The flip side of energy vampires

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 25 Jun 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Butterfly	25 Jun 2002
We have talked about energy vampires many times on these forums, but what about the flip side- the people who give it out voluntarily and endlessly, without topping it back up. This can be a really dangerous situation to be in, particulary because you often don't realise that you are giving and giving. I think it's really common in people who are always trying to please, who have no knowledge of their own boundaries, or low self esteem. They are always attracting energy vampires, but protection really wouldn't work too well I suppose. I think I really used to be this kind of person, giving away all of my energy and never putting myself first. It's really easy to fall into this trap when you are starting a new family. It makes me think that maybe before people look to energy vampires they should make sure they aren't voluntarily handing it over. Am I way off here, or does anyone agree?

catlin	25 Jun 2002
Hi butterfly, There is certainly a clue in your posting that there are a lot of ppl with low self-esteem and the need to please fall easily prey to energy vampires. Personnally, I do not count myself to the ppl with low self-esteem or the need to please and had also to cope with energy vampirism so I think there is still more behind.

Pollux	25 Jun 2002
I am not an energy vampire... But I think I can belong to the "flip side". :( Especially lately I am going NUTS! And I have been affecting badly people around just because I was putting out without realising it. And I don't know how I could have helped it, and how to avoid it for now... I am not one who wants to please, maybe the countrary. But as you might see I tend to have low self-esteem. I know I have been approached by vampires in the past, and that thing of dogs, drunkards and beggars and whatever else spotting me in crowds is also true, but I never associated the two... However, I don't think there's a connectiion with the low self-esteem (not in my case at least). And not being the "willing to please" type, that doesn't apply to me either... I agree with catlin there must be something else behind.

wavebreaker	25 Jun 2002
Maybe you look like an easy target to energy vampires, even if you're not? Just an idea... I've met a lot of people in my life who thought they could use me, for money, to do things for them, etcetera. For some reason, these people thought I was an easy target. But I'm not, so they all got disappointed, and consequently started to harass me because they were angry at me for not doing what they wanted me to do... :(.

Butterfly	25 Jun 2002
Oh, I absolutely agree, that energy vampires do prey on more than just the ones with self esteem, boundary or wanting to please issues. It just occurred to me that certain people are just more vulnerable to it than others, and thinking how a few years ago I was a bit of a walking doormat, saying "Please take my energy, it's free". I'd never suggest that was the whole story. I also think, among other things it can be peoples light- like moths to a flame, so to speak.

Kellinator	25 Jun 2002
This really strikes a chord in me. I've always been a doormat, the one who gets taken for granted, and it sucks, but I haven't figured out how to break out of it yet. It's horrible because people don't respect me for letting them treat me poorly when I'm just trying to be a good person. One thing I'm thinking about is charging for or bartering readings. When I talk about tarot, all my friends go "oh, I want a reading!!" I'm happy to give to people, but when they don't give back, maybe they need a little push. Wish me luck.

catlin	25 Jun 2002
Hey Kellinator, Maybe you think you are not worth to get something from others for yourself because someone has told you this is selfish, etc. I really recommend you to break this pattern trough. If you don't, folk will ever see and treat you as a doormat.

wavebreaker	25 Jun 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Kellinator One thing I'm thinking about is charging for or bartering readings. When I talk about tarot, all my friends go "oh, I want a reading!!" I'm happy to give to people, but when they don't give back, maybe they need a little push. Wish me luck. That might be a good idea Kellinator, it may be a sign for them not to take you for granted. Good luck!! (((Kellinator)))

moonman	25 Jun 2002
This rings a bell! a big bell. My self esteem is fine and I'm not one of those people who wants to be liked. but I just had to say stop when I hit rock bottom and there was nobody there for me. I was deeply depressed etc. but now I think more about myself as I have spent toooooo much time helping people or even if i don't people some of my so called friends just thinks that Seb will be there, oh Seb wouldn't mind. I found it very hard to do but I just had to cut them off. There was so many things which I didn't do which I'm starting to do now. Also to a certain extent I allowed these friends/family to take advantage of my good nature. I will still give to others but not so easly, I've learn't big time! I never expected my friends/family to be indebted to me nor did I want something back......well ONLY a thank you. I never got that after giving £1000's away to my brother. Also I was homeless many years ago but my family was not there and friends just backed off. That's fine because I'm OK now but I havn't got the time of day for them. They just made me see them in a true light. Don't get me wrong I don't feel bitter towards them I just feel totally let down by them. I would say to anyone who gives too much is to think would they do the same for you if the shoe was on the other foot? I found it so funny when I heard that a woman gave millions in her will to cats (good on ya woman!!) because she didn't get on with her family. Nice one! Seb

