Getting over a Fear of Dying

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 26 Sep 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Violet Gargoyle	26 Sep 2002
I will admit it. I am severely afraid of death and dying. I get anxiety attacks about it sometimes. It does NOT permeate through my thoughts all the time, and I DO believe in a sort of afterlife (sort of a buddhist view- that in the end everyone is part of the same life force-energy cannot be created nor destroyed) but sometimes I do get really scared when I wonder "What if I am wrong?" How sure are you about life after death? How do you ease your fears about it?

zorya	26 Sep 2002
i have had those very same fears violet. even as a child, i was obsessed with death, and what it would or wouldn't mean. after my deceased father-in-law paid me a visit about 9 years ago, i no longer have that fear of death. i am however, terrified of leaving my children motherless.

ladycj	27 Sep 2002
I have the same thing with death, but the more I have studied Wicca and watched some of the mediums that are out there. It reassures me. In the end, no one escapes death, so to fear it is a waste of your energy. (sorry if that sounds harsh, I have to repeat it to myself as often as not when I catch myself deweling on it.) Blessings.

Bings	27 Sep 2002
Last weekend I took a small vacation. It was a high adventure vacation and a trip I should not have been on. At one point I came close to dying. It is amazing the thoughts that go through your mind when you are in the middle of drowning, when you are trapped under water and can't find your way free. I have always feared death. As a child being brought up catholic there was the fear of going to hell. As an adult pagan there was the fear of "What if I'm wrong NOW. What if there really is one true God, a heaven and a hell??? My new beliefs will surely send me to hell." When the realization hit me that I was about to die one of my thoughts was of my daddy. He passed away 22 years ago. I would be seeing him again very soon. There was also the thought of "I wonder what my next life on this earth will be like... Have I been good enough in this life to have my next life also be a good one?" My thoughts weren't of a judgement before "One True God". They were more along the lines of a joining with a Goddess and God. It was a very spiritual, welcoming feeling. I felt arms opening to me. At the same time I was thinking of my children. I wanted to live so badly. The thought of how my death would devastate my youngest was so awful. Those welcoming arms knew that. They were "saying" to me that if I could not get free they would be there for me to comfort me. They gave me strength and comfort at the same time. I no longer fear death. I fear dying and leaving my children without a mother. Dianne

Pollux	27 Sep 2002
I suffered from that too. I started suffering severely from that since I began High School, or some time before that, when my brain started spinning faster. It got really, even more serious at the time of my "coming out to self". I don't know why, but the two were really related. Myabe I was afarid of dying unhappy and un-filfilled in the sexual/emotional sense as well. I don't know (and also don't believe) whether one can OVERCOME or QUENCH that fear, and wake up the following day as nothing happened. I think it's just like when you start thinking about suicide. Or possibly even tried to kill yourself. It's not something you can come to terms with, possibly, or a matter you can solve. It's an idea you learn to live with, a sort of friend from the shadow; it's an etheric stimulus, with whch you grow, and share your life. It's more like... putting up with it, and then moving forward, starting to see things from a different perspective. I don't know how bad it is for you, but for me it was REALLY bad; I never had panic attacks only because my days were a whole, big panic attack. It ended by itself, with my pain and my reasoning about it; I don't know if there's valuable advice for that... Iam never good t giving advices, above all when it's something I experienced too. But that will pass. Well, I mean, the panic attacks will. Have you ever thought about the word "PANIC"? They'll pass, cos you'll merge with life. And Death as well.

Sorceress_Jade	27 Sep 2002
I'm curious, not afraid. I'm actual so curious that for a while I wanted to experience it more then anything else. I don't claim to know what happens at death, but I want to. However, I also have come into a believe of reincarnation. I was finally able to subdue this curiosity, which was almost gleefully suicidal in it's intensity, by realizing that i've probably already died before, and if I forgot it then, I'm only going to forget it again so I may as well stick around and learn what needs to be learned. I know this is opposite everyone else who's posted. But perhaps it is a better way to look at death? To be curious about what lays in wait for you. To think.... what life there is beyond that veil. Death is not the end, it's only one point in a cycle. Just as the moon wanes and the sun wanes, and the day wanes....

