Be careful what you ask for ...

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 24 Aug 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

divinerguy	24 Aug 2002
I have a family member who died Thursday of lung cancer. His condition was serious, and we all knew it was just a matter of time before he passed. I prayed that his death should be fast and painless. It was. He lost consciousness suddenly and died. It was unexpected and the family is upset, having not prepared themselves for his death. We expected him to last a few more weeks or months, at least. While some of you will no doubt tell me that I didn't affect the eventual outcome, my conscience knows differently. Was I messing around in something that I should have left to the God/Godess? Was the manner of his passing one of those things which was not mine to influence? The family does not know about my prayers, and I'll never tell them. It would further convince them that I'm a complete and total fool. Older and hopefully, wiser. And more than a little saddened.

zorya	24 Aug 2002
divinerguy, do you really believe that the others would not also, deep down, wish for his passing to have been fast and painless? you acted in a loving manner. you put his needs first. have no regrets. be there to comfort your family. i send light to comfort you.

divinerguy	24 Aug 2002
Thanks for your kind words, zorya, and your kind wishes. In this type of situation, I suppose that are a thousand realities, each of which is valid and true.

Rhiannon	24 Aug 2002
IMHO, I believe your prayer was loving and unselfish. I have a friend who prays that her loved ones be able to live longer and be around her... she can't stand the thought of them dying. And while I understand that, I believe it's wrong to prolong someone's suffering. I think what you prayed for was right, and if the God/dess didn't want it to happen, it wouldn't have. It may have happened even without your prayer. Be thankful, and comfort your family. R :)

Laurel	24 Aug 2002
The lung cancer victim himself was undoubtedly greatful. It didn't sound like he had any unfinished bussiness. The family will recover, and next time the situation arises, you'll have a new perspective and be able to make the same decision better prepared for the responsibility of this sort of outcome. Ouch though. How come the most important lessons are the painful ones? Laurel

lunalafey	24 Aug 2002
I feel that your prayer was proper as well, To go without pain and suffering. As was said, other family members and friends probably hoped for the same out come. Collectively, if one wants to see it that way, everyone aided it the passing, for the better. I had a simular thing happen to me, but it was a dog. The dog was not mine but very old and very 'sick'. It would bark through the night and keep all awake. My prayer was much like yours. Knowing the dog was is pain, I wished for a release for the dog. In the morning all was still and an odd energy filled the house. My brother-inlaw then told me that the dog had died. I felt bad in a way, because of the quick? reaction to my thoughts? It's an ovewhelming thing for such a prayer to be answered. I can fully understand where you are coming from. It is for the better and you have no need to feel responsible.

Marion	24 Aug 2002
divinerguy, I know myself how strong is the power of prayer. That it literally reaches through time and space. As mere mortals, our difficulty is that we cannot understand the full results of our actions through time. What looks like a positive result today may be the very thing that destroys our happiness in five years. And what looks like the worst possible outcome may provide everything we need in twenty years. Which is not to say that we should be totally passive and neither act nor pray, which is a spiritual form of action. Just that we need to be very humble in the face of the almighty. Your prayers were answered. Accept that and be grateful. Regret is a form of spiritual ingratitude. Store this up in your heart, you do not know when you may need this experience to guide you in future. Or even what it may ultimately mean.

amyel	24 Aug 2002
DG, both my stepmother & my father died of lung cancer. Believe me, your wish was one of love and self-lessness, concern for the person who was suffering. Have no regret that you hoped this person would go painlessly. It was the loving thing to do. I have lost people unpexectedly and as result of terminal illness, and trust me, you are *never* prepared for the actually passing, no matter how much time you think you have. My thoughts are with you at this time. P.S. You don't know if this person was perhaps praying for a quick and painless death, either. So perhaps it was this person's choice?

Starfish	24 Aug 2002
DG, I am sorry for your loss. :( Sending you a hug and some light... :TSUN Starfish

midnightmerry	24 Aug 2002
DG, one of the most comforting thoughts is that my very beloved Grandmother did not linger too long and passed to the next life rather quickly compared to some with her conditions (she had diabetes gangrene and heart problems). I think in time your family will find similar comfort in the thought that their loved one did not suffer unduly. Now about your prayer: it was certainly a selfless act to wish that your loved one would not suffer and something you should derive comfort from and not guilt. I think you should also remember too that no matter what our prayers, life and death are in the hands of the Creator, not us. The passing of your relative happened no sooner or later than thought best by a benevolent Divinity, you can be assured of this. I think you should be at peace.

Dark Inquisitor	24 Aug 2002
I hope you can feel better about this soon , divinerguy. Basically, you prayed for mercy for another person- I don't think that is wrong. The fact that his family was not ready is not the most important factor, it's a side issue from the point of view of the larger perspective . The ones left behind must always learn to deal with death & loss anew each time. Sooner than expected death is just one of many lessons . To have the person live on suffering horribly just so that the family could get used to the idea doesn't seem like a pleasant alternative. Though you may feel responsible, I don't think you are. The matter of death between a human being & their creator is larger than any one of us. Your prayer for merciful death may have simply coincided with the bigger plan already at work. I am now going to wave my magic wand (paintbrush) , and declare that your guilt is groundless & will immediately be dismissed ~~ take one psychic cleansing tablet and think kinder thoughts... Tarotphelia

Moongold	24 Aug 2002
My thoughts are with you, Divinerguy, I believe that God takes people when s/he is ready. My mother died of the secondaries from lung cancer and her death, as she wanted, was mercifully hastened by pneumonia. The last weeks we had with her were precious but the end was very sudden because the medication she was on masked the effects of the pneumonia till the last day. As someone earlier said, you are never quite prepared for the end. Be kind to yourself, Moongold

Diana	24 Aug 2002
I think the person who you prayed for was grateful to go painlessly. You say that the family members did not have time to prepare for his death. You know, one is never really ready. You will never know whether your prayers hastened his passing or not. Perhaps he himself was praying for the same thing to happen. It is better for the family to remember someone who has gone peacefully and painlessly, than to remember them suffering extreme pain. Their memories will remain happier this way, and will not be tainted by their own suffering in seeing the person agonise. It took my mother 18 months to die. How I wish we could have hastened her death sooner - for her and for us. One day, I had enough and I phoned a spiritual healer. She said, this is enough. Either she must die now, or she must heal. She died the next day. I think my mother was grateful for her release. My loving thoughts are with you, divinerguy.

debins	24 Aug 2002
Sending love and prayers of comfort to you and your family...you have already received so much wise counsel. I could not write anything better. So I shall send love and prayers of comfort. Namaste, Debins.

DarkElectric	25 Aug 2002
DG! ((((((((((((((((((((((Divinerguy)))))))))))))))))))))) I know how you feel, I had something similar happen to me. It may have been that his spirit was in subconcious contact with you. Lung cancer is a horrible, painful way to die. Your prayer was, I'm sure, most appreciated by him. He's in a place now where he knows the why's and wherefore's of things much more than we do. Peace and Blessings.

Jenny-Li	25 Aug 2002
((((((((((((Divinerguy)))))))))))))) I agree with what most people have already said, your prayer was meant with love and compassion and there is nothing wrong with it. This post made me think: Would the God/dess grant a prayer that wasn't pure and meant with love? Somehow, I think not. Do you? Light and love, and the deepest sympathy for you and your familly, Jenny

The Be careful what you ask for ... thread was originally posted on 24 Aug 2002 in the Spirituality board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Spirituality, or read more archived threads.