A desperate cry, what does he want?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 08 Feb 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Liliana	08 Feb 2003
Im a wreck. My daughter a few days ago fell off a table and got a severe concussion. She was helicoptered to a medical center and hour away because we have no good nerosurgeons in my area. I spent the last 2 days there, she was looking good. It made me realie how horrible a life Id been leading, not paying near enough attention to those who mattered. I made a new schedule up, a new way of living, thinking it was what God wanted of me. Later my husband pulled me aside to talk. It is a known fact in his family i have mental issues including depression. He told me his parents wanted to take the kids for awhile, until i could get help, since i wasnt watching them as well as i should due to my mental illness. I was absolutely crushed but knew it was probably right, i did need to do something, so im like fine. I argued i had a plan but my husband (who is going to seminary in the fall) argued that dont you think that God has a better plan and to put your trust in him. So I did, and as heartbreaking as not havng my kids everyday was, i trusted. As soon as my yuongest was realesed the kids were going to stay with their grandparents for a couple months, til my husband graduated college. The youngest was realeased from the hospital today, a day to 2 days earlier than expected. She was fine, my bright happy baby girl. Her grandparents decided to stay in my town the night and go home tommorrow wit them, Id have my kids one last night. We were home an hour or so and the kids were running around being themselves. The youngest came to sit on my lap, on top of a blanket. Trying to get down she hit her head again. I could tell something wasnt right, my husband assured me she was fine. hen she threw up he took her back to the hospital. Her brain was bleeding and now she needs to go in for surgery. Im so scared and hurt. Im trying to do the right thing, but God has to do this to me. Why? What does he want from me? For the first time im totally in the dark...... Meanwhile prayers/healing/reiki for me and my daughter would very much be appreciated. I just have no Idea what to do with myself anymore. I opted to stay home as the take her back to the medical center an hour away for surgery, i cant emotionally handle being there right now. Of course Im having trouble handling anything right now. :THP

RedWood	08 Feb 2003
Awwwwwwwe sweety..i am sorry...Reiki is definately on the way..

zorya	08 Feb 2003
oh liliana :( how awful! sending healing right away!!! please let us know how she and you are doing! but don't stay on-line if it is tying up your phone lines. sending you a pm, please read it!

Mimers	08 Feb 2003
Lilianna, I have been through a tough time like this. I almost lost my son once from an injury he got sleigh riding. Don't beat yourself up for it. As parents we always do the best we can, and it is obvious to me that you are doing just that. As for the depression, my son also suffers from depression, so I understand how important it is for you to get the help you need. The hardest thing I did was send my son to a special school for emotionally disturbed kids, but the special help he received was what he needed. I felt guilty because he had to stay there and I only got to see him on weekends, but now, a few years later, he is doing so well. Remember the time you invest in your own health will also benefit your kids. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Woof	08 Feb 2003
Lilliana, You and your daughter and the rest of your family will be in my thoughts. I don't pray or do reiki but I'll be thinking of you and trying to send positive thoughts, energy, vibes, whatever, your way. Depression sucks, I know, I've got it, but take care of yourself and with help and medication you can keep it in check. I know you are doing your best so don't beat yourself up. Bad stuff happens to all of us and our loved ones are not immune. Remember one does not have to "do" anything or deserve it to have bad things happen. Just hold tight to whatever support system and belief system you have. When you start freaking just remember all of us pulling for you and keeping you in our thoughts. Woof

Dark Inquisitor	08 Feb 2003
This is such an upsetting story - I really feel for you Lilianna ! I hope all will be well again soon . See if there is any kind of protective device available to keep your daughter from re-injuring herself . (Even back in the 1600's children had little padded "helmets" to protect their heads.) I would also make sure the doctors check her inner ear for any balance problems . Wishing good things for you! Tarotphelia

HudsonGray	08 Feb 2003
AND the eyesight, have them check that too, retinas can be loosened with a head injury (they repair themselves usually) and should be looked at. The hospital will know what to do, but be sure to question the doctor on anything you are worried about. They have to provide an answer to you.

Kiama	09 Feb 2003
Lili love, My love and warmth goes out to you and all your family. My boyfriend sends his love too. (((((((((((((((((((((((Liliana and family))))))))))))))))))))))) Kiama

lunalafey	09 Feb 2003
Liliana, hugs and prayers for you and your widdle one....very scary indeed. Having children can be a big eye-opener.....and a bigger motivator. To echo the other's; we can only do the best we can. Sometimes we get delt a bad hand....and everything seems to be against us....I have been there many times. Sometimes it was bad judgement on my part, sometimes the innocent victim....somethings took longer to work through and recover from...that was real tough. But everytime I found myself feeling like I was making no progress or helpless{or any other negitive poopoo}, I hear...'don't give up, keep going...you will make it....don't worry so much, it will all be better in the end' Being seperated from your childern can be very hard on the heart, but try and not dwell on that, you know they will be in good hands and a phone call away. Take advantage of the time without to get yourself feeling better......

Pollux	09 Feb 2003
:* :* :* (((((((((((( Liliana + families )))))))))))) You have all my love and support, and I will give my contribution in light!

Scorpion	09 Feb 2003
Liliana - I'm so sorry to hear of your problems. Like everybody else here I will be keeping you in my thoughts and sending lots of love and healing your way.

Silverlotus	09 Feb 2003
Liliana, you are your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I will send any healing energy I can spare. Everyone here has offered good advice. Please try to take some time to heal yourself while your daughter heals. Depression can be very hard, and it only gets worse if you don't take time to heal. Love your kids, love your family, and love yourself too. I wish blessings on you and all you loved ones.

Diana	09 Feb 2003
Lili: we are here for you when you need us. I am holding you in my thoughts and pray for your little one to recover quickly. I can imagine the great turmoil you are going through, and I just want to ask you to hang on and not let go! Please let us know how things are going so that we can send appropriate prayers and light. ((((((((Liliana)))))))))

truthsayer	09 Feb 2003
((((((((((((((((((((((((liliana))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i'm so sorry you are having difficult times. i hope that you are seeing a therapist or doctor to help you deal with all of this. i remember when i was seriously depressed that i couldn't focus on more than being alive one minute at a time. prior i've always worried about the future. now i've learned about the value of focusing on this moment and what i can do in this moment. it's a difficult skill to learn but i feel like it will help. try to avoid beating yourself up mentally and try to keep your focus on what you can do this moment. don't worry about staying focused every minute but every moment you succeed will last longer. it will take a while but it does work. i also remember when i felt desperate to know what the %&** God wanted from me. i had a shaman friend journey for me a couple of times but both times (to my great frustration) she was told this was a path i had to explore alone. so i've explored the dark places in myself and exposed them to the light of day. the more i became aware of my inner darkness the easier it was to deal with. this is not something to do alone. a trusted therapist or counselor is best. journaling or drawing or both is very helpful. when i first started journal drawing, i couldn't draw worth a flip. i'm still not as good as i want to be but practice helps. there's just something soothing about expressing myself in colors even if it's just using colored markers to write in different colors. blue for sad. red for angry. green for healing. pink for hope. again liliana, a big HUG to you. i care what happens to you and your family. if you ever need just to express your feelings confidentially, you may email me and i'll read it, respond, and delete it. sometimes knowing you're not just a voice crying alone in the night is a huge relief. there are also several support groups at yahoo.groups for depression. you'll probably have to hop around to find one with ppl you feel comfortable with. there is help and support out there. you are definitely not alone. many others have walked a path similar to yours. pain is pain. no one has it better or worse. your journey is unique but others souls are here to lend you a hand.

