The passing of my boyfriend

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 05 Jun 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Kismet	05 Jun 2002
My boyfriend commited suicide and passed sometime between April 30th and May 3rd, I personally believe it was May 1st because I had a feeling come over me of wishing to see him and other feelings that night. I have a lot of regrets, a lot of things I wish him to KNOW, not just to say aloud and it comfort me. I was raised a Christian but have personal reasons for accepting reincarnation is possible for myself as well. He was a Christian. My beliefs and what I wish to be known are at odds. My beliefs would say he is at peace and in Heaven, but I wish him to be with me too and I don't think or know if it's possible to be two places at once, is the soul one place and the spirit another?? I'd like to believe we will see one another again, be it in Heaven or in another life. I am just now speaking with someone in regards to reincarnation and had it explained to me that you come back basicly til you get it right and can go be with the God and Godess. I thought you also had issues to resolve with certain people and had to have those issues resolve so your spirt/soul come back to one another although not always as lovers, but as Mother and child, siblings, in whatever manner you need to to learn the lesson you didn't the last time. I have a lot of questions. 1- Is it possible for someone to be with you and also at peace? 2- Does he currently know all? How I feel? 3- When reincarnated, do old spirits reunite? 4- If so, do you "know" this person? 5- If I wished to "contact" him would that be wrong? 6- If it isn't and I did, would I be disturbing him while he is at peace? I heard very loud noises for several days after he had passed, like my door was being banged on one time hard and it would happen several times after dark between certain hours, once while I was on the verge of sleep and it scared me it was so loud. After it happened several times for a couple of days at that time, I went to check and see if anyone was there, there was nothing visible. A friend of mine that has interest in Wicca and Paganism asked if he'd had issues with the door, at first I didn't recall such but then I did. One night after the noises had been ongoing for a bit I opened the door and spoke to him and said if it were he and he wished to come in to do so and stay as long as he needed to or til he was at peace or felt I would be and that I love him and I held the door open. The noises happened only once or twice more after that. I lit a candle as a friend suggested and the flame didn't move. 7- Any ideas what this could have been? 8- The feeling I had that Wednesday night before I learned of his passing on Friday, could that have been his spirit with me? Anyone with any thoughts, please feel free to be in touch as I at times feel he speaks to me, at other times I don't, I mainly feel him at night as I lay down, which makes sense because he had insomnia but knew his laying with me til I slept was important and a need in me, I also feel him with me when I'm weeping uncontrolablly, as if he's saying I shouldn't be upset. At times I currently feel ok thanks to meds, numb due to meds, or a basket case with grief. Thanks to everyone.

truthsayer	05 Jun 2002
kismet, please accept my condolences for what has to feel like an unbearable loss right now. i don't really know the answers to your questions but i think all of us wish to know the same things. i do feel like i can reassure you that if you sense that he is there then he probably is. particularly if it's at times of the day that were special to you both. i hope that you are seeking grief counseling to help you deal w/ your feelings right now b/c i know you must be feeling overwhelmed w/ a lot of complex emotions right now. i think ppl here are supportive and can guide you but please use many different avenues to help you recover. some may be better for you than others. to feel regret and grief is normal in this situation. i don't know if you've ever read the book "on death and dying" by elizabeth kubler ross but i think it contains info that would comfort you. she lists 5 stages of grief. they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventual acceptance. you won't go thru these stages in a straight order. you're feeling grief, denial and depression right now. don't be surprized if you feel angry at him for giving up and leaving you. try journaling, artwork or exercise to work out your feelings. there should be lots of books on dealing w/ death including suicide at the library or bookstore if you think bibliotherapy will help you. i have experienced pretty severe suicidal feelings in the past myself. i was fortunate enough that i was able to reach out and seek help before i was too depressed to turn back. when you are in a depression that deep, there comes a point that no matter what others say or do, you simply can't hear the love or feel it. that's the black fog of depression speaking. it's not being crazy. it's a physical illness just like being diabetic or having cancer. it's a severe chemical imbalance of the brain. that black fog is like a hallucination that's so very difficult to fight. i don't know what things are like for him on the other side but i don't believe in judgementalism. i think the other side is more different than our limited human brain can imagine. i believe there is an endless amount of love and compassion there that your boyfriend is receiving now. i do believe in reincarnation and i do believe he is in a better place now where there are others who can help heal and prepare his soul for whatever is next. i'm sure now that he's out of the fog of depression, he realizes the enormity of what he has done and wants to comfort you. write him letters about your feelings when you are ready. talk to him if you sense his spirit present. don't allow anyone to deny you your right to grieve deeply and fully. my email is listed in my profile if you wish to talk to me privately about this. i know many ppl who have committed suicide. it's never an easy thing to deal w/. be very kind and compassionate to yourself. you deserve kindness and compassion right now. may i offer you a hug? i cry your loss w/ you.

