Entwined Energies

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 09 Apr 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Butterfly	09 Apr 2003
Well, enmeshed, more precisely! This, I know sounds silly, crazy kooky, but a relationship with a family member is seriously doing my head in. She discovered the power of spirituality (in the last month), and has latched onto me as her "spirit guide (her words, definitely not mine)". She has decided that we are "meant" to work together to help various people we know in certain ways. She has been like a huge vortex sucking up my knowledge, energy and much treasured books (she currently has about 15 of my darlings, I'm increasingly uncomfortable about that). Being a typically naive empath, wannabe healer, I didn't set boundaries. She's extremely charismatic, so I indulged her more than I should with all of this. I listened, I advised, but always within my ethics and beliefs. But I'm so umcomfortable with her and her brand of spirituality. I feel likes it's playing god, fiddling with peoples lives and destinies. It makes me feel muddy. I've physically distanced myself from her. I'm feeling an increasing need to ground, centre, cleanse. This worked really well in the beginning, but increasingly my thoughts are being taken up by concern, worry about what she is doing and just generally thoughts about her. I have to stop at these times (these thoughts creep up involuntarily) visualise pulling my energy back and pushing hers off. I feel a strong need at the moment to focus on loving my husband and children, our home and my own spirituality, but it's hard. These actions work beautifully in the short term, but this is still happening. I'm honestly feeling like turning my back on 15 years of study and hard work on my spirituality just to end it. I want my life back. So am I crazy, kooky, overly imaginative. Can this happen, has it happened to anyone else, what can I do? Would taking the books back help? As I said, I feel so silly, fluff bunnyish about this. I thought I was so much more sensible. A good clip over the ears might be all I need...LOL

Mimers	09 Apr 2003
Hi Butterfly, This is tough, especially if this person is someone you care about. Your post reminded me of the best advise someone gave me about being a good mother (from my own Mom I might add). One of the most important things to do in order to be a good parent is to take care of yourself. If you are feeling so drained, what kind of teacher are you being for this person. A person's life needs to be balanced. If you let this person know that you can't devote the time to them that they are expecting because you have yourself and your family to think of, you are teaching them one of the most important things about being 'spiritual'. Hope this helps you. Good luck. Mimers

cjtarot	09 Apr 2003
butterfly, the first order of business, try to tactfully get your books back..."um..so and so was asking if they could borrow a few of my books on...would you mind returing them" sort of thing..get a few at a time, she may not notice. It is all well and good to help others, but not at your own expense. before you see this person, talk to this person, even think about this person, cast a shield around yourself and make sure you keep it in your mind and strong. I am sure that the draining is not intentional, sometimes people become a little too enthusiastic about NEW and Interesting things. IF you feel you want to guide her, explain that knowledge is NOT something you get overnight or from just 1 person, you have to explore all the options.. read everything, and that means start your own library so you can keep the books for reference. And with luck, she will "get it" and give you back your reference library and start her own. Blessings and I wish you well, CJ

Alissa	09 Apr 2003
Sounds like a total energy vampire to me! I would recommend guarding yourself around her to the extreme ... during prayer or meditation, visualize setting up walls against her inside. You will need plenty of walls for her negativity to bounce off of, if you know what I mean. And I agree on getting your books back. I'm a gollum with my books, I hate to loan them. :) Mostly, I got the impression that she's recruited you, since you seem to have this fix-it energy about you, to come and fill up the hole inside her. Yucky yucky yucky. If you feel that's the case, you can start setting up psychic boundaries to protect yourself and conserve your energy for who needs it most ... YOU! :D

zorya	09 Apr 2003
since she is coming to you as a kind of spiritual advisor, you have the opportunity to explain to her....well.....ethics. for example, it is not ok to mess around with other peoples free will. if they haven't asked, (and are capable of asking) then stay out of it! people need to experience their own mistakes in order to grow. tell her she's moving too fast. explain that you are saying what you are saying out of love. ask for your books back and give her one book (hopefully one that explains ethics) and tell her to study it for one or two weeks. tell her not to come to you again until that time has passed. draw boundaries, for both of you.