Sulis	09 Feb 2003
(((((((((((BIG, BIG HUGS TO YOU AND YOURS))))))))))))))))))) You and your family are in my thoughts, sending healing and strength to all of you. Hang in there and stay strong. Love and light Crystalmynx xx

violinlily	09 Feb 2003
Suilad, mellon Liliana, hi arad ná i anor hilo an le, ná pathrannen na vereth a glinn. That's as close as I could get to "hello, our friend Liliana, may the sun shine for you on this day, and may the rest of your days be filled with festival and song." ((((((((((Liliana))))))))))

Kaz	09 Feb 2003
{liliana} you and family are in my thoughts, also healing has been sent. ~kaz

Liliana	09 Feb 2003
She didnt need surgery. The things my local hospital was picking up to make them say that were known about, what DID happen is that she has a freactured skull that NO ONE told us about, and she was realised with no restrictions. If i knew she had a fractured skull of course Id of made sure some of the rougher play that happens between sisters didnt happen. But, as it is, the neurosurgeon is trying to call it a new injury, and having 2 head injuries so close together means Children and Youth were called on us, i guess its a PA law. He's trying to cover his own butt for realising her way too early and not giving us all the info, but now im going to have to deal with them and im not sure im able in my delicate emotional state. I cant seem to focus on the things that need done. Right now I have no help through meds or anything, i was to start looking into that this week once my husbands parents had the kids. But now im having difficulty survivng and theres so much to be done that i cant do, my husband hasnt called me since like 9 am this morning which means shes probably fine but im not. I keep falling asleep instead of working on what needs to be done. Im not sure whats to become of all this

Marion	09 Feb 2003
I think your husband and his parents are being fairly pretentious in saying they know God's plan and you don't. Isn't this the same man who, a few months ago, knocked and knocked on the door of your place and refused to say who he was? Thereby scaring you badly? You have a say in this, depression be damned. Edited to add, I agree with the next poster. Take care of yourself. You need your strength and your husband needs to support you in the problems with the legal system!

Athara	09 Feb 2003
Liliana, It makes me so sad to hear this... I'm pretty sure that, however hard it may seem, you should not be the one to handle that Children and Youth-stuff. You should not begin what you cannot handle. Of course you may have to be interviewed, but please Lili, ask your husband or his parents (or both) to handle what you don't have to. It sounds like your life is a mess at the moment, there's no need to make it worse. Try to let someone else take care of the C&Y as far as possible, because all you need now is rest. Figure things out. Straighten your thoughts. Please Lili, take care of yourself. Don't let it get out of hand. Try to be alone. Take a hot bath, make yourself some tea and grab a book where you can completely focus your thoughts on. You don't deserve this, need this. My thoughts are with you and your family, strongly. Love, Athara

Aoife	09 Feb 2003
Liliana, I've been watching this thread all day and as a mother my heart has gone out to you. But as a woman I have felt vague anxiety which I couldn't pin down because I know nothing about you or your circumstances. But I have just read Marion's post and it gives shape to some of my anxiety. Who, other than your husband and his family is there for YOU? Do you have any family and/or friends who can be with you? If not, I think you should try to contact a support group. I can imagine you're not in the frame of mind and heart to search out phone numbers but maybe someone here, in your neck of the woods could make some suggestions. In the UK we have 'Samaritans', a general helpline, a first port of call who can provide a listening ear but also link you to more appropriate, specific sources of support. Today is not the time but very soon you are going to need to be as focused as you can - and if it's impossible for you to stay focused you need someone there to protect your interests - even if that person is a phone call away. Please - try to get someone there to support YOU soon. Eve

Mimers	09 Feb 2003
Liliana, As I told you before, my son suffers from depression, and when this all started coming out, I felt I did not know what to do. I had no money and his father and I were going through a very difficult divorse. Catholic Charities is in every state. I found out about them at the emergency room from a nurse there. They were able to give both my son and I help and they charged me nothing. They have a site on line catholiccharitiesusa.org go there and click on National Service Centers programs. A map will pop up. Click on your state and it will list all of the offices in your state. Call the one closest to you. I hope this helps you. You can do this Liliana. It is in you. God does not give us more than we can handle. Remember that. You are not alone.

zorya	09 Feb 2003
liliana, we've been talking, so you know i feel much the same about this as marion and aoife do. having depression does not mean your opinion, feelings and intuition are not valid.

augursWell	09 Feb 2003
Liliana, I don't know you and I don't post a lot to the forums so I am reluctant to post something, but my hopes and prayers go out to you and all your loved ones that you can find a successful and beneficial outcome for all of this. In your original post you asked what does he want. I assume you meant God. It seems to me that your sense of helplessness in this situation comes from feeling that everything is happenning *TO* you without any control on your part. My hope is that you can relax and start to build from the knowledge that you *CAN* move forward and you can do something yourself to make this all come out right. If that means first making sure your daughter is okay for now, then getting some sleep, taking a shower, having a good meal, then take it one step at a time. If you need medication then go get it, they're just pills after all. Find someone locally that can help you through this. My feeling is that God doesn't bring these things upon us, the world and all of its problems just send these things our way. God put us on this Earth to live out our lives, come what may. Just get up every day and keep going and soon you'll find yourself and your loved ones in a better place with the problems solved. I know from experience that there is a lot to be said for just being practical and plodding onwards one step at a time. I hope this helps. Godspeed. :)