Rhiannon	05 Jun 2002
(((((kismet))))) I'm so sorry for your loss. Would it help you to feel better if you perhaps thought of him in terms of a "guardian angel" type of being? Perhaps he's there when you need him to comfort you and when you are ok, he recedes a bit. I don't think that would be disturbing him from his rest. And if you're not sure if he knows how you feel, then tell him. Talk as long as you want and say whatever you want. Believe me, it helps! I personally do believe in reincarnation. And I feel that we have lessons to be learned throughout our lifetimes before we can move the next plane. But I also believe that if someone we love has resolved their issues for this time and gone into another one, then perhaps I'll meet them again in a third or fourth lifetime. They don't have to be consecutive. You don't even have to be "lovers" again. Although that's certainly possible. Next time you could just be best friends, or even realatives maybe. And if that person finishes and moves on to the next plane before you, they'll be there waiting for you when you get there. I still talk to my grandfather who passed of ALS and to my friend Kae who committed suicide recently. I think they hear me. And I know that sometimes they are with me because I can feel them around me. And I just smile, and love them, and thank them, and keep stirring the spaghetti. Because you have to keep going on. And they wouldn't want you not to. (((((kismet))))) Rhiannon :)

HOLMES	06 Jun 2002
sorry for your pain, and loss. i can only answer your questions from what i studied 1. yes a soul once released from the mortal realm is still alive and kickin and can visit loved ones in the astral realms when you leave your body in your dreams, and may stop by to let you know they still love you and are with you by you sensing their presence. 2. nay he doesn't know all but he does know how you feel. see a soul has a connection to another soul which lasts as long as both souls feel it is mutal. 3. old souls can be reunited in in their next lives should they choose to do so 4. yes you know this person when you meet you will see each other and say hi i felt like i known you all my life. 5. if so would it be wrong to contact do you mean medium wise ? on that count you must follow your heart . you can ask him to visit you in your dreams though e.x. picture his soul in front of you and ask him a quesiton before you got to sleep within a week you should get an dream but don't have preconvied notions 6. as for the peace aspect nay for a soul has stuff to do on the other side . 7. it was him letting you know he is around notice it was certain times of the night that is when we are most open to spiritual contact. espeically when we are sleeping it is not uncommon for an inuitive to awake and recieve ideas, melodies and other stuff. 8. aye he was there .. why am i being so vague in these answers and not in depth.? it is my wish not to hurt thee with a big overload of spiritual knowledge that i beleive in. for to some our beliefs are all that keep us alive. and it is not my wish to make you cry anymore. see i base all my knowledge on truths i found true in my heart the books by slvia browne, and by orin and daben books. and all the stuff i could share with you go against the christian beleifs that you were raised in. it is time to let to go of your boyfriend soon so you can move on with your love. but in the meantime it is ok to mourn and cry it is part of the natural passing. pm me if you like to talk to me further love and light and god's blessing on to you.

Mermaid	06 Jun 2002
Kismet - I can't answer any of your questions, but I just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you. I truly hope you find the answers you are seeking. ((((((((((Kismet)))))))))))

wavebreaker	06 Jun 2002
Kismet, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I don't really have anything to add to what the others have already said. I just hope you can find a way to deal with this and that you will be able to find the answers to your questions. I'll be thinking of you... (((((kismet)))))

Faerie Lin	06 Jun 2002
(((((((Kismet))))))), Sending love straight to you!!! This happened so recently, and your pain is fresh. Keep on talking about your emotions, and remember all the good and funny times you two had. I do believe that he is visiting you. Lin

fairyhedgehog	06 Jun 2002
I don't have any answers, kismet, but like mermaid I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I hope you have kind people around you to let you talk and cry with them. ((((((((kismet))))))) FH

moonman	06 Jun 2002
kismet, Sending my condolences and healing. I would say just to give yourself some time before you go and see a Medium. Also if you have in mind that your boyfriend might not come through the first time as it depends on the link with the Medium and also your boyfriend. So don't be too up set if it doesn't work the first time. Look after yourself and don't give yourself a hard time! Seb

