New and very confused....and very frustrated

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 09 Aug 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Murphy	09 Aug 2002
While very ill with Cancer and living with chronic pain, something has been stiring inside of me. Have been reading alot and trying to learn the tarot, but with illness, and a very large amount of medications, I have no memory, and there are so many different versions of meanings to the cards. I know I'm not cracking up, but I have an occasional voice in the left ear. "Jane" (I'd like to comunicate more with it) When I'm very ill, I know the presents of many "people"??? spirits??? At my lowest moment, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of love... it was fantastic.. Unfortunatly, I have no religous up-bringing, but have always felt that I was not alone. I don't know where to go from here. Any idea

DarkElectric	09 Aug 2002
Hello Murphy :) Glad you're here! It could be that in your illness, your spirit guides are contacting you to encourage you. They are letting you know that you are loved, that love is the truth, and the constant. I believe that no matter what we choose to call it, the Divine, Goddess, God, Higher Power, whatever, The basis for all creation is love. Pure and true. And I think that you are being shown this to help bolster your courage and drive away any fear or unsure feelings you may have as you fight on. that's what I think, anyway. There are a lot of folks here who have a lot of wisdom. I'm sure you will get some really insightful replies. :) Blessings, DarkElectric

midnightmerry	09 Aug 2002
Hi Murphy! I don't really have anything to add to Dark's wisdom, but I wanted to say hello & welcome. I think Dark Electric is right.

lunalafey	10 Aug 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Murphy I know I'm not cracking up, but I have an occasional voice in the left ear. "Jane" (I'd like to comunicate more with it) Have you tried talking to this voice??? It sounds like you could be clairaudiant... NICE!!! and WELCOME!!

jema	10 Aug 2002
hi and welcome to aeclectic. i wonder if you have mentioned this voice to your doctor? you say you are very ill with cancer and i can't help thinking you need to check this up since to me it sounds a lot like it could be something medical. i don't want to take you spiritual experience away from you but i see that it can be very likely that this is perhaps something else. if it turns up it is not medical then i would encourage you to explore this further. but please make sure you are safe first.

Shandie	10 Aug 2002
Hi Murphy, and welcome! I agree with the others about the voice you hear and I also think your spirit guides are around. Regarding your Tarot cards and having difficulties learning - perhaps you could post in Talking Tarot and ask for help. If you mention which deck you have I'm sure there will be plenty of people here who can assist you or direct you to a site which has some guidlines or a tutorial. Take care. :) ~Shandie~

Minderwiz	10 Aug 2002
'Hearing' a voice could be a medical condition, especially given the circumstances described, however it could also be spiritual. My wife has also had a similar experience in terms of hearing a voice and she also was not well - though with nothing as serious. She did seek out mediums and read a bit as well. However she found these of limited use. What was useful was talking back (mentally rather than verbally) and doing what she felt was instinctively right in communication. If it is a spirit guide and I know hers was, then he or she will help you to communicate. She foud her guide's support helped her overcome the worst of her problems and take a new perspective on life. Some may recommend meditation or similar, it it works then try it but my wife never did find that useful, she 'knew' when her guide was close and she could easily switch to making contact. I hope that it is a guide, he or she may help you develop the strength you need to cope. Minderwiz

jade	10 Aug 2002
something important to remember is this: your guides would never tell you to do anything to hurt someone else or to 'teach someone a lesson'. guides are concerned with your experience and not other peoples. having said this.............i too would get it checked out medically. but i also suggest lighting a candle and staring at the flame, with no other light in the room........feel yourself becoming at peace and calm. breathe in-spiration and out-negativity. then when you feel that you are 'at your center' try talking to your guides and angels. ask them to come into the room and share with you. you may or may not hear them, but trusting that they are there is a great beginning. sometimes, a flicker of light, or a touch on your cheek......your hands may get hot from them holding your hand...........pay attention to what is happening around you..........angels don't always talk, but they do make their presence known :D love and light, jade ps i send you hugs and light as you walk your path to wellness.

divinerguy	10 Aug 2002
If you want to try out Tarot as a way to meditate or find answers, memory can be aproblem. However, here's a possible solution. U.S. Games has something called "the Starter Tarot." Its around $15 US dollars. It works for people with memory problems because every upright and reversed meaning is written on every card.

Murphy	10 Aug 2002
Thankyou everyone for your support and help....now, what did I want to say to Jade.... Anyway I see so many doctors, and would rather not mention this to them... they might lock me up... I know its not medical... it's real.... I live with so much pain that I probably don't notice brushes and touches... that's why they yell in my ear.. It's startling, just one word.. I have tried to talk back...think back, but no luck. (I did get the name Jane by persisting on the name of my spirit guide) as for tarot.. I can do readings.. but just can't remember what they mean... Yes.. I will find the place you mentioned.. ...I'll come back tonight.. my head is pounding with pain... time for pain killers.