truthsayer	09 Feb 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Liliana I cant seem to focus on the things that need done. Right now I have no help through meds or anything, i was to start looking into that this week once my husbands parents had the kids. But now im having difficulty survivng and theres so much to be done that i cant do, my husband hasnt called me since like 9 am this morning which means shes probably fine but im not. I keep falling asleep instead of working on what needs to be done. Im not sure whats to become of all this dear liliana, i know it's hard to stay awake when you feel very depressed. my suggestion would be not to fight it. your body is telling you that it's burning more energy than your normal sleep patterns can take care of. the physical symptoms of depression have a way of sneaking up on you. mine became obvious when i started falling asleep at the wheel. one moment i'd be fine looking at the highway, next my head would be hitting my chest. i remember how angry i was when i asked the doctor if i had a sleeping disorder and she said i was depressed. i didn't understand what a profound effect depression has on the body. are you able to sleep at night? is it restful sleep? if it's not, you may be suffering from sleep deprivation. the first time i was hospitalized i was so exhausted that i slept 3 days straight. only getting up to eat and go to the bathroom. i know how overwhelmed you must feel right now. considering what's going on in your life, that feeling is to be expected. remember to focus on what you can do in this moment. if all that is is to breathe or sleep then do what you can do. it's knowing you have control of little things like those that eventually builds up into larger things. be patient and kind to yourself. i thought all state's had county mental health centers where you pay on a sliding scale fee based on income. i HIGHLY RECOMMEND you check your phonebook for one. then go as a walk-in first thing in the morning for a crisis evaluation. i think this would help the situation with the kids with social services if they saw you seeking help. if this isn't possible, go to see your family doctor as a walk-in emergency first thing in the morning. i have walked in your shoes and what i say is from experience. one thing i found when i was depressed is that people didn't know how to relate to me. if i had had surgery, they could have sent me flowers and i could have shown them my stitches. but how do you talk about mental health issues? the first thing you must remember is that you must put yourself first. let your husband and his parents look after the kids. people don't realize that depression is an illness like rheumatoid arthritis or kidney stones. people suffering from those illnesses don't feel up to handling a full load of every day problems and neither do you. just b/c depression isn't visible doesn't mean your body isn't effected. the key phrase is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. women are taught from an early age to give, give then give some more. when you take care of your own needs then eventually other things fall into place. i used to try carrying the world on my shoulders. i felt i had no purpose in life if i didn't constantly give. that's not true but if i don't keep my pitcher full then how can i fill anyone else's glass? (((((((((((((((((((((((liliana))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

lunalafey	09 Feb 2003
I agree with the sleep thing...FULLY. I'm not prone to deep depression(just the neverending frustrations)But I hve gotten so down that all I wanted to do or was able to do was sleep. This bothered me because of the guilt of not doing anything. I gave in to it. I'd find a good book to read when I was restless but far from energetic. I would be pacified by the story and would relax. I also kept my notebooks handy for writing my dreams down...lot's of sleep, lot's of dreams. I would find myself waking up feeling ok, take a bath, piddle around...then without thinking about it I'd be doing some little chore. I took things slow and easy and gave my body what it wanted. I think that totally stinks that the situation has been compunded by the system getting involved. Once it is established that the you and the grandparents are working together for the children . Definatly NOT neglect.........keep it positive...{{{{lil}}}}

Kazz	09 Feb 2003
Quote: Originally posted by zorya liliana, having depression does not mean your opinion, feelings and intuition are not valid. I have to agree here. You are in my thoughts and I hope this situation gets better for you and your family. keep strong and don't forget that you have alot of friends and support in here....we are here always:) Chin up.... Cheers Kazz :TQC

Liliana	10 Feb 2003
Id love to be able to do what everyone suggests and let myself rest, but i just cant. I have to get my apartment in tip top shape or CYS will accuse me of neglect when they come in. Yes, having a slightly dirty apartment is enough to start the process of having the kids taken away. They'll offer "services" which will include mental help, but the people they choose to provide services start a file for them, using every little thing said as a way to prove im unfit. CYS gets paid by putting kids in foster homes, whether they truly need it or not. Ive been doing research, over 60% of the cases in PA where children have been removed were from nonabusive homes. Its sick the system destroys families for money, often putting the children in real abusive homes. I think we may have a 1 up on them since we agreed to have the kids live with the grandparents the day before CYS was called. They cant take children from parents who dont have them. I have family but not that i can rely on. We dont talk of mental health in my family, i tried everything but directly asking for mental help in high school but was ignored by my grandparents and teachers. I was too scared to ask directly. Heck an essay implying suicide in school got me one trip to the guidance office where i mentioned breaking up with my boyfriend, so they filed it under normal teenage stuff. If someone had bothered back then I wouldnt hae my problems now. My husband and his parents should see CYS first. My daughter is in the hospital so its assumed we are all there with her, so we figure they will contact there first. Im praying they can stve them off completely from there and i dont have to get involved. Mental help around here is hard to get, if i go start the process today itll likely be over 2 weeks before someone can see me. Then it takes even longer for the drugs to kick in. My daughter seems fine. They are keeping her til Wednesday to be sure. But this doctor is going to get nailed for putting us through this, reporting us because HE made a mistake, they've asked numerous other doctors and they told them what happened was normal. Its unfair my family could be destroyed because one doctor couldnt admit his mistake.

zorya	10 Feb 2003
(((((liliana))))) i'm glad to see you're up and taking care of the apartment! you cannot count on the doctor getting in trouble and that that would help you. is there a women's/feminist group in your area. maybe the local college can put you in touch with someone. you need someone on your side in this as aiofe has said. just having someone in person to talk this over with could help. it's very hard to see clearly when depressed. another option is that some mental health agencies might have a depression support or advocacy group. i also think it's important to at least set up an appointment for help for yourself, even if they can't see you for weeks.

Laurel	10 Feb 2003
Not only was it pretencious for them to assume they knew God's plan and you didn't, it was wrong for your father's family to make you feel like your little girl's accident with the table was your fault, and depression/lack of attention on your part was to blame. You are not to blame. Give all your children as much love as you can. Accept their love in return, and be kind to yourself. Accept kindness and love from others, and reject anything un-loving that is sent your way. Don't let anyone victimize you or make you feel less worthy as a person or a mother. ~LAS

Aoife	10 Feb 2003
Liliana, I agree it's good to do something like clean your home because the expending of physical energy is helpful. But don't go overboard. The authorities will be looking for 'good enough' not perfection. If a home is too perfect that can set their minds onto other concerns. Do you know what I mean? I can feel your anger but you need to channel it, make it work for you - turn it into positive thought and action. To seek to blame the medics might be seen as you being defensive by attacking others - and remember these professionals have powerful defences. Instead of focusing on who's to blame, focus on what you know to be in your children's best interests and channel your energies there. Put your energy into researching how you can best help yourself and your children. I urge you to seek out support groups as Zorya suggests. If, as Marion suggests there's elements of abuse here [and remember, psychological abuse is every bit as damaging as hands-on physical abuse] I would urge you to contact women's organisations that provide refuge for abused women. In addition to safe accommodation they are also a mine of information, experience and support. I presume that you know that there are two main types of depression. One involves problems with brain chemistry - the other is called 'reactive depression' and is the result of people's [entirely reasonable] reaction to difficult and traumatic circumstances and events. I urge you to get help asap with someone who can acurately diagnose which type of depression you're experiencing. To do so you will need to trust them so choose wisely. Even if meds are the answer, getting the right type of meds is critical to ensure you get the best benefit. I don't want to make you feel worse but I think you should expect the authorities to want to talk with you. You are the children's mother - you have a right to be consulted. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong. Eve