Dark Inquisitor	10 Apr 2003
Oh dear--!! It sounds like you have activated a controlling narcissist who may have taken a liking to spirituality as a vehicle to empower her fantasies about herself. (A pro manipulator too!) As you already know, these types are exhausting & can make you feel like you are being pulled along in a tailwind. No more giving ! Once you stop fulfilling her ideal of having total attention & support , she may grow disgusted with you. Figure out the ways you are feeding her whatever she needs & think about ways to cut her off when she tries to manipulate you. Get nasty if you have to & don't worry about what everybody might say about you for it. You are in a battle & I don't think being nice will win. You might start by telling her what books you want by what day. And keep calling her to remind her . Out of character for you I'm sure, but remember that your wonderful personality is what is drawing her to you ! I am not telling you this to make you a mean person- it is drawn from my accumulated experience as a nut magnet myself. If you have to seem mean to get her to back off, don't hesitate--because she won't. You might also add brick wall or mirror bubble visualisations when you have to talk to her. Also, look up some cord cutting exercises. However, with 15 years experience, you probably already know about those. Also, taking your books back is really good, because she shouldn't have any of your physical possessions to connect to you psychically with. Tarotphelia

Diana	10 Apr 2003
Butterfly: Get out of there right now! If necessary, be blunt and honest with her (but don't give her too many details - they will be used to suck more of your energy). If she gets all mad and upset, too bad. That's her problem. Then each time you find yourself thinking of her, say "NO!" and think of something else. Be very firm with yourself too. People like this are very dangerous. They are like leeches - they suck your blood. Don't let them. ((((((((Butterfly))))))))))

Bings	10 Apr 2003
About the books, simply ask for them back "Hey, I would like my books back. I do refer to them myself and I'm lost without them." Then gift her with her own brand new book. (Could be a used book, but new to her.) "Here is your very own book to get you started on your own spiritual library, and I wrote down a list of titles and authors that might interest you." Be sure that when you give her the "gift" book that you get ALL of your books back at that moment. This worked for me a few years ago and the person was so thrilled with the gift that she didn't seem to notice I got all of my things back. Dianne

Butterfly	10 Apr 2003
It's wonderful to know what ever is happening in the world at large, peace is only a computer away :) Thank you for making me feel I'm valid for experiencing this. With the clarity of meditation and a salt bath (and a lemon chrysophase tucked into my bra- but that's another story ;) ) I can recognise that she isn't draining me, but having quite the opposite effect. She has been creating great turbulence and energy storms. My feeling at the moment is that she is a little unstable and really ungrounded. I believe that she is grounding through me- hence my inability to ground on any long term basis. I am left therefore completely ungrounded. I also sense a cord attached, perhaps around my crown chakra that's causing interference. Thankfully, my guides have surrounded me with a wonderful radiant, living, glowing golden shield. I thought of mirroring- but who would hand a narcissist a mirror, right? So, I'm left- slowly healing, but much the wiser.

Alissa	11 Apr 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Butterfly I also sense a cord attached, perhaps around my crown chakra that's causing interference. Thankfully, my guides have surrounded me with a wonderful radiant, living, glowing golden shield. I just wanted to say how much I understood your words right here. I feel energy and work in energy much like this myself, and I also have well-developped relationship(s) with my Teachers. May Yours continue to surround you, help you, guard you and teach you. It sounds like you're finding a fantastic way of dealing with it all thus far, so kudos!!!

miranda	13 Apr 2003
lol this thread kinda reminds me of something im also dealing with ... we have a guy friend staying here & he has been for about 3 or more months.. not paying rent...( he does other things my husband seems to think it equivilent I disagree) but he stays here for free & now had us rearanging our home to accomidate him & HIS sleeping schedual..never offers to help around the house...getting cranky if i ask for something done..& i get irritated.. then i feel guilty for getting annoyed like maybe im not being very loving or something .. oh yea & he has stood us up on important favors repeatedly...& if i get pissed about that my husband says I am a unforgiving & selfish bitch & he of course throws in my face that IM the one that offered up a place for him to stay... .. hes been a friend for MANY years & is gping thru major emotional issues.. depression & stuff.... but grrrrrrrrr i want my home back! shoot hes even got half of my closet! so i feel you.... *hugs u*

The Entwined Energies thread was originally posted on 09 Apr 2003 in the Spirituality board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Spirituality, or read more archived threads.