DarkElectric	10 Aug 2002
Murphy, If you would also like some people here to read for you, the Reading Exchange is a great way to meet up with them! We do it for fun, and to practice our skills on each other. Every reading I have gotten has been really great, and ever so informative. If it's difficult for you to read right now, you may want to check that option out! Blessings, Dark:)

Kiama	11 Aug 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Minderwiz 'Hearing' a voice could be a medical condition, especially given the circumstances described, however it could also be spiritual. I am not 'bashing' anybody who said something like this, but just pointing out an interesting fact which helps alleviate the disctinction betwen spiritual and medcal. Most spiritual experiences are caused, in some form or another, by something 'medical', or chemical, in the brain, as are emotiosand stress. Serotonin plays a part in depression and happiness, as does dopamine and melatonin. drenaline and noradrenaline are also bit players in creating our feelngs and emotions. (YOu get the same amout of serotonin rush from chocoloate as you do from sex! D) It has been proven that there is a certain brain-wave pattern which corresponds with spiritual experiences such as states of prayer, exhiliration, Near Death Experience, Mystical Experience, etc... But none of this chemistry makes our spiritual experiences an less! If we look at it abstractly, we could take a diffeent view of what the spiritual world, God, etc is... Maybe God/the spiritual world is directly inte-connected with all these medical and chemical reactions? When people say voices could be medical, this doesn't necesarilymakeyour experience less valid. It just explains how it could possibly happen. :D I know it's off tpic slightly, ut I felt eager to share that information wih Murphy and others. :D Murphy, welcome to the forum! I hope you enjoy your stay here. Kiama

Minderwiz	11 Aug 2002
I'm sorry if I was imprecise in my post - I am aware that it is quite possibly to correlate chemical (and hence physical) reactions with experiences that we describe as spiritual - though I'm not sure that the latter can be satisfactorily designed in an operational way such that they can be measured accurately. I am also aware that taking certain substances can induce experiences which may be described as spiritual and that many shaman and mystics do just that. I simply accepted the statments of previous posts that not all 'voices' may be spirtual connections. Personally I felt and feel that in Murphy's case the 'voice' is spiritual. Minderwiz

Kiama	11 Aug 2002
oh dear, I must have a real bad problem communicating this week.. I didn't mean that anybody was wrong or imprecise at all! I was merely sharing an interesting fact I came across, to alleviate the misunderstanding that linking the spiritual with the medical is negative. Of course, I forgot to add that even with this positive note, it cannot be discounted that maybe medical problems, such as tumours, could caus the same effects as spiritual experiences. It is not unknown for tumours, when pressing on certain parts of the brain, to create mystical visions, senses of exhiliration ,etc... As such, I thihk I would also agree with what Jema said about a visit to the dotor about it. Murphy: Nobody wil lock you up for hearing voices Many people hear voices, such as mediums, or just generally spiritual people. However, it may be best, jus to be on the safe sie, to check to see if maybe the cancer coul be the cause of the voices, and thus detect hether or not the cancer is threatening you in any way. Love, Kiama. PS- Once again, so sorryfor nt making mself clear enough.

Scorpion	11 Aug 2002
Hi, Murphy! Good to see you here and hope you get a lot of benefit from this site. As I'm sure all the others who have responded have done, I would like to send out some healing thoughts for you. I agree with the others - talk back to the voice (either out loud or inside your head). I believe she's a guide and she is there to help you through this. As for not being able to remember all the meanings of the cards - don't worry about it. I doubt any of us here would claim to know all the meanings at any given time.As someone has suggested, you could buy a starter deck if you think that would help. Alternatively, you could go for "themed" decks where the cards are all based on stories - which are easier to remember (eg the Mythic deck, where it's based on Greek myths which have a universal feel). However, some very good readers have never read a book on Tarot - they just let the pictures on the cards talk to them. It also works for me - I'm more likely to be accurate if I forget the official meanings and just explore what I actually see. So my advice would be to just see what comes into your mind. If that doesn't work with the deck you currently use, I'd suggest getting a "dreamier" deck where you can see faces and forms in the artwork or a "busier" deck where there's a lot of detail but particular sections will jump out at you. Hope this helps!

Minderwiz	11 Aug 2002
Kiama, I think we both have a communication problem - I didn't take offence at your post - i just thought I'd not expressed myself particularly well and caused misunderstanding of my views Please think no more about it Minderwiz

Murphy	11 Aug 2002
OK everybody... where doing that e-mail thing that gets us into trouble... Kiama, Minderwiz... nothing done wrong.... just the limited conversation of typing and not seeing emotion... I guess I could explain a bit more.. The cancer was Leiomyosarcoma which hits 2 in a million people.. chemo and radiation doesn't work just amputation.. they managed to save the hand that it was on and now just 2 years of clinic checks. As far as I'm concerned... I'm done with it. The problem I have with pain is in my jaw (arthritis in TMJ joints ) I can't eat, sleep and on morphine as well as other things.. The loss of short term memory is thought to be from a sleeping pill I'm taking which I'm trying to get off of. Believe me when I say I've seen the doctor... I'm running out of specialist in Southern Ontario.. They say science hasn't caught up with me yet. (as you can see, I'm not a private person and willing to talk about it, good thing there' a length limit) Thankyou, I really feel welcomed.

Lightlike	18 Aug 2002
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through so much pain Murphy but at least it seems that you are not letting it get you down and that is great! :) Tarot is difficult to learn for even those of us with good memories, I've been at it for two years but still feel inept at times cause I can't remember card definitions. I am also glad to read your posts cause it reminded me that a few weeks ago I kept hearing voices before I'd fall asleep and I had totally forgotten about them. One was called Richard but that's the most that I remember... (lol, and this comes from someone who just said she had a good memory... agh) Well, I hope it is your guide and I hope you can develop a strong relationship with her. Perhaps, it's more important to listen to her right now rather than talk to her (since you mentioned you had tried talking to her but she didn't seem to respond to what you said)... Love and light Jessie

The New and very confused....and very frustrated thread was originally posted on 09 Aug 2002 in the Spirituality board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Spirituality, or read more archived threads.