Liliana	10 Feb 2003
I guess I have given the wrong impression of my husbands parents. They are trying to help, she suffered from depression herself and saw a huge change once she got on meds. Because I was taking caree of the kids pretty much alone with my husband at school 12 hours a day at least deending on the day, it was hard for me to get help. Due to some of my issues, I didnt trust babysitters or anyone i didnt know closely and personally to watch the kids. By offering to take them during the week they are making it so I have time to get the help i desperately need without stressing over what they are doing or what is being done to them. It would allow my brain a rest for the first time in years, allowing it to concentrate on healing instead of the kids. And it would of worked perfectly if CYS wasnt called. And my husband isnt abusive, unless maybe you want to argue abuse by neglect of me, which is sometimes true but hardly anything to call a shelter over. Our problems were something else we could work on without having to worry about the children during the week.

Liliana	11 Feb 2003
Ive been contacted by Children and Youth, Im to go in between 10 am and 11 am est tommorrow. And extra healing or reiki sent during that period of time will be apprecated, my husband and his mother will be coming along.

Diana	11 Feb 2003
Will set my alarm clock to be sure I am with you all the time. I hope you're taking time to read your PMs. God is by your side and your angels are too.

Kaz	11 Feb 2003
reiki will be there when you need it, it has been sent. ~kaz

Major Tom	11 Feb 2003
I've only just discovered this thread. Liliana - Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. (((Liliana & family)))

Sulis	11 Feb 2003
Sending healing to you and your family now. Love and light Crystalmynx xx

Trogon	11 Feb 2003
I've also just discovered this thread this morning. Liliana... my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Know that you are loved by so many people here... I am sure we are all sending as much love and healing as we can. ((((((((((((Liliana))))))))))))

Page	11 Feb 2003
Liliana, I just read this thread Thinking of you and your family Maud :*

DarkElectric	11 Feb 2003
Oh, Lili, I just read this thread. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. More Reiki, and loving vibes on the way to you and your family from me.

Liliana	12 Feb 2003
My daughter was released from the hospital today, and is now with her grandparents and sister. Its rough not having them around, but at the moment Im handling it Due to my mental condition, after the meeting with CYS, we believe its likely going to come back not as abuse but as neglect indicated because my house is far from perfect. That means Im going likely going to have to take a ton of courses and therapy before they allow the grandparents to give back the children, but thats ok i need the help anyway. This isnt sure, we havent heard a thing yet. Indicated means CYS finds me guilty of it, there is really no reason for them to take me to court to have it founded (court find me guilty) since the kids are already out of the house. But it can be up to 30 days til something is found out. Tommorrow I call the local mental health agency to try and get set up for counciling and meds, and hopefully itll show CYS Im working on the problem even without their intervention. Of course like life wasnt hard enough right now, the apartment complex staff is coming into the apartment to do maintenance stuff Friday, so I have to get the place perfect for that. But I feel pretty bad about myself now, because of me my husband cant have his children with him, the children themselves have to leave us, and his parents have a financial and emotional drain thats unecessary. Ive screwed up my own life, now Im screwing up everyone elses too. This has caused me to have a pretty deep hatred of myself right now. But there are numerous benefits in the kids not being here, i can work on myself and me and my husband can work on our relationship. And I can give my brain time to relax and hopefully heal with counciling and the right meds, I suppose thats whats most important. Also the kids are going to preschool, and my odest likely has ADHD, they are going to get her tested for it and get her help. And thanks for all the energy and reiki and whatnot, its all a big help, huge in fact, and as long as you feel comfortable doing it if youd continue it for me Id appreciate it

Woof	12 Feb 2003
Liliana You are still in our thoughts and will continue to be as long as you need us. You should feel proud that you are handling this as well as you are and that you are getting help. That is a tremendous step and you should be applauded for it. Sending you a psychic hug. Woof

Athara	13 Feb 2003
Don't feel guilty or hating towards yourself! That's not necessary. None of this is you fault. And if you husbands parents couldn't handle it, they wouldn't have taken the kids. Take good care, and I'll try and keep sending positive energy and strength. Good luck

lunalafey	13 Feb 2003
Sounds like you are one step ahead of everyone else, an advantge. As you said, you have made appointments before CYS makes you....what upsets me are the diversity in standards. In my state, CPS, as it is called here, will only remove a child if there is no food or refigeration, hot water, cooking facilities, electric.....all the basic stuff, as well as indications of physical abuse. No child has been removed from a messy home unless it is infested with bugs or rodents. Please don't feel that you are messing up everyone elses life. No ones life is ever perfect and we all have to face our hard times and the hard times of those close to us. As sappy as it sounds....it gets harder before it gets better.....hang in there.....we are all here for you. luna

truthsayer	13 Feb 2003
(((((((((((((((((((((liliana)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i don't know what else to say that i haven't or someone else already has. i do know that self-hatred only makes it harder to heal. it's a vicious cycle that difficult to get out of but i believe that you can do it. my sister was reported to cys from different people over 3 years time before the kids were taken from her. by that time she had several driving while drunks and had totaled a few cars. she's married to a crack dealer who stays in and out of prison. she lives with my mother with both kids in the same cluttered bedroom. as long as she is with my mother, mom takes care of the kids and she does what she likes. she only lost the kids when she moved in with her husband. after 6 monthes, the landlord evicted them and her husband went back to prison. she went back to mama's and the same room for the 3 of them. sis was forced to attend AA a few monthes and parenting classes. cys backed out then. honestly, it sounds like the cys in pennsylvania is over protective. it sounds like you've done your best as a mother while my sister is another matter. good thing sis doesn't live there! they'd probably have them up for adoption by now. repeat after me,"it's not a crime to be depressed...it's not a crime..." it's okay to be who you are in the place that you are. you haven't done anything outrageously endangering to the kids. you know you need intervention. that's good. if you have an adhd child, you've got a load on your plate. i know you can't see the big picture because of all the details. but from where i stand, i think you are doing all that is humanly possible and you are only human. i don't expect you to be perfect and neither does God. you don't have to be perfect to be loved by God. please read harold kushner's great book<"when bad things happen to good ppl".

zorya	13 Feb 2003
(((((liliana))))) you did not screw up everyone's life. being a mom 24/7 is really hard stressful work! i know! everyone needs breaks and everyone needs help. just because you are at home does not mean that you should be responsible for 100 % of the parenting and housework. your husband had a part in this situation as well. have faith that the tower came crashing down to make way for a better life for all of you. this is a website that is pretty inspiring when it comes to housekeeping, maybe it will help with that a little, http://www.flylady.com be sure to read the section called "flying lessons".

