Really *baaaaaaaad* Tarot jokes - can *you* think of one?!

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 19 Sep 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

blackroseivy	19 Sep 2004
Here's mine (VERY short!!): One Tarot card said to the other, "Get off my back!" I *told* you they were baaaaaad!!! })

Eco74	19 Sep 2004
A bored box says to the other "hey, I'm bored, wanna do something?". The other box - pointing toward the table where a spread is laid out - says "nah, I'm all decked out". Bad enough? :D

OakDragon	19 Sep 2004
One deck said to another: "Hey, if I show you my Ace of Wands, will you show me your Ace of Cups?"

littlehermit	19 Sep 2004
Quote: Originally posted by OakDragon One deck said to another: "Hey, if I show you my Ace of Wands, will you show me your Ace of Cups?" *jaw drops* *dies* that... was the BEST. :D

Ace	19 Sep 2004
A friend (Keith Cobb) made up a joke: Did you hear about the guys who played poker with a tarot deck? One of them got a full house and 3 people died! Interestingly enough: another friend and fellow reader told me about a movie from the 40's called Nightmare Alley (the book is was based on has an interesting side light to it, I will tell someday...) In the movie, the carneval crew couldn't find a deck to play poker with, so they used the fortunteller's tarot deck (Played by Joan Blondell) Someone got a good hand (may not have been a full house) laid it out and .... Joan Blondell realized her lover was unfaithful!

OakDragon	19 Sep 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Ace A friend (Keith Cobb) made up a joke: Did you hear about the guys who played poker with a tarot deck? One of them got a full house and 3 people died! I seem to recall I heard that in a standup comic's routine... Steven Wright, I think?

blackroseivy	20 Sep 2004
Yeah, *that's* an *old* one!! :joke:

xviiirkna	20 Sep 2004
Quote: Originally posted by OakDragon One deck said to another: "Hey, if I show you my Ace of Wands, will you show me your Ace of Cups?" Another twist to this one could be... As the Knight of one particular suit of the Tarot said to the Queen of another, "I'll show you my Ace of Wands, if you show me your Two of Cups." ;) Sally Anne

Alissa	20 Sep 2004
One deck says to the other, "My God, I haven't been laid in ages. How long since your last spread?" [ok its stuuuuuuuupid i know..... i made it up right this moment too......] }) }) })

OakDragon	20 Sep 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Alissa One deck says to the other, "My God, I haven't been laid in ages. How long since your last spread?" [ok its stuuuuuuuupid i know..... i made it up right this moment too......] }) }) }) I thought it was good! })

blackroseivy	20 Sep 2004
Awful, awful, awful!! Oh the puns!! :D

celeste	21 Sep 2004
From a real-life conversation at my last year's tarot class to the lone married male in the group: "Now you can go home tonight and show your wife all the new spreads your learning."

lunalafey	21 Sep 2004
*person in the 10 of Swords* "Didn't the sign say Acupuncture?"

Bluemanticore	21 Sep 2004
That Steve Wright routine reminds me of a scene from an episode of M.A.S.H. It went something like this: Klinger was pretending he was a gypsy and was doing a reading for B.J. First he drew a 10 of Cups and laid it down on his desk. Then a 9 of Swords is drawn and put next to it. Next, an 8 of Wands, a 7 of Swords, and finally a 6 of Pentacles. "Holy cow!" he cried. "I drew a straight!" :)

Alissa	21 Sep 2004
Quote: Originally posted by lunalafey *person in the 10 of Swords* "Didn't the sign say Acupuncture?" ROFLMAO~! :D OakDragon, Awww shucks~! })

Anna	21 Sep 2004
OMG! I've just managed to snort coffee through my nose through laughing at this thread! Ouch! LOL.

Ace	21 Sep 2004
Someone on another thread was saying she read with 76 cards. What do you know! she wasn't working with a full deck!