Alaya	27 Sep 2002
For myself I'm not afraid of death, as we know we all die someday. Our bodies are like rented house, we have to move out someday. People fear death mostly beacuse they fear leaving their loved ones and their material goods, especially their children who are too young to look after themselves. Also they fear the unknown of what comes after death. When the times comes we have no choice but to go. All of life is a cycle, birth/death. light/dark, sunrise/sunset, stars and galaxies come and go....... I don't believe God judges us for what good or bad deeds each person has done, but what we do in this life will influence our next life(in what ever form that may be). Look at this life and see that what you have done during childhood has influenced your adulthood, likewise what you do during adulthood will influence your twilight years, everything is linked. Why are some people are so lucky/happy, and some are so unfortunate/miserable? Do you think it is really a coincident? So in my thoery, during this life i would try to love everyone and help the people who need it. I will live my life to the full although I may be in a poor situation, perhaps this is a debt from a previous life that I lhave to repay. I will try to sow many good seeds during this life, so they will keep growing even after I have gone. There need be no fear of "what if I am wrong". I will stop here before I get carried away.

ladycj	27 Sep 2002
Bings - Thanks for sharing that experience. I have the same fears, as I was raised Christian and walked in those beliefs until very recently. That comforts me to know the arms are waiting. Blessings.

amyel	27 Sep 2002
I don't fear death anymore. I guess it has been because I have had so many people close to me die - and I have survived. I don't want to see my friends and family grieve, but I also understand that it is an integral part of moving on. I don't know what death will bring. I've been visited by those who have passed - and they all seem so peaceful. They all move on, too.

Violet Gargoyle	28 Sep 2002
Thank you for such thoughtful responses so far. Please keep them coming, I am interested in all opinions about this. I think it is the unknown that gets to me. I think myself a rational person, and this is a attribute and a flaw in my reasonings. I really want to believe that I might have had a visit from those few (really have been few-small family) in my life that have departed. However, I can also out rationalize myself, armchair philosopher that I am and convince myself that what I actually am doing is wishful thinking or jumping to conclusions without investigating. Which gets me back to worrying sometimes. But I try to remember that I am catching myself doing this, trying to understand things that a human mind/experience just cant process. I start from an atom and remember that energy is infinate. I think Ann Rice said something like watching normal human life is like being the moon watching waves in the ocean. I guess I really want to make sure that is some usefulness to being here. Or that it is possible to see loved ones after your body expires. Or that I am not talking to the ceiling when I think I am saying hello to my departed family members.

Frequency	28 Sep 2002
An animal will fight death until it's unavoidable. Once they recognize they will die, they calm down. That's what I hear anyway... I'm not one that walks on all-fours myself so I wouldn't know. Life after death isn't something you should be worrying about. Live now, and whatever happens, happens. You shouldn't care about it because it is out of your control, imo. If there is anything that will help you, it's the knowledge that your fear is irrational. All phobias are irrational. Your job is over coming that fear through meditation or whatever you want to do. Get rid of it because it's hurting you.

Vespertine	28 Sep 2002
Hey~ Death is something that's really been on my mind a lot lately... Death was never that big of a deal for me, I mean...in my mind, I was "saved", so i 'd just die and go to Heaven and live happily ever after (although, there was that 1-2 year period where i had panic attacks all the time because I thought I was going to Hell, but that's another story). Also, on top of that, I'd never really known anyone that died, so death didn't seem that real to me... Then, 2 years ago in May, my grandma died of cancer. We stayed with her for a couple days, and (long story) had to run out, and when we came back she was gone. That was the first time anyone i'd been close to had passed on... Flash forward to that December 25th, a friend's dad broke his neck and died on Christmas, in front of his family. Then, the following september, there were the terrorist attacks... It's like...death seemed so distant and unreal to me, and suddenly it was everywhere. As melo-dramatic as this is, when I got my wisdom teeth taken out last year, I sat there groggy and helpless in my bed and wondered, "Is this what it's like to die? Is this how my grandma felt as she laid in that Hospice room?"For days after that, I had one giant panic attack...my stomach was in a knot and death was all I could think about...it was like I was in a train, speeding toward my grave with no way to stop. I watch South Pacific with my mom and wondered how many of those actors were gone... (i was a morbid little person :-\) Anyways, I'm currently leaving Christianity, so I don't have the comfort of Heaven to really look forward anymore. I personally don't believe in reincarnation either..but i'm open it the idea. I still get really scared every now and then. I just try to place my trust in the Universe and hope for the best... (On the subject of death, one of my grandma's friends who had been threatening suicide finally did it tonight. My grandma is really torn up, so I was wondering if anyone who reads this could pray for/send light to everyone affected. Thank you so much!) ~Heath