Liliana	13 Feb 2003
Well me and my husband are spending the day house cleaning, or more accurately house trashing. We are getting rid of about 95% of our stuff, we have so much crap we dont need and its only adding to the problem, so out its going. And actually spending some time wirth him is helping, at least for now. Next week it'll probably all sink in and Ill be a mess again. I called menatl helth, they are supposed to call me back. So things are going ok at the moment

Butterfly	13 Feb 2003
I'm wishing you all the strength in the world! When I'm all shook up, I reach straight for Bachs Rescue Remedy, take it every half hour if you need to. It brings me a sense of calm and quiet strength. Sending you rainbows,

lunalafey	14 Feb 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Liliana Well me and my husband are spending the day house cleaning, or more accurately house trashing. We are getting rid of about 95% of our stuff, we have so much crap we dont need and its only adding to the problem, so out its going. THERE YOU GO!!!! Once it's done it's a wonderful release. I don't remember who said it to me, but I have come to admire the words.... "a clean enviroment, a clear mind" ....'n 'member....keep it positive..:TSUN

Aerin	14 Feb 2003
((((((((((((Liliana)))))))))))) I only just found this thread. You are going through such a difficult time, and it sounds as if you are taking some useful actions to move forward. I know that treating depression needs specialist diagnosis and treatment: my brother suffers from it, and at first the doctor referred him to a counsellor who was about as much use as a not very useful thing, and also put him on Prozac. Unfortunately, his depression is neurotic depression so Prozac does in fact make it worse - he only found out 4 mths down the road after almost being sectioned (that triggered the health services to take it seriously and so he saw a specialist who knew what to prescribe, plus counsellors who actually had training in dealing with the causes in his particular case). Do make sure that you get the best help that you can, and do say when things aren't working. Finding the right therapy (talking and medical) can unfortunately take time - and oh! the difference it can make. love to you all Aerin

MattDouglas	14 Feb 2003
I just came by this thread, and wish I could have seen it earlier. Thankfully, though, it seems that at the moment I can't think of anything someone else hasn't already said; however, I'll be thinking about you, Liliana, if there is anything I can aditionally think of to help you out. In the meantime, you are in my thoughts and prayers! Love, understanding, and compassion, Matt

imagoddess	15 Feb 2003
Lilliana: I am so sad to hear of your situation. I myself have suffered horrible depressions, and have been professionally treated for it and there is a long history of manic-depression in my family, my Mother has attempted suicide twice, and my Brother once. I want you to know, that the guilt and shame that you are feeling, all those horrible negative thoughts that are spiraling in your head, are not reality. This is the depression talking. It is not indicitative of who you are or what you deserve. You are not a horrible person. That is the depression talking. It is a nasty little monster that is trying to consume you. With love and sympathy from the caring people, and many of us here, we will slay that mean dragon! I have several wonderful books on depression and medication. Please PM me your address and I will send them off ASAP at no charge, they will be a gift. Love - imagoddess

Liliana	16 Feb 2003
Everything went well Friday, I go in Tuesday at 1 EST to talk to CYS, so energy then will be appreciated, after which at 2 or so I got to mental health to sign a paper and get my case reopened. I talked to CYS Friday, I needed to sign a paper so they could talk to the kids doctor and one so they can track my counciling process, and he said he wanted to work with us short term abnd had me sign the one to track my counciling for 2 months. This is great, as the agreement I have with my husbands family is for 4 months, hopefully in 2 months Ill have them out of my hair. I went to church today, the sermon was all about healing and after communion the Barbara, our Priest, invited the parishoners to recieve the oil of healig and laying on of hands. Its actually worked amazingly for me, I havent felt too bad since, and I can still feel it, tho i was a mess during service. But I still dont understand God's cruel irony. On the way out of the Healing service, one of the older parishoners started having shortness in breath and chest pain, he couldnt sit down, it was possibly a heart attack. The ambulance had to be called to the church and everything. I felt bad because I kept trying to find a lesson for myself in it, I think I should be more focused on the man. One more sign I just dont get it and probably never will. My husband has been great and supportive, we talk a lot now, not usually about my feelings but only because I've already told him what I could of that. He's invited me to participate in a lot of what he does at school, including acting in a small performance of Dracula he is directing. It should be interesting. Im also going to sit in on his religious class one week, possibly next. They talk of personal issues, so he has to get permission from the other members this evening before I can. :THP

truthsayer	16 Feb 2003
liliana, reconnecting w/ your husband is one of the best things you could be doing other than getting help for yourself. i don't know anything about your husband or your marriage but perhaps he has developed a life outside the home which feeds and nurtures his soul while you are the main care giver. being a care giver is fine if you get time to feed and nurture your soul but no one can give 24/7 for years w/o getting really tired. i know you are worried that you are being selfish b/c you couldn't respond or care more to the ill man at the church. however, i think others were taking care of him. an ambulance for medical assistance was called. there's little else you could have done. i so know how it feels to be a burned out giver. when i stopped being an ever flowing breast to the world, i was eat up with guilt b/c i couldn't keep it up. but i am only human and human beings have built in limitations. so are you only human. your husband sounds like he wants to minister to your soul. i think this is a good thing. just b/c god hasn't let you in on the master plan of what he wants doesn't mean there isn't a plan. i thought i would go bonkers b/c i needed to know so desperately in the beginning. after plodding down this path nearly 4 years now, i can see a design to it all. i know that if i had known where this would lead then i wouldn't have done the things i needed to do to be satisfied with this path. now i am happier than i ever thought i could be. it takes time to learn how to be happy. it takes time to change the things that led you to feeling so miserable. it's okay. it really is. you have people who care about you in real life. we care about you here. i feel like you are going to make it through this. sometimes when you lose all faith in life you have to trust someone else's faith to carry you. your husband sounds like he has this kind of faith. try to trust this.

Aerin	17 Feb 2003
Liliana, I agree with truthsayer. If you want to be resourceful and strong for other people, the only way to do that is to look after Number One first. Otherwise, you end up exhausted and are unable to give the help that they deserve. Loving and caring for yourself isn't selfish, it is enabling you to care for others in a way that someone in an exhausted state cannot. Be loving of yourself first, and then you will have energy for your closest loved ones. You may then find yourself able to give more outside your family, and again only when you have looked after yourself and your family first. Aerin

Scorpion	17 Feb 2003
Liliana Still thinking of you. Some good points there from just about everybody but particularly what Truthsayer has to say about looking after Number 1: you have to do that for yourself, nobody else can do that for you. That said, it is very good news that your husband and family are so supportive and there's no need to feel guilty: just think of it as your turn to receive instead of giving - if you haven't got it to give you'll just burn yourself out again. Take care and I'll be sending some healing for your meeting.

