago but I don't know why I done it. I know i was having problems with my partner at the time. Maalin I like the way you see things Good luck with it all Seb

Rain	17 Jun 2002
(((((shadow_dragon))))) I'm sorry you cut yourself. I thought I had problems. I can't say that I know how you feel. Why did you start cutting to releive emotional pain, for the sake of physical. That's taking pain to show that pain hurts. I'm not criticizing you, I just don't understand. I'm sure there are ways to get proffessional help. Maybe you should seek a psych to talk to about your emotional problems. That might help. I sincerely hope that you will get through this, and you will be in my prayers. Blessings, Rain

Umbrae	17 Jun 2002
I think it was Emily Dickinson who said, “Narcotics are the still tooth, that nibbles at the soul.” So…you have some issues to deal with. Think on this; if an alcoholic stops drinking, his life turns to crap. Why? He/she is not drinking? Their life should get better! But it takes years to turn around…why is this? Because drinking (or drugs) is not the issue. It is a/the symptom of something much bigger. If you want to talk to someone who has been there, PM me.

zorya	17 Jun 2002
shadow dragon, please! please! please! pm me and/or someone else here, anytime you start to think about cutting yourself! we're here for you. you said you want to stop and that's the first step! the cutting is a symptom of something deeper, is there any chance you could get some professional help? find someone you like and trust. healing takes a long long time, but things can and will get better. talk to someone! pm me! rain, feel free to pm me too, i also have experience.

Houklani	17 Jun 2002
Reading all of your "stories" makes me feel so ashamed that I ever wanted to be that way. I used to think that I was depressed, and I used to fool around with knives just enough to freak my friends out in a silly way, but I always wanted to do more. I've never smoked marijuana either, though I think that if I was more exposed to it I might have. Maybe I'm lucky to have grown up so protected..... Anyhow, not having been down those roads myself, I can't offer you as good advice as other people can, but just know that I'm thinking of you, and I hope you find peace. Smiles, Houklani

Shadow_Dragon	18 Jun 2002
Rain: Why I turned to physical pain to get rid of my emotional pain? Honestly, it feels better to feel my blood flow down my skin, than it is to feel the well known feeling of tears flowing down my cheeks. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense, but mostly for that reason alone I turned to cutting. I don't usually get hurt physically because I am careful when I do things, no matter what it i, but my heart has been torn into pieces many times. I don't think it is fair that my heart and mind should be tormented when my body just stands there feeling no pain. Well, life isn't fair period, no matter how you look at the world. About professional help, I have tried that, but it hasn't help not in the least because when I went to my school counselor she told me I had to see this person. So I went to go see that person, but that person told me to see this person. When I went to see someone for help, I was always told to see another person because they couldn't help me. After I while I got frustated at everyone, so I stopped trying, but I have talked about it with close friends and some people were DISTANT friends of mine. That seems to work better than a professional. Anyway, I'm happy that everyone seems to want to help me by using prayers, etc. and I thank everyone for that. Also, I'm happy that no one has critzed me or at least judge me for my stuid actions.

Houklani	19 Jun 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Shadow_Dragon Anyway, I'm happy that everyone seems to want to help me by using prayers, etc. and I thank everyone for that. Also, I'm happy that no one has critzed me or at least judge me for my stuid actions. How could we criticize you when none of us, (I'm assuming), know what it was that made you do it? I think that if you had confessed something like you were just trying to scare people who cared about you, then I for one would not hold you in too much respect. Why? Because if I had ever turned to cutting, that would have been my reason, and now I realize that's one of the ugliest things anyone can do. However, you have told us, in so many words, that the above was NOT your reason, so what can I hold against you? Please don't ever feel lonely. I'm glad that you're going to someone for help, and many times friends CAN be of more use than doctors. Smiles, Houklani

wetsheep1	24 Jun 2002
Rain, I've been where you are too. I was trying to fill a "god-shaped" hole in my system with dope and booze. That didn't work, but I found something that did, at least for me. If you'd like, feel free to pm me anytime -- and keep sharing! With a tremendously supportive group like this, you can't go wrong. Please take care of you :) Blessings, -- k

meatbox666	08 Jul 2002
Well........ If you do not stop smoking weed, do not beat your self up. If you find a bag of weed on the ground what are you going to do: PICK IT UP , PICK IT UP! Pick IT UP, PICK IT UP! You'll be fine. But what will make you stop smoking weed is if you someone slips you some Angel Dust. Oh yes, the really wet variety. Oh yes, You'll stop then. Because you wont be able to smoke another blount, or whiteboy without flipping out every time.

jade	08 Jul 2002
wetsheep, what worked? jade

wetsheep1	08 Jul 2002
Not to be trite, Jade, but....I found a better way of life. I had gotten sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I'll be the first to admit, the dependence on the drugs and alcohol scared me. I didn't want to live every day of my life anymore worrying about where the next drink or the next doobie was going to come from, let alone what I'd have to do or give away to get them. I tried quitting on my own, and for me it didn't work. Failure after failure rocked my confidence and any sense of being. So I was scared and terribly, terribly alone. I had to find help. I did. There was a group of wonderful people out there who took me in and told me they would love me until I could love myself -- and then did it. It wasn't all lip service. And they taught me how they did it, step by step. I took the steps necessary to find a power bigger than I was and begin to trust that power; Lord knows, I couldn't trust myself. Over time, I began to not only see myself for who I really was, but also learn to take that little personal inventory looking both at the bad and the good. I learned to accept myself, and by doing so, begin to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them -- I learned to break the chain of addiction through a spiritual acceptance and awakening. And absolutely, by sharing my experience, strength and hope with someone else who is going through the same pain I did, I not only give them a leg up, but myself as well because I can't give away what I don't have to begin with. This is not to say the journey's been a rose garden; far from it. But all in all, I wouldn't trade a bit of who I am now for what I was then. And if some of it's tough and it's rough going, well, so be it. Progress, not perfection :) But that's my story and I'm sticking with it :) Blessings to you :) -- k

destinyawaitsme	08 Jul 2002
Shadow dragon, Anyone who criticizes your behavior is ignorant. Everyone on this earth has problems. No one is "insane"...it's a term used to make people feel secure about themselves...by categorizing others. I have a friend who cuts herself. It pains me so much to see those wounds on her body. I tried to get her help, but she refuses. All I can do is be supportive. In cases of people who cut, they are finding a physical means to end an emotional pain. This is where a good therapist or counselor should come in. You need help resolving or coping with this emotional pain. You need to learn how to release it without hurting yourself. It angers me that people have turned you away. Please realize that they turn you away because they are afraid that they will fail...it isn't because you aren't worth it. Because everyone deserves a chance...a way out. I'm sorry to be babbling on and on. My family has a history of various mental illnesses and I'm a psychology major. So, I'm a big mental health advocate. I just get going because I know how it is to feel like everything is chaotic around you and you are just along for the ride. Hang in there. Know that there are many people here that care about you. Love and Light

The Drug addiction thread was originally posted on 13 Jun 2002 in the Spirituality board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Spirituality, or read more archived threads.