jade	25 Jun 2002
i think that it's really important to remember that exchanges are very necc. without them, our own personal energy resources get all messed up. if my cup is constantly filling up others, then how can i get refilled unless i ask to be refilled. hence, readings need an exchange, healings need an exchange, even healping someone out for the day in their garden needs an exchange. :D sometimes we turn people into energy vampires becaue of our constant "oh no, here, please let me help YOU" attitude and never asking for anything in return. i've learned this lesson the hard way. i no longer do any readings for free. everyone pays. i don't do ear coning for free or past life regressions. i had a large group of people coming to me on a regular basis and when i stopped doing stuff for free, they ALL left. everyone loved my readings until they had to pay for them and the big kicker............they were going to other readers and PAYING THEM and then they'd come to me and not pay me! not anymore!!! we need to all take responsibility for allowing people to take advantage of us. cause in reality, it's our own fault! if they don't want to do an exchange, then don't do your part. simple. after all, they are looking at it that simply from their side. :) love and light, jade :D

cricket	25 Jun 2002
This is all too familiar. For a long time I was one of those doormats people talk about. I couldn't say no to anybody. Anybody could take whatever energy was needed and not expect to have to give anything back. A lot of it was because of the way I was raised, but most of it was just the fact that it didn't feel right to rock the boat. Some of it was also that life dealt my family a low blow and things just worked out the way they did. Maybe some of this is cultural. If a person is taught that THIS is your station in life, THIS is how far you're allowed to go, THIS is what you need to do, etc. it puts a limit on them. If they have the will and energy to go past that particular point, doesn't it make sense they would feel obligated to give it away? Until they realize that only society is holding them to those limits, anyway. If a person does that, and manages to break down the cultural walls that have been built around them, they can truly live up to their full potential.

Dark Inquisitor	26 Jun 2002
This is a very good topic of discussion. As I said in another post, I am tired of being a member of the angelic doormat club. I asked a psychic about this problem, and she said I was bothered by the vampire types because they could see I was a gentle person. So I try to learn to be more direct and on the lookout. Unfortunately, from my experience, the energy vampires are not following us by accident- they are actively hunting people that will not hurt them. People they can manipulate and hide their true natures from. And worse. They don't want to mess around with somebody that scares them! They're very clever, and the signals are subtle in the beginning. You have to get good at recognizing them and cutting them off right away, or you get stuck with a big problem later. And occasionally, you have "Nice-Nice" people who are offended when you do, and try to force you into interaction with these people against your better judgement. ************************************************ Sometimes, it is more important to be strong than to be nice. ************************************************ On the other hand, there is the type of person who can suck all the energy out of you just by being in the same room. My sister is like this. She sleeps 4 hours a night, and can't keep herself busy enough all day, even though she's 10 years older than me. While I am lucky to have 4 hours of energy a day at all, and could sleep 20 hours in drained exhaustion! (Is this fair?) She's incredibly negative and manipulative, and directs all of it outwards at others, trying to control everything. She knows no boundaries, and if you get in her way seriously, she becomes hysterical. There's a lesson in this somewhere, but I'm not sure what it is. All I can do is minimize contact with her, and try to head off her schemes before they take root. Sylvia Brown has a method in one of her books of putting up a psychic mirror - shield over yourself if you want to repel people like this. Their own energy is reflected back at them, and they are not attracted to you. I hope. Save yourselves- Tarotphelia

truthsayer	26 Jun 2002
giving too much of oneself really rings a bell w/ me. i have this book i've read a few times and will never part w/. it's called,"when helping you is hurting me:escaping the messiah trap". up to a few years ago i was so driven by CAUSES like helping others or supporting the arts, etc. that i just flat burned out. i was so absorbed in this obsessive NEED to make my time on this planet worth something. i think the problem was caused by serious self-image and self-worth issues. it's like i felt if i didn't burn the karma candle at both ends then i wasted this lifetime. i behaved like i was the messiah and only i could save all these ppl. it seems so crazy and impossible now that i couldn't see i was setting myself up for failure b/c i couldn't save the world single handedly. so yes, i know i attracted energy vampires. i knew at the time they were energy vampires but i was so driven to offer them a chance to better their life that i allowed myself to be taken advantage of. some of these energy vampires did get better and go on. some are still pestering me. i have 2 phone calls i haven't returned on the answering machine b/c i'm tired and i don't have anything to give right now. 5 years ago i would have called them back minutes after getting the calls. i wonder now if all i gave of myself then was really worth it. occasionally, i see signs of the good i did. one man i counseled is now chief of police in a local town. then there's the energy vampire who killed herself last fall. :( i'm glad i had grown to the point i didn't blame myself for what happened but there was a time i would have been devastated. i got plenty of warm fuzzies for being such a giving person. my home is full of things former clients gave me for what i did for them so there was an energy exchange. i even got statewide recognition for my work once. but there was a shadow side as well--my total mental and physical burn-out. lesson? you can not make up for all past karma in one lifetime! :D undoing karma is not like getting fast food! truth has learned how to set up boundaries and is at last interested in self-preservation. i accept i can't single handedly save the world like wonder woman. i tend to live like a hermit b/c i realize after all these years how draining being in the public eye is. i also figure it's going to take years to recoup what i lost in energy when i gave out everything i had. que sera sera, what will be will be.