Liliana	19 Feb 2003
Now that I finally managed to get a connection (stupid isp) I can tell you, yesterday was absolutely the worst thing Ive been through in my life. I arranged it specifically so my husband could be there for support, tey said "they wanted to speak to me first" and made him wait outside. I thought itd be a few minutes, but they INTEROGATED me for a half an hour, at the end degrading to repeated askng me if I did it (meaning beating the child to give her the skull fracture) and me repeating no over and over. The doctor told them that what she had isnt possible for a fall from 4 ft, which is bs, as other doctors said it was, Bill parents are a paramedic and an ex nurse and they say it was too. They asked me if i took a lie detector test if id pass, i told them no and a myriad of reasons why I wouldnt, they tried to tell me a lie detector just tells whether im telling the truth or not. Agitated, i told them its not a psychic it reads bodily functions, and that with my state I think I would not pass, not the least of which is that I DO blame myself for what happened. Apparently my older child flinched at her aunts house too, and they told me they only do that unless they've been hit repeatedly. The healing on Sunday had helped me, but after that I live in a constant state of panic that they are going to call and make me take a lie detector test I know I will fail. Oh, i forgot to mention, this is an actual police officer who did this. Apparently the police do a criminal aspect investigation, and another guy does a CYS investigation. I dont mind what CYS finds, Im willing to go through their programs, but im afraid Im going to be arrested or something. Im not a criminal, just an emotionally disturbed person getting more and more disturbed by the process. I have no idea how Im going to heal with the added stress, they even tried to use the fact I wiped my table down before they arrived against me!

Woof	19 Feb 2003
I know you don't need to hear this, and I'm not an expert, or have any experience at all, but with the way they're treating you and your family and the ramifications of all the crap they could throw your way, you might want to consult with an attorney. With all that has been in the press lately about Child Protective Services falling down on the job across various states, it sounds like they're bending backwards the other direction. Please, please, protect yourself legally as well as emotionally, psychically and physically. I'll continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts. Woof

imagoddess	19 Feb 2003
Their treatment of you is reprehensible. I believe it violates your civil liberties. Call the ACLU! Many law enforcement officers are trained to be complete bastards, so try not to take it personally. They confront people to draw out information from them through intimidation. So, say nothing to them, give them as little information as possible. Under the law, you have this right! When you call the ACLU, explain your situation and request to be directed to agencies which can provide you free legal counsel for legal rights, criminal rights, woman's rights, family rights, and the right's of the mentally disabled (I'm sorry, I don't know how to put that delicately) Here is the number for the ACLU in Pennsylvania: 215-923-4357 www.aclupa.org imagoddess

Athara	19 Feb 2003
I can't believe it! It's so unfair, and it makes me unbelievably mad. Dear, dear Lili. Do not blame yourself! Kids fall, it happens. You should definately contact an attorney. This is insane! A doctor who lies, getting you in trouble! America can be terrible on the legal aspects... I so wish I could help you. I will do what I can, and that's limited to sending you energy. So that's what I'll do. I'll send you energy to stay and remain calm and strong. My thoughts and prayers are and will be with you and your family. I could rave on and on about this, but I'll end this post here and use my energy to help you. Please, take very good care of yourself. As said, you are #1 now. I'm asking all others who read this thread to send energy and strenth Lili's way. No human deserves to be treated like this. Love, Athara

Diana	20 Feb 2003
Lili: I have no advice as to how to deal with the authorities - Americans will be able to help you better here. I am "praying" for you all - you, your husband and your children, as well as the authorities. Keep your strong faith and trust in your God - do not feel you have been abandoned. I am with you often.

Kirali	20 Feb 2003
Liliana, Definitely get an attourney as said previously! Remember that you can stop the interogation at any point in time if they have not charged you with anything and you can demand them to leave or refuse to say anything! Never say that you are guilty or that you have a fuzzy memory. I know getting a lawyer might sound like you're supsicious to them but if you don't they might be able to twist what you've told them. They will probably believe the doctor over you, which is horrible since doctors make mistakes ALL the time. I don't mean to sound severe but the police are treating you horribly! At the very least consult a lawyer and see what your options are. I don't know how good I am with healing but I will send positive thoughts your way. *hugs*

Liliana	20 Feb 2003
Well needless to say my husband wasnt pleased, the authorities may be out of the picture now Im not exactly sure, but if I get a call saying they want to talk again my husband said next time we likely will get a lawyer just to prevent the badgering, being emotionally vulernable as I am if it happened again Id likely be easily led into condemning myself, it took quite a bit not to condemn myself that day. I am feeling better now a bit, I just have to wait for another phone call to find out whats next.

Rhiannon	20 Feb 2003
You know I'm here for you too, call if you need to. Anytime! I have insomnia anyway! R :)

debins	20 Feb 2003
I haven't been on the forum for months and when I came back and saw your dilemma I knew that I truly wanted to make my presence known and to send you love and prayers. There's a story, perhaps Buddhist, about a father who mourns the bad luck of his son who suffers injury. The lad breaks a leg, I believe, a much greater injury centuries ago than it is now when bonesetting wasn't much of a medical practice. Anyway, all of the town's people wondered why such a terrible thing had happend to the son and also wondered what the father had done to deserve this. It turned out that shortly after the son's misfortune, the country went to war and all the young men were conscripted into the army and many, of course, died. Except the son with the injury who couldn't be accepted into the army in the first place because of his injury. I love how the moral reminds us that we cannot always see the reasons for our suffering. I am praying now for you and your family. Much love, Deb.

Athara	21 Feb 2003
I agree with you debins, but I wasn't sure if I were going to say that. I believe that all that happens, happens for a reason, though it may seem pointless and awful at first. I have suffered from a severe depression, and cursed the day I was born, but now I'm out of it I feel so much stronger than I ever believed I could be. On this moment, Lili, it seems like it's never going to end. But it will. All we can do is hope, that it'll end soon, and that justice will prevail. Noone can say why it is happening, but please have faith. Someone once told me: God is making a beautiful painting, up there in heaven. But from below, it looks awful, ugly, terrible. But once we're up there, watching it from the right side, we see what we didn't expect: it's the most beautiful painting ever. It will all make sense. I'm so glad you're feeling a little better and that your husband understands you and helps you by finding a lawyer when necessary. My thoughts will be with you. Love, Athara

Aerin	21 Feb 2003
Liliana, it sounds as if they were just on a fishing expedition with no evidence. It seems to me that some people in authority don't take action when they should, and then take the wrong action when they shouldn't. Judging from some of the cases we've had in the UK, that is. Take all the support that you can, and sending love and Strength energy your way Aerin