Semiramis	22 Sep 2004
I found this great joke on the net - from Serena Powers' website www.serenapowers.com (the link wasn't working so I thought I'd post it). Tarot Lightbulb Joke Q: How many Major Arcana does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: All of them: The Fool has already started before anyone else is ready. The Magician assembles an array of objects that might be needed , displays them to best advantage and starts discussing how to go about it. The High Priestess sits in the background, knowing one thing is missing but says nothing. The Empress fusses around making sure it is safe and nobody gets hurt. The Emperor tells everyone he thinks it should be done right now and starts delegating responsibilities. The Hierophant offers advice on the missing part after consulting with the High Priestess. The Lovers umm and ahh about what wattage bulb to put in this time. The Chariot charges in and starts doing it himself regardless of the others' protests. Strength surreptitiously places what's needed into Chariot's hands and gets it done her way. The Hermit suggests a candle in a lamp would provide light in the meantime. The Wheel of Fortune laughs and reminds everyone that the light will need changing again in the future. Justice works out whose turn it is to change the light and whether the division of labour is being delegated fairly. The Hanged Man sits back and contemplates how darkness can change our lives. Death points out mournfully that this was bound to happen and how everything ends. Temperance tells Death to chill out, it all evens up in the end. The Devil tries to blame the Hanged Man for causing the light to blow and creates bad feelings all round. The Tower suddenly starts ripping out the original light fitting so he can create a whole new more basic look. The Star marvels at new beginnings and says how much she's looking forward to having the light working again. The Moon continually offers conflicting advice, confusing everyone until he wanders off to the relief of all. The Sun wants to redesign the whole room around a much brighter light. Judgement examines the globe to see whether it truly was its time to blow and ponders whether the globe can be recycled. The World suggests that any problems with the light are temporary: we had light once, we will have it again, and suggests focussing on the bigger picture. Meanwhile, the Fool has already finished changing the light bulb and is off doing his own thing. © 1999 Serena Powers

jmd	25 Sep 2004
Try Another Reading On That!

April	29 Sep 2004
Okay, this really happened to me but I thought it was funny and it's pretty bad. One night last week a friend asked me to do a reading for her. When it was all over, of all the things she could have asked after delving deep into her psyche and searching the universe for the meaning of life, she asks, "Why are all the backs the same? Doesn't that get boring?" Wait, it gets better! The next night a different friend dropped by with her boyfriend. I was showing her a new deck when he asks, "Why are all the backs the same?" What the...? Thanks for listening, April

blackroseivy	29 Sep 2004
Ohmygod, that IS weird!!! Weird!!!!!!!!!!!!

SeraphSarah	27 Oct 2004
LOL, those jokes are hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!

FantasyWorld	27 Oct 2004
[quote]Originally posted by lunalafey *person in the 10 of Swords* "Didn't the sign say Acupuncture?" Oh, that is TOO funny!!!! You have my vote for the best or worst,LOL, so far. Alanna

Ann7822	11 Nov 2004
Actually laughed out loud!! And LOVE Serena's take on the Majors sorting out the task = too too clever. :) Thanks for getting my day off to a good start!! Ann *S*

FantasyWorld	11 Nov 2004
Ok here's one: What did the Queen of Cups say to the Queen of Swords? I know what you're thinking! Bahahahha, is it awful??

carly	14 Nov 2004
man on lovers card to woman he DIDN'T pick... "get that sword away from my wand, AAARRRGGGHHHHHHH...." just a (really bad) variation ....*shrugs* love the lightbulb...ah, funny

AmyV	14 Nov 2004
Page of Cups (RWS): 'Does my bum look big in this?'

Lurea	16 Nov 2004
heheheh Good one, Amy. Okay, this is bad, but what the heck! The woman in the nine of pentacles: "The more I learn about men, the more I love my bird!"