Kismet	12 Oct 2002
Bings, thanks for sharing your experience. I understand what you mean of fearing hell then your chosen religion causing you to worry and go to hell because Christianity is true. I haven't left Christianity, I still look at the issue of reincarnation, admire the beauty in nature, have beliefs from experiences that don't mesh with my Christian beliefs. When I was a child, I had periods of time I feared death to the point I would obsess then try to stay active to keep my mind off it or read books back to back. When I was 7 I had a great uncle die, it was then I realised my mortality and in that way his death was a major issue for me. My sister with cancer is blood related wise my half sister and her Dad died when I was 8. We had experiences then that gave me reason to belief there is life after death. When I was 18 my Granny passed. It was one of 3 deaths that have occured to loved ones that emotionally stripped me bare, caused me to question my faith, I was in such despair, although I was pregnant I lost 7 lbs the week of her being hospitalized and dying. I was the only grandchild with her when she passed. I'm so grateful I was with her. My Papa, her husband passed away 13 months later. He is my Mom'd Dad and the closest thing to a real Dad I ever had. I was not told he was in the hospital while he was in for 3 days, I was called after he passed and being in Germany didn't make it back in time for his burial. I'll never get over that, after my Granny passed I stayed with him a month and he and I had grown so amazingly close, we would hold each other and weep. I'm thankful to God for that time. The majority of you are probably aware of the 3rd death of someone close close to me that has altered me, my boyfriend's suicide in May. I'm currently having a bad day and have been in tears so will try to keep on topic. *Sigh*...I have so much I could say. Do I now fear death? No, I am like you Bings, I fear leaving loved one's behind. I've been visited numberous times since May by my boyfriend and I KNOW in the depth of my being there is life beyond this we currently live and in some cases endure. Bings, I do have one question and if you'd prefer to PM please do. But when you felt or sensed these arms, did it feel like a God, Godess, guide or Angel? I cannot imagine such, I think it has to be something both terrifying in regards to leaving loved ones behind and panic of dying, but also so very enlightening and such a blessing to have that knowledge and know it in your heart. Did it cause you to change your beliefs or strength them? Love and Light, Kismet

Bings	13 Oct 2002
Kismet, there was deffinately a God and Goddess feeling. I also sensed there were others waiting beyond the God and Goddess to welcome me further. It was very spiritual. My beliefs are stronger now, and I am more confident in my beliefs. I also believe that this was MY experience. I have no way of knowing what Harry experienced or what you will someday experience. Dianne

Kismet	13 Oct 2002
Bings, Again, thanks for sharing. And yes, I believe we all do have various experiences at death as we are all different people with varying beliefs and degrees of faith, but that is just my feeling currently. Love to you and hope the family is well!

truthsayer	13 Oct 2002
i don't fear death. what i fear is a long lingering death being kept alive by medical science for years and being totally dependent on others for my survival. i'm definitely having a living will done. when it's my time i want the peace and sanctity of death to release me. even tho my experience is different than bings, i had an experience in which i knew i am loved beyond anything possible on earth. since i know i have this waiting for me when i die, how could i possibly fear death? sometimes it's harder not to fear being alive. i know i have much more i must do before i can leave here but it all feels okay w/ me now. christians threatening me w/ eternal damnation once really bothered me. they don't feel threatening to me anymore. i am at peace. i wish they could be at peace, too.

Sinta	13 Oct 2002
Death..... Do i fear it? Let me just say this. About two years back, my life was a mess.. I didn't know where i was going, didn't know what i wanted out of life, i felt spiritually empty and depressed. Then I met friend and we grew close. We'd talk about things and he was always a shoulder where I could cry on. The more I was with him, he completed me... then things got serious and we created a relationship. I wouldn't describe it boyfriend/girlfriend. i have a hard time saying he's my boyfriend. To me he's my lover, my best friend and at the same time my husband (we're not married though ;) just engaged). Then one night I had a dream. I dreamt that I went before God. I didn't know why. I didn't see his face. He was a being, standing before me... his palm was opened to me and there was a vial of liquid/pill (i can't remember what it was) and said something like, "do you want death, take this..." At that point in my mind in that dream, my love didn't exist... only the second did I swallow what was offered, I realized I had a reason to live... I started to panic and I felt like I was drowning.. and all that I could think in my mind was that, who would take care of my soulmate if i wasn't with him? The words repeated in my mind again and again and again. And then I started to fight the effects of the given death... and then I woke up.... Now to answer the question..... Before I met my soulmate, I didn't fear death. No, i practically welcomed it. I was in despair and pain... Like so many others in this thread, I do not fear death... I fear leaving a love one behind. They make life worth living... Ps. Don't forget to tell your love ones how much they mean to you ;) Every chance you get, let them know. You might regret not doing so.... If you have lost a love one, remember.... destruction tills the soil for the seed of creation.

catlin	14 Oct 2002
Last year I was twice at the brick of dying and from that moment on I stopped worrying about death. I take every moment as it comes like the Latin "carpe diem" saying you never know if it will be your last one. As I am Celtic (Elder) Wicca I believe in an afterlife and I know that I will come back again so why should I worry about dying? Like truthsayer already mentioned I also do not want to have a long suffering and medicamentation before I'll pass away. Besides, I would make a terrible patient as I hate being dependent on others (I think I gave the nurses a pretty hard time last year).

The Getting over a Fear of Dying thread was originally posted on 26 Sep 2002 in the Spirituality board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Spirituality, or read more archived threads.