Alex	22 Feb 2003
Lilliana I'm sorry to hear all that. You need an attourney. What a mess! It's not a crime to have a depression, and accidents can happen, and they do happen, to adults and to children everywhere, no matter how much we watch out for them. It's not *only* your fault if it is your fault at all. Alex.

firemaiden	24 Feb 2003
Lilliana, I have just read this whole thread, it made me cry. I really really feel your you, and send you lots of love. It sounds like the world really came crashing down around your shoulders. I send warm loving thoughts to you and your daughter, and await an update from you with impatience. Thank you for reaching out to us on this forum, thank you for giving us this opportunity to be with you in this.

jema	25 Feb 2003
liliana, my heart is with you and i wish i could comfort in some way but it is difficult to find the right words. take care, get a lawyer if you need to and i sure hope this nitemare will be over for your family soon blessings, jema

Athara	26 Feb 2003
Lili, how are you doing? It has been so quiet lately... Love and luck, Athara

DarkElectric	26 Feb 2003
Lili, how are you doing? Are things better there for you? You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope things are working out. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Just hang in there, and please, have a really good attorney lined up. They have a harder time messing with you if you have legal representation, and lawyers are tough enough to make these people stop their cruel badgering. There's no kindness in the legal system. I'm so sorry that you were on the wrong end of it. Blessings, DE

Liliana	26 Feb 2003
Right now im just in the middle of not knowing anything, im fine i was waiting to have something to report. Today randomly at the door was knocked the CYS worker, no call or anything, he sent his assistant in and he want to the car and did god knows what, she made idle conversation about my book collection (Deen Koontz and stuff, thankfully she ignored the tarot shelf on the other side, i just didnt want to go into all that) comments on my large goldfish,and a large flower arrangement on my table lol. Eventually the main case worker came back, came in and said we came to see how your doing, whether mental health called me yet (they havent, he said hed call and speed up the process) and then he said well thats all, and left! The stupidity lol. The girl was standing there alone making idle chat 3 times as long as he was in the house, i dont know what the heck the purpose was. The woman said they have other clients in the apartment complex, perhaps they were checking up on them all at once, beats me. But I still know nothing of what they want, whether they found anything in my case, whether they want me in course, even if im allowed to have my children on weekends like Im supposed to. Its been 2 weeks now since I last saw my kids, Im not sure when ill see them. So Im making the best of it, visiting my mom frequently (usually until 1:30 am) going out with my husband and our friends Fridays, and this Saturday Im going out dancing with my cousin. Just trying to look up until someone somewhere tells me something

Athara	26 Feb 2003
Dear Lili, I believe that the C&Y people just made an unexpected check-in, to make sure you weren't hiding things for them. They probably just wanted to see you in your 'natural environment'. I guess they just looked around for something that could be wrong, while chatting with you. But it sounds like it went really well! It's great that you keep doing other things, like dancing. That's a good sign. Sounds like you're taking care of yourself. I'm proud of you! ;) Love and Luck, Athara

purplelady	26 Feb 2003
Liliana, I just came across and read this thread today. Just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care of yourself! I wish you all the best. :) .

lunalafey	27 Feb 2003
From your last post, you seem to be doing well considering the interrogation incident. Getting out and 'forgetting' for a while does wonders. I'm praying for you that it's all up hill from now on.....

jlbvt	27 Feb 2003
Liliana, I agree with Athara about the surprise visit. I think it sounds like it went fine. I am keeping you and your kids in my thoughts! JOAN

Musie	27 Feb 2003
Oh Liliana! I'm in tears! :( Sending love and prayers your way!

RingTheory	28 Feb 2003
Please consider getting an attorney as soon as possible. I just read this thread and was alarmed when you said CYS was investigating you. The burden of proof with these people lie with you, unlike most civil/criminal action. In other words, you have to prove you didn't do it. You refute their accusations. Guilty until proven innocent. These people are not your friends. They will talk to you and use any information against you. As other posters have mentioned, if you're house is clean, they call you overbearing and compulsive. If it's not neat as a pin, it's neglect for sure. I used to live in Florida and know from experience these child welfare people railroad innocent parents routinely. One woman I know was innocent had her two children, a little older than yours, taken away for almost two years because some public school teacher claimed she was neglecting her youngest daughter. Her reason was that the child had come to school with her shoes untied a few times.

Liliana	28 Feb 2003
Well Im not too terribly worried because I already had arrangements that the kids were no longer with me, they cant take what I dont have, thweir grandparents do, and since their grandparents are not foster parents they cannot take them away from them without just cause. That and they and the grandparents live in anoter county about 3 hours away, itd be a large pain in their butt. They implied they want to monitor me short term, for like 2 months, I can live with that or even a bit longer. Im supposed to leave state for New York in less than 6 months, I figure it will all be figured out by then. They canty take away kids that are already away, I havent had them in the house for 2 weeks now, in fact I havent seen them because I was supposed to get them on weekends, but once CYS got involved we decided itd be best if they dont stay here even on weekends. As such, my husbands parents parents would have to rent a hotel if they came up (just the grandparents could stay at a relatives but not with the kids) and they dont have a lot of money due to the amount the spent on hotels and food while the youngest was in the hospital so they havent came up yet, as far as I know they arent coming up this weekend and next weekend Im going on vacation for a week, i believe we are going close to them so Ill probably get to go see them at some point. Its a mess but I think its going ok considering.

Alex	28 Feb 2003
It seems like authorities aren't concerned about the impact on the children, of having them arrested from their mother. That could inflict a sense of insecurity on them. I'm with others, you need an attorney. Lilliana, you're gonna be OK. Alex.

cjtarot	28 Feb 2003
Lilliana, I just stumbled on this thread. I have been hideing for a while. YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.... I will pray for your continued recovery. I wish I knew enough to lend advise on the legal stuff, but alas the only thing I do know is I have an overly active 4 yr old and know she has done some pretty scary stuff (in just seconds).. you are not God you don't have eyes in the back of your head...when you get to the point when you can understand that and make others understand that, the healing will begin. As far as depression goes. If you have never had it, you don't understand (depression and ADD run in my family - makes for a great combination..). Help is a must and understanding that help has to be ongoing, when you feel better it does not mean stop taking the meds or stop seeing the therapist..becuase the crash is worse than the onset. But you have heard all this before..so for now..blessings and prayers are on the way..and hey, raising kids and keepin house is a 2 person job (bless all those who do it alone)..make sure you get some help in that department from hubby.. Blessings, Cj Oh and as far as your oldest flinching..hey if a person 2 times my size raised their hand to me or made a threatening movement..you bet your butt I'd flinch....tell that to the idiot that said that to you...