FantasyWorld	04 Dec 2004
Lurea_aure wrote: heheheh Good one, Amy. Okay, this is bad, but what the heck! The woman in the nine of pentacles: "The more I learn about men, the more I love my bird!" Good one Lurea_aure:):):)

contradiction	06 Dec 2004
did you hear about the tarot reader who went to chicago? she refused to go near the sears tower, afraid it would get hit by lightening.

Skydancer	06 Dec 2004
What is the dragon thinking in the Hanging Dragon card from the Dragon Tarot?? "Next time I'm getting a designated driver ..." OR - Motto: Don't drink and fly! OR - "Did someone get the name of that 'witch' on a broom stick?" (sorry) ;) *S*

AmyV	07 Dec 2004
[quote=Ace]A friend (Keith Cobb) made up a joke: Did you hear about the guys who played poker with a tarot deck? One of them got a full house and 3 people died! I'm really sorry guys, I've been trying to figure this joke out for ages and I just - don't - get - it! Could someone please enlighten me? Apologies for being a dunce!!!

Ivy Rhiannon	14 Dec 2004
danubhe wrote: Awful, awful, awful!! Oh the puns!! :D My thoughts exactly! Danubhe this threads great! I've been laughing my a** off! Here's mine: Why did the knight of wands get fired? He didn't go to the staff meeting!!! LOL! :D

blackroseivy	28 Jan 2005
I cannot BELIEVE that this here thread is still floating - I left it simply AGES ago!!! :D :D :D I'd forgotten all about it, & here I come across it still garnering the odd joke or 2 or 4!!! Yeah, I wanna print this one out WHEN I have printer ink - >:( !

mercenary30	28 Jan 2005
It was a chilly winter evening and Todd and Devon are sitting on a couch in the den sipping on some Chardonay and chatting. A warm fire cackles, keeping the room nice and cozy. Devon notices the Rider Waite deck on the corner of the table by the couch. "Are those cards for telling people's fortunes?" she asked. "Well, that is one way to use them." Todd reaches over and grabs the deck. "Oooh, tell my fortune PLEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSEE?" pleaded Devon. With a laugh, Todd agrees and he pulls out the deck and starts to shuffle them. "So what question do you want answered?" "I don't know. I just want to hear my fortune." Todd fans out the cards in front of Devon. "Pick a card." Devon grabs one out of the middle and flips it over onto the coffee table. "Death???" She drops heavily onto the couch. "Oh my gosh, your cards say I am going to die!!!" Devon is nearly to tears already. "No, that card does not mean you are going to die." Todd was quickly trying to find a way to calm her down and explain the card at the same time. "Why don't you pick another card so we can find out what the death card is talking about." Devon looks at him skeptically, but the idea has her calmed down. She wipes her cheek with her left hand while she pulls a card with her right one. "The Wheel of Fortune!!" It gets dropped on the coffee table right next to the 13th one. "What does that mean, death of my fortune? Maybe the death of my future? Wow, the fates must have it out for me!!!" She was getting nearly hysterical! "NO, no that is not what it means!" Todd insisted. "Than what DOES it mean?" she asked? Todd picked up the Death card. "Look, let's pretend this card never showed up." He flicked it away from the table, with the intent of having it drop on the floor past the coffee table. In sheer amazement Todd and Devon watched the card spiral away from Todd's hand, across the rug, and right into the cackling fire.......

tmgrl2	28 Jan 2005
Merc...how COULD you??? Alissa...the one you made up on the spot...that's still my favorite...I would have snorted my coffee, too! Ok here goes a quickie... What did one Tarot deck say to the other? "I asked the Mermaid Tarot if she wanted to get laid and she decked me!" "You think that's bad," said the other deck. "I asked the Fey Tarot if I could see her pips and she said, 'Now? Ar-can-a Waite till later.'" What a great thread...can't believe I missed it...glad for the bump! terri

The Really *baaaaaaaad* Tarot jokes - can *you* think of one?! thread was originally posted on 19 Sep 2004 in the Tarot Games & Fun board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Tarot Games & Fun, or read more archived threads.