Jenny-Li	06 Jun 2002
((((((((kismet))))))))) I am so very sorry for your loss, and for the pain your boyfriend had that made him see no light. I have no answers either, only what I feel in my heart and spirit to be true. I am sure he is surrounded now by the light he did not find here. Regarding the feelings you have had since he passed over, my instinctual advice would be to trust yourself, I agree with most of the others who has responded here that he knows how you feel, and therefore it would seem only natural that he comes to you. If it feels like him, it probably is. Perhaps it's not even necessary to go see a medium to make this contact, obviously you already have it, why not just trust the feelings you have when he seems to be around? You and he are the ones truely connected, and yes I think you will find each other again, and that you will know, one way or another. My thoughts are with you, and loads of healing energy. Light and love, Jenny

lunalafey	06 Jun 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Kismet My boyfriend commited suicide and passed sometime between April 30th and May 3rd, I personally believe it was May 1st because I had a feeling come over me of wishing to see him and other feelings that night. I had a similar experience when my boyfriend was killed. The physical thing that happens inside has no words. As for your questions. 1- Is it possible for someone to be with you and also at peace????? 2- Does he currently know all? How I feel? ***from my experience I'd have to say yes. 3- When reincarnated, do old spirits reunite? ***MOST DEFINATELY,even the bad ones:( 4- If so, do you "know" this person? ***I think subconsciensly we do, If you don't belive in past lives then you would not recognize. 5- If I wished to "contact" him would that be wrong? ***see my thread titled 'After Death Communication!' 6- If it isn't and I did, would I be disturbing him while he is at peace?(SEE THREAD) I heard very loud noises for several days after he had passed, like my door was being banged on... One night after the noises had been ongoing for a bit I opened the door and spoke to him...... GOOD JOB!!!! 7- Any ideas what this could have been? ***you know 8- The feeling I had that Wednesday night before I learned of his passing on Friday, could that have been his spirit with me? ***possibly, more like having part of your body cut off, follow me? I REALLY know how you feel, dealing with a tragic and sensless death. I too, offer talking about my experiences, just as truthsayer has. PM, email, chatroom, see profile. I lost my soulmate in Sept. '98. It has been a long haul. I did not have these questions like you ask, I had already read many books on these subjects. My frustration is that my heart and mind is open to recive, and I ask for him to come in my dreams, yet he does not. Other that a few isolated incidents, there has been no communication, this causes sadness at times. BUT Other things happen. HONOR, (remember that word it's in my ADC thread) I was given money for flowers, for him. I found a white rose called honor. This mother's day(4 years ago, mother's day was our first date) the honor rose put out two roses, standing TALL, side by side, way above the leaves. It warmed my heart. SUGGESTED READING Hello From Heaven, by Bill and Judy Guggenheim they also have a web site, www.after-death.com And out of all the books I have read regarding past lives, my favorite is Living Your Past Lives: by Karl Schlotterbeck. I'm here for you kismet....

joya250	06 Jun 2002
kismet -- my love and deepest condolences for you.