Liliana	02 Mar 2003
Id like to let everyone know I got a letter in the mail yesterday, CYS called me unfounded and that my case will be completely erased from the system 120 day to a year from now. Thank you all for you love, support and healing. Anytime you want to send some to help me with my depression feel free, as it is still a problem, but the worst part is now over. I can have my kids on the weekend again, tho itll be a few weeks because Im going down by them for spring break next week for a week and Ill get to see them then. Now the next thing we are probbly going to do is go after the doctor for releasing her too early then trying to use CYS to cover it up. Im not sure how or when we'll go about this. And we are trying to get state help for the bills, so far we have 25,000 dollars worth and we havent recieved the one for her actual stay yet (being life flighted cost over 9000 each time) but we are moving on and things are looking great :) :THP

truthsayer	02 Mar 2003
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((liliana!!!!!!!!!!))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i am so delighted for you on this happy outcome. i don't know how the medicaid program works in your state but we have such a high infant mortality rate, children are mostly eligible here for medicaid in cases where the costs are as exhorbitant as yours is. i don't know what to suggest about the doctor but part of me wants to suggest that you forgive him. even if it was partly his fault, the medical establishment is under intense pressure to report all questionable cases of abuse due to years of prior failure to protect children in the past. perhaps before making any decisions to sue, asking for a conference would help you decide. this could be done under the guise of talking about your daughter's injury. if he comes across as a decent human being who made an error under pressure, i'd consider forgiving him b/c under other circumstances he could have saved a child. however, of he is an arrogant s.o.b. that seems vindictive, i go for it! 4 years ago, i reported my youngest sister to cys for driving drunk with the kids and a few other problems. i wasn't the only one who did this and it's taken the better part of 3 years of get them off her case. she has sobered up which is really good. i don't think she has completely forgiven me but she is speaking to me again. just being forgiven enough to have a relationship with her again is so good. to my surprize she called me last night just because and talked to me 2 hours. even if i did the right thing by the children it still was very emotionally painful being seperated from her. not that this situation is like the one with the doctor but i thought i'd share my experience on the other side of the fence.

Pollux	02 Mar 2003
Oh Sweetie I am so relieved to hear that!!! :* :* :* I am so happy for everything! And hings will get better and better no doubt. I agree with truthsayer on the doctor thing - and probably bringing it up again might not be the best choice in a future when all this is done with. Apart from the fact that it would require stamina and energies and probably it's not definitely the case when the same energy might be spent for other nicer things... :) I am also relieved to learn about the economical help you are getting, this obviously is very important so at least there's one thing you are supported with and can forget about. Now just take time to rest and heal the loose small bits that remain touchy and sensitive. And get ready to look at how beautiful nature becomes and how uniquely fresh life springs anew in the forthcoming season of the year, and so do you with Her! :*

Demonesse	02 Mar 2003
That is wonderful to hear. I followed your other thread quietly and I am very glad to see things are working out - I hope life will only improve for you and your family from now on. xxxooo

zorya	02 Mar 2003
that's wonderful news liliana! i am so happy for you and your children!

Mimers	02 Mar 2003
Liliana, So happy to hear that things are finally looking better for you! I have experiences with large medical bills. My son has been hospitalized a few times for depression. He is bi-polar which takes a long time to diagnose and find just the right treatment for. He is doing very well with the depression now that we have found the right meds and Dr. He is like a whole new person. The insurance only covered 30 days per yr and he was in for a total of 2 months one year. Because he was a child Medicade kicked in as soon as the insurance ran out. You have to ask for it though. I would not have known, I went to the billing dept ready to beg for some kind of payment plan and they told me that because my son was a minor he automatically qualified. Ask the hospital about this. Comes with a lot of paperwork, but it is worth the effort. God bless, Mimi

Sulis	02 Mar 2003
I`m really happy tha tthings are looking better for you and your family Liliana. Take care. Love and light Crystalmynx xx

Rhiannon	02 Mar 2003
I'm so happy that at least some of your problems have been alleviated, Lili! You know I'm here for you if you ever need to talk, just go ahead and pick up the phone... I'm usually home. I can sympathize with what is going on and while our situations may not be identical, it's always nice to have an ear to vent to! ((((((((((((Lili)))))))))))) R :)

Aerin	02 Mar 2003
(((Liliana))) That's good to hear. I agree with what others have said: do consider if letting the thing with the doctor go would be in the long run more healthy for you and your family. It is so hard to make a new start if you are lugging around heavy things from the past: forgiving and letting them go may, in the long run, be a far brighter option. again, good fortune and positive energies Aerin

Kaz	02 Mar 2003
this is some good news ! happy for you lili, that things look brighter now :-) ~kaz

jlbvt	02 Mar 2003
I am so happy that things are looking up finally. I hope your daughter is ok. I don't know what to suggest about suing the doctor, but I am sure you will make the right decision for your family. It must be a great weight off your shoulders! ;)

DarkElectric	02 Mar 2003
Oh, Lili! I'm so glad this had a positive outcome. Hang in there!

Athara	02 Mar 2003
Lili, this is great! I am so terribly happy for you! I know this isn't the end of all your problems, but now you can start taking care of yourself, without having to fear the C&Y. It is true that you could probably sue the doctor, but I believe that for now, you shouldn't think about that. It has been so hard the past few weeks, you should really take a break. Energy will still be sent to you. You can do it! A depression is tough, very tough, but you'll make it! I've been through a 10-year-long depression, a severe one, and I made it. I know, we're not the same, but just remember that it is truly possible. :D Love and light, Athara

Marion	02 Mar 2003
Good for you Lil! I know you have a lot ahead of you, but at least you have the agency people off your back so you start to deal with the rest of it. Take care!

purplelady	02 Mar 2003
{{{{{Liliana}}}}} I am so glad that things are looking up for you!

lunalafey	03 Mar 2003
YIPPY YAHOO!!!!! I bet that call lifted a great weight from your shoulders...Keep it up!!!

Silverlotus	03 Mar 2003
I'm so glad to hear that you and your family are doing well. :) Take care, and I hope things continue wonderfully for you.

Diana	03 Mar 2003
What a relief. I can imagine the joy you must be feeling and we all share it with you. (((((((lili and family))))))

Major Tom	03 Mar 2003
This is very good news indeed. :) I'm very happy things are looking up.

violinlily	03 Mar 2003
(((((Lili))))) good for you, and good for your daughter!! things are looking up, and we all hope that they continue to!! :):):):)

Trogon	08 Mar 2003
Liliana... I'm so very glad that the problems with CYS has been alleviated now! (((((((((((Liliana))))))))))) Yaaaayyy!!! Still keeping positive energies flowing your way...

The A desperate cry, what does he want? thread was originally posted on 08 Feb 2003 in the Spirituality board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Spirituality, or read more archived threads.