Fox	26 Jun 2002
I'm not a weak person and these days I don't let people walk over me or take up my time when being around them drains me, but I still seem to lose way too much of my own energy and get filled with all the bad stuff that's being put out by others. It's really horrible when you can almost physically feel someone's negative energy, and I can't seem to help but get affected by it. Especially when it comes off good friends of mine. I know they don't purposely do it, and I like to be there when people need an ear or just someone to understand and accept them. What do you do with all the negative energy? Sometimes I get stuck with it for days. Maybe I'm weaker than I think.

truthsayer	26 Jun 2002
when i deal w/ energy vampires i visualize a protective psychic shield around me and send any energy that seeps in back to the universe to transform back to postive energy and return to us. i also try to project love but i have found that true vampires just suck that right up leaving me tired and exhausted. the best thing is the use the psychic shield. using crystals b/t you and that person helps. be certain the reenergize the crystal in the sun afterwards. i also visualize giving that person back to the creator's large hands for the creator to heal. it's difficult to do and you have to make sure you know you are energized enough to handle it. being certain in your own skin of you boundaries is a big help. if you don't feel an emotional boundary it's difficult to hold a psychic one.

debins	26 Jun 2002
Dear Truthsayer, I think you really found it for me and said it for me: quote: "you cannot make up for all past karma in one lifetime"/quote Many, many, many thanks for your insight. Do you realize how this is the very wisdom I was needing?!!! I was having difficulties similar to those described on this thread and then I came to your line and knew instantly the underlying reason for much of my behavior. I've been in a hurry to compensate for past lives I feel but do not consciously remember. I am burning myself out. In fact, at the very moment I was reading your reply I said to myself, "I feel tired". I have been weary in well-doing, as my father called it. It's marvelous, utterly marvelous, how there is so much friendliness and help on the forum. I feel blessed. Namaste, Debins.

truthsayer	26 Jun 2002
thank-you so much for sharing that w/ me, debins. it always means a lot to me when i know my experiences have the potential to help another toward healing. please look for the book on the messiah trap like i suggested. i don't know why i said that about burning out all my karma in one lifetime but it came to mind, felt right so i shared the thought. it was a unique insight into my behavior for me, too! one of the problems w/ giving so much is that for a while at least it really feels good. i used to get such a rush when i could see the fruits of my labors. when i got that rush, it was difficult to admit to myself how deeply tired i reall was. then after work and volunteer work, instead of taking care of me i took on family. talking about taking on the impossible dream! it's a vicious cycle and eventually had to be stopped. in retrospect, i'm glad i got out of the rat race but on the other hand i really miss it sometimes-the excitement, sense of purpose and power. then i realized that karma had had it's little joke on me. the end road to burning yourself out is learning humility in the deepest places fathomable. facing my shadow has been karma healing. i suspect the reason i pushed so hard for so many years was i was trying to outrun my shadow. could our shadow self actually be karma? sorry that this is off topic.

Butterfly	27 Jun 2002
No, ((((truthsayer)))) I think it's completely on topic. I like to start conversations to get people thinking a little differently, then see where it takes them. I think it's the counsellor/healer in me! Thank you for the beautiful insight and sharing.

Madonna	28 Jun 2002
My people ! I can relate as to the free readings people expect of me. I finally found a way to deter it while not alienating them at the same time. I tell them I beleive in the barter system & sure a reading in exchange for a favor sounds A one. Only had one person so far take me up on it.

Kellinator	29 Jun 2002
Thank you, everyone, for the kind words! It makes it a little easier to speak up for myself.

HudsonGray	01 Jul 2002
I've got a friend who falls into the 'give everything' category--she calls it the Earth Mother Syndrome, says it got worse when she had kids & it really kicked in. I can't tell you how many times she's reached burnout or lost focus on the situation by getting in too deep. It hit her on an instinctual level (she also does cat rescue, so the animals feel it too & come). It's good to occasionally step back & try to take an objective look at things & make some decisions, when things get too harried or deep. I think a person looses a lot of their shielding ability in certain areas (ie: for instance, they don't put shields up when grown children are involved) which can make the situation worse.

The The flip side of energy vampires thread was originally posted on 25 Jun 2002 in the Spirituality board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Spirituality, or read more archived threads.