Scorpion	06 Jun 2002
Kismet - I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. As some of the others will know, I was where you are now in January 1998. We had parted earlier but were still in close touch and I still loved him dearly - living with him was just too hard. I've just come to this and have only skimmed through the others' posts, but there's loads of love and good advice in there. First of all - yes: that will have been him. I know exactly when my ex died: he was suddenly in the car with me - it manifested as a overwhelming desire to turn the car around and head to our house in the country which I hadn't thought about for months. I couldn't go as I was on the way to deliver a birthday present to a 6 year old. As it turned out, that would have been fruitless anyway as he wasn't there. That was about 8pm and he wasn't found until gone midnight, when he was already cold. The death certificate therefore says a day later than what I know to be the actual time. Of course you have regrets. And yes, he knows. In relation to reincarnation, I believe in it because it makes sense to me, but you will have to come to your own conclusion on what makes sense to you. I don't feel that reincarnation is contradictory to Christianity and I believe he can be with you and at peace. I didn't contact my ex for a while as there was a lot going on and I wasn't ready. If you do, if you go through a medium make sure they're reputable. There are a lot of people out there who will just tell you what they think you want to hear and others who will take your money and play on your distress and need. But no, I don't think it's wrong to try to contact him - he may not be ready or able to yet. There is a theory that it takes a while to build up the energy to communicate. I don't think you'd be disturbing him while at peace: it's not as if there's a "do not disturb" sign on heaven to my way of thinking. I didn't experience doors banging (all that sort of thing happened before, as if I was getting a warning - I had a doorbell that would go off for no reason with nobody around - it would never wake me up but if I woke in the night it would then go) but I do know someone whose son died in a car accident and apparently his favourite mug came tumbling out of the cupboard - a sort of letting you know that he's still with you, perhaps? The grieving process is a very strange thing and affects everybody differently and my advice is to do as much of it for as long as you need. I'm going to be on and off line over the next day or so as my stepsons are on holiday and spending some time with us, but feel free to PM or e-mail me if you think there's anything I can help with. I remember only too well what it's like and I know that you probably feel totally alone in a way you could never have imagined at the moment, but we are all here for you.

debins	06 Jun 2002
My thoughts are with you. I lost a dearly beloved a few years ago and I understand the deepness of your sadness and loss. My love to you. I also was raised a Christian although I would not describe myself such now. Nonetheless, if you search hard enough there are a few indirect references to reincarnation in The Bible. One has to do with the child being born blind and the disciples asking Jesus if the parents's sin caused the blindness and apparently such was not the answer. Jesus's answer was what you sow you reap. Well how can a newborn baby sow unless s/he had lived a life before? In my father's house are many mansions is also thought by some to refer to various levels of the afterlife. But when you fell better, you might want to do your own seeking. I actually found some "answers" that were for me at first quite startling, then illuminating and then very, very comforting. Christianity typically doesn't dwell of reincarnation but there are those who have written on the subject who can help. Much love, Namaste, Debins. I'll be sending you love throughout the days to come.

amyel	06 Jun 2002
Kismet, I am very sorry for your loss, and for your boyfriend. Many, many years ago, I was dating a young man who was killed in an accident during a military exercise. And like you, I "felt" his presence before I knew he'd died. In fact, I think I saw his spirit standing on my apt balcony. My clock - a wind up clock that I'd wound just that day - stopped at the time of the evening accident. My cat, who was very docile, was frantic to get out of the apt and on to the balcony. The next day, the military chaplin called to tell me he'd died. So yes, I do believe it is possible that he came to you. Do I think it is wrong to contact him? I think he's chosen to contact you! Maybe he needs to know you are ok. I don't know what happens when we pass - some people believe there is a holding area and maybe he is there. Maybe he needs you to tell him you are ok and it's ok, and he needs to pass now. When Vic died, I was very distraught. I am certain he came to see me almost every night for a month. I finally said that I needed him to go in peace and I have never felt his presence or seen him since. My best advice is tell him it's ok and you will be ok and to go in peace. Let him go with love, even if you are angry at his suicide (and it's ok to feel angry!). This is the best way for you to heal and for him to find peace, whatever that means. Holding on to him is not beneficial for either of you. You need to heal and he needs to move to the next plane.

Wishcrafter	06 Jun 2002
Hello Kismet I am sorry for both you and your boyfriend's loss of the joy of life. He is still around you I believe and I don't think you would bother him by wanting to contact him, I think it is a compliment to spirits when you think of them or long for their presence. I lost my Father last year and am still adjusting to the void in my life it created,he always fixed everything for us, his daughters and at his funeral we found out hundreds of others too. IT was the largest funeral turnout I had seen of any ordinary person. I have had many dreams of him, in one he told me that time where they were was irrelevant and to them it will be like tomorrow to us, when we will join them there, It did comfort me because it made me think he is not sitting around missing us or feeling lonely. I agree that they do alot in their realm. We can't understand, we fear death so, that we can' t believe that there is a whole other world waiting and that it is a good world. He knows when you miss him and mourn , he also wants to comfort you, but never to stop living and loving for youself. I hope I have helped a little. Blessings and Love

The The passing of my boyfriend thread was originally posted on 05 Jun 2002 in the Spirituality board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Spirituality, or